As I said - I agree that people shouldn't be interested in the topic if I'm not interested myself. The problem is that I don't have any topic I am interested in such a way that I want to talk about it in a way that is fun. I'm not depressed - I joke a lot in conversation and make silly comments as much as I can, but still. Even if I make the comment and it succeeds (the person laughs), then it would still get into this awkward silence where I don't have to say anything else and the person gets bored. I notice that nobody in the whole world has an answer to this (seriously - try Googling it).

When someone can detail the steps on how to avoid awkward silences - he will be a millionaire. Seriously, there is nothing more frustrating than knowing that I have the confidence to talk to anyone, but every time I try it gets into a dead end. I can't ask people questions all the time because that's very beta - you can never make a girl attracted to you and keep a relationship going if you can't say anything you think about but only asks questions.

I have to have this ability of being talkative and small talk. If you say the thing I'm missing here is passion - then so be it. I still have no clue as to how I can generate this passion within me... And this is nothing new to me. I already tried to talk about something I am interested about but I can never seem to get into that same emotion unless I exaggerate the whole thing to make it more than it really is - I find many other people that can sound interesting without exaggerating - they ARE just interesting/passionate people about what they say, so I guess that's why it comes out right for them.

I see that this exact problem I have is shared with many others in the forum, as every thread I look into for someone who has the exact same problem - the thread ends with something like "just be..." and no real practical advice is provided.

Hope you can understand :\

What's your body language like? Where do you hold your hands in a conversation? How often do you move them? What is your character like?

How you stand is how you feel. If you sit there and leave your hands flat by your side then you won't enjoy anything. You will have little emotion.

Keep your hands up between your navel and chest, chest for more passionate moments navel for open honest moments. Tip your head slightly to the right and you will not only look more interested but be more interested. Instead of looking to showcase your interests, ask for a showcase of theirs.

Perhaps you are far more interesting then you realize. I've never met a boring person. They just needed the fun brought out. You should read more that may help, always be learning or you will become obsolete.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

Mulimotola,

I read your posts and at the risk of sounding negative im going to say this; You have a major problem with self confidence, despite what you say.

Confidence is not just what people see, projected confidence means nothing if there is no inner confidence. It sounds to me like you have mastered LOOKING like you are confident when actually you dont accept yourself for what you are. In essence you have become nothing more then a glorified AFC/AMOG, because it is these individuals that choose to project "confidence" by arguing, yelling or fighting to cover up for inner short-comings.

You, however, have made the first step to changing and that is admiting that something is wrong and asking for help, even if your analysis of the problem was wrong.

In short, you are not boring but you believe yourself to be boring and as a result other people start to believe this too. You should stop focusing on acting a particular way and start trying to improve yourself inside.

Read "Im OK, your OK" by Thomas A Harris, its a classic. Its about accepting both yourself and other people for who they are. There are other good books on this topic that I cant remember the names of so search around. Also, be positive! This is about making every statement you tell yourself positive rather then negative, for example rather then saying "im boring" say "I have unique interests that interest some or a lot of other people". Eventually you will start to believe it and project it to others.

So...

1. Accept yourself for who you are

2. Pe positive - there are good books on being positive if you dont quite understant what it means. I dont have time to fully explain it here.

3. Be interested, in what you do and in other people. You never know when the person next to you will teach you a valuable life lesson. Also find a hobby, you dont necessarily need to do "extreme" stuff (although I dont really see skiing as all that extreme but thats just me) just do something. Pesonally I like cooking, its not extreme at all and anything else works too.

4. Set some non-PU goals, when you achieve them these will help a lot with confidence. For example, set a goal to learn a matial art, to get fit (if you arent already), to make X amount of money in X amount of time, to enrol into university or to finish it, to learn a new language or anything else you can think of.

I do have other non-PU stuff (guitar, learning Spanish, and general curiosity in learning new things). It's funny that my greatest passion is actually meeting new people, but I suck at it so bad because of this block of not being able to "entertain". I'm always the guy who gets the entertainment from others in group dynamics, all I can contribute is a bunch of yeses and head nods and validating laughs - but that's so BETA male, I gotta learn how to be the one who others listen to.

