So theres this girl who was a foreign exchange student at my high school last year and I know am going to school in her country(norway) for one year. We've met up just three times. The first time we went out we went to a bar and had great rapport. We could both relate to each other as we went to the same school and I was now experiencing all the ups and downs of being a foreign student just as she did. Later on that evening I used the palm reading routine and was able to k-close and make out with her in a park. Communication was sparse after that. I called/texted two or three times when I was drunk and also ended up canceling meeting up with her last minute another time.

I saw her again about three months later. This time I met at her friends house where she and two of her other good friends were pre-gaming before they went in to the city. I made a great impression on her friends. Had them all laughing and was able to tell stories to capture their attention. We went to a bar where I met another of her friends whom I had a great conversation with and who soon became very attracted to me. At one point I asked her if it was ok if I spent the night at her house and she said it was just fine. We got back to her house and her parents and younger brothers were home. I thought I'd have no chance of going anywhere with her after realizing that but she didnt seem to care and I started making out with her once we were alone in her room. I began to escalate to f-close but she stopped me telling me she had a "kinda half boyfriend" and that she'd feel bad. An obvious LMR but I was to drunk to go any further at the time. The next morning I was able to make out with her and get her shirt off while her parents and brothers ate breakfast downstairs. I tried to go further but she stopped me saying her family would hear us and she was probably right. I spent the rest of the day hanging out with her and her brothers building great rapport with all of her family members. We kissed and held hands through out the day and up until I had to leave. After I left I once again kept communication minimal.

This time I returned to hang out with her it was just after a little less than a month (last friday to be exact). Earlier in the day, I asked if I could spend the night again and she replied "haha yeah you can for sure I'm home alone so that shouldn't be a problem " I get to her house that night and its a similar situation as last time, pre-gaming with a few of her friends before hitting the town. And just like last time, I entertain and keep the attention of her friends. At one point though I think I hear something about her having a relationship with some guy and about to get together with him and my ego takes a hit. We go to a Karaoke bar where I meet more of her friends. I end up dancing/grinding a bit with one of her friends who later goes out of her way to tell her what I great dancer I am. I put more attention on her friends than her. We return back to her house and go to sit down in her living room. I put on some music and we sit together on a one person sofa chair. After very brief convo I push her hair back and kiss her cheek. She turns away saying "naw aw awn" in a non-joking tone with a very serious face. My ego takes a huge hit at that point. We go to her room to watch a movie and I make minimal effort with kino. Its very late at that point so I turn the movie off so I go to sleep on a mattres on her floor and she sleeps in her bed. The next morning I find out her parents dont get back till late sunday so I decide to stay until sunday afternoon (its now saturday morning). She leaves for work at 12, comes back at 4. We then lounge around surfing the internet and watching tv. I mainly just converse with her and make minimal attempts at kino. We watch a movie that evening and once its over return to her room. She changes and lies on her bed and I lay on a mattress that is at the foot of her bed. At this point she begins to comment on how shitty it is to sleep on the floor and why I was keeping my jeans on. I took my jeans off and made an excuse to sleep in her bed which she was fine with. I start to spoon with her, kissing and lightly bitting the back of her neck. She tells me in a joking almost teasing manner "come on control yourself" and remarks that she's to tired. I stop and go to sleep. The next morning I try the same thing and get the same results though this time she doesnt say anything she just doesn't physically respond. She allows me to stay in her bed and spoon with her but wont respond to any kino. After we both get up, we have breakfast, and just talk with each other until the late afternoon when I had to leave. As I leave to get on the train we hug, I try to hold her tight but she lets go quickly like a friend hug.

I have now spent the last three days wondering what went wrong. Why couldnt I even K-close this girl with her parents gone for the weekend when I could almost f-close with her parents and brothers downstairs eating breakfast? This girl is special to me. After the first time I thought I really liked her so I follwed mystery's advice and hooked up with four other girls yet I still though that this girl is special and means a lot to me. I'm asking for people to diagnos my situation and maybe offer where I can go from here. Where did I go wrong? What happened between getting invited to spend the night at her house to getting denied from k-closing? When should I see her next (I will have to see her at some point I have some of her clothes with me that she wants back)? Was it my ego that ruined me? Should I of kino'd and tried to escalate harder? Any interpretation of what I've told you and any kind of advice that people can give to me would mean a lot to me.

Guess she must be really be into that other guy, and doesn't feel the need/doesn't want to fuck you. I think you should back off a bit with the kino next time you see her, try to make it seem like she wants you. What you're doing would usually work, but I guess you might be coming on too strong, or she just knows she's got you and you've become too easy.

