DAY 19: reflections on my journey.
Where am I on the road to PU?

Today was a quiet day since I had some work to do. Yet, I went out a little and was very social again. I had a meeting at my bank, I was confident, looked at her in the eyes and just enjoyed myself... asked all kind of questions... I was just being myself and it felt great. I went to a starbucks too and engaged conversation with the cashier... So I won't do a real field report today. Indeed, after getting satisfaction from my results on social game (birthday party on DAY 16 & playing with the friend zone on DAY 18 ), I wanted to stop for a second and reflect on my journey.

The improvement pattern: bringing it to the Game.
From the very beginning of my journey from AFC to PUA, I realized that if I wanted to become a PUA, I had to practice with everyday people first and then bring the skills to the Game. Indeed, going directly to the Game would have been difficult at some point. That's why, for instance, I worked on my eye-contact with cashiers before using it with HBs.

Where am I on the road to PU?
I feel even more confident thanks to the small results I had recently. Yet, I have to avoid to be over-satisfied with them. Indeed, I had a break with Day Game and now I have to go back to the front! I have to know where I am and where I am going. Here are the short term goals I set for Day Game on DAY 9:
APPROACHING: I have taken a break with Day Game to have a taste of Social Game, I definitely need to get back on Day Game! I did some approaches though but I was unable to stay longer than 3 sentences.
KEEPING THE CONVERSATION GOING: That's definitely a point to improve. I started to work on it by being a really social guy in the everyday life (sexy cashiers, not so sexy cashiers, grannies, bus drivers ...) and focusing in the present! I'm not shy anymore... I just enjoy myself. It's now time to bring that to the Game!
EYE-CONTACTING: I improved my eye-contact, I can maintain it and actually like to play with it (bringing attention, being indifferent the next second). It's already in my Game but I would like to bring a sexual tension to it.
SMILE: Since I actually enjoy being a social guy, the smile comes naturally and I like that. Once again, it's in my Game.

In a nutshell, I have all I need to approach and open HBs. I'll be on the next level when I'll be able to keep the conversation going. I can do it with everyday people, I need now to bring that skill to the Game. Only practice can do this!

What's the next steps?
- APPROACHING: let's go back to Day Game!
- KEEPING THE CONVERSATION GOING: let's hold the conversation and actually meet the HB.

The Game must go on!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 20: first attempt to get back on day game.
The power of now.

I went to the mall this afternoon. Getting back on day game is harder than expected... I was social with strangers when I had the opportunity to but I did not open any set. Weak day for me...

My goals.
I was aware that getting back on day game would not be so easy. But I was sure about something, I was tired of asking directions and ejecting right after... so I set up these goals:
- Open 5 sets.
- Keep the conversation going no matter what.

In field.
I was quiet confident, social and all... The mall was full of HB... But something did not work out. I had social interactions with a lot of strangers... I'm definitely better at it. The difficulty of today's session was to bring that newly aquired conversation skills to the Game... The only way to do it is by practicing... I know that. But something was missing.

Results.
None.

Something was missing.
Confidence? Mojo? ... I don't really know... I didn't feel like I was missing confidence... The problem is that my inner game is still weak. I was unable to focus on the moment... I was in my thoughts... At the beginning, I was imagining myself number closing easily, the next minute I was fantasizing about that girl I would have opened... but little but little, I ended up thinking about my ex-gf and stupid things like that. Don't get me wrong, I was not frustrated (well maybe a little in the end of the day)... I just could not help thinking about that. I realized that and tried to focus on the Game, but that was not so easy... because then I began to think about... my inner game.

Being in the moment.
Being in the moment is definitely a skill that is missing in my inner game. That's actually why I have problems to find a transition from the opener to a conversation... That's why I'm not spontaneous... and that's why sometimes I'm unable to focus. I'm spending too much time in my thoughts and not enough in action.
My sticking point.
- Not knowing how to stay focus on the moment: how to be in the action, not in my head.

Next step.
F**k it. I have something to do... I need to get the job done. I need to move to the next step in cold approach: keep the damn conversation going!

