So I have been reading the topics on this board, and I think my problem is pretty common?

Dated this girl for 2 months, and after that, its been official for 1 month.

We are both 24, she is 3 months older than me. We are both Chinese.

At the 1 month mark, I gave her an ultimatum that she needs to cut her drinking down to 3 drinks/night out because she was getting wasted a lot. This was because, she sometimes uses alcohol as a way of letting go (when she has problems), and I told her that if she continues, it is extremely unhealthy. She has been drinking for 6 years now.

She finally agreed, after consulting her friends, I have mixed feelings about the ultimatum, but I really don't like seeing her wasted, mainly due to the health and long term implications of alcohol. WAS THE ULTIMATUM A GOOD MOVE?

Currently, everything is going well, thing is, I seem to be the one that always suggest things to do, and meet up, and she has not initiated anything during the past 3 months. Actually, the fact that I tried to controlled her drinking (via ultimatum) she took it that if she did accept, that she thought she was "whimped", but her close friends told her that I was probably right.

I am not sure what I should do, I try to txt or call her at least once a day, and initiate events that I think she will like. BUT JUST WANTED SOME ADVICE ON HOW I SHOULD PROCEED, SHOULD I CONTINUTE TXT/CALLING HER, OR SHOULD I IGNORE HER A FEW DAYS, AND SEE IF SHE TEXTS BACK?

Oh, and you may like to know that I have told her I loved her, and she has not said anything in return. IS THIS A BAD SIGN? At the one month mark, she said that everything is going okay, because I was curious as to how she felt.

AM I LOSING POWER IN THE RELATIONSHIP? I FEEL LIKE SHE IS THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS.

(Disclaimer: put my questions in caps to make it easier to see).

Thanks in advance guys!

Your behavior is telling me you're losing self control, you are worried, it's hard to be in control of the relationship if you aint in control of yourself. Could be anybody's game now!

I said this before, I suggest riding those feelings like a bull, or dump her. Don't get stuck in limbo wondering what's gonna happen next. When you're wondering what's gonna happen next, she's leading, don't forget that.

Hope this helps.

Hey Sexton,

Thanks for the advice,

I was wondering, what do you mean by:

"When you're wondering what's gonna happen next, she's leading, don't forget that."

Would you be able to further elaborate on that a bit?
Thanks again

Whenever you find yourself giving out ultimatums to a woman you are dating it is a sign that the relationship is beyond repair. Dump her and move on.

Sexton is on the spot there.
What he means, by not wonder what happens next, is basically saying to not over analyze things. You´re thinking in the future "If I do this, what will happen?" ...
You have to take control of yourself, and don´t try to control her, she´s not yours. She´s your girlfriend, but not your possesion.
Go about things calmly and let them happen, don´t force things. When you force them and manipulate everything to go your way, and they don´t you end up dissapointed.
If it really bothers you that much that shes drinking and you had to tell her, maybe its not right for you.