Hi Load

I've read a lot of the insight you've given in the relationship thread.

I have a problem that seems pretty hard for me to resolve. In the past I use to date only girls who did not club and did not drink. And my current girlfriend does both, not often, but she enjoys going out clubbing and drinking with friends, and I do not like to really do either.

I talked with her about it and she is the type of person who I know has good morales, and would not cheat on me, as I normally am the type of person to think otherwise of a person who drinks and clubs.

Her ex made her promise to not club, and I think his personality was the same as mine. But I am not sure whether I should do the same.

Do you have any insight into this. I seem to have an issue seeing her get drunk, but I know she enjoys drinking.

How should I approach her about it? I am 24 and so is she.

Thanks in advance!

Best,

Phaseshift

I feel like giving my bit on this:

First off, remember, your you, not her ex, he is an ex for a reason, he was Mr.Then, your Mr.Now.

Are you religious? Or come from a religious background?

The bit in bold, unfortunately, will be hard to find, this is modern day, women have rights, as we do, people do as they please, they have fun etc. In my opinion, your going to have to change your ways of thinking and trust her, or find a girl from a strict upbringing/ethnic background.

Your grown up's, trust her, don't change her, because if you try to, shit will hit the fan.

Just make sure she is responsible, and trust her.

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Thanks Chelios, I think I am slowly understanding what you are saying. I am not really religious, atheist really.

But what do you mean, if you try to change her, shit will hit the fan?

In other words, if you try to change hr, expect retaliation sooner or later, we shouldn;t have to change people, the same way people shouldn;t change or try to with us, unless there are serious issues, hr going out in modern time with friends for drinks is pretty normal and if you care for the girl, learn to accept it, and have fun in your own way.

The last girl I was with, we split mainly because she tried to stop me playing football (soccer) which I enjoy doing, a few times a week, for fitness, socializing etc. She tried to stop me to see her more, I weren't going to, she came into my life knowing what I did, so my point is, accept her for her, and be happy, or walk away, because if you try to change her and she senses it's because "you don't like it" she wont be happy.

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Thank Chelios,

Yeah I understand your point, I think though that the problem I saw was that she was getting wasted a lot. Which I failed to explain earlier, so when I approached her and gave her an ultimatum to limit herself to 3 drinks/night out, she showed some resistance, but ended up accepting, because I explained that it is extremely unhealthy to drink and if she goes too far, it can lead to alcoholism in the long run (she does turn to alcohol when she have a significant problem b/c she does know who to turn to).

Either way, she seems to understand the dangers, so I think it is going okay...for now. Any additional insight?


Now it seems like the next problem I am facing is that she does not really maintain communication (as in every night), and while I would like to call her/her call me every night, she does not seem to do it. But I think I should just take a back seat and not complain, because now I think I am getting too picky.


Thanks for the advice, do you know if there are any good guides out there for relationships to maintain good learn term relationships? bother physical and interpersonal?

Thanks again!

Well basically, it's good you manned up and spoke to her, just don't try and dictate or change her to much, trust me, it will back fire!

Some girls wont maintain constant communication, i.e independent women, doesn't mean they're messing around. If she is a serious GF, yeh she should text you atleast once a night, so you know she's okay, and as a man, just let her get on with it, because if the roles were reversed she'd be thinking your upto no good if it was a regular thing.


Personally I'd read up on general trust and how to maintain a relationship basics, I assume you haven't been in something so good before with someone you actually care about? That's why your worried?

Don't worry, it's natural and easily said, but it leads to weakness. Trust her, if she's a good woman, she'll come back to you all the time and not play about.

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Hi,

I´ve been in a relationship with this girl for 2 months now. Before now I really trusted this girl. It didn´t bother me if she went out with her male friends to the movies or she was a date for some dudes parents birthday, but there is one thing that really bothers me. It is common or normal in her social group to host friends who are in town in her own bed. She does it and so do her girl friends. So there is one dude who is her ex and comes into town for university for like once in three weeks and sleeps in her bed. The reason why I can´t trust her is she told me that she cheated on all her exes, but she would never to that to me.
Is it inhuman to trust someone with the backround she has with that? I really think I can´t do that.
Any advice on how to deliver it to her that it really bothers me?

It would bother me too, so basically, your GF'S Ex is in town, and he has shared her bed?

Sorry that's unacceptable, if you did that she would have a bitch fit, time to man up and tell her straight your not taking it. If you don't, be prepared for her to make a fool out of you.

Straight but honest, that's what we're about here!

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Where is Lode ?

I had read a lot of threads, before I decided to post this here and probably I know the answer will be "to move on dude", but I would like to approach this issue as an opportunity to improve my game and probably fix the current situation if possible.

So, ...
I've been dating this girl (HB8.5) for 2-3 weeks now, but I had known her from before in a very formal way from the office. I played the hard to get stuff with her and she was chasing me, but eventually we spent a very very passionate night together in a club. She was very enthusiastic at the beginning, but a week ago I started getting the feeling that her level of interest is dropping. (got cold)

I tried to setup a date with her to game her a little with push-pull and sexual teasing in order I could bring back the attraction and spark but she is kind of a ignoring me, which is totally a bad sign. I know I screwed it up in several ways, mainly because I showed too much emotions (I was needy) towards her after I felt she likes me.

I have not been calling or texting her for a week now. I was hoping that she will contact me eventually. It did not happen and now I feel I should do something.
Texting, calling or chating with her would be the easiest way for her to put an end to this, so IMHO talking to her in person would be the best option.

Should I be direct with her or just pretend ... ?

Any advise is appreciated.

Be direct if you have to, but in all honesty, and I give straight advice, it's strange she has just lost total interest unless there is something you have done and not mentioning (which I doubt) Maybe she has found someone else, women are weird. If I were you, leave the situation.

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There might be a guy whom she likes and maybe dated once from her new university class, but it's not the problem. I mean it does not feel good, but I'm not jealous. I just like if somebody is direct and not playing with me.

Most women you come across, will be the opposite my friend and try to have things "their way" .

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: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Thanks again Chelios,

Yeah, it really does seem like she is committed to the relationship. The only thing is, is there a good book you would recommend on relationship basics and building trust?

Your right, I never dated a girl that actually cares, so this is specifically the reason why I am worried.

Should I just accept the fact that I am suppose to check up on her everyday, and that she does need to return the favor? Doesn't that put a lot of power in her hands? and will this lead to power struggles later down the road?

I don't know of any books, but this could be worth a read:

http://pikibook.com/best-ways-to-mainta ... lationship

If I were you, don't even think about what you do, she should do back. Relationships are give and take, you may give, give give, then take, and vice versa, just about understanding, support, knowing your there for her, and accepting her, will go a long long way!

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/