Hi all
I have an issue in my life and it's affecting my friends and girls and career.

I often get attacked in a social group and I think it's because I over compensate over my insecurities and end up being the jack ass that doesn't have a word to say in a social group.

I feel like a child.

I know what you guys are going to say, stop over analysing your mind so much and I agree but everytime I go with the flow and try become the smooth guy I know I can be I get shot down and attacked.

I am a naturally good looking guy and I rely on it too much so I am making a concentrated effort to move to improving my game.
I can tell that when I start to speak to people in a group they are naturally warm to me and often girls try talking to me on a flirtatious level but I always cock up and leave them ignoring me as the weirdo in the background.

I have a keen intuition that has saved me many a time and I can read peoples emotions but mostly only the negative parts.

I have mostly given up computer games, I am a Muay Thai fighter, I party at the clubs that have high status (Latinova South Africa) and I have cleaned up my life with drinking too much and so on. I co-own an online Magazine. And yet nothing really.

I am still the friend, I am still the loser and often people dislike me more than I know.

Often I can see what I do wrong but can't explain it or seem to exclude it.

Last week I got into a physical fight with my dad, a verbal fight with my co worker who is a mate of mine and everyone at work thinks I'm a douche.

It's infuriating. I am missing something I know but any input as to what would be fantastic.

Please

_________________

The single greatest thing PUA taught me was to open my eyes.

quit being a dick

chill out

smoke more

_________________
Slept On Rappers
http://hiphoprising.blogspot.com

You have the victim mindset.
When you have too much free time you focus on your bullshit problems,but when you're busy 24/24 there are no problems but the one in front of you.

Miscommunication seems to be a key flaw here, while w...im gonna say 'I' instead we, since it might just be me thats being blind ... while I can see that you have issues which seem to be eating you up massively, you are not communicating them effectively... ie
How so?
Do you have a point of view (lets all be pedos!! etc etc) which people strongly disagree with?
Do you come across as a dick and literally have everyone in the group attack you with knives and bottles and harsh language?
Are people hostile towards you due to envy etc?
What causes it?

You obviously feel there is a problem give some solid examples so we can see in what kind of way you are being who you say you are! You say you have insecurities what are they? you cant speak properly? what makes you a jack ass what actions do you do?

So yeah... be a bit more open and eloquent via examples of your issues and someone alot more knowing can probably help out on the forums (thats not me btw lol)

Sounds like you need to chill out and stop acting like a woman.

Everyone else has pretty much said it. It can't be everyone else so that makes you the douche. With out specifically seeing your behavior I have no idea, I get the feeling you are very disrespectful though. Fighting with your father as a trained fighter(shaking head). You need to be able to let things die, not let them get to that point.

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

Good looking Muay-thai fighter? Have you ever participated in ANY competition? Good looking and Muay-thai dighter are different things. Maybe Muay-thai preactitioner?

I don't think any of us can break down your problem without actually seeing you interact in person, or have some kind of transcript of a conversation that leads to one of these incidents.

However, given what you've said, I imagine that your problems may include

i. Reactivity

When you feel like you notice a negative reaction from someone, what do you do? If someone says something you feel is a joke aimed at you, or an insult, how do you react to it? If you're doing anything other than ignoring it, you're probably doing it wrong.

Remember - nobody can MAKE you feel upset or angry unless you ALLOW them to. If they're really trying to insult you, you take all the venom out of their bite by simply showing that their attempted attack had no emotional impact on you whatsoever. If they're actually just making a shit joke or you've actually misinterpreted them completely, then again, you lose nothing by simply ignoring it and changing the subject. This is by far the simplest way to go about things, instead of learning tons of hilarious comeback lines for every situation.

ii. Smiling

There was a period when I was gaming all the time and getting ZERO results. I was overthinking so much and so in my head about all the different things I should say and what my bodylanguage was like, etc. that I forgot to just HAVE FUN and go into the interaction whilst smiling. When you smile, you show you're not a threat, and that you're bringing positive energy with you. Whether you're doing an indirect opener in a club or a direct opener on the street, ALWAYS SMILE.

iii. Giving value

Once you've opened, you still need to show you're a cool, fun guy that's worth hanging out with. Remember, I said SHOW, not tell. Showing you're fun means having some DHV stories to always tell should the conversation not be going anywhere. They don't have to have actually just happened to you, but if you can always be able to say "oh, so the most RANDOM thing happened to me..." and get a few laughs, then you're well on your way to hooking a set and generally being the social centre of attention.

Showing, rather than telling, means having stories that indirectly show positive qualities. It means NOT saying things like "I'm a good-looking muy tai boxer" because that sounds like you're bragging. The purpose of storytelling is about having a fun interaction, showing something about yourself, and then using that to spur further conversation where people tell their own stories and then you find out about them. It IS NOT about proving that you are above people or better than them.

iv. Being Curious and Interested in People

A big mistake a lot of PUs make (this is probably my biggest sticking point) is being so interested in what we have to say that we never bother to ask questions about others. Now, if you're a fun storyteller and an interesting person, you can certainly get by. But eventually you'll hit walls when it comes to LMR and relationships in general because the girl realises she hasn't told you anything about herself, and therefore assumes that you only want sex. Getting stuff out of her is a big part of building a connection that will reduce flakes and help you in the qualification stage to really get her emotionally invested.

