OK, so we've been together for about six months now... and things have been perfect considering just me and her. We do come from different cultural backgrounds and our parents are completely against us dating (especially my parents) which poses a whole different kind of a problem for keeping our relationship going. . . But we've somehow been able to persevere and fight against all odds and we are still together. .
But before you think everything else is perfect, there are a few things about her that I should tell you and kinda irritate me... She just turned 21, she does not like showing public affection towards me at all (no kissing in public at all), she rarely ever texts or calls first. . in fact I don't remember the last time she texted or called first. . and she does not want to change her relationship status on facebook. .
The last one I don't care much about since I am not into the whole facebook thing that much, but considering all the things I mentioned I don't feel like I am getting what I want. . and what I want is more attention from her. . .
We had some conversations about some of the things I mentioned and she told me that's who she was. . she just doesn't like doing any of those things. So I didn't really care much and I kinda realized that it's just how she is and I can't change that. I'll just have to deal with it and I concluded she's the least needy girl I've ever known. .
So my problem is that I am getting tired of texting and calling her first. . I am tired of always being the one who organizes dates, and things to do. . . If it were up to her, she would never call or text to do something. .
Right now we are on holiday vacation from school and we are both with our families. . The last time I texted her was three days ago and I haven't heard anything from her since. .
So my question is . . . How should I deal with this?? Should I just stop texting and calling until she does even if it takes weeks for her to text/ call???
Last thing I want is for me to be the needy guy in a relationship who calls and texts every day and then ends up being dumped by his girl. . . So what's the best option for me??

This is frightening the hell out of me, it is EXACT the same situation i had with a girl i met on my erasmus period (she is now in her home country, just as me).

But 100% EXACT the same

- no public affection (she doesnt like that she said)
- never initiated

I will tell you what happened with me. I read she said behind my back "i don't care about him", while still she was with me.

Obviously, i finished with her. Some words from her:

(before breaking up, when i brought up the stuff) " it is part of my personality. and generally i feel very closed for other people, i know few people in town, also because of we are together, i want more independence"

" i like to spend time with you, but i'm not in love and i dont think it will change "

" in the beginning i liked you, but something has changed " (in 1 fucking month???)

" i want to stay friends with you, not only say that, but really do it "

I didn't heard her now since i said goodbye, wishing her all the best, on the 17th of december.

I hope for you it is not the same story, but i am afraid it will be. She is with you because she has not the guts to end it, since then she would be the person offending the other. She is waiting for you to finish it.

well i was in almost in same situation but with some differences (we were together 7 months
sometimes she texted me
our parents werent against relationship and they even knew each other

so i got bored of everytime organiztaing dates and etc i tried to freeze her out and didnt contact her for 4 days (she didnt too as usually she was waiting till i contact her)

then i texted her if she would like to meet she texted me back with "wow you remembered on me?no i dont wanna go out today i dont feel like it" but then somehow i organized to meet up and she was like we should break up cos she doesnt need relationship like this etc we didnt break up (and now i know i should have done it)

some girls are just scared if they break up they will stay alone

my always told me just "we need pause" "we should break up" "does it have any sense?" but never had guts to tell me we are over and since she gave me too much inditions that she WANTS to break up so i had to do it


and since break up we arent in any contact its like 3 weeks we didnt even wish merry christmas to each other well i guess she didnt even love me lol but was with me cos she couldnt find someone else

Yep. They stay with you because they use you as their "buddy" and because if they break up they are the "bad" one. Combination of those two reasons.

with us, the things are perfect when we are together. She tells me she loves me all the time, and she invited me to her parents' house several times. . so I know she wants to be with me. . but never calls and texts first. .
It's been 4 days since we talked and I am not willing to contact her first this time. . .

Things where perfect when i was with her too.


Hugging etc. Altough at the very end it disappeared too.

I really feel for what happened to you apocalyptica, but honestly I feel that my situation is a little bit different. My girl was like this from the beginning. She was always like this... Nothing changed. She never texted/called first 6 months ago, and she never calls/texts first now. The reason I posted this thread is because I am tired of it. . and I feel that she has all the control which irritates me. . . So what I am doing now is that I am not texting/calling her. . It's been 4 days and I want to see how long it goes. . In the meantime, I would appreciate advice and or recommendations as to what I should do. . .
Thanks.

