Hello

my GF keeps contact with her past boyfriend from 5 years ago. She is now 21. She was then thus 16.

Is a "relationship" at the age of 16 to be considered serious?

Is it an issue, should is SAY something about it?

I know they talk quite alot.

HE calls her still with names like "darling"
SHE telled him once (i discovered on SPAM) "DONT love me anymore ((("

She had - in the meanwhile - 2 other boys. Now shes with me.

She telled me about him and said they were together and are now "friends of the hart".

It annoys me, on the other hand SHE WAS 16 YEARS OLD. And its 5 YEARS AGO.


What to say? Problem YES or NO ?


Thanks!

Whether or not it's a problem depends on a lot of things:

How long were they together?
Who broke up with whom?
Did she lose her virginity to him?

-Roz

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NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

I'll aks her about that. I think i can do that.

If HE broke up, and they were long time together it might be a problem...

She was 16, probably she lost her verginity to him. But again, 16, can it be seen as something so serious when you are that age?

Yes.

If she lost her virginity to him, you may have a problem.

If she lost her virginity to him, and he was the one to break it off with her, then you probably do have one.


-Roz

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NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

I would be concerned if she's sad that he doesnt love her anymore. He is an ex so it shouldn't matter to her if he does or doesn't. That is an insult to you and you shouldn't stand for it. I would leave it alone for now but keep it in the back of your mind until she brings up something about him thats disrespectful to you. Personally, I don't stand for that crap. People who stay in contact with their ex's generally haven't gotten completely over them, and that will cause a problem in the future for you. If you discover anything between them that is disrespectful to you, STEP IN and take a stand. At that point, be ready to walk away because she will have to decide which guy is more important to her. You or him. And if she chooses him, well then I hope you know what you'll have to do.

i agree, next time something occurs regarding him, give her the ultimatum, him or me. and yes. you have to be prepared to wlak away.

if you dont feel strongly enough to walk away then perhaps you should try and forget about it and not let it bother you. but dont kid yourself on this guy isnt a threat, of course he is! he was probably her first love and girls love that romantic shit bout being reunited with childhood sweethearts bollocks. no1 gets over ther first love. thats a fire that always burns....... dnager danger! alarm bells, red lights!

i have a feeling if you let this go it will bite you in the ass but you may be able to put a stop to it now. talking bout love and calling him darling is an insult to you and i wouldnt stand for it. me and my gf dont talk to our exes at all. not tryingto worry you or neg you out, jus calling it how i see it buddy

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"Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows his actions to be ruled by passion. "
- Giacomo Casanova

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I'll ask her about that. I think i can do that.

I would not ask her anything. She will twist the story around and lie to make it fit her needs...don't waste your time. The bottom line is she still enjoys the attention from this guy and he obviously enjoys giving it to her. What you discovered on SPAM should be enough to send you packing. She needs to figure her sh*t out or you are going to bail.

Personally, I could care less who broke up with who and if she lost her virginity with this guy...it's all crap. If you are rocking her world NOW (which I have to question at this point) who she dated will not matter.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

This.

I think the SPAM thing meant "I wish you DIDN'T love me anymore" i.e. she feels sorry for him that he's still attached to her in that way. But obviously flattered that he still thinks of her / gives her attention.

Either way, she's with YOU now. You can't get jealous because she's still in contact with exes. It happens all the time. If you start being a whiny, jealous, needy prick who goes around FORBIDDING her to talk to certain guys, she will lose attraction and respect for you instantly.

Just focus on having fun together - doing random different things, going on adventures, and being as adventurous, giving and dominant as you can in the bedroom, and she'll stick with you.

You should feel pity, not jealousy, for mr ex.

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A girl forms a particular attachment to the guy who takes her virginity. If this guy was her first, then he can never be just a friend. It matters.

What also matters is whether she was the one who broke it off... if she was, and if he took it badly, she may still feel guilty and is trying to nurse him through it, hence:
I think blondguy is right when he says this means "I wish you DIDN'T love me anymore".

The point here is that some girls can easily think of ex boyfriends as friends; but it depends on what kind of relationship they had. If he was her first, she will always feel something more for him. If she dumped him, she may just be continuing this friendship out of sympathy; she wants to see him move on.


-Roz

_________________
NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

i would just be concerned bout why she wants to talk to exes..... my gf certainly dosnt but i suppose if the friendship has been going since before you and her got together and hasnt escalated comfort could be taken in that. if it becomes more intense or more regular you might have to look at it. i have never had a gf keepin in regular contact with an ex so think it would spook me a bit. i would not moan about it and complain but still allow it to continue cos as blondguy says you will come accross insecure. if you do anything it would have to be the ultimatum. but in reflection i would monitor the situation for a bit first, if it escalates then i would take action.

as for the SPAM comment, if it is her saying 'dont love me ' as a command then cool.

but originally i read it as she was sad he didnt love her.

its hard to tell in type cos if it was said you could know thru tone and inflection.

roz is definitely right about girls feelin a certain way bout guy who took ther virginity tho.

_________________
"Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows his actions to be ruled by passion. "
- Giacomo Casanova

TIOCFAIDH AR LA

Also this:

When she talks with him, and i'm in the same room, she holds me. Like to say: "dont worry ok?"

She also tries to limit the contact i have the impression. However i noticed the dude is more in to her. Maybe i should make it the dude clear?

However i know she talks more about feelings and stuff with him as compared to me. Which might be normal - she knows the dude for more than 5 years. We know eachother 1,5 months..

you havent been with her that long so i wouldnt worry, especially if she limits the contact with him. i wouldnt bring it up with her cos you havnt been together that long pal. when you originally posted i thought you had been together a few years, which would have made it a different ball game!

_________________
"Man is free; yet we must not suppose that he is at liberty to do everything he pleases, for he becomes a slave the moment he allows his actions to be ruled by passion. "
- Giacomo Casanova

TIOCFAIDH AR LA

Great posts and interesting insight, I hope for his sake I'm wrong...good luck bro.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

it all depends, i still talk to ex's and i dont want anything to do with htem relationship wise, and i wouldnt want to ruin there current relationship.

It only becomes a problem if you let it. Keep an emotional distance like you always should but dont let it get to you. IF she goes around and fucks this guy, what do you have to lose? Some skank? Good riddance. IF she doesn't, you'll be more assured in yourself and her. Then you can start getting closer to her.

Even in a relationship, always be distant to the girl. The difference between the keepers and the ones that need the boot in the ass is about.....three months. The women that aren't worth a good relationship will show their true colors after the three month mark. They'll always shoot themselves in the foot, so dont try to catch her in anything and just take it for what it is.