So went out on Halloween with my girlfriend and a couple friends. I brought a specific amount of money because it was the end of the month and I'd already spent way too much money.

So, towards the end of the evening I ran out and told her we couldn't get anymore drinks. My friend said there was a bank across the street and I could go get more cash, and I declined to saying it would put me over budget. My girlfriend got a little upset, and basically embarrassed me and tried to make me feel guilty... which developed into a big fight.

Now, the thing is she's unemployed and having trouble finding work... so she's hyper sensitive about money. After we resolved all the other issues (causing a scene, her making me feel guilty/embarrassed, etc) during the last couple days we ended up talking last night and she's telling me that it made her feel bad because she wouldn't have been out since she couldn't afford it, so she was depending on me for drinks and it made her feel powerless when I couldn't buy another drink.

So now she's saying she doesn't feel like she can trust me, and that she still wants to stay together but doesn't want to go on dates because she doesn't want to do anything where she couldn't afford to pay her own way. She's also still resenting me, as she didn't want to get together tonight to see a movie (at the dollar theater, no less.) So she's going to see the movie by herself...

So, I guess I kind of get the trust thing... but it feels more like I just didn't live up to an expectation she set on me.

But, is there anything I can do to get us past this...?

This has nothing to do with her expectations of you....it has more to do with her trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad for her. Your gf is being ridiculous and is shit testing you to see if she can manipulate you into doing w.e she want.

Ok let me lay this out for you so it makes sens...this is pretty much what you have told us in short form.

You took your gf out to have fun, paid for everything, did her a favour...then your gf got mad because it inconvenienced her. Two words come to mind when I see this (immature and selfish).

What should you do? Say "Im sorry you feel that way but I was doing you a favour and you have no reason not to trust me. If you feel you cant trust me and if you feel that me doing nice things for you makes me a burden on our relationship then perhaps I have to think about if I want to be with somone like that."

How will she react? She will prob say ok go think then...she will prob freak out and get mad....and what should you do? stay calm and say "Ok good we are on the same page I have some thinking I need to do so Im gunna go". and leave.

Give her time to stew and think about things...women are emotional beings! much more so then men! give her time to think and let her come to you! she will...it might take a week but she will come to you. what does this do? it puts the power back in your hands, it gives her time to think about how dumb she acted and what she could loose, and it gives you time to think about if you really want to be with a women like this.

Always stay calm with women and be the rock! be alpha and dont freak out! that what weak emotional people do and that what she wants you to do. If you stay calm and let her see that you like her but are willing to walk she will understand that it is not ok to act the way she has been acting.

p.s never think like a man when trying to relate to women. Women think with the emotional part of the brain and men with the logical part of the brain (this is not made up its proven)...this means that women often make decisions based on how they feel emotionaly at that moment and men more logicaly...this is also why it is so easy to get most women to cheat.

When you learn how to think like a women and react to a womens emotions you will have alot less drama in your relationship! what makes perfect sens to a man makes no sens to a women.

For example you see a hot women and say to her "I think you are beautiful" and it would make sens to a man that she would respond positively right? well this does nothing for a women emotionally and in fact hurts you chances with a women...she thinks of you as being needy and low value. what happens when a women tells a man he is hot? the man usually responds positively and thinks "She must like me".

In order for men to get a women to do anything whether it's go on a date, get laid, or geting your gf to act a certain way we must understand how to spark their emotions. This is done by learning to "the game" and learning how women think.

Sure, post _after_ I end up talking to her.

See, here's the weird thing... the "whatever she wants" is now to go on non-dates like a cheap movie theater or just spending time at each other's house. She also said that most of why she's upset, and got upset that night, was due to her own issues and insecurities about money and her own issues...

It still bothers me though that she's feeling hurt and resentful. We didn't see each other yesterday because when I asked the day before she still had lingering anger at me and we agreed she wasn't ready to get together yet. Then we ended up talking on the phone for like 3 hours anyway, and when I mentioned that we didn't get together because she wasn't ready she acted surprised and just kept saying she missed me and wanted to get together.

I think you're right, and I think she realizes it too like I said in my last post... the question is what can I do to get her past those feelings?

she may have to get past those feelings herself - you may not be able to 'fix her'

what you can do to help is ask her how she is feeling and then just listen
however dont:
-judge
-try to fix ie dont tell her what she should do (unless she asks or says she wants your advice
-tell her why her 'feelings' are wrong or stupid or she 'shouldnt feel like that'!

