My girlfriend never seems to have the time of day for me anymore. We're both going to different colleges, working, have hobbies (well at least I do) and spending time with our friends. Every two weeks I have the weekend off from work and this is my old real chance to see my girlfriend. I expect to see her one day every two weeks, not only miss her and want to see her but it's important for our relationship to keep growing and that we should jump on the chance to (and be excited to) see each other.

Long story short she doesn't feel the same way. I know my girlfriend loves me but her friends always seem to have priority over her and that I only get to see her if her friends happen to be leaving for the weekend or she's got nothing better to do. Not only that but when we are together it seems like shes watching the clock waiting to go back to school when we are together (as it gets closer to go anyway). but other then that we really have a fantastic time together...

With halloween coming up I was talking to her about the weekend (which is my weekend off) and she had no plans at all to spend any time with me and wanted to spend it all with her friends. This is extremely disheartening to me that I'm just a second choice or a backup plan.

Recently one of her best friends admitted that he had feeling for her and she turned him down saying she was in love with me. I trust my girlfriend and cheating or anything like that is definitely not the problem here, its just that it seems like if my girlfriend isn't right in front of me she isn't thinking of me and I have no idea what to do about it and I just cant keep going on like this.

We've been to together for 2 and a half years now.

Well that suck's of your GF man . But you know that this behavior of her isn't right? You 2 are with each other for 2 and a half years so, you live far, so the least thing that I would expect is that you two see each others like at least onve every week. She has all the time from monday till friday to see her friends so why can't she see you in the weekend? Why do friends have priority then?

I know it's difficult, but you have to get serious about this. The next time she acts again like this, meet her (or call if she is too far away), be serious and even mad that she always want to see her friends instead of you. Say her you don't want to be a second place, you want to be number one. Tell her you don't want a relation where you two see each others so few. Say that you want to see this changed or you're done with it.

The moment she thinks she might lose you she will do anything to prevent it, at least if she realy loves you. So you got nothing to lose. You won't change anything if you don't get mad, and you don't want her to break up in the end. Sometimes you have to take a risk to achieve something.

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

Dump She loves you because of past investment Man,it does sound harsh.
To "talk about it" is stupid,because this are natural things.What is there to talk about ?
You're dragging yourself through this zombie relationship,you can end it and put an end to the pain.Since you only see each other once in 2 weeks or more,it might be easier than you think.

being totally honest, if she knows 2 weeks in advance which are your weekends off , then i would expect yr gf to plan her social life around the time you two are able to spend together.

it sounds to me as if you two may simply be growing apart? do you both share the same ideas about your potential future together? do you have the same goals and ambitions post college? if you and she dont have a shared vision its unlikely that your relationship will last much into the future however much you care about each other i think.

i might be wrong totally about this of course so my initial advice would be to discuss with her, casually, how you and she both see your shared future together after college. you may find, if you are both honest that you both see it turning out very differently...this type of conversation is not easy to have and requires taking the bull by the horns but it may be the alternative to just carrying on like this...

if after this discussion you both decide you do have a future, then i suggest telling her how you feel and going forward when you do see her, alwways end your date by making a plan for what you are going to do on your next day off, that way
- she wont make alternative plans with her friends in the mean time and
- she will have something concrete to look forward to.

perhaps you have both got into a rut with your dating and you need to think of somethings new and exciting to do with your time together? sometimes after 2 and half yrs things can get a bit sameish? that way she wont be watching the clock so much because she will be too busy having fun, and you can always spend the last part of your date planning how you can spend your next one, and also
- suggest you let her pick what to do then she is more likely to enjoy doing it with you

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

We talk about after college life a lot and we really connect about living together, having kids ect.. and we can very easily see each other living happily together we actually both get very excited talking about the future because when *we are* together things are great, but when we're apart.. she just seems to get distracted so easily now.

I've been thinking about giving up on this relationship but I really have very strong feeling for this girl and don't want to give up just like that even though I know things arent going as well as I'd like them to.

I talked to her on the phone last night and she broke into tears saying she's sorry and she doesn't want to make me feel like that anymore and that she doesn't do it purposely but she agreed with me that I'm always her second choice and she doesn't know why.. but these are things that I already knew. I told her we need to work on it because I can't keep going on like this. (I said that in the least threating way possible though.. I shouldn't be more direct and say I cant be in this relationship if she can show me the time of day anymore).

maybe your girlfriend is getting bored of doing the same old stuff, do you take her out to do fun stuff together? or do you just sit in your comfort zone with her all day? if so take her out, do something fun more often, so she wants to hang out with you not because she got nothing better to do.

If you really want to be with this girl , then you will have to come up with new stuff to do. As mentioned above she's probably bored.

If you are doubting whether to stay or not , don't stay.

You did a great job. Now she knows what is on your mind and that she should be working to be together with you. The fact that she fell into tears mans that she care. You gave her a second chance. Now she knows she has to work, and you can give her the opportunities.
Go out with her and do something crazy. Do some new stuff like other people said. If you feel like there is no change, then stop the relationship. If there is a change, then mission succeed .

_________________
You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

ok well that sounds pretty positive then, its good that you made progress by having this discussion, so you are further than you were with resolving it than before; it sounds like this relationship has a lot going for it and can be saved. i wouldnt start throwing it away or presenting direct ultimatums just yet.

a relationship is always the responsibility of both people in it, if things are going wrong, both people have to take responsibility for allowing that to happen in the first place, for allowing it continue, and for making it better, and maintaining its growth, otherwise it will stagnate and nobody wants that, so whilst yes she can change how she behaves, as i said before, so can you:
- think about how it was at the beginning of your relationship and try to re-cultivate some of that
- if you dont already, pay her compliments and tell her how you feel about her/your relationship/the time you spend together, text her regularly so she cant forget about you, send flowers
- make your plans for next date at the end of the current one so she has something to look forward to
- allow her to choose what you both do, at least every other date - try to keep things interesting, choose different places or activities
- have frank discussions about her and your feelings - what can be improved for both of you

remember relationships are like plants and need regular care to keep them at their best for as long as possible, without proper care they will die.

This is my 5 step pot-plant/relationship care analogy, enjoy:
- watering - essential unless you have an especially drought tolerant plant (ie a prickly cactus), do this regularly/daily to stop the plant drying out, apply water to the base of plant where it can soak down to the thirsty roots. In hot weather, give parched plants a prolonged soak, rather than a quick sprinkle every day - if you dont water your potted plant it will die - consider adding water retaining granules or installing a micro drip irrigation system if you are going to be away from your plant for a few days
- fertilizer - add to a depleted growing environment in order to supply all elements essential to the growth
- pruning - encourages better shape, increases vigor and health, and will make a tree more beautiful; value-added benefits of pruning includes stimulating flower production
- deadheading - the removal of dead flowers to encourage more prolonged flowering throughout the flowering season - sometimes it seems tedious to deadhead flowers, but the new blooms make it worth it!
- re-potting - when a plant grows for too long in its container, it generally becomes root-bound. With no room for additional growth, roots become tangled, matted, and grow in circles

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."