Here's a repost from a newsletter I subscribe to that I think is really good and I highly recommend. I think it's far better to learn NLP from a non-PUA as you get a much broader perspective on it.

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A few years ago, I was waiting in a bar to meet some of my friends. They were late arriving, & one of them rang me to explain that they'd been arguing with the bouncer for 5 minutes - he wouldn't let them in because one of them was wearing running shoes. I told them that I'd come out & see what I could do.

As I walked towards the door, I imagined my friends coming inside with me, & handed the job over to my unconscious - "Unconscious mind, do your stuff!"

I walked up to the bouncer & said "Hey! I know it's not negotiable, but what would have to happen for you to let them in anyway, because we're having a party inside..."

The bouncer looked back & forth from me to my friends a couple of times, then said "OK, you can come in, but just this once."

My friends couldn't believe their eyes! As we walked into the bar, they asked "How did you do that?"

The answer is metaprograms (among other things).

Think about it. Before I even got out there, I could assume a few things:

* My friends had been arguing with him, trying to reason with him
* His answer to all their reasoning was "No"
* He was obeying a set of "rules"
* There are occasions when the rules can be disregarded

So what guesses could I make about him from a metaprogram perspective?

* The bouncer was operating from an internal reference (ie. looking to himself to know what to believe, not others)
* He was sorting by difference (mismatching)
* He had a set of rules that "have to" be obeyed
* There are occasions when those rules can be relaxed

So let's take it line by line:

"Hey!"
This was to get his attention. If you don't have someone's attention, it's tough to influence them

"I know it's not negotiable..."
This is a rapport-building double-bind. First of all, it paces his internally-referenced position (after all, my friends had been trying to negotiate with him for 5 minutes). Secondly, it gives him an opportunity to mis-match (his brain can go "Hold it buddy" - I'M going to decide what's not-negotiable here), in which case he might disagree with me. If he disagrees with me, he's saying it IS negotiable. If he agrees with me, then he & I are in agreement. Either way, it's moving in the right direction.

"but..."
The word "but" is super-useful, because it takes whatever's been in the foreground until now & puts it into the background, bringing whatever follows the but into the foreground.

"what would have to happen for you to let them in anyway..."
"Have to" is called a modal operator of necessity (MON). Necessity words are all about rules & procedures, the things that HAVE TO happen to get things done. I'm assuming that when he's not letting people in, he's using his internal book of rules as his source of authority, so I'm inviting him to look for a specific rule. By asking "what would have to happen for you to let them in anyway", I'm pacing his MON & inviting him to find the rules which apply to letting them in, rather than the ones that apply to keeping them out. In the process, I'm getting him to imagine letting them in. Once he's imagined letting them in, he's much more likely to do it.

Bear in mind that regardless of the rules, there are countless situations where a bouncer will let a person in even though they're not wearing the right shoes (Eg. If they're a pretty woman, a friend of the bouncer, a friend of the owner etc).

By the way, "let them in anyway" is also an embedded command.

"because we're having a party inside..."
"Because" is one of your most powerful influence tools. People love reasons for things, because it makes the world seem so rational, so give them one! Adding the word because followed by a reason massively increases the likelihood of your request being granted.

A couple of other things to bear in mind:

1. I was feeling good, having fun & playing. I wasn't attached to outcome & I would have been just as happy to go somewhere else. I didn't have any NEED to get my request granted, so that made it much more attractive (my friends on the other hand had really needed to get in - otherwise why would they have spent five minutes arguing).
2. I engaged the bouncer with a warm, friendly manner & a polite question, coming from a sense of curiosity. If I'd been demanding he let them in, it would have been a different story!
3. I wasn't "trying to do mind control on him". I handed it over to my unconscious mind, relaxed & let it happen.

I know that you may be thinking "Effortless influence? That sounds like it was a lot of hard work!" or "That's all well & good, but I don't have your unconscious mind, Jamie" but here's the thing...

This kind of influence is effortless when you...

1. Are in a relaxed, unattached frame of mind
2. Have practiced the patterns of influence enough to get them into your neurology
3. Have a clear goal in mind
4. Are in a position to sit back & trust your unconscious
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I really liked this.
Concise break down of a simple sentence and how NLP really floods everyday conversation without even knowing it!

Okