Hello everyone,

I discoverd this website last week and I am absolutely stunned by all the info here. I already learned a lot. But I still have a major issue that I need to resolve:

I am a 21 year old student. I had AA, but I think I got over that lately. My problem is that I don't have the confidence to close a girl. I haven't even kissed a girl since I was 18 and my confidence on that matter is close to 0. I also am still a virgin with almost no sexual experience. I have some sort of ''vibe'' around me that just tells people I have issues with myself. I think thats a big reason girls don't show interest in me. If I want to be in contact with a girl, it always has to come trough me. Never will a girl come to me to have a conversation.

I want to be that confident guy that has a lot of succes with woman, but I just don't seem to get out of this state of mind. I am trying very hard, speaking to strange people and trying to be an open person, but i never seem to get anywhere. Can you please give me some sort of advice?

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John Doe

Is there nobody who has an advice for me? I am trying to work on it by being a more open person and talking to strange people. A year ago i would never do this.

Also trying to be a more confident and certain person, but thats not always easy. I really want to grow as a person and chance my mindset in a lot of things. But it's very difficult for me to do that. I really want to come out of my ''comfort'' zone and not caring about what strange people think of me, but I still know I do care. Even if I want that i don't care. You know what I mean?

To have succes with women, I first need to work on myself and these issues right?

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John Doe

I'm not qualified to give advice but I'll just say what I think:
Look, I''m much much older than you and I could have written this myself because I have the same feelings and thoughts. It's like a bad pain inside sometimes but that's only when I dwell on it and have nothing better to do. When I go out and there are opportunities to open women, then the hope and excitement of possiblly getting somwhere surpresses the bad feelings. If I go somewhere where there are no suitable women to open, then I'm dissappointed again.

And it's the same:
I always have to speak to older, middle aged, and young women and girls, often with little success and only a short conversation. I'm beginning to accept this. Life is like this most of the friggin time, but occasionally, the sunshine will appear.

Being older I have had some success in other areas of life and I think that perhaps you and I underestimate the amount of work and time required to make progress in this area. How can we NOT make progress if we put in sufficient thought and practice?

Sometimes I try to make the pain worse by thinking about the cause of it, and do you know it reaches a limit and does not become worse. Some little thought arises or a small action occurs and the blocked up energy finds a way through to produce a warm feeling. So I'm going to continue trying different ideas and methods with women because I CAN withstand any discomfort for a long period ( years?) until the methods have a chance to work.

I'm not giving up till I'm dead, and you have many more years ahead of you to chuck out the shit that's causing the trouble. So, hang on in there... let's see what happens...

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In real life, there are NO guarantees...
but you can tilt the balance in your favour!

Thanks for your words. I will keep working on it. If you want to grow you have to do things your are affraid to do. I have read 10million articles about PUA, but besides from some theory you dont get 1 step further if you don't actually go out and do it.

Also I learned when you speak to a unknown girl, don't think. I noticed that when I had all these 'strategy's' in my mind, the conversation went more difficult, then when you speak without having a plan. You know what I mean?

One last thing, why is this forum so dead? I mean, 88 views in 1.5week and 1 reaction? This would be a lot more fun if this was a active forum.

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John Doe

Yes, exactly. You can get lost in the detail of all this PUA stuff, but having a theoretical basis and plan has been essential for me.

Without PUA, lack of success meant that I became completely lost and baffled and gave up on women to concentrate on work and a few hobbies. PUA has given me that overall plan, the detailed routines etc. are secondary.

Now I can often open women and this has removed the mild depression that I've had for years. Problem is, I'm much older and there are fewer older women and they're often busy and not so open and spontaneous as younger women/girls. There is a danger for me as an older male approaching young women - even just for practice purposes - in the UK shopping centres, etc. are crammed full of cameras. This is a concern for me.

I've made progress because I now have the time (and money) to travel around more and talk to people. As you see above, there are other issues and I need to find out how to transition / kino / close etc. Generally, PUA has helped me a lot.

_________________
In real life, there are NO guarantees...
but you can tilt the balance in your favour!

that's because the mental effort of thinking and doing simultaneously is too much. In the split seconds your mind is on what you're planning to do, you're missing subtle bits of what's happening. Only 7% of communication is actual words. With a split mind you loose the ability to smoothly follow the flow of conversation.

Best thing you can do is be mentally prepared that you're going to get things wrong before you get them right. If you analyse conversations after the fact, figure out where you might have gone wrong, that will stick things in your subconscious and it will eventually poke you in the direction when similar things happen again.

try a course of CBT to change your core beliefs so that it will help your inner game and then youle be complety systematically densensitized on whats bothering you