Last week I am at the mall casually strolling around in search of targets to sarge. I had just number closed a girl who worked at Zumiez who claimed she had a boyfriend. This made me happy and made me feel good about myself, although she wasn’t particularly attractive to me, I needed the experience. The success offered me an elevated sense of confidence, but it was quickly waning. I needed to act and fast. As I pass Abercrombie & Fitch, I think of how attractive the store associates usually are that work there. The fragrances circulating the airways inside the store creep toward me and are now invading my nasal passages. I draw closer. The chatter from the shoppers walking in the hall begins to fade, drowned out by the upbeat in store music. The bass pumps through my body. I am inside.

“Hi! How are you?”

I hear it. I look to my left and there is the source, an attractive young girl folding clothes.

(Internal monologue)

“Ok, get it together. She greeted you. Yes, but she’s supposed to do that, it’s her job. You’re thinking too much. You need to respond. Be clever. Be playful. Ask her if she asked how you were because she wanted to or because she was paid to do it. Make sure you smile, but look natural. You don’t want to seem like a weirdo. No one likes a weirdo. What do I say after she answers? Who cares! The point is to get over your approach anxiety. Just go with the flow. At least you can say you did it, who cares what the result is. But I do care what the result is. I want this girl to like me. I don’t like failure. But that’s part of life. You can’t win all the time. There is a lot to learn from losing. What is that? Is that from a quote-of-the-day calendar or something? I’m serious, listen to me. You never listen to me. Consider it a learning experience, not the be-all and end-all of your manhood. You’re not going to say anything are you?”

I muster a weak smile and opt to engage in evasive maneuvers. I head toward the opposite side of the store, deliberately avoiding that beautiful creature that instills in me a sense of worthlessness.

(Internal monologue)

“You don’t deserve a penis.”

I aimlessly wander around the store for some time without purpose. Knowing there is little chance I can save face from this, I decide to eject.
Back in the hall, calm once more.

(Internal monologue)

“Wow, that was embarrassing. Shut up. You don’t get it, do you? You keep doing what you’ve done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve got. I hate your little quotes. Hey, you’re the one who learned them and for good reason. They make sense! So, here’s the deal, you came out here to meet girls, right? Yeah. And chances are you blew it with that girl back there, right? Where are you going with this? Well, now you don’t have to worry about whether or not you fail. Now, you should be expecting it. So, get back there and this time just have fun. You’re a pain in the ass.”

I reluctantly trudge back to the store. I walk in. There she is, right where I left her. She smiles at me once again.

Her: “Back already?”
Me: “Yes. I think I’ve settled on doing my shopping here. I need your help in selecting some new shirts. I’m to be your new pet project for the next…”

I then looked at my watch quizzically, as though discerning how much time I had available.

Me: “…10 minutes.”
Her: “Haha, all right.”

Time constraint achieved. She then followed me to the men’s side and proceeded to select random shirts for me to try on. This is my chance to neg, I think to myself. So, I tease her.

Me: “I would never wear any of these shirts. Where did you get your sense of style?”
Her: “What! Well, I don’t know what kind of stuff you wear, but I think these shirts look nice.”

I begin to hesitate. I want to shift to a routine, but I’m not feeling it. Maybe it’s my nerves. Awkward tension develops. I offer to try on some shirts to buy myself some breathing room. I stand pointlessly in the changing room for a while holding shirts I have absolutely no intention of trying on nor buying. I open a few buttons and unroll the sleeves on the shirts to make it appear as though I tried them on and walk back out. She has returned to the entrance of the store. I walk up to her. She smiles.

Her: “What did you think?”
Me: “I’m not buying those shirts. No way.”

I debate whether or not I should just tell her I simply wanted to talk to her and was just playing around, but instead decided to get her opinion on a few more shirts I had no interest in, despite the fact that I could have run a routine on her right then and there. I felt compelled to move her from one spot to another for absolutely no reason. Once at our destination, a remote shirt rack, I pretend I get a text message from a friend. I nod my head as though the message is silly and engage her.

Me: “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Her: “Haha, I don’t know. Why?”
Me: “My friend and I were talking about it earlier. She just sent me a message and she believes in them. You’ve never had any paranormal experiences?”
Her: “No, not that I can think of. I have been to a haunted house, but that was when I lived back in Arizona. That was about the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced, but it was fake. Haha.”

