I'll try to keep this as simple as possible. A year and 2 months ago I met a girl off POF. We metup and kicked it off pretty well and started dating after a week. After a few weeks we were going out. during the first 6 months we had sex a decent amount of times, but I never really intiated it like I thought I should(she would always come onto me). However, I Was the first guy to ever make her cum.

But after having sex a while things started going down hill. I would never finish quick enough and it made her feel bad like she wasnt pleasing me. Later on I got that taken care of but now the tables turned and it was taking her too long and she couldnt cum most of the time. She started getting frustrated.

We moved out into our own place and got engaged around the 8 month mark. Sex was becoming a hit or a miss. eventually she lost the physical attraction to me and even said it in words. She started texting guys on POF and OKcupid and people from her past and was sending pictures back and forth. Whenever I would stand my ground and tell her not to do that she would just get mad because she knew I wasnt going to leave her for that.

One night I was working at a best buy and met a girl there. we talked for hours and had a lot of sexual tension going on between us. I got her number and we texted for a bit. She wanted to meet her up to have sex, but I felt really bad and knew if I did that I would resent myself so I told her I wasnt going to and deleted her number.

Three weeks later I told my fiance about what happened and how I made the right choice by not doing it. She just got mad and didnt believe that I didnt cheat on her. The next day she went and hung out with a guy and promised she wasnt going to do anything. She got home that night with her hair all messed up and I asked why it was like that and she told me she gave the guy a blowjob. I went into a state of shock and blanked out mentally and emotionally. I didnt know what to say or do. I just got scared and told her that I forgave her. This was a few months ago. For a few weeks I really thought about our relationship and wether or not I could put up with the fact she cheated on me, but I evetually got over it for the most part.

I started becoming more of a jerk and treating her with less respect lately and am not affected as much when she makes threats. However this hasnt helped our sex life. She told me that I have to come onto her from now on if I want sex, but everytime I try to come onto her I dont do it right and make it akward. She always comes up with excuses like shes tired, we have someone over, or she doesnt feel good. So now we have sex about once or twice a month.

The whole point of my story is, how do I get her to be sexually attracted to me again. I have read a few books on PUA and know the basics of "physical attraction" but I don't know how that works when you're already engaged because she can't use other girlfriends as a weapon. And I know most people are probably thinking that I should just leave her and just date other girls again, but I want to try and work this out before just giving up. thank you.

dude i hope this is a jok/fake post because if its not i just feel bad for you. Why are you even thinking about marrying this chick if after 8 months she already turned of the sex spickit? If she told you she blew some guy, and is already having the "im tired" excuses you can almost surely bet she is sleeping with some other guy/guys.

I'm not telling you what to do but why in the world would you want to marry a girl who already cheated on you within the first 8 months of the relationship. You want to be legally binded to this girl who in 2 years will probably divorce you and take half your money? Seriously, dont walk, run away for her, she will only continue to cause you problems down the road. good luck and stay strong.

~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

She cheated on me one time with a guy and told me right away. She tells on herself for anything she does because she cant lie and she is straight forward. Ive already made it clear in my own head and to her that if she ever did it again I will really leave her without thinking twice about it. I asked her if I ever cheated on her if she would leave me and she said no, which is probably true. I'm just not that type of person.

There are a lot of reasons why I'm still with her. I do love her and she treats me right in everything except the sexual part(including the time she cheated on me), but she communicated with me before complaining and withdrawing it from me and gave me plenty of hints and I didn't take care of my end in making it better so she eventually cheated on me(also because she thought I cheated on her with the girl in the story before).

Like I said before I never came onto her, and never tried to pleasure her that much so I don't feel that her not wanting to have sex with me as much anymore isn't reasonable if I don't try to make it better for her. Thats why I came here to ask for advice on bringing back the sexual tension and passion from the beginning.