I'm think you're missing the point here... I don't have any issues with being myself. It's just when someone comes to chat with me, and I wanna share something with the other person, then I just have nothing to say.
I am not depressed or anything like that. None of my friends would think I'm depressed.. I'm actually the guy who's having the most fun when going out. I'm not just "projecting" fun, I really do have fun. The thing is that other than JOINING other people's funny things - I never have this feeling that I can just freely have a conversation with another person. It's not that I'm afraid of talking, or that I'm negative in some way. I'm actually very positive, and I always vibe with other people for joking around, including at work.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that I'm ACTUALLY boring. I know that I have something to share that people would love, I just don't know HOW. I don't have any problem with accepting myself or anything like that. I consider myself as a cool guy, with a great sense of humor. I just don't know HOW to have a conversation. And you'd be surprised how many worthless books there are on the subject of HOW-TO.

I do appreciate your help, but I think you're also mis-analyzing the issue :\

I think poeticlyskuac actually understands what I'm talking about. And regarding the body language idea - that's interesting. It's like that you can't smile and think about sad things at the same time.
I remember learning about it watching the workshop "PickUp 101 - Physical Confidence". I think it's much more related to my issue, but lifting my hands to my chest level while talking would mean to be in a boxing position all along the conversation (lol).
I do place my hands at the side most of the time when I speak with others. But I thought that this is the "right" way for the body posture to be, in order to have the best confidence (although I don't care about confidence anymore, I'm seek and tired of being a lonely confident guy), I'd rather be an interesting (or passionate as you guys say) person who's fun to talk to.

You say your confident and here you are telling me that you dont know how to have a conversation. You tell yourself (and me) that you cannot entertain and that people dont find you interesting. This is the definition of being negative.

Its not a matter of being entertaining as most issues like this stem from deep inside. I dont think you are depressed, and you dont need to tell anyone else that unless they bring it up first. The real issue here is that you dont believe in yourself, at least in this sphere of your life maybe not others. I have no doubt that you believe that you are cool, good looking and good with women but you dont think you are interesting.

So, you need to tell yourself "I am a confident, Interesting guy and most people would be interested in what I have to say". Because.... why wouldnt they? Its also clear that you can hold a conversation because we've typed at least 3 hours worth of content here and half was by you.

As for being the leader in a conversation I think you should stop focusing on being alpha and not beta and instead focus on doing what you enjoy. If you like listening do that, but tell yourself that what you have to say is just as if not more important then other people in the conversation. That way you will deliver it well. I, for example, sometimes like to listen too while at other time I lead the conversation, do what natural. The only time I force myself to take on a particular persona is when Im picking up in a bar where there are other guys who are not my friends so then I interrupt, and talk as if what I say i way more important so that I am the center of attention.

Like I said before, its about accepting yourself for who you are. Once you do others will too.

Oh and I just remembered. In high school (now nearly 5 years ago) I had nothing to say in my circle of friends because I hung out with the people who had the least confidence (as I had a major confidence problem myself) and all they ever did was play world of warcraft, in which I had zero interest. I was too shy to go talk to other people though so I just kinda sat there and listened and often zoned out.

Then I got confident and found people with similar interests so now when there is a conversation about world politics, or kickboxing, or some extreme sport I have a ton to say.

So if you are hanging out with people who you dont share interests with expand your circle of friends.

I understand why you think that is cool but when people put their hands down by their legs/pocket area it doesn't make you feel any better.

Body language wise hold your hands around your navel area with a brief passion burst to the chest is what I am really saying. There are a lot of people in the pick up world who focus on talking so much it is ridiculous. I could give 3 tips that would keep any conversation going. That is easy as pie, but most peoples problem is simple and that is body language.

How we are perceived has more to do with how we hold ourselves then what we have to say. Why do you think you can walk into a bar and spot the guy who gets a lot of girls? His body language.

