this is not my actual first break up but the first time i loved someone and we broke up. she says that she will do anything to make us work and she loves me and then 4 days later is like we cant be together and that we dont work and we cant make it work because were too different. she pushed me past so many of my boundaries and i trusted her so much and its like she was leading me on. i dont know what to do. she says she wants to be friends cause she cares about me so much and that we will hangout in 3 days and go clubbing together and sometimes hookup when were drunk. im so thrown off and feel like shit cause it took so much to trust her and get emotional and right when i fell for her she hurts me. just feel like ive been fucked and wanted to share.

Blow her off dude. Ignore her for 1-2 weeks to start with, do other things. Go clubbing with friends, do hobbies, then see where you two stand.

Stay cool, be confident. It seems like you give in to her to much. Be YOUR OWN MAN. If she is pushing you too far, tell her you wont stand for it. Everyday there are more single women out there. There are other women for you if it fail.s

What I'm about to say is very general and doesn't apply to every type of person, but in my experience this is how a healthy relationship seems to evolve.

I learnt this the hard way also. There are A LOT of shitty people out there. You HAVE to make sure you don't let your guard down too soon. Make them earn it. What may seem perfect initially is usually just both people being on their best behavior and not being their true selves. You really have to throw out your on shit tests early on to give the person a run for their money - for your own sake. Don't fake who you are as a person, but don't place too much importance in the person early on until they've EARNED it.

Personal experience & advice:

-After you've dated, attracted the person and all that bullshit (I'm assuming you're already familiar with how that side of things works). Always remember to take what women say with a grain of salt unless you're already in a relationship. They say one thing and do another all the time. Thats why you gotta make them earn it.

-Once you hit the one month mark and if you're not sick of each other, proceed. If you're sick of the person and are finding it hard to handle them, get out of it before you have the chance to get hurt. Around this time people will start to show their true selves. That being said, no one is perfect and if you want to uphold a relationship you need to be MATURE and do your best to understand the motives behind the other persons shitty behavior. If they're behavior isn't just malicious and not TOO extreme, be a man and stick by them. Talk to them about the behavior as an adult. If you make it past this period there's a good chance you have a shot at a relationship.

-Once you hit the 2 month mark and if you're still not sick of each other, slowly start letting the person in. By this point they should start reciprocating - if not they're probably damaged emotionally, not interested in a relationship or just a sociopath. Don't be needy and clingy, but convey your true feelings and start letting the person know you care about them. Don't do it in excess, but if your partner does something nice, be sure to show your appreciation. If you want a relationship, be a man and state your expectations, boundaries and generally what you expect from them. i.e absolute honesty, integrity etc. Tone down the cocky/funny just a little, but DON'T BE A PUSH OVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS APPLIES EVEN TO MARRIED MEN!

There will be times when both of you will question things - you WILL get angry at each other sometimes & fight, because everyone has their differences. But the key is to do so in a MATURE manner. That means no name calling, hurling abuse or anything similar. Make it clear you won't tolerate that from the other person as well - sometimes everyone slips up, so there's nothing wrong with giving a 2nd chance. But if it's ongoing, either seek professional help or call it quits. Cool down, talk about it and find a solution/compromise together. In a LTR you have to learn to adjust to each others minor differences/annoyances. NOTE: this excludes cheating and other common sense bullshit that there is no excuse for in the first place. If a girl cheats on you - get rid of her and don't look back no matter how much you love her. It doesn't make you less of a man to place your trust in someone and be burned.

If you can handle all that - you might be ready for a LTR. Remember: some people simply aren't compatible personality wise, so if things don't work out, it's not always either persons fault. REMEMBER: everyone has insecurities, but don't let them take control otherwise they WILL ruin a relationship. Giving the benefit of the doubt, however difficult at times is usually the best way to go - unless there is clear evidence you're being cheated on/lied to etc.

ANOTHER NOTE: If you've fucked up early on and been a wussbag, cut off all contact NOW and she may come back. If not - you have no choice but to move on and learn from your mistakes.

All the best, man!

i played her good. lots of c/f in the beginning and we connnected so good. amazing sex then after a 3 months she wanted to be official. i didnt feel comferatable letting her meet my family and then a few months later saying i love you cause i never had to say this before. i was rarely needy but she says were in different places and she wants something that could turn into marriage in a couple years and she says i need to go out more and have fun. all her reasons were confusing and i didnt agree with but what can you do. i said i love you and left. she says she needs to think but i think she made up her mind and im trying not to think about getting her back cause i want to so bad but it will drive me crazy. so i guess i wont chill with her this weekend and cut off contact for a bit. i really hope this works.

TBH it sounds like you're getting played.

She wants to have more fun? Wtf, why does she have to be single to have fun? And then the I love you, then we won't ever work out-- push/pull. It started with women.

Basically, all the factors point to the idea that she's trying to manipulate you. I wouldn't necessarily jump the gun, but definitely back off and be wary.

Sucks though, man, I feel ya. I think this happens at least once to everyone here...

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Don't hate, just dominate.