I know it sounds stupid to want to stay with someone that has already cheated on me once just right after a year of being together, but I never cared about what she said before and just basically ignored her and kind of feel like I got what I deserved for not coming onto to her and making sex a weird thing between us.
On a side note, last night we had the best sex we've ever had because I came onto her at the right time when she was in the mood and got her really wet. But any extra advice would be nice. Thank you.

Dude, it sounds like she's trying to get you to dump her because she is too chicken shit to do it herself. Abort the situation, you don't need the "will she / won't she cheat on me" frustration that comes with that. She is a total slutbag and you're being a pussy to put up with it. Dump her and never talk to her again, you're a man stand your ground.

Have some bounderiessssssssss!!!!! I guess you will have to live and learn but dude have some respect for yourself. There will be other girls...great girls!! This girl is a C U next tuesday!

sorry, i know this is not what you want to hear but i think this one is doomed, in fact i think it was from the beginning when you werent initiating sex, then the attraction was gone, and now you are both attracted to/cheating with other people, withdrawing sex , using sex as power/weapon in the relationship, being 'too tired' - all this at 8 months!!!!! - you two shud still be at it like bunnies!!!!!!
it sounds to me like the problems around sex are really symptoms of much deeper underlying problem with the relationship itself - if you really want to work at it, i would bear in mind that often when a woman stops being attracted to a man she was previously attracted to its about his 'out of bed' day to day behaviour rather than his actual physical appearance, how you treat her from the moment you get out of bed in the morning can affect whether she wants to have sex with you that evening, spend time listening to her, buy her flowers, go out for dinner in other words 'romance her' a bit
oh one other thing to consider, just cos she got back with her hair all messed up and told her she gave some guy a bj, doesnt mean she actually did do. its possible she just said that to mess with your head and make you feel bad about that girl you told her about esp since you didnt write that
- she now believes you didnt cheat on her or
- she forgave you for it
....if she is still carrying that around in her head that you did that and she is still angry about it , you will have to get past that first i think
finally trust, its really important, and if it doesnt exist in a relationship on both sides, there's not a lot of point imho

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James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

Thank you Ariana. There are other issues such as stability with money, and I got a few tickets and lied to her about one of them. We've been together for a 1 year and 2 months not 8 months, but I guess that's not much of a difference.

So I guess what I can do for now is take care of those issues and try to throw in a little romance in. I don't like to give up so I will try a bit longer and see what happens. She has helped me a lot in achieving career goals, with money, and we share her car. Her family and I click really well like I am one of their sons. So I do get a good amount out of the relationship. Without those qualities I most likely would of let her when she cheated on me.

wait.. so she says "i blew a guy" and she says nothing else, not even "im sorry" or whatever.. she says nothing.. and you say "i forgive you" ???

Grow a pair my friend

are you a man?

if a girl says things like that you should take your stuff and slam the door.

If she likes you she runs after you.
If not, you finally are a free man and can look for a decent girlfriend.

Living with the "will she/wont she cheat" frame of mind is really a horrible way to live. Believe me i have been there. Now any time i am with a girl and it is questionable whether she is cheating i will end it because its not worth the worry.

If you can honestly handle her cheating again that all power to you but i suspect it would probbably really hurt you. If you move forward with this engagement i think you need to be realistic to the idea that it will probbably happen again next time there are problems.

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~Carmo~

+1

You were in a committed relationship, you did the right thing by NOT cheating, and she responded by blowing a guy, and you're asking how to make her attracted to you again?

How about, DUMP THE FUCK OUT OF HER AND MOVE ON. Watch her attraction levels when you bump into her again in a few months with a girl on your arm who's hotter, smarter, younger and really into you

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very good advice hobit!

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~Carmo~

Accept it for what it is -->FWB.

Learn from your mistakes.

Move on and enjoy your life.

Even if you restore things ( trust and attraction) there will be no strong foundations for marriage. You will always doubt each other and at any argument big or small you will remember the bitter past.