Hanging your hands at your side is bland, when is the last time you had a conversation with someone that had interest in you when their hands were at their side? Did they seem to get any energy out of you? NOPE! It is a downer and would definitely drop the energy of your audience. People who attract attention move, they move their extremities, how can you be exciting at all if you hang your hands at your side.

If you can avoid crossing your arms so you seem more welcoming. Nobody wants to talk to somebody who is closed up. You should try and hold your arms slightly away from your body, so you don't appear as if you are creating a barrier.

Your stance should be open. A wide stance about shoulder width apart. Feet pointed slightly out.

A smile is always key, how many people want to talk to someone who consistently appears unhappy? Do you ever want to talk to the girl who looks like a bitch? The smile should not just be located at the mouth but also smile with the eyes.

Shoulders should be pulled out, show them off. It isn't just a sign of confidence. It is also to help promote your masculinity.

Straighten your spine as much as possible, lengthen it as much as possible. Make it so you stand tall. Good posture in general makes you appear as attractive

You shouldn't be looking down that often. You don't need to look at your toes to walk. Somebody confident always has his head up and makes strong eye contact.

Stand as if you are someone because you are someone. This is the key to being "The Man", the guy everybody notices, wonders who they are. It is how they present themselves.

Don't walk around all tense, relax, but at a certain point it needs to feel relaxing to stand like you are someone. You want this to be who you are, and when this becomes habit you will be. Same concept as fake it until you make it, when you fake this though, it makes it real.

How you feel doesn't just effect your body language, how you hold your body language effects how you feel. Once you know this you can realize how easy it is to change how you feel. If you are having a bad day force a smile, change how you hold yourself and soon enough you will have a better day, even a good day.

Then you have the information to realize people give you what you give them. They mirror your body language (isopraxism), so if you want someone to feel good do things that make you feel good and you will make them feel good. Not only that but because you feel good you give them permission to feel good, you are the permission giver for fun.

This was a long post and I apologize. I hope any of this information will be useful to you.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

dude,

baby steps, and yet profoundly masterful steps

answer me:

what do you love about your life?
type it out, in all its submodalities

If its the dogs, what is it about the dogs?
The way they lick your hand, the way they shake water all over you when they get out of the lake, the way they lick your balls, the way they ae the only friend you have, the way they are the best friend you have (and you have 1,027 friends on fbook), the way you hate them for being old, a puppy, have cancer; the way their hair shimmers aftetr they been in the river on a November day.

write it all down and talk about that
I been there and done this exercise, it works.

oh, this is a landmark exercsise, so u shoud go and thake the landmark forum (www.landmarkeducationl.com). lot cheaper than a lot of weeekend bootcamps and long lasting too.

if in doubt, read more literature. the classics, the greats of the late c20.

pickup is hard but the results can be almost instantaneous, if u put yr back into it. its more like snowboarding than surting.

anyway, i'm sure yr probably riding by now, givng all the good advice u got, and saying as we haven't heard from u in a while

Oh dude, you have a dog?? Best prop ever. I will never own a pet because I will never want that responsibility or attachment, but I do miss out on the fact that you can walk it every afternoon/morning or on weekends at times when other people walk their dog, and if you see a pretty girl walking her dog - all you have to do is be interested in her dog, great opener. "Hey what a beautiful dog! What's its name?" breed etc. other questions - allowed in the house, on the couch or bed, lap dog? etc can get onto quirks or personality traits that it has, is it one of the family, does he think he's your boyfriend and tries to scare off other guys, is she one of the girls and tries to cock block guys at her house, etc. etc. and she'll ask you about your dog, and you can talk about him/her then wonder if your dogs will get along, etc. then of course after talking about the dogs, it's only natural and polite to start asking about her, and all those questions. And then maybe the dogs are getting along and you can take them out on a dog-date, or whatever - any excuse to meet up later.


As for being interested in what you're saying - have you ever had funny conversations about mundane things? Good example is when you're already with a girl, and mundane things seem suddenly funny or interesting to talk about - it's cause you're in a good mood and can react to the world in a much better way than you would if you weren't feeling as good.

