Where I'm at Right Now

I am going to break this into three levels, Social, Emotional, Physical.

Socially
My life socially is pretty much dead. There are a lot of people who wanted to hang out wit me during the break, but we either cannot come up wit plans, they live too far, or we plan to hang out after break because it is much easier since we hang out on campus. My fb wall while not filled wit people saying this has some saying ( and yes there are some women) saying that we rarely saw each other first semester and that we should really hang out more second semester. While I am training 4-5 days a week, I am saddened by the fact that I didn't do more to be social and make more friends so that I have people I can always hang out with and have fun with. Break can be boring with no1 to hang out and nothing to do and if I had been more social perhaps I coulda changed that.

Physically
I am still what the pick up community would call "in shape" however in terms of my sport I'm maybe up to 50% which disappoints the hell out of me. I kno that theres no way to accomplish getting the rest back without doing the work and despite me pushing myself until I throw up (and this happens at almost every workout) if 50% is where I'm at all that means is that there is a lot of room to improve. I just wish that I had been able to do more the snow here prevented me from working out for a week and pretty much set me back immensely.

Emotionally
I'm pretty much a wreck and I'm trying to hold it together. That girl breaking it off wit me has had me mildly depressed. I understand the emotion and everything, I mean its just basically hurts cause its another form of rejection, doesnt hurt nearly as badly as the other girl but still this one cared about me and we talked almost every day and such and so to lose that is to lose a part of my life. But even if I kept her I know I wouldnt have loved her cause I had her before and didnt care so I guess this is just keep busy and wait it out. Had this happened during a semester when I was still talking to people and hanging out wit people every day I doubt it woulda hurt nearly as much because I wouldn't feel so isolated.

So besides my frustration with only being at 50% and not being able to train due to the snow last week and some depression over this girl, I'm also feeling a bit isolated and alone due to the fact, again, I can't really hang out with anyone (very unfortunate) and besides training have nothing to do but kill time until the next day. Not exactly the way I want to spend my break.

I am happy about two things though.

1. The worst year of my life is officially over. It literally feels like a burden and curse has been lifted from me. So much bad shit happened in 2010 and 2011 will be my chance to redeem myself, get everything back, and more.

2. I just can't seem to give up on anything. There are times I feel depressed enough to give up on everything (i'm not suicidal or anywhere close but I do feel apathy towards things and sometimes its a struggle to get out of bed), but I do it almost on auto pilot and go and keep working at everything.

Happy New Years everyone

So what do I want? What do I want out of pick up or really life in general?

Happiness and a feeling of satisfaction

That is what I want out of life. Plain and simple. I want to go through each day feeling happy and satisfied with life of living. Right now I feel very unsatisfied with my life due to being unable to achieve my goals and perhaps since my happiness correlates to achieving those goals, which keeps me motivated to improving and pursuing them, I am depressed and unsatisfied with life.

I have been reading Tolle and "The Power of Now", but the concept is rather foreign to me. I practice meditation and try to live in the Now as much as I can but I always have that little voice in the back of my head (the ego) reminding me of what I have to do and limiting me and while usually I can overcome it through will power, the fact that its there is causing me endless trouble so I must eliminate it.

I understand doing things for the fun and love of it but it is hard for me to do. I have always been raised in a competitive SPAM whether it be sports of school, I have always been pushed to excel so much so that in school I no longer have to try to excel its on autopilot. I rarely study. The reason for this is that my parents were happy when I succeeded and angry when I failed so I chose not to fail.

As a result of this upbringing I have become very outcome dependent and the only things I do for the fun of now are practices (and sometimes the thrill of competition will be fun for me) and hanging out with friend (however even when doing this I don't feel like I belong their despite holding frame and seeming perfectly natural everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves and having fun while it feels like I'm on a foreign planet). I wonder to myself how are they so happy and enjoying this. Occasionally I'll have some fun but it should be more often.

But I digress, so what do I believe will help me get to the above goal

A large social circle and group of friends

I need to have people I can always hang out with, who will push me to do and try new and interesting things, and who I can have a good time with.

A lady to love The main problem I had with the girl who I just broke it off with was that I didn't love her. She was hot, caring, kind, sensual (god I loved this about her), and an all around wonderful person, but I didn't love her. My oneitis made a deep connection with me and thats why I loved her. As I got to know her me and her both realized "We're the same" and thats what made her so important to me. I need a girl who I can make a similar connection to. Someone who I understand as well as they understand me. If she is as sensual as my last girl that would be amazing, but that connection is whats most important to me its worth more to me.

I want to succeed in what I love doing

I love my sport a lot. I have sacrificed so much for it and I don't regret it even for a second. I want to get good at it and want it to remain a huge part of my life. I just wish I could love it for what it is and not be so outcome dependent on it because it is truly destroying my love for the sport. Yes I want to succeed in it but I want to succeed as a byproduct of the happiness I derive from it.

[/b]

Okay so heres what we have

Ultimate Goal

1. Happiness and Satisfaction in Life

Goals that will get me there

1. Develop a large social circle

2. Find a girl I can make a real connection with, fall in love with, and get to be mine

3. Succeed in my sport

My plan to obtain these goals

1. and 2. The only way I can do this is by putting myself in situations where I will be forced to meet people. So when I return to college I will be doing the following

a. I will be joining as many things as I can (starting with arena football)
b. I will be going to bars near campus more with friends
c. I will go to any club, party, etc... I am invited to

I have 3 out of 5 days off from school during the week (none from my sport) so hopefully this will be manageable.