If you go out with the intention of having fun, giving value, and then trying to find out some interesting facts about people, you'll have a great time and realise you don't have to be the one constantly talking or providing the complete momentum of the interaction. If you hook a set, isolate, and then just ask the right questions of a girl, she will talk herself into a highly emotional, sexual state, and all you have to do is take her home without barely saying a word!

=> My advice would be to go out and make sure you give random compliments to 5 people every day. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man (although try to do at least one hot girl to keep things interesting). Do it with a smile, and then you can decide based on their reaction whether you'd like to continue the interaction or not. The important thing is to get them to smile back at you and say thanks. Not only will this help you get into a value-giving, social frame of mind, but it will help you overcome this limiting belief you have about people attacking you, and give you evidence that you are the kind of person who people do react favourably to.

_________________
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Fantastic post I especially agree with the advice. Fantastic!

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I think before reading "The Game" or any PU material, you should definitely checkout "How to make friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie" That's what you need!

All the best!

_________________
See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.

Well, so much for pitching martial arts to improve your confidence! I know the other guys gave you some razzing, that you can't be good looking if you're a fighter, but the briefest survey of the UFC or historical boxers will disprove that. Muhammad Ali was famous for teasing his opponents that he was the baddest, the prettiest.... Muay Thai is not a style that is usually subject to McDojo Syndrome, although Googling around I realize it's not impossible. I'm going to assume you have real fighting skill and don't have trouble taking an elbow to the face, except that well, it hurts. If I'm wrong, you be the judge of that and find a different school, but don't bother letting anyone else be the judge of that. It doesn't matter.

You can use what you've learned in battle to help you in other areas of your life. For instance, you know how to stand toe to toe with someone without any fear, or do something productive with your fear. You probably know the quietness of dealing with an opponent, the blankness of mind. Use those same skills of quieting yourself in the ring, and observing what is happening, when you are out trying to hit on women. I haven't spent time actually getting beat up myself, but I have spent a lot of time in the real world with people getting in my face, trying to run me off of property I have a right to be on, trying to intimidate me, trying to threaten violence, etc. I've been tested in the real world where there isn't a ring, there isn't a referee to intervene or keep things under control, where it's just their emotions vs. my emotions. I use the quietness to stand my ground. I don't rise to their anger. One of my sifus taught me a long time ago that it's my job to control my emotions, to let the other guy get all worked up, so that he gets overconfident and makes the mistakes.

Mind you, I also walk away from fights I don't need to have. Maybe that's part of your problem. You feel you have to fight. You don't, actually. My own priority when confronted by somebody, is usually to keep that person from wasting my time. Court case is a waste of time, talking to police is a waste of time, his buddies trying to take vengeance later is a waste of time, not to mention that the emotional expense of getting my adrenaline all riled up is a waste of my time. Why should I have to feel like shit for the next 12 hours because some douchebag wants to put me in fight mode? I don't need it, I've got better things to do. I've also proven my ability to stand my ground many times in the real world, so I don't have so much to prove to myself anymore.

So, I will lie and play like a weakling if it'll get me out of the situation quickly. I don't care, my pride is not on the line. I am manipulating someone I consider to be a complete dufus, a person of low consciousness and moral character. I win by getting the result I want, by any sneaky means available. He doesn't need to know what I'd really do to him if I had to. I'm happy to play the part of a sniveling nerd, someone that they don't get any prestige points for beating up, if it makes the other guy go away.

Some kinds of people prey upon weakness though. If you show weakness, they take it as an invitation to dominate you. Being polite won't get them to leave you alone. They will fixate, bully, and try to take their personal demons out on you. To such people, I show strength. I use the calm. They run their mouths and get in my face. I just empty myself and prepare for the fight, I don't engage verbally anymore. I'm thinking about how close their ribcage is to my palm, how they are off-balance, how they have no combat discipline flailing their arms like a monkey trying to look impressive, etc.

Sometimes I will say something back to them. Some people hate you when you lie to them or try to duck them, and are surprisingly good natured when you stand up to them. It is a form of attention seeking on their part. They feel respected that they were taken seriously, and that someone actually reacted with some balls for a change. It is all judgment. I am good at sensing what another person actually wants to hear, where they actually want this to go. I do whatever it takes, whether it's displaying weakness, strength, saying nothing, or saying something forceful.

Try to apply this to your entire life. You are a fighter; that means you don't have to fight. Use the quietness, the calm, to feel what's going on around you. Empty yourself.

You got to be the guy! The one that sets examples and dominates. You have mentioned it, you are a Muay Thai fighter and successful on different areas of your life. With this variables in place, all you need is to pull out that confidence inside you.

Quit acting like a child will you. Let those guys who thinks that you are a loser look up to you, act like you are the boss. Come on man, squeeze out the confidence with in you.

You must keep these things in your control, always maintain your composure.

Hope this helps.

_________________
Andy Yang
Learn Simple Steps To Successful Dating and Attraction at http://www.effectiveattraction.com