Haha, funny enough before I read this message, she sent me a message.

I called her out on being moody since the start of the week I'm not stupid. I said something's obviously up. She told me obviously about her aunt, she has some family problems and some animosity with her mum at the moment. I said fair enough. .. I also said, don't worry about tomorrow, we'll do something another time (gives me a chance to do something else anyway) I said to her if she wants someone to talk to give me a shout (because I know her well obviously). She said thanks, she's just being moody.

We left it like that. I feel better now. Leaving it there and getting on with things. If she wants to speak, see each other we'll see, because within a week she will make contact if it's the case.

A few of my mates wanted to go to the pub on sunday, the one she works. Probably not a good idea? Or shall I just go? If so, I'm not going to just tell her randomly, only if conversation is in flow.

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Don't avoid her, carry on doing your thing with your mates, say hello and a quick how you're doing etc but doing pay her anymore attention unless she's coming over to you and wanting to engage in conversation...you need to show her youre comfortable doing your own thing and not avoid her, having fun without her - don't even mention it to her, you go there and it's a free country.

You did the right thing, give her a chance to come to you now

Your right mate.

I'm just going to go. Let her see my face as well, and I'll have my fun and laugh with my friends.

I'm glad I did what I did, an alpha thing in my opinion. I set the foundation, now it's her call to act on it.

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Good plan, seeing you will make her realise she has missed you...she'll be on you like a tramp on chips...!

Let's hope so mate. Even if it's just to prove a point that I'm not an idiot. I've got other options, and sure I am.

Being nice to her before now pulling away is surely a good thing. Push, pull etc. She's seen my nice side now she's seeing the stubborn side, non chasing side.

She's probably expecting me to start conversation, or think I'll cave in over message because where we spoke so much before. Nah, aint going to happen.

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As long as she initiates it then you're onto a winner, it's ok to get drawn in as long as she doesn't see you like a lost puppy dog when you see her...

Could you imagine the impact of having some hot girls in the group with you?

Stoke that fire mannnn

Haha true. I don't want to bring any girls with me to the pub, if it was a random girl I would.

See mate, I've been tempted to contact her today, see how she is, because she's down or whatever and with what happened with her aunt, BUT surelyI must remain stubborn and think fuck it?

She updates her BB status like 5 times a day and her pictues and stuff, so a simple "Hey, how are you?" wouldn;t be hard like she did before. It's either interest gone, a genuine problem or games. Either way, I'm not keen on playing, more so, I can't be bothered. That's why I was tempted to get in touch, but fook it!

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Don't BBM her or react to the things she puts, have a conversation with her properly if anything - on the phone! but if you can hold out then hold out!!

Good idea man! I'm going to see if she makes any contact. My friend can't make sunday now for the pub, something has come up I'll be in the area, so I'm going to pass by, and just be normal, say ello etc, and read her body language more than anything. From then in, if I haven't heard from her, I'll have a better idea with what's what.

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That's awesome. It seems like you two are in the same page. Keep it light and sure her a damn good time. After having a conversation like that if things get too serious and heavy when you guys are together she might shy away or may even want to come closer...


I'd just go in with the mentality of keeping it light and make sure you both have a blast.

Well guys another breakthrough today, and that's it, I'm done, fuck this:

Here is something someone posted today on another forum I use for London PUA's. It did open my eyes more.

Call him * L*

helios, you my friend are suffering from a case of Analysis Paralysis and you need to snap out of it.

Quote from: Chelios on January 24, 2011, 11:45:59 PM
I've been seeing this girl HB 9 for a while, known her about 9 months from my work colleague. I asked her out originally and it's been going well.

She told me she isn't good at dealing with relationships, she's been single for a year since she started seeing me (so she says).

She's an HB9 and she's been "single" for a year!? If she's genuinely an HB9 then I can guarantee that being single does not mean sexless. She's been fucking other guys in casual affair this whole year, and for some reason YOU are not. What?!
Are you telling me you've been dating a woman who's been quite content in having casual flings with other dudes and you're the only chump who's NOT fucked her? Why not?
Quote
"You're not my boyfriend, I'd only sleep with you if I was"
BULLSHIT!!
She's fucked other people this year, don't believe that doo doo. Do you think she'd ever tell you about her casual sex partners.

This girl is holding out on sex on you, not because she's not interested, but because she's looking at you more as long term boyfriend material than a quick cheap lay. Yhis girl likes you and she's been constantly dropping hints at you in conversation but you're too busy trying to game decipher her to notice the messages she's sending
Quote
she reiterated that she does like me and if she never she'd say and stop wasting both our time.

Why would she lie to you about that? A genuinely attractive HB9 woman doesn't want more unsolicited male attention, she gets it plenty enough everyday from random strangers.

The "you're not my boyfriend..." comment is ANOTHER example of her womanese for "Become my boyfriend so I can reward you with the sex I've been holding out on" (sex; the only real prize women have that we want). Sex is the dangling carrot, she's waiting for YOU to make up your mind on where your relationship is going.

If a woman is not into you;
She will NOT spend hour long conversations on the phone with you.
She will NOT keep going out on dates with you.
She will NOT keep kissing and fooling around with you whn you're together.
She will NOT tell you she's into you or that she's interested in you in any way.
She will NOT stick around after you blatantly tell her that you are interested in her.
She will NOT dangle sex in front of you to entice you into a relationship.
She will NOT have conversation about boyfriends & girlfriends with you.

