Hey guys!

I have a general question and will make an example of my recent experiences.

I met my gf 2 years ago and a year later instead of an avatar of myself in facebook I put one of me and her in one picture. Recently I changed it to an actual one of just me.

She noticed it and withing 3 months she gave me 5 nerve-wrecking evenings of talk (or better 'drama') that she doesn't like it and how sad she is and how bad she feels that I "take her away from the internet".

I learned a lot over the last 2 years and of course told her on avatars you should be alone because you want to represent yourself in your internet profiles. And she is wrong in taking such actions as putting photos online for granted, instead she should be neutral in all other cases and happy when I do such action.

Well for me it was 20% being neutral in the internet and 80% secretly wanting just me on my avatar because with my gf it scares possible new acquaintances away. But yesterday after she gave me the last drama talk, I told her okay, I will put a photo of us there.

My general questions: Are we supposed to ever give in to our gfs? Where is the border? If we ever give in, like me yesterday, what makes us different to those wimps and AFCs that do everything for their girl just to avoid such dramas and avoid her having a bad mood?

Even though I decided it on my own, after taking her opinion a last time into account and thinking that it's not such a big sacrifice to put a photo of both of us up, I feel totally AFC. Like your little child cries 4 times because it doesn't get a toy and after a 5th time of crying you buy it the toy. Great, your child didn't learn anything AGAIN. I am already very, very stubborn. Should I be even more stubborn??? That'd be crazy.

TIA, Hawk

i just skimmed ur post because it was awkwardly written

but uhm.... FB causes a LOT of problems in my relationships.. cuz after breakups i dont take pics down.. i DO usually remove the ex gf.. but fbuddies i have tons on facebook.... my gf hates it..

if she wants me to delete ppl.. i do but only if she does the same... if she wants my password... and im not hiding shit i do but only if i get hers.. etc..... but not always.. if i know shes psycho... like my ex was. then no passwords... i say no straight up.... because she will message them... call them. .and shit....

so.... yah.... use your judgment..... in shor there is nothing wrong with giving in sometimes.. but i usually try and give and take.....

also... the "my profile is to represent myself" is kinda lame... if im with a girl that i know iw anna be with and am happy w just her.. theres pics of us all over my fb ... while im with her.... fb is lame most the time but in reality it represents ur life.. not YOU.... dating site represents you.. fb is like a social network.. not a dating one....

How would you feel if she would hide suddenly her relationship status from being visible and changes her profile photo with one hugging her best MALE friend?

A bit uncomfortable? Perhaps?

On the other hand it is not her that should be "trained" !!!!! not to give you drama, if you want to play suddenly single! It should be you that you should understand that if you want more than one girl you should be honest and ask for an open relationship.

YES SHE SHOULD.

You are effectively "training" everyone you interact with, every day, in how to behave around you, based on how you control the frame in every situation, your body language, voice tonality, confidence, etc. All these things matter, even after you've gone from f-close close to relationship.


Let's put it like this. The guy who gives her bad or ok sex (vanilla, missionary, 5-10 minutes, she hardly ever comes, no dirty talk, a few minutes of token foreplay, no romance), who constantly gives in to her little demands and answers all her questions, tiptoes around issues she gets annoyed at, apologises profusely if he does something to annoy her, and generally changes his life around to suit her, i.e. not hanging out with the friends she doesn't like, entertaining and being nice to her annoying friends, and going to shit he doesn't care about like the opera or something because she likes it, is PUSSY WHIPPED and WEAK. Women are CONSTANTLY testing and probing to see: are you STRONG, do you have your own GOALS, are you DOMINANT, are you CHALLENGING, and do you have OPTIONS? If they know you're not gonna leave them, they can withhold sex from you if you piss them off, and that they can take the smallest thing and make it a big deal and make you trip over yourself to apologise, they will keep walking all over you, and the more you allow yourself to be treated like this, the more you deserve it, frankly. Plus, the more she's able to do this to you, the less attracted she feels towards you. [I'm not saying you're like this, this is the extreme case.] This is the BIG IRONY - if you give in to EVERYTHING SHE WANTS, she ends up respecting and loving you LESS.

Now there's the other guy, the guy who tells her to dress sexy for him and meet him at 8, who takes her on a crazy adventure and then builds up the sexual tension with just the right dirty talk and touching, is incredibly giving in the bedroom, spending 20-30 minutes on foreplay, making sure she always comes at least once FIRST, and then pounds her into the bed whilst calling her his dirty little bitch and she LOVES IT.

