| I see some of the other lads have a journal on the go, I think this could be an asset to me, help with motivation, and perhaps even some posters can share their advice. I am hoping that by sharing my story I can overcome any ruts with help from here, and from the fact that by sharing my story my successes and failures will be exposed, and perhaps I will end up feeling that not only am I letting myself down if I chicken out, but there is an onus from you guys to try it anyways. A literary kick up the hole from the internet if you will.
First, some details about myself, I am from a small town in Ireland. I am nineteen years old(don't know if this is young for these type of forums or not, but I assume it is best to start early, I want my college life to be good, don't want to look back and rue missed opportunities) I have no sisters and I have gone to all boys schools my whole life. I was a hard worker at school, I spent much of my time studying, so while I reaped academic benefits my social life was confined to a few nerdy friends, all men. My contact with the opposite sex has been minimal for a long time. However, a few years ago when lads I knew stated getting girlfriends, getting off with girls in clubs etc, I was left out. I made a conscious decision to change my life. I was quite overweight and I set myself the goal of being a good weight by the time I finished secondary school(high school). I am delighted to say I achieved that, I am now slim. After years of being called fat etc, that is all behind me. I realized that if I can set myself goals I can achieve them.
Then at the beginning of summer after finishing school I set myself a new goal, to kiss a few girls over the summer. Delighted to say I achieved that too! Was very pleased with myself. Don't know how it happened, me and a mate kinda added ourselves onto a group of girls in a pub and we went with them to the nightclub, I ended up talking to one of them when the others went off to do shots(not my thing really) and she asked me to go dance with her, before I knew it we were kissing. Afterwards she abruptly left with one of her friends while waving sadly at me. I was upset. Anyway I then started on the shots to "drown my sorrows" I had a bit of a buzz going and started yakking with another one of the girls, just general chatter When we were leaving I asked"do I not get a kiss goodnight?"(I shocked myself at this, is the type of thing I would never say) I got off with her too. Terrific. That was my first contact with the opposite sex, a good start I thought!
Downhill from there, met up with the second girl(turns out that the first girl who left had a girlfriend, the one who dragged her out!) ended up being awkward, and I got friend-zoned, which Im ok with as she is now one of my best friends.
To sum up the rest of summer, I got drunk and nearly had sex with a girl(ended up with me fingering, and a handjob) and I got oral off another girl. Oral was shit tbh, a big let down, got boring and I had to imagine other things to keep it up. I could barely feel it.
Both were drunken scenarios and I do not quite know how they happened, when I look back it feels as if I am remembering a film I saw, that is not me.
However, the summer is over, and during the week I now live not in a small town, but in Dublin. There are loads of girls now, my course is mostly girls. My goal now is to get laid, be comfortable around girls, and long term get a girlfriend.
So now you know were I am at!
I am quite shy around new people, but once I know them I am quite outgoing. So I want to get that comfortable feeling around new people quicker. I rarely start talking with new people, they tend to initiate, and once they do I am generally OK, at least with men.
So today I set myself the goal of talking to some new people. I smiled at a few people I met, nodded to others. I then decided to go to a student talent show and watch. I asked a guy I sometimes talked to if he was gonna go too, he did, arranged to see him there. When I arrived I sat near some people(normally I would sit alone) and just started talking to them, asking inane crap like when it starts, why he decided to come watch etc, general shit.
The other lad then showed up, we got along well, I ended up going back to his house for a few cans and met his house mates and stuff.
All in all a good day!
Any feedback would be BRILLIANT, even if it is just a random observation,or theory, or to recommend reading. Anything positive or negative is welcome.
Tomorrow I am gonna try and sit near some of the girls in my lecture and talk with them. A little scared at the thought!!!
IRB
EDIT: What motivated me to do this is that I am reading The Game.
|