Well, this not calling thing seemed to have worked.

Now you're constantly thinking about her, and looking for ways to get her attention.

Really, as much as a relationship is important, the connection should be mutual.

After all, I doubt your girl is sitting around waiting for your calls and texts, but rather doing something of her own while your contacts are just a supplement to her day. Because I really don't understand the situation in detail, you shouldn't really listen to my advice completely, but in the stereotypical sense relationships are more mutual than what you described. I agree with Apocalyptica, and I know you feel this girl is "special," but that is because you are viewing it from a first-person viewpoint rather than from a third-party onlooker. Try taking a couple steps back and look at your relationship. What makes the relationship different from others?

Another possibility is that the girl is just embarrassed to be in a public relationship with you? Is there a possibility that she likes you a lot but does not want to show it in case being with you hurts her rep, or lowers her social value?

I read all your posts on this board, dealing with the same girl.

Sorry mate, but this even isn't a relationship.

You are together in a bar, and after 2 hours she comes to you saying "hi" ??? WTF???


However, my situation is (was..) indeed different in the fact that she CHANGED, but this girl was so passive with other people as well. So she just put up some effort in order to GET me. As soon as she got me, she changed to her normal self - being the independent, non-needy girl, not hearing from her from ages.

You can't CHANGE people mate. She is like this, and will always be like this. Look, two options:

(i) She acts like this because she isn't really in to you, while you obviously are. Thus, you are not on the same level. It won't work. You can keep it, but eventually it will end. You know this too.

(ii) She IS like she is, and doesn't act. (which implies she really likes you but isn't capable of showing this). Well, take it or leave it. Given that you are writing all this here on the forum shows us you don't like it; you said it yourself: you want MORE attention. Consequently; you are with the wrong girl for you.

Both options are a NO GO. You should not stay with a girl which is not making you happy!!! And you obviously are not, since you are complaining here!!


I'd say, talk to her and move on dude. I know it is hard. I know you like her. But it is necessary to make a hard decision sometimes. Don't put more emotions in all the shit, because you will be hurt even more at the end. Look at me, i'm still suffering, i only knew her for 2 months. Still i have the urge to reinitiate contact, but at least i was the one to break it off, and at least i did it QUICK. Do it TOO.

.[/quote]

However, my situation is (was..) indeed different in the fact that she CHANGED, but this girl was so passive with other people as well. So she just put up some effort in order to GET me. As soon as she got me, she changed to her normal self - being the independent, non-needy girl, not hearing from her from ages.
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Again, apocalypto.. I still feel that our situations are fundamentally different. When you text/call your girl, you get no response. When I text/call my girl, I get a happy person on the other end of the line. . She tells me she loves me, she jokes with me, she talks to me, she tells me she wants to do things with me, she invites me to her parents' house, etc. . If she didn't do those things, then I would be worried. .
And again, I am just saying that I am irritated by the fact that I always have to be the first one to initiate contact. . I posted this thread to get some advice on how I can change her behavior, that's all. .

Dude, she always responded to me too. She laughed, proposed to go there and there, joked etc.

But from the moment i walked home, i KNEW i wouldn't hear her, unless i do the effort.

On the basis of all that i read (also in previous topics you posted dealing with the same girl), i stick to my opinion.

That right there screams "not in a relationship with you".

Obviously, you feel very strongly for this girl but she is not reciprocating the affection back on to you. Can you truly be happy in a relationship where she doesn't show you she cares? I'd proceed with caution in this situation man.

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-dw3llz

I guarantee you she will break up with you. It's only a matter of time. She's waiting for you to fuck up so she can have a good excuse to do so. "Oh well he did this to me, so I broke up with him." She's a player. If I were you, I'd get mad at her for something so small and stupid and then YOU break up with her. Don't get back together for at least 48 hours. (Let her come first) That's the only way you can make this relationship last. That's only if you really want her... If I were you, I'd just boot it and see what else is out there.

dude reading your post i can say you have special feelings for the girl. i wont say much. but its time you made a firm choice. either take it or leave it. getting hurt will be part of the process witch i know you can handle.

I did this already. . It was her 21st celebration and she was too drunk and acting stupid and the next day I told her I didn't respect that and I broke up with her. . .But she came back crying, and apologizing. . So I told her next time she fucks up like that, I'll be done with her for good. .