[Just getting that part right, and doing everything you can to be the best lover she's ever had, will end a lot of these pointless little arguments in the first place, I guarantee it]

But more than that, he doesn't take her petty shit, has his own life whilst encouraging her to have her own too, has his goals and aspirations, which he enables her to help him achieve (women LOVE to nurture a man and help him achieve his dreams if he actually bothers to have any half-decent attempt at having priorities or a vision), never apologises unless it's REALLY important, and most of all makes every time they're together unique and fun, on his terms, with her always working for his affection whilst spending all their time apart thinking about him.


The most effective tool I've learned to frame a relationship correctly is the points system. Obviously, you must have had sex with her at least a few times, and it must have been GOOD, otherwise this won't work. Basically, you introduce it the first time when she does something you like, and you say "oh cool, thanks! You definitely get 10 points for that." You have to say it confidently, but playfully (it's a game, after all). She may just ignore it or be like "whatever" initially. But then if you make her lose some or gain some soon afterwards "ooh, that's gonna cost ya! -5, you're slippin babe." She may well start to get intrigued. Then it's real simple, if she gets X amount of points, she gets a super special hug, 2X points gets a kiss, 3X points she gets to kiss you, just once, on the head of your dick, 4X points etc. etc.

If you deliver it right initially, again, it's PLAYFUL but CONFIDENT, despite her pretending like she doesn't care, chances are she'll actually remember how many points she's on. As long as you remember to make sure that she doesn't get sex until she's actually got her points, she will now always be WORKING to PLEASE YOU, and her reward is a good, hard fuck


Now, your situation specifically. First off, you say that you want the profile photo to be just you, because you want to be able to game other women. Well, are you in an open relationship with your gf? If not, then you're scheming to cheat on her, which is WEAKSAUCE. Either tell her you want an open relationship, or don't be gaming other chicks man.

Anyway, I would just say "listen, you know I want you to be happy, but this isn't about you. This is about how I present myself online. I prefer this picture and I'd like you to respect my decision to create my own profile. You're free to do whatever you want with yours, and the same goes for me. Now, let's stop arguing over such a small little thing and go get a bite to eat."

_________________
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Sums up what I was going to say.

i concur you just arent making her feel special enough and she is
a) looking for evidence you dont care/value her enough in your fb profile
b) attention seeking
c) trying to 'train' you to be a better boyfriend

the points game really made me laugh, its a fun game to play and unless she has a very dominant personality or is not done with the required degree of humour is likely to work, but girls also carry a running total of points around in their heads for the things you guys do (or dont do) as well, and many gf's are busy trying to 'train' their bf's to 'behave' that relationships end up just being one big powerstruggle.
'giving in?' - all meaningful lasting healthy relationships are about mature open discussion, listening, caring, satisfying each others needs as well as one's own and varying degrees of compromise - on both sides
they are not about:
- facebook (do not conduct/manipulate relationships via fb ... it will kill them)
- avatars
- drama and drama avoidance
- bad moods/sulking - issue avoidance and passive agressive punishments
- secretly wanting just me on my avatar because with my gf it scares possible new acquaintances away.

i suspect she just feels insecure in the relationship, perhaps she should be based on what you tell us about trying to attract possible new acquaintances? if not, make sure (with blonde guys advice) that she feels secure and special and her needs are fully met

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

Can you explain, why you think so? Then I can improve in the future. In general I agree with you, the profile is to present ones life, but the profile picture is to present oneself. Everybody sees it, friends as well as other people.

@a_girl_: Well, I was only talking about the profile picture. I admit, that I would be uncomfortable if she did what you say, but I am not talking about the methods you tell. I change my profile picture on occasion, she does it, million other people do it Just I don't care when she does it, she does care when i do it.

@blondguy: Thank you for your large input. The last sentence you wrote is exactly what I told all 5 times. Made no difference, you see what I did in the end



We were in an open relationship for 1 and a half years and I closed it recently on my own wish. Now I am mainly in search of female friends because I don't have many. That's what I mean by female acquaintances. Yes it is mainly "to have an ace up my sleeve" if things don't go well in my relationship. Yes I admit it. Yes all women do it already forever. Yes we man should do it too. And Yes I want to decide on my own, if it is ever worth cheating or not. We all have an opinion to cheating, and I have my own too.

Thanks for all your answers. Hobbit I am glad you saw the intention of my post. Aren't you a bit harsh with 2)? You don't want to give away your child, that you love, you just don't want it to become spoilt. Would you tell the same if we were together 5 years, or married, or have children? Exchange her because I'm unhappy with one of her actions? Every girl on earth will have traits I don't like, you know...