I notice she is smiling and laughing a lot, but her eyes keep darting around, as though she’s looking for an escape. Perhaps she’s just nervous. I assume the best case scenario. I tell myself I am the most interesting person she has talked to all day and continue with my routine. I transition to my DHV story derived from a personal life experience where I snuck into an abandoned and presumed haunted insane asylum. I explain that I had a girlfriend at the time, that a group of kids joined us in the exploration of the derelict, that everyone looked to me for protection, that the cops later showed up because I foolishly parked my car on a road they patrol right outside the asylum, that I told the kids to hide because the cops didn’t know they were with us, and that I sweet talked the cops out of giving us a ticket. I also added a fictional element to my story, claiming that the jewel on a custom made necklace I wear when I sarge, I found in a room inside the asylum. I figure this story emphasized, aside from my being adventurous, preselection, leadership qualities, and an ability to think on my feet. During the story she asked one question, whether what I was doing was illegal. I told her yes. She seemed interested, yet something seemed off. What do I know? I am new to this. I press on. I offer to try on one more shirt. Repeat the same procedure as before in the changing room and return to her. Still smiling. Always smiling. I love this about her. I only wish I could tell if she was simply being professional or it was genuine. I tried to ignore the idea that she may be uncomfortable.

Her: “Still nothing?”
Me: “No, it’s just I’m out of time. I have to go.”
Her: “Well, it was nice talking to you.”
Me: “Yes, I liked talking to you too.”

At this point, I did this weird, awkward lean onto the table toward her trying to appear confident and said, “How about you give me your number in case I need any more fashion advice in the future?” She smiled and says to me, “I don’t know… Maybe if you come back.”

What does that mean? My first impression was, “this is one slick saleswoman,” but then I realized she didn’t strike me as the type to deliberately use her sex appeal to lure me back to the store to make a purchase. She seemed too innocent for that. I was flabbergasted and in my disorientation, I could only manage to say, “Well, I do have to come back since I ran out of time today. I guess I’ll see you next time.”

I am confused.

The Leading Man

Welcome Leading Man, nice post! A bit long, but your vivid descriptions kept my eyes dancing along the lines all the way to the end.

Well, I am also new to PU, but before utilizing some of the techniques I've learned I would have similar situations where it seemed like the female was interested, but she seemed to playfully push me away.

First off, kudos for getting out there and approaching. Although it seems simple, this is the most important step to overcoming PU anxiety. Keep it up Bro! Now, as for your interaction...

In my opinion, I think she placed you in the nice guy category. Yea man, I know it hurts, but you must remember, beautiful women, especially the women who work or shop at high-end retail stores (Abercombrie, Hollister, Victoria's Secret, etc...) are being hit on all the time. Imagine a gorgeous women like that, and how many NICE guys like yourself come along everyday playing the innocence gambit and talking themselves up like real hard asses.

For instance, in your post you say that you walked in and she smiled at you, and then you walked out. Dude, 3-second rule man! You've already lowered your value by walking out of the store and then immediately walking back in - you don't think she hasn't seen a hundred other guys do the exact same thing. In her eyes, you were probably just another guy with no confidence, no game, and no fun. Blah!

Also, you let her talk you into trying on clothes. If you weren't going to buy the clothes, don't go try them on! Make her continue showing you around so that you can pump the buying temperature. If she was attracted, it was probably lost whenever you left to try on the clothes. Remember, these first interactions are crucial, don't give her time to think (nor yourself for that matter), be spontaneous (or have several canned routines at your disposal to tailor to the situation). As she continues to show you around the store to different shirts be playful. Tell her, "Wow, your bf must be a real fashion freak! Is that where you get your style from?" Now you're being playful, but you also get to extract some crucial piece of information. If she says, "No," then you can respond, "Well, yea its probably for the best. I don't think I'd want my gf dressing me up in these clothes. Ewwww!" Or, if she was to respond on the affirmative, you can easily make fun by swapping the comment, "Wow, I feel really bad for that guy, if he's got to parade around in such boring clothes." BE CAREFUL, you need to immediately DHV after these or switch to another conversational thread. You don't want her dwelling on the negs you just made.