As a side note for 2. While I know I probably shouldnt get involved with my one itis again I fear it may be inevitable as I know that by the end of this semester the chance of me seeing her is pretty much 100%. Hopefully with a year away from me she pretty much forgot what I was like and with practice and the community's help I will be able to get her and make her mine. Again this is prolly a last resort since the last couple of times I've been on this ride I got pretty fucked up.

As fo goal #3. Nothin to do but keep practicing and learn to derive as much happiness from the process as I can

If anyone has any tips for me feel free to inbox or post but for rite now this is what Ive come up with. I hope everyone has a happy new year and that 2011 will be even better than 2010

Hey Everybody just thought I'd give you another update on where I am

My break just ended and I got back to the dorms this week. I have been feeling the classic clashing emotions of AA and loneliness and some slight depression.

I plan on getting a group of friends together and going to the bars starting next weekend (couldn't this weekend due to my sport conflicting). How I'm feeling right now about that can be summed up as very nervous, scared of rejection, and a feeling of social retardation. I have no idea how I'm going to start a conversation with women (oh the irony of reading pick up material and not be confident in this) or how I am going to dance with them (god I have no idea how to dance). However my main fear is that if I screw up or do somethin stupid I will get a bad rep and unlike cold approach (which as I will tell you about in a sec I practiced and am more confident in since after the day is over I will probably never see these ppl again). My biggest fear here is that I will not be able to get any girls while attempting and get a bad rep somehow while attempting which can possibly screw me over in college.

I kno I am suppose to just go out and have fun and I have in the past but somehow just doing me I have screwed some little thing up and its comeback to haunt me and I really really really do not want this to happen anymore.

As I said overbreak I worked on my style (got clothes down and a pretty good haircut). Did some cold approach which strangely enough I wasn't that nervous about and even got a number (its not much but its progress).

However, I feel like college is very different than cold approach. To go to bars I feel I have to go with friends (which I'm going to do this week). The other thing I need to learn is how to get a girl to dance with me which due to my lack of dancing skills and height seems like it will be a challenge

Someone please help me with college game (just finished reading conquer your campus and the stickys)

So tonite I went with my boys to Mcfaddens, a bar all the students go to. After pregaming in the dorms for awhile this is what happens

Friend: Sofrito you gonna come wit us to the bar?
Sofrito: Yea sure why not? Whats the worst that could happen?
Other Friend: You could die

holy fuck I did not realize how true these words would be.

So we roll up in get some drinks and I try to dance with several chicks.

First chick made eye contact she quickly looked away and walked away. This happened to me with 5 other chicks that night.

My friend who seemed to know some girls there literally just went up to girls put his arm around them asked them their name and started dancing with them.

Tried to approach a girl by asking hi what her name is while putting my arm. She seemed but no luck getting her to dance. This is hard enough for me to do to girls there being I'm 5 ft 3 and they were all wearing heels to make shit worse.

After that I just hung out with friends and danced and tried to have fun wit them. I was unable to get any girls to grind on me, get any numbers, or closes (smh fml etc...)

Anyway to top of this shitty and boring night as we are driving home the car gets sideswiped and if the car was literally 2 inches further up I could have died.

What I learned tonight:
Bars are unbelievably loud - almost went deaf in there and it was hard for people to hear me despite me screaming (however I used this to get close to girls my friends were with so we could talk)

Getting a girl to dance with me and approaching her on the dance floor successfully is again unbelievably hard. Tried grinding on some chicks but none took

There were no girls really standing around so verbal game was not really an option. I am going to have to get them to dance with me before I can pull them to side and try to establish rapport.

The only successful thing about tonite was that I manage to approach a little bit but even that was minimal .

I am going to try and go out tomorrow night to a frat party if its possible, however this is soooo much harder than going to the mall and trying to talk to people when I was doing the stylelife challenge.

After thoughts

Shock obv from getting sideswiped
Confidence is kinda wrecked by how pathetic that was
I feel like one of those guys from mystery's show. I've read so much material and it just felt like the minute I got in there it went from in my head to out the window in a second

I am kind of frusterated by this failure but i wont give up I have to master this part of my life but I will need the communities help to do this so please comment

Hey Sofrito!

You're doing great
I've also started a journal a few weeks ago. You'll see, motivation comes and goes, but what matters is your dedication. Be dediacted and you'll get there sooner or later.

I'm following your journal now!

Keep it up.

- AFC Daniel

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Thanks AFC Daniel I will be following your journal as well

I think the three main things that killed me that night were

1. I didnt go in there with any specific goal
2. I couldn't run verbal game
3. Being as short as I am I feel like I couldn't project the dominance to run dance floor game well.

I think what I'm going to do is every time I go to a party I will try to accomplish one of the way points in mystery's book similar to the show the pick up artist. Each day/week I try to push it a little further.

The waypoints as described in revelation are

1. Going out
2. Opening the set
3. Hooking the set
4. Locking-in
5. Sparking Attraction
6. Qualifying the target (effective compliments)
7. Isolating the target (compliance momentum
8. Getting her phone number
9. Creating a jealousy plotline
10. Bouncing to a comfort building location
11. Pulling to a Seduction location

In addition to these I am going to make it my goal to try and kino escalate as much as possible because it is a huge sticking point for me when it comes to girls I don't know.

So after last night I managed to get through way point 1 going out - kinda lame but its the first time out and its progress. If I can go out tonight than I will try to successfully open some sets