Let's do this.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hey mate. You see it very clearly what your problem is and where it comes from. Knowing this and seeing your motivation I can foresee it won't take so long for you to overcome this.

_________________
What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

I hope so! I have to put myself on the front, forcing me to stay focus and approach if I want to overcome this issue.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 21: way down in the hole.
...

It all started well.
I was confident this morning, that was a sunny day. I met other PUAs in Paris to speak a little about the Game. That was great to share with Don Ricardo and his friend. Then I went to a mall with a good friend of mine. I really had a good moment too. We had a drink and spoke about life and all.

Darkness.
When I came back, the sky fell on me. Today I learned that my 18yo sister wants to become muslim because of a guy she's been dating for several years. She wants to wear the headscarf and told me that she believes in god... She's been reading several books on that subject and she's now totally into it. I'm sad. I'm angry... I'm atheist and I am so sad to know that my sister is now giving credit to a religion in which men are considered as superior than woman. I spoke to her boyfriend, he actually think that man should have the last word over a woman, and that democracy is not necessarily a good thing. I am totally destroyed and it feels really good to write about it.

I went out to breathe some fresh air. I needed too.

When I came back, I logged on Facebook and saw that my ex-gf has commented a photo of her new boyfriend... That just reminds me of how alone I am right now. I have never felt so abandonned. I'm losing all the people I care the most... and the one I used to care the most left me after a 2 years relationship with a damn mail of 5 sentences. A few weeks later she was (fucking) with someone else. I know that sentence is so AFC, but that makes me sick right now to realize that I have always been there for her... even I have never been in love with her.

I'm leaving for Brazil in 3 weeks, leaving my family in a disatrous situation... My mom can't stop crying, my father is totally lost... They both work hard and do not deserve such a burden. I am CONCERNED about all this.

This f**king (academic) year is killing me... I feel like I have nobody to count on. Is this being needy? For sure... but I'm human damn it.

If you guys have some advice, some words to help me...

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I'm sorry to hear about your sister man, girls can easily be influence at that age especialy when they think they are in love. Be patient with her and try to make her see the other side ie we are all equal. Dont push her as this will only make her more into this. It has to be her choice. I'm not saying the religeon is bad, I have cool Muslim friends and I'm Christian. Maybe faith in a higher power is all she need. Dont be too hard on her. About your ex well me are in the same boat there last night I was in the same club with my ex and her new Bf(read my journal) and my game just died.

_________________
I'm a predator I dont make pets out of my prey!

Daniel, hard times are upon you. It is your duty now to make your way through these challenges life sets in front of you. I can understand your situation. My father used to be an alcoholic. He stopped. Just have faith in your sister. If you let her make her decision, she will either make the right choice, or make the wrong and then learn from it. This is not something that can not be undone. Just be there for her whenever she needs you, and hope the bests, that's all you can do.
And you certainly have people to count on. Well I'm not really talking about ourselves, as you don't know us that much. But surely you've got friends. When a family is in crysis friends are very important. And don't let this shit affect your game! cheer up dude

_________________
What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

@sliqaxe: man I really don't see how wearing the headscarf could ever be a good thing for her... It's just another way for men to apply their "domination" on women. I feel for you man, seeing your ex with another man in a club might be painful when you're at the beginning of a journey from AFC to PUA, even if you got over the breakup.

@MynameisFisher: I'll go through, I have no choice... but I'm concerned about her and my family... Anyway, thanks for your common sense. That's gonna be hard.
Of course I have some friends to count on... but it is so difficult for me to endure this burden, specially since it comes from the one I love the most.
Concerning the Game, this issue has surprisingly given me even more urge to accomplish my journey.

@hobbit: I don't think I'm overreacting when it comes to the gravity of the issue. But yes, I'm definitely losing my temper about all this and it's really bad. It's bad for me and for my family. I wish I had a better "inner game" to handle this. Anyway, I think I won't write about it anymore... As you said this forum is about PU. But it's clearly going to have an effect on my Game.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 22: Bringing the conversation skills to the game.
Doing what I gotta do.