If you can manifest that interest in life even a little bit, people will want that from you because people want to feel that feeling. So they will want to talk to you.

And you have to practice that

EVERYTHING you say man, is describing me.
I have the exact same problem as you, I am confident and I can talk to people (by asking questions), but I can't maintain a conversation tho I never come up with anything to say.

As you said yourself, you can make a short joke or something, but after that there's nothing more to say. I also feel that nothing is worth to talk about or to be discussed.
I don't care what we talk about, I just don't care. I don't care about their dog, I don't care about their problems and I don't care about anything else they have to say, but I do try to sound like I'm interested and can ask questions about what they just said.

The problem is that I can't, like you, come up with something by my own to start a discussion with, so basically I'm just letting the other person talk and then I ask questions and get responses, but after I while there's nothing more to be said on the subject and the conversation just goes to awkward silence.

This didn't help much but just letting you know there are more people just like you looking for answers to this major problem.

Seriously. If you wouldn't have a conversation with yourself why would anyone else? Nothing worth talking about. Don't care. You know how hard it is to have a conversation with someone like you? Just saying if you don't care and feel nothing is worth talking about, why would you talk to you?

If you can't have a conversation with someone like yourself, then you need to change yourself a little bit.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I can relate to the OP's problem. My own fear that I'm working through is that they are boring. And that because they are so boring, they will find all of my cool interests boring. And so it'll be a complete tooth pull to talk to them, and they won't ever spread their legs, because at a conversational level we actually can't stand each other. I have recognized (1) that while this is partly true, it is also partly a defense to keep me from failing, (2) my level of fear is inappropriately high. Statistically, they may not actually be as dull as I think, they may have something interesting about them here and there. I hear the stuff about reflecting negative emotions. My emotions are very negative about people that I think are dull or of lower intelligence. I feel very isolated from "normal" people, I have a hard time relating to the imperatives of their lives, and that's a very bad frame to be in. So part of what I personally need to do, is give people more benefit of the doubt, and try a little harder to find something good about them. Other than their hot snatch; my whole fear is based on the idea that their hot snatch alone isn't enough.

The OP asked for "things that always work." He focused on "exaggeration" but I would say "humor" more generally. You can keep a lot of things going if you have a funny way of looking at things. Exaggeration is one canned tactic that you have discovered, but there are others. You might benefit from a book on joke writing. Or you might not; I've never read one myself, I just apply my creative, surrealistic sensibilities to the world around me. Sometimes it may come off as weird to someone, but I am confident in what I like, and it's often a filter for women that are too dull. I prefer women that have a creative streak in them somewhere, and that's definitely enough women. A big test for me is whether they can "play along." We are all creative as children, but a lot of us lose it on the road to adulthood, by some horrible process of societal specialization. Other people were telling the OP to try skydiving and "adrenaline junkie" stuff; I would say, pick up a brush. Or write poetry. Or play your guitar more, make up your own songs.

I'm a fledgling writer, influenced mainly by screenwriting, but actually doing it for computer games. One thing I've noticed about the "script" of what's happening or happened when I go out, is "the dialogue is pretty bad." Dialogue needs to be constructed a bit off-tone, a bit off-expectation, to keep the interest of the audience. Words should come out that are not the usual phrases and patterns that the audience expects. The differentiation of language piques interest and causes a greater impression on the mind. So, as the OP searches for "context free" approaches, I would recommend that you "tweak your dialogue." I can't give you any simple Step A, Step B, Step C on how to do that. If I could, I'd be making big money in Hollywood, and if you could actually apply it, so would you. It's not an impossible thing to understand, and there are plenty of books and websites about the nature of dull in dialogue, that you could avail yourself of. If you put in the homework, you may develop a context-free skill.

When people argue with me about "being weird," part of my justification and why I won't argue with them, is I know I'm doing some better things in person with my dialogue at times. I don't always manage it, but sometimes I get on a roll where what I'm saying sounds interesting because it's coming from left field. It violates people's expectations and knocks them out of the boring dull frames that they're usually in. I play The Fool. The iconoclast, the culture buster, the performance artist.