Lastly, your story seemed incongruent with your personality (at least the portion where you told her it was illegal did). Just from your style of writing and the way you approached you don't seem like the kind of guy that goes around committing crimes, and I bet she could sense it too. Remember, women are far more sentient beings than us men, they can smell bullshit from a mile off. Especially when they're HB9/10. These are even more likely to sniff you out because they have honed this skill over many years of fending off AFCs and pathetic sexual predators. Instead, don't let her run your frame. She asked you if it was illegal, why does it matter. It was a fun story. You should have responded with, "Are you one of those good girl gone bad types. Man! And I saw so much potential [smile, then shake your head]. I'm not into breaking the law unless the benefits outweigh the consequences [stare directly into her eyes]. I'm not stupid! [smile]" Remember you can still be yourself when doing PUA. The way I see PU, is that it is a way of conveying your personality in the most favorable light. Its getting women past the initial appearances and getting them to see just how cool and amazing a person you really are. Always be you. If you can't, what's the point?

Even at the end of the conversation you shouldn't have let her off so easy. Although at this point it was probably past the point of saving. I know she's working and all so you don't want to seem needy, but when she told you maybe she'll give you the number the next time your in the store (a classical cop-out by the way) you could have said, "No, I never shop here. It just looked like you needed something to do. A pet project remember. [Pause and smile for a brief moment, and then walk away]. Now at least if you do come back she doesn't have the lameo impression that you left her with (I say that as a sincere form of criticism, not in offense).

So my fingers are tired, but I'd just like to say congrats on making an approach and posting this field report. Your writing style was so clear I almost thought I was there walking through the store with you. It made commenting much easier.

Keep it up bro! Don't let any bad experiences knock you down. I'm sure everyone on here is going through them. I am just recently getting past the social hook and attraction stage. I'm not even sure exactly how to #-close yet I'm successful at gaining rapport and then attraction, but just leave the interaction hanging on a thread because I'm too scared to ask for her #. Also, remember that if you want to get the girl, you've got to be prepared to lose her. It's a risk, and I certainly need to follow the letter on some of my own advice in that department.

Cheers

It might just have been the way you typed what you said, but what you were saying and how you said it seemed a bit forced (yeah I know you can't tell through text, but there seemed to be no flow in your sentences).

At least you're overcoming your AA though, good job

Boheme,

Thanks for the reply! You're absolutely right, on many counts and i'll definitely take your advice into consideration. Like many guys, I have a tendancy to overanalyze things. When i'm with a girl, I need to learn to get out of my head and just enjoy the interaction for what it is without worrying so much about where it's going. This, however, is a big sticking point for me. I would say the two main culprits preventing me from engaging targets is my inability to ascertain whether i'm properly guiding the conversation and the fear of running out of topics to discuss. I'm a very social person, but nerves take it's toll on a man. When there is nothing at stake, I can make friends just about anywhere and I would like to expand my social network to include more attractive women, but regardless of how much I tell myself, "I am just going to be friends with this one," I am still subconciously attracted to her and it's very difficult not to convey this via body language and behavior.

Also, i'm unsure of how to make such a story as the one I shared with this girl to be congruent with my personality. Afterall, that was entirely a true story with the exception of the jewel. I have also snuck into an old abandoned sugar factory before. It was private property as well, but it had the added bonus of being patrolled by security. I got caught one time I went. Fortunately, the security guard opted to run and call the police as opposed to chasing me and I am quick on my feet. I made it out just as the police arrived. I drove by and watched the security guard and police officer rush inside to find me. I go on these little adventures mostly for the photo opportunity. I'm big into photography. I have also gone skydiving. Despite how my writing may have portrayed me, rest assured, I am a very big risk taker.

In regards to your problem with number closing. I can understand your hesitation. This is the culmination of the pickup, the moment of truth. This is a lot of pressure. Fortunately, this an area I have some experience in, as I have attempted many number closes. First and foremost, I want to emphasize that you must never judge yourself based on whether or not a girl gives you her number. It does not mean there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a person, but simply your strategy or perhaps she was just having a bad day. I used to have a nasty habit of internalizing rejection instead of just letting it roll off me. I have been developing (key word: developing) a mentality that, in the event that a girl shoots me down, it either means a.) I simply need more practice or b.) she's dysfunctional. By that I mean there is something wrong with her or some outside influence involved (ie: boyfriend just cheated on her with her ex-best friend and she is now a certified man-hater or experimenting with lesbianism). What i'm basically saying is, do not take it personally.