As you might know, I'm having some "family issues" currently. Since it is a forum about PU, I'm not going to speak about it... but more about their effects on my journey. Besides, I went out today and approached a 2-set in the train to the mall.

Effects on my journey.
It's too soon to really know the effects of that issue on my game... I think about it as a(nother) breakup... I probably can't do nothing about it, I have to get over it. Of course, it is hard for me to be happy, hard to sleep at night. On one hand, I'm really concerned about leaving my family in 3 weeks to go to Brazil... On the other hand, I'm eager to leave all that behind me. I wish I had what it takes to handle all this with a peaceful attitude... but the anger/sadness is sometimes too strong. My inner game has to become one of my priorities.

After spending hours trying to reason with my sister... I felt the need to get out. I went to the mall and since I devoted myself to the Game, I set up goals.

My goals.
Since I was ot really sure about what I can do in this state, I set up a really general goal:
- Bring the conversation skills to the Game.

In field.
Today was a beautiful day, It felt really good to go out... Surprisingly this issue turned me even more eager to move forward. I wanted to approach and to do what I commited myself to do. I've never been so alpha... This tension in me could be felt outside, which was a good thing: I was confident, I did not give a f**k... Yet it was kinda hard to smile I confess.

In the train, I sat next to two girls without even looking at them. I was listening to some music from my cellphone when one of them started to speak about it (I guess she thought I could not hear it).
HB6.5: Oh look that's exactly the phone I've bought but I took the smaller version. He's beautiful isn't it? (looking at my phone)
ME: I do think so.
HB6,5 looking at HB7 with surprise.
ME & HB6,5: bla bla bla phones...
ME: try it (giving her my phone in her hands)
ME & HB6,5: bla bla bla...
HB6,5: what about the battery? Does it last long?
ME: I have to charge it everyday but I use it a lot... bla bla
HB6,5: Because I used to have a Blackberry and the battery was only lasting 2 hours... even at work when I was not using it (I guess she was not allowed to use it)
ME: Aren't you too young to already work? (NEG!)
HB6,5: that was an internship, I'm in highschool.
ME: Terminale? Première? (level in French highschools)
HB6,5: Terminale.
ME: In which highschool are you studying?
HB6,5: I'm from in *cityname far from where we were*
ME: Okay, I thougt you were from here. I've just came back from abroad and that would have been cool to find out you were studying in the same highschool. (poor lie to DHV...)
HB6,5: where have you been in highschool?
ME: I'm from *city name far from where she comes from*, you might not know though since you're not from here.
HB6,5: yes I know, that's not so far. (yeah, you just have to cross Paris => IOI?)
ME & HB6,5: bla bla about what she's studying
ME: Are you guys from the same highschool? (opening to HB7)
HB6,5: She's a year older...
ME & HB6,5: bla bla then flake, but I stayed alpha... that was not a weird moment.
ME: you're goinf to shop right?
HB6,5 & HB7 laughing.
HB6,5: yeah...
ME & HB6,5: bla bla bla

The were actually going to the same mall... So when it was time for us to get off the train, I stood up and left them without saying anything (like I was not giving a f**k about them)... I got out and they were just behind me.

• 30+ sentences
  BL: 4/5 (alpha, sitnext to her but was not completely available to her)
  E-C: 3/5 (she was next to me so I had eye-contact when I spoke to her, I tried to push pull by looking away when she spoke)
  Smile: 1/5 (smiling was too hard for me today)
  C&F: 0/5 (should have done more of that)
  KINO: 1/5 (touched her hands while giving her my cellphone to try it)
  GLOBAL:4/10

What I've learned.
- I'm starting to bring my conversation skills to the Game.
- I have to be more C&F: I have at least a thousand opportunities.
- A strong inner game is priceless.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Hey man. Well look at you! See you had a nice conversation, told you it's not gonna take long. Yes it could have been better as it always could but you've learnt your lesson and that's what is important at this stage. Nex time try experimenting with C&F. It is not easy to set the balance between cocky and funny. You might get some blow outs or flakes before it is correct. You can hear people saying different things about this. Some say be more cocky, some say be more funny, and there are who say take it 50-50. That's because it depends on your personality! Set the balance so it is congurent with you and you will see how this little trick does magic on the field. Keep it up! Today I'm writing my Biophysics test, after that I change clothes and am going to iceskating. Should be full of HBs, perfect practisefield.