I don't argue with people who don't understand how to do these things, I just go do them. Someone will say no no no you should be direct, "it's easier and less work," and I will say dude, I'm making Art here. It's easy for me. Don't tell me not to use what I'm good at, that's just dumb. I don't care if you're not good at it and I can't explain to you how to do it, I know I'm right on this one.

I can't be bothered with all of those canned routines, those "openers." Every once in awhile I might skim them, lifting out overall structural imperatives, but I get bored so fast reading that stuff. It was actually fairly recent news to me that anyone thought there was something called "natural game." Still going up a learning curve on that.

I'm in a similar situation, but I have an idea that I'm trying to go with and practice. I can easily sound interested, open, fun, etc. but once in a while, and with chicks all the time, I somehow let that silence creep in and I have no idea what to say. If i just say anything, i come off as stupid or weird.

I wish it was easy as a step by step, but it aint. However, this is my plan: You have to open topics of conversation that literally can't die. Stuff so ridiculous that you could really talk all night. Bring up controversial stuff. Not debate topics like abortion (that would be bad), but topics like current fads, crazy local news, or even stuff that you observe about that person that your point out. That last one could be like a half neg, half observation or whatever.

I used to know this guy who had this super interesting trait to his personality. He definitely had some insecurities and could not get ladies, but he was SUPER good at opening and bringing up interesting topics of conversation.

What he would do is... he'd come up to a group of people with a sarcastic but fun look on his face. And he would ask for an opinion on something ridiculously weird, but yet interesting and current. I'm not talking about the classic "opinion" opener, but something that has to do with philosophy, the world, and even chicks. And, he would do it so that it directly relates to the person, catches them off guard,
and makes them really think.

This isnt the best example but its similar to what my friend did. if the chick is standing with a group of people, you could walk up to the group and say "Isn't it ridiculous how some people just hang with their friends all night in a group and never meet any new people...etc."

*in this case, you are playfully calling out the group and making them think.

then turn to the girl and literally wait for a response. Respond to what she says. If the topic seems to be starting up, it will flow interestingly. If it doesn't, have a new interesting topic to bring up. Or, move on to the next set with an interesting topic.

Basically, when you open, whether it be a set or just your friends, say something downright ridiculous, bring up interesting observations youve made during the day or at that moment, and seek a response. Put the ball in their court, and LISTEN to them instead of thinking what to say next.

Get people focused on the topic you brought up.

The world is such a crazy place. I just can't figure out why more people dont talk about the interesting shit. I live in freakin San Diego and I hear more comments about the weather than any other topic.

If you are going to talk about the weather, there is going to be silence period.

You don't have to be rally concerned about silence, you can handle it by pointing out that it is silence, e.g. "now it's silent, and I want you to enjoy it with me", you will earn laughter, being funny but someone or she will say something about it or start a new topic or it's you who can start a new topic, and if you are good in it you can do your own "late night show" e.g. "now we change the topic from silence too..." something other. Play with the scene you are in (but don't be to concerned about how to play and what to say). (:

As someone who's experienced this in many forms, and now consider myself fairly skilled in keeping a conversation going, I have some advice.

If you regularly have problems connecting with people your age and getting engaged in what they have to say, finding out about them, and exploring what they think for possibly finding some common interests, and you're finding even the prospect of it boring - it's because YOU are boring.

Think of someone you know who's popular - odds are they don't have boring lives. They like to talk to people, they like to go out and they have many things they like to do.

If you haven't had many interesting experiences, then of course you're going to find it difficult to relate to anyone and open up a dialogue with them about something.

If you can't think of any topics to talk about it's because your interests are severely limited.

If you can't think of any questions to ask it's because you haven't talked wih anyone long enough to know that we are all interested in different things but in similar ways.

It's because you haven't bothered to empathize and see them looking bored or doing something mundane and think - "what would cheer me up in that situation".

I don't really know where to start here, there's so much to say - but I will say one thing - don't for one second confuse this ignorance of yours as some unique quirk or something that needs special SPAM. You're just ignorant.