I'm not a chump, but I'm frustrated. Online dating sites are hella annoying. I see quality guys with good profiles that are still on here asking for advice because we're not getting the attention we deserve. We know we're quality, we know we have a lot to offer, that we're attractive, likeable, good company and lovers and yet, when we send a grip of messages, we only get a smattering back. It's ego-obliterating, but I don't think it's our fault; I don't think it's possible to win over 50% or more.

Sure, some of us have genuinely terrible profiles, but most of us are pretty thoughtful and unique from the mass of men online. Most of us have carefully chosen pictures and we market pretty well. Tweaking your profile according to someone's critiques isn't going to give us a massive change in response rates, it's not going to change our 20% to 30%.

Here's the rant, some women online are only there for the online attention. They have no intention of giving out their numbers and will string guys along just to make themselves feel better, they might already be in relationships and keeping these profiles secret. Then there are those girls that are absolutely desperate to meet us, so desperate that their photos are years old and heavily shopped, and they know they'll never live up to the photo tricks so they keep themselves at a distance. Then there are the girls who are online because they are actually workaholics or their standards are impossibly high or they're not actually motivated to date, these girls are happy just to have a profile because it makes them feel like they're trying.

So, you filter through all that crap and you're left with that tiny minority of genuine girls that are there because they want companionship and will actually devote time and effort to maintain a relationship. Of that minority, many will not be compatible with you. But of that tiny percentage you'll get the occasional girl that's worth your full effort. So don't get discouraged because you can't please everyone, and even if you did, most of them are just there to leech your attention and effort.

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31 and still figuring it out.

Its really no different than the real world. The only difference is in the real world most girls feel obligated to at least say "sorry not interested", as most are nice enough or feel they have to reply back to you. Online its a totally different story. Girls feel no obligation to reply back telling you they are not interested. And yes online success rates for the most part are going to be lower than that of real world success rates.
Actually it can. Even tho girls are not as visual as guys, that does not mean they can't find a guy physically attractive or find something appealing in his pictures.
This is very true. In my experience I found girls that do this, have a lot of "me" in their profile and give off an attention whore vibe. I know the profile is suppose to be about you, but the "me" attitude will show through.
This more applies to the fat girls or girls with some extra pounds that they didn't have 5+ years ago. Tho this kinda applies to the desperate girls. Desperate girls are more than likely going to take the sex route and show off cleavage and what have you to try and get a guy.
I don't it makes them happy, but more they just want to throw a "line" out to see what sort of "fish" they catch.
The same can almost be said for the real world. But with the real world you also have to take out the girls that are in relationships, that is if you consider such girls off limits.

What seems good and what works, aren't necessarily the same things.

Coincidently I read this earlier:
http://britsintheus23.blogspot.com/2011 ... d-bad.html
A female opinion of 20 messages she received on a dating site.. tales from the tower blog is worth reading anyway to get the low down on how fussy females think.

this one is very telling:
"17 has sent me an absolutely hilarious mail...hurrah! Then I look at his photo...Good Lord no! He looks like the child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

1.the easiest place I found to get responses to messages was on social:me app on facebook (it's kinda broke now) where profiles were not required and hardly anyone had one.

2. the easiest way I found to get unsolicited messages is to rely on 1 really good picture and a very vague profile.

3. the easiest way I found to get responses to messages on a normal dating site was with a profile* that created huge expectations of cocky funny and barely any actual facts.


1 works because there's only have your message and picture to judge you on. You don't have to worry about congruence in how you describe yourself or accidentally shooting yourself in the foot.

2. works because if they like your picture you're half way there and if there's nothing weird in your profile. then a little bit of alikeness will have them hoping you like them I reckon.

3 works because humour and confidence are 2 of the most attractive qualities and it's didn't really matter what the message said. however if you don't deliver on the expectations with your response to their response it's massively in-congruent.

the general theme is vague & minimal.

*that one I didn't write myself ~ it was way over the top incongruent with how I am anyways.

Thanks for the pointers. Yeah, I do remember doing decent with a profile that was mostly humor and almost nothing about me. It was definitely c&f. I got mostly girls that were unemotional and workaholics, though, so I figured I'd try something different. I actually got about 50% replies on my last batch at this point, which is pretty fucking good, I'm guessing because I uploaded a ridiculously good picture. At the time I wrote this thread I had like two messages and one of the girls ended up being disqualified. Still haven't gone on a date though. Start up periods are such a pain in the ass. Oh well, at least I have other options.

Ideally, I'm not trying to get a lot of responses, I'm just trying to get ones from girls that get me; I'm trying to specialize. It just sucks when you think you're hot shit and only half the girls you talk to talk back. Oh well, it only takes one. And yeah, the girls are pickier online than in real life, but we're pretty picky online, too.

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31 and still figuring it out.

the funny thing about fussy females is if you get them hooked, they kinda loose their head. not always a good thing mind you.

Think you're asking too much for girls to "get you" at this early stage. with minimal but specific facts you ought to be able at least to indicate to girls you write to that there's some alikeness. in my minimal experimental profile there's a line that says "I like camping and fishing and I like to travel and snowboard. "

camping,fishing, snowboard, are what I'd call the specific facts. That profile gets messages from girls that state similar or the same interests in their profiles.

there's a natural tradeoff between obscurity and opportunity. so you'd have to figure what small amount of fact defines you sufficiently without sidelining yourself. in theory.