Never assume it's just another guy till you know for sure..

Very similar to the previous thread I replied in - but basically you're just rushing in constantly. For example, at the point she let you back into her bed, I felt that should have been a time for you to feel glad she let you back in after everything else, and use it as an opportunity to play cool.

You were becoming predictable - got in the bed, then trying to make out. No one has a magic touch that melts girls, it's all about the anticipation. She has to want you to do stuff to her before you try (generally - not saying you can't make a girl realise she wants it by starting something out of the blue, that's just far less common)

The main thing that sticks out for me is you're all kino and nothing else. You never set the frame by opening up a discussion about where she is with this guy. How does it look if they clearly say "ooh she's going to get a boyfriend" (referring to some other guy) and then you try to kiss her later without even bringing that up?


Your ego will always take a hit when hearing stuff like this, but you can train yourself to behave appropriately if you're aware this is what you need to do (which is why I'm posting)

First step is to "not care" about it. Then you have to open a dialogue about it. I would have said "so this guy, you guys gonna go steady soon hey?" leading the conversation into going with him shows that you don't care if it does. But also - if she really does like him, you will find out, and you will not try to muscle in on some guys relationship, because you will have other girls. If she decides she might be missing out on you, she will do that herself if you just be attractive as you can be.

It's important you take te convo this way because she might be too shy to admit it and do roundabout things to avoid you.

The other, equally likely outcome is she's a girl who's in a stage where she likes her options. And she will backpedal at you taking the convo that far - "yeah... Nah not really... Well it's just early stages..." then you know you have as good a chance as if there was no other guy involved.

But ecause you didn't set this fram, IMO because she was letting you do some stuf like sleep over, she liked you, but wanted her options, and is worried you're gonna get too close. She needs to see you don't mind either way by your physical actions, and a friendly chat which you directed into "do you like being single?" would have gone a long way to helping with that too.

At this stage I think you pretty much have to back off, and if youre lucky enough to get face to face interactions with her or phonecalls, you should use every opportunity to be casual, fun, FRIENDLY (as opposed to being too cocky and acting hurt) and demonstrate you like being single but would do "stuff" with her.

Thanks man it really means a lot.

My plan now is to wait three months to see her again. Have little or no contact with her at all at his time. This way I can see if she actually does develop a relationship with this other guy and it will give me time to work on honing in my skills. Also I think that going from being in a weird area where she's kinda attracted to me but also likes me as a friend to having no contact for three months will freeze her out a bit and allow me to be more successful the next time I see her as long as I can apply the skills that I'm working on.

Three months is waay too long.

Wait that long, and she will be long gone my friend.

_________________
You only live once.

From what I can tell, the social interaction is still there, you should maintain that and still be involved as a friend, would be good for her to see you can have fun without crawling all over her or having ulterior motives. And you will likely hear about or even meet this guy, and it will be good practice to toughen your skin about another guy being around a girl you're keen on.

The thing is, there's no need to focus on one girl, so there's no need to shut her out entirely before moving on. She can be put on a "slow fuse". Even if they date for 2 years, trust me - if you stay in touch, just come in and out infrequently (only then I think 3 months is possibly appropriate), there's every possibility when she gets sick of him, you'll be around for her to moan to and convince her she needs to break up and be single for a while - thus setting the frame up for her not locking in to any one guy it's happened to me before, twice. no need to lock people out unessecarily.

Thanks conker I've readjusted my game plan after taking in your input. Im just gonna keep it friendly with her, facebooking/texting her every now and then. I'm gonna see her now in a month. But my question to you is what do I say to her now and what do I do when I see her in a month. Over facebook/text do I keep just keep it playful/friendly or do I try to keep it flirty as well? When I see her again how should I compose myself? Should I try to build attraction and if so how should I go about doing that? Right now I dont think I'm in the "friend zone" she just has other options that are more viable to her.

Practice reading a girl's vibe, that's what I forgot to add last post. For example
If you could read the vibe well you would have stopped attempting to make out with her quite a few attempts because she wasn't in a state where she wanted to yet.

You should be as attractive as you can be and somehow take every opportunity to show her you're not trying to get her in to bed. one example of this is if you got a phone call with her, or an online chat, you have a fun convo as possible, but end the conversation yourself, on a high.

Yeah if you can flirt without trying to make it go anywhere - eg. A sly look at the right moment, and then allowing yourself to be occupied by another conversation and no looking to see what her reaction to something funny you did, etc. And just try and interpret her body language no matter how subtle.

One way to help interpret is to think "if she was really keen, would she be doing what she's doing - or is there anything she would be doing that she's not.