She's given you all the green lights to move this relationship along and you told her "I like you, but I don't want to rush things, I want to enjoy the moments with no pressure on either of us and whatever will be".
She's not going to push you into a relationship if she believes that you still consider labeling your relationship, too much pressure. She's being patient. She's letting YOU make up your mind.
She's being smart (and mature might I add), she's letting you lead and she's not pushing you to a decision. She wants you to want to be her boyfriend (girl's got game).

You need to figure out what you want. Guys, seriously, one of the most important tenants of being an authentic man is KNOWING what you want and Chelios you need to figure out how you feel about this woman and understand where you want to take this relationship. Either go casual, stay friends or make her a girlfriend.
Showing her that you are fucking or seeing other girls does not seem necessary at this point. Unless of course you've made up your mind that you don't want to date her as a girlfriend anymore, then that would be one hell of a hint. But know that if you do, do that, I can guarantee that you CANNOT make her a fuck buddy at this point.
She does not want you as a fuck buddy (frankly you werent sexual enough from the beginning for that to happen), you can either become her boyfriend or just a friend, there won't be an in between.

Just stop over analysing things and over gaming this situation.

From now on until she tells you otherwise, just assume that she's into you. Assume that whatever she tells you is going on in her life, is exactly how she says it is.
If she says she's down because she says her aunt is in hospital; send her goo wishes, because chances are, her aunt is sick in hospital.
If she says she really likes you and she wouldn't waste time with you if she wasn't; believe it, because chances are she likes you and she wouldn't waste time with you if she wasn't
and If she tell you she's really bad at relationships; then chances are she's had bad experiences in relationships and she likely blames herself for their failure. So she thinks she's bad at relationships. You did say she's stubborn, doesn't let tings blow over and she gets annoyed easily, that's possibly why she's bad at relationships (you want to date this person? hmm )

If he says she's falling out with her mom; be understanding, because chances are she's falling out with her mom. People have problems outside your relationship you know. (Get the drift? )

Did you ever stop to think that maybe she's actually having a very bad time right now? Her aunt's sick in hospital, she's fighting with her mom and here you are with your big ego demanding attention. If you want her as a girlfriend then show some support, if you don't then don't do anything and leave her to deal with her own problems.

She's given you all her time & energy and she's open a relationship with you. In fact I'm willing to bet she's hoping for it. You have the power to either break it or make it this relatioship, you need to just make up your mind about what you want.


So then this happened later on from me:


I read this post I tried to giver her a call when I finished work. I looked at it the other side. My Blackberry is broken, I can send messages but not receive them, bare this in mind.

No answer (only called the once), sent a little message in text, maybe shouldn't have. Said "hey, hope your feeling a bit better, how's your aunt doing? Here if you need a chat! I'm around tomorrow (which I am in her area) maybe we can meet up for a bite to eat"

She replied " Hey I think I'm going to my mums tomorrow, aunt is a bit better but they still don't know what's wrong. I'm ok though thanks."

Sent her one back saying" Okay kool. I'll speak to you soon, miss your pretty little face" Thought I'd be a bit nicer, and show a compliment.

2 minutes later, I check my BBM , she's updated her status too, "some boys are just too keen haha - I'm bored with all these emoticons" In my head I switched, and thought here was me going to be stubborn, I tried to be nice, and now your blatantly laughing at me. Definitely to me. I'm in a no win situation. No wonder why her relationship's probably haven't gone to well.

The fact I told her my BB is broken she probably thinks all together and I can't see the updates, but I saw hers clearly. I deleted all my contacts anyway because I'm getting a new phone. So that's that. I'm leaving it now.

I tried to do what I thought was the right thing. Obviously it weren't.

Thanks again L

I've learn a lot from this!

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Wow,L made some great points,especially the 1st one about she seeing you as LTR material thus with holding sex.

But Chel',if Im correct,you were looking for an LTR with her,right?

If not,how the hell did you let her put you in such a frame?

I guess it's 'cause you held back on the lay out of respect for your colleague.

Good for morals but bad for PU.

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I weren't looking for an LTR K, exactly. I didn;t wnat to lay for the reason you said, well not to early, for morals and my bond with my colleague, I didn;t want complications.

I saw her as a great girl, LTR material, now she has crushed that, with her petty updates, and with shit like that, I'm unsure if I can forgive. Especially after putting myself through the should I, shouldn't I frame.

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I've once had a girl I was in a relatively seriously relationship with, that ended badly, tell me after about 3 months in that she had emotional problems and things always got worse and no one stuck around, etc.

If you hear anything similar, run. Likely some underlying issues there, psychological or emotional and this girl was serious. Not only did it get worse and worse and I stuck it out to try and make it better, eventually she placed it all on me and bailed!

Don't do that to yourself.

That's true Learnandgrow. Women often, put their emotional problems on us, to kind of * repair them * even when you try, it doesn't work. Something haunts them etc.

Either go into a relationship not holding onto problems, or expect failure. My situation, she obviously has underlying issues. I was laughed at by her, the status as I said was blatantly aimed at me, but fuck it. I'll let her have her laugh, even though she probably thinks I never saw it because I said nothing, now when I don;t contact, she'll wonder.

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