_________________
What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

DAY 23: relaxing for the inner game, opening for the outer game.
Taking photos and speaking with a set about religion.

I realized something. Most of the people going through a hard breakup or a family issue would be broken and make some mistakes... You know, getting drunk, getting a tattoo, cutting hair or even sometimes stopping to eat... I am not like that. I've not tried to forget what happened in alcohol for example... Am I stronger than most of the people? I don't know... But I'm convinced that I can be a strong person. My inner game might not be so weak.

Taking care of my inner game.
With all the changes happening to me and my family, I thought it would be great to focus on my inner game toda. I bought a book about photography, took a look at several photography websites and went out to take some pictures with my DSLR. That is the "passion" part of the inner game... and it actually felt good to show to myself that I was able to take beautiful photos. At the same time, I bought extra weight to work out. Tomorrow, I'll get things done to be prepared to my departure for Brazil.


One of my photos. I was in the black & white architecture stuff.


Talking almost one hour with 3 women.
Tonight, I went out to see a football (=soccer) game with a friend. As we were watching the game, I notice 3 arab women taking a drink next to us. At half-time, I found the balls to approach her with a real-life opener: my sister wanting to become muslim. Of course, religion is not my favourite topic, and it's actually a really bad topic to speak about when approaching girls. Yet I wanted to speak about it and find some answers to my questions. So I went there, I explained the issue and started a conversation with an HB8, an HB9 and another muslim girl. I spent almost one hour talking to them, being confident and holding eye-contact. Of course at the beginning, it was weird to open them... but as I began to explain the problem, the conversation came naturally. I got their names, HB8's age (28yo) and HB9's origins (Algeria + Morroco + Italia = wow).

• One hour conversation!
  BL: 3/5 (I took a sit and sat at their table at the bar)
  E-C: 4/5 (I hold eye-contact with the 2 HBs)
  Smile: 4/5 (I was enjoying approaching them so I smiled)
  C&F: 2/5 (I was funny despite the subject)
  KINO: 0/5
  GLOBAL:5/10

What I've learned.
- Scripted openers are not so weird: if I can open on such a hard subject as religion, I can open with anything!
- Enjoying yourself in the process (approaching, taking photos) is powerful
- I'm really beginning to get my skills on how to get the conversation going to the game.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Niiice. You're improving mate, you are improving. I had to stop for now. I've got only 9 days left to finish the remaining 3 exams. This medical university is a killer. I'm a bit upset I can't go out, but this is now just a case of priority. And my life is pretty much more important than opening random chicks on the street lol. Keep it up! The Game has to go on

_________________
What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

I'm pretty proud of myself... Only one month ago, I would have not been capable of that. I really feel that I'm at a turning point right now but my inner game is not strong enough. I've still ups & downs... a lot of things going on in my mind right now. I need to be more consistent.

I've always liked to have a walk and to be by myself... These are great moments to have a discussion with yourself. Yet, some frustration and insecurity always come up. I have to get rid of that. I'll probably do a post to reflect on my inner game. The idea: determine the issues (where does this insecurity comes from?...) and find solutions to take care of my state of mind. I'll use all the links you gave me. This will be an important step in my journey.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

You're right focus on your exams! I'm lucky my semester only begins on February 15th in Brazil

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 23: reflection on my inner game.
Unveiling the hidden Mickey.