1. if a child tantrums to try to get its own way the best thing to do is laugh at them as they kick and stamp their feet, throw their toys out of the pram and hold their breath til they turn blue and then walk away and ignore the tantrum completely - the first time they do it - that way you dont even get to the 5th time

2. if an adult engages in an adult discussion with someone they are in a relationship with, about something they are upset about then have the discussion in an adult way and respect their feelings even if they are emotional

which of the two above more closely resembles the 5 nerve-wracking evenings of talk/drama? if the answer is 1. then you should put down the phone or leave the house/room and refuse to engage in the 'tantrum' - if the tantrums persist after you repeat this lesson several times and do not progress to example 2 then maybe you should reluctantly accept she is too immature for an adult relationship

but if the answer is 2. then do not be stubborn, be mature, and open to compromise - sometimes you have to pick your battles to win the war

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

While, I agree with you to a certain extent, I really don't like this paragraph you wrote:
"Well for me it was 20% being neutral in the internet and 80% secretly wanting just me on my avatar because with my gf it scares possible new acquaintances away. But yesterday after she gave me the last drama talk, I told her okay, I will put a photo of us there. "

The fact that you're saying it may scare possible new acquaintances seems really weak in my opinion. You're wrong from the moment you "hide" her so other girls will come, even if its for having an ace up your sleeve if your relationship goes wrong. So then when this "acquaintances" ask the famous question "So you have a girlfriend?" are you gonna lie?? Because its all the same, whether you remove your picture together so they don't see it, and lying to them. In the first, you have the option that they may play blind and follow along, but if they ask and you lie to them, not only are you being weak, but you are betraying your girlfriend. Hell, not only if you'd lie to them, with the simple mindset of removing the picture because it may scare girls away, you're betraying her. How would you feel if she took all your pictures away and then casually you see her in box with emails from guys she's collecting, lets call them an ace up her sleeve.... Keep that feeling in your head. Its not nice is it??
You're all afraid of being an AFC, and in my opinion you are ... well, at least the AFC doesn't have to hide their girlfriend pictures to pick up, you're worst than that.
She really does not deserve to be with someone like you, if you want to remove her picture to game other girls, be a man and end the relationship, you are not ready, you are in pick up mode, you're immature and weak.

@ariana: Then my girl is too immature for an "adult relationship". The first time was ofc number 2 in your list. Talking maturely, listening to each others opinion and thoughts, then I decide that I don't want to do how I want. Topic done. Just she comes then from time to time as I described, and it does not even help when I tell laughing: "We already talked about it, no need to discuss it again honey " because she becomes sad, no way to talk to her anymore, changing the topic does not help, freezing her out does not help.
I have a friend that is in exactly the same position as me, so it's not so uncommon what I experience. Just he usually cuddles to her after some hours of her being denying and "makes everything good again". A well trained boyfriend, yippie! She will leave him sometime in the future. The good thing is, he is into pickup too and at least knows what he is doing is wrong because he plays after her rules.

@Hobbit: I didn't "use" my small pickup knowledge I had that time. Only the second time we met we admitted to each other that we like each other more than friends. I showed alpha qualities without knowing it and she became attracted. So it's all "natural" I guess.
I don't understand exactly what I need to work on. Inner game is a big topic.

@Adilinar: I don't know how to answer you. You are criticizing a bunch here, but also don't seem to see the core of my concern. I will try to give not so controversial examples in my future topics.
In lying I am very bad, I just looked, you were even answering my topic "Lending your GF for 1.000.000$". In fact, you were encouraging people to lie by telling And here you tell me hiding (or "covering up", as you tell in my other topic) is the worst sh*t I can do. I feel a lack of credibility in your posts like this. Also it seems you see some things through rose colored glasses. In the end those humans (and therefore human genes) will survive that use all tricks and possibilites they can, and those who wait (AA) and have many principles (like to not ever cheat) are doomed to extinction.

In war, good people turn to murders and rapers. When the possibility exists and we can't be detected, our girlfriends and we men will commit infidelity. Face the truth, human race is meant to deceive and lie. Maybe also read Sperm Wars.

One thing is one thing and another thing is another thing, now you're turning to the gene card, and I see you trying to justify an infidelity. Maybe you're right, as the saying says "The ocassion creates the thief" ... if a guy sees an SUV with the engine running, chances are he'll probably take it and steal it depending on his core values, you're now taking cover in that the human race is meant to deceive and lie, maybe it is, but why do you have to follow that pattern that everyone follows ?? I've skimmed Sperm Wars, and it mentions that the shape of our penis was made to remove trace of other male's sperm (or somewhere along those lines) ... I still don't think that you should justify and infidelity based on the premise that human race is meant to deceive and lie. You always have choices, you can choose not to, or you can choose to do it, and in the end the decision is yours and only yours, and no matter which choice you take you should be ready for the consequences and know them beforehand, and not blame the gene evolution concept on this, the decision was yours and only yours.