Instead validate her feelings and she is likely to behave better and more 'maturely' when she feels stressed about something. if you can validate her feelings then your communication as a couple is likely to be better going forward and much less likely to result in what happened the other night - she acted out like a child because she was hiding her true feelings at that point, maybe because she thought you would dismiss them as 'not valid'

here is a really good link http://www.eqi.org/valid.htm about to how to 'validate' someone's feelings and the benefits to you and them of doing so in a relationship

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

This might sound harsh but her issues that she bring into the relationship steming from before you two were a couple are not your problem and you should not get thrown under the bus because she had a bad day or has bagage. Yes you should help her get through her problems because that what a good boyfriend should do...but you shouldnt be persecuted because she feels bad about her self, that is her issue to deal with and if she cant treat you well (especially when you do nice things for her) she has to know that there are consequence...and one of those consequence could be breaking up with her if the behavior continues.

Never making excuses for her. She treated you poorly because she is insecure...thats the bottom and the only way she will change is if you let her know it is not ok...other wise the same thing will happen again trust me! only next time it might be 10 times worse and it might be her breaking up with you!

Good luck.

So part of her conditions after the last fight were that we only go to places she can afford, and she pays for her share of the meal. I told her I don't like not being able to take her out, but fine. We go out a couple times and I try to reject her money but she makes me take it.

So..... 3 weeks later.

She hurt her back last week, so I've been taking care of her dog all week. She really needs new shoes for work too, so after her chiropractic appointment I pick her up and we spend the day at my house then go shopping.

We get to the mall and I run to get smoothies because she really likes them. Four hours of shoe shopping later, she decides she needs to hand me the $4 for the smoothie. I don't protest... and suddenly she's upset.

Oh, and later she absolutely insists on making me take $20 for taking care of her dog and driving her around... which I refuse saying she'll just resent me for taking it. She made it clear that she does resent the $4 but not the $20.

I'm seriously doubting how much more of this I can take...

so, if you are shopping for shoes for work does she have a job now?

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

She's got a temp assignment that lasts through this week.

Personally I think you need to call her out--and hard--for her behavior. If the first incident wasn't bad enough, if pouting and acting childish for days afterwards isn't bad enough, now she's playing a passive-aggressive game of making a production of paying you for the most minute of things?

Why did you agree to never being able to pay when taking her out? Tell her you want to pay occasionally, that it's something you, as a man, like to do--call it old-fashioned, whatever; the point is, it's something YOU need. If she can't accept that and see beyond her own issues on this topic, then you might want to think long and hard about the sort of woman you're dealing with here.

I'm just going to be blunt with you man, your girlfriend is a pain in the ass. You know it too but you're having trouble seeing it as you've invested time into her and for whatever (false) reason you're not seeing other girls as a possibility.

Be calm. Be assertive. Call her out on her shit. Tell her that if it doesn't stop you're walking. Don't be angry, don't be judgemental and don't try to upset her- but don't wimp out on it either. You need to step up and be alpha here. You may still end up being happy with this girl for a long time, but I can promise you that it won't be your last relationship, so use it as a bit of a learning experience.

Why should she be charge all the time? What gives her the right to put you on an emotional roller-coaster? Step up.

well that might help a little, i think she just hates being dependent, i think not having money and going to a shopping mall when everyone is xmas shopping is enough to make anyone feel a bit upset, so its not you she is mad at its the situation she is in,lack of money coupled with hurting her back and having to rely on someone for everything and feeling grateful and dependent and sorry for herself
i think if i were in her position i would feel a bit resentful and stressed too now and again, if you put yourself in her shoes perhaps you can understand what is going through her head a bit
not actually suggesting you stop helping her, you are actually being a great bf in the face of difficult circumstances, but is there anything she can do for you? or are there things she does for you, or has done for you already that you can say 'thank you' for by buying her that smoothie so she doesnt feel its all onesided ie "no the smoothie's on me, its the least i can do given that you helped me out with xxx the other day, i dont know what i would have done without you" if you are imaginative i am sure you can come up with some stuff she can do for you that you could have done by yourself but if she did it to help you out you could be appreciative and make her feel valued

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."