In my journey from AFC to PUA, I realized that a strong inner game was not a option when it comes to achieve what I want. Yet, building a strong inner game takes time since you have to get rid of years of weak behaviours. How to get rid of my weak inner game and build a stronger one? That's a hard question obviously. Yet, I wanted to try to answer that question and find the pattern in my mind that is responsible for my weak inner game. The idea here is to better understand the problems in order to take actions.

Disclaimer.
This post is all about me. It's not field tested and it's certainly not perfect. I started to think about all this to give me a big picture of what happens in my mind when I have a negative thinking pattern. Yes, it is a simplification. I have no knowledge about psychology, all this is based on my observations. I'm posting that "theory" because I think it might help other AFC to understand what happens in their mind and how to take action about it.

The five basic emotions of an AFC.
I started to think about the emotions that make me an AFC. I came up with 5 principal emotions:
- FRUSTRATION: unsatisfaction, not getting what you want, not achieving your goals, ...
- INSECURITY: lack of confidence, being unease in social interactions, being unable to handle something...
- FEAR: being affraid of getting out of my comfort zone, being affraid of being unable of handling an issue...
- ANGER: being aggressive...
- NEEDYNESS: feeling that nobody cares for me, looking for approval, looking for attention...
These emotions/thoughts are responsible for my weak inner game and my lack of consistency. They are all linked to each other: insecurity brings needyness, fear leads to insecurity and so on... How are they linked in my mind?

Unveiling the hidden Mickey in myself.
I started to think about the relations between these emotions. Here's what I came up with: the hidden Mickey.


In this pattern, FRUSTRATION is the most important element since it is related to all the other emotions. That means that it is the hardest part to change. FRUSTRATION comes from my NEEDYNESS ("nobody cares about me") and my FEAR ("why is this happening to me?"). On the other hand, FRUSTRATION leads to ANGER ("fuck that shit") and INSECURITY ("I can't handle that").
I also realized that, on the contrary, FEAR and ANGER easier to change since it is related to only 2 emotions. FEAR ("I can't handle this alone") brings NEEDYNESS ("I need somebody") and NEEDYNESS ("I'm alone") brings FEAR ("I can't handle this alone"). In the mean time ANGER ("Fuck all that shit") brings INSECURITY ("I'm not comfortable with that") and INSECURITY ("I can't handle that") leads to ANGER ("Fuck me").

Here's an illustration of how that negative pattern works:
Of course all of that is a fiction created by my mind. Truth is, I was not happy with that relation either... but it was a comfort zone for me. This negative thinking pattern fucks me up. And every time I'm in a unease situation, my lizard brain makes me think about that and kills confidence, self-esteem... and increase my approach anxiety.

There are one main vicious circle (FRUSTRATION, NEEDYNESS, INSECURITY) and 2 smaller ones (FRUSTRATION, ANGER, INSECURITY and FRUSTRATION, FEAR, NEEDYNESS). These negative thoughts comes from all the Disney movies and romantic shit I've believed in before: treat her like a princess, you'll get her. So it was kind of ironic to see that I could create a Mickey head with these relations between the main emotions. Now that I have determined the negative pattern in myself, how to break these vicious circles and take advantage from them?

Reversing the pattern.
It is hard to change the way I have been thinking for years... but this challenge is also an advantage... if I succeed to change this negative thinking pattern, it will be hard to change it back too. I think the key element here is to change these emotions one by one.
- FRUSTRATION => SERENITY: being relaxed about what's going on.
- INSECURITY => ASSURANCE: being confident, assured.
- FEAR => UNAFRAID: being unafraid, feeling that I can handle things.
- ANGER => PEACEFUL: staying calm, avoiding to hurt people, avoiding to blame others.
- NEEDYNESS => SELF-SUFICIANT: stopping looking for approval, stopping needing someone.

Here is the reversed pattern:


To be continued.
That's all for today folks. I'll post the next part of this reflection on my inner game another day. Basically, I'll try to find the actions to reverse this pattern and to change each of these emotions. Once again, that's a personnal reflection and I hope this will help other members of the community. I might create a new thread in the Inner Game part of the website if I'm satisfied with the other part.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)