The Leading Man

I am a little bit confused about all this post.

Of course several mistake along the lines.

The opener "i'll be your new pet for the next ... 10 minutes"
AWFUL, delivered DLV immediately. YOUR PET? come on! If ther is something worse than give compliments to a girl on the opener, is SUBMISSION on the opener!

You then came out of the blue with the ghost stuff and keep it weird all the way.

One month of practice and this kind of girl will GIVE you her number 90% of time.

I understand the maind deal here was AA.

I suggest a very SIMPLE, SUPER POWERFUL tool for AA.

Your next sarging, you must do 10 blow-out opening.

A blow-out opener is an opener delivered on purpose to get refused.
An opener designed to blow the artist out in order for him to practice being comfortable with rejection.

A blow out opener is great for not putting yourself on the line as you personally, and to see that rejection is a part of life. When used in conjunction with a venue change or warm up sets, blow out openers are great for getting over AA.

Sometimes, because of the audacity of the opener itself the PUA can get positive responses to a blow out opener that was intended to blow him out. He can then attempt to push the envelop further or take the set as a good set.

Examples

Vulgar and forward: “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”
Apocalypse opener: “Hi. What are you doing later? Want to come back to my place?”
Totaly Randomness: “I like pickle juice”
Cheesy pickup line: “Did your wings hurt when you fell from heaven?”
Racial stereotypes: (Done with an Asian, Hispanic or French accent) “Excuse me honey. Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them into your eyes”

Nice field report man! You did really well for your first time. You forced yourself not to let AA bother you too much, you practically killed it yourself, keep doing this and it'll be forever dead, wont even cross your mind.

Liked the depth of it, sure a bit long, but it's your first, and I liked it.

I think you should keep approaching, try women who work in stores, but more women that are actually shopping, because they aren't forced to talk to you, it's choice, with store staff, it's always difficult to understand, are they interested or is it work related, and sometime's not worth the bother!

Get out for some night game, because you can smash that too!

_________________
Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Velcrohead,

Your assessment was correct. It was awkward talking to her. Due to my anxiety, nothing about my interaction with her felt natural. I'm sure it was just as uncomfortable for her as it was for me, but like you said, at least I did it. I was very close to bailing, but I know i'll never get over my approach anxiety that way.

Thanks for your support!

The Leading Man

Damrini,

Haha, I think you misread my post. I told her I was to be her "pet project" for the next ten minutes, not "pet."

Pet project: a project, activity, or goal pursued as a personal favorite, rather than because it is generally accepted as necessary or important.

That is one definition I found circulating on the internet. There is a big difference.

You were right, however, about my approach anxiety. That is the primary issue I need to tackle right now. I'm going to give your blow-out mission a shot. Thanks for the suggestion!

The Leading Man

Chelios,

Thanks for all of the positive feedback! You're right, I do need to start trying to engage targets that are shopping. One problem I notice I face is that when I have an obvious excuse for talking to a girl to fall back on besides just wanting to, I find it much easier to initiate. This is why, for instance, when I go into a store, it's easier for me to approach a store associate, as opposed to a customer. It's understood that she works there, that i'm a customer, and she's supposed to help me. I feel more comfortable building off that foundation. Just talking to a random girl who is shopping, there is no such foundation. There is no understanding. I am talking to her and she has no idea why. I feel more pressure in these situations.

You mentioned going out at night to sarge. I actually do this occasionally. I used to do it more often, but I found that I was rarely meeting quality women at bars and clubs, so now i'm experimenting with day game. It seems to me that it would be more rewarding for someone in my position, however I find that it is much more difficult.

The Leading Man

I understand where your coming from. You will 9/10 times get a more higher valued girl from day game, because bitch shields are lower, if they're there at all. It's more rewarding too because nobody is drunk, putting on a front, and what you see is more often that not, what your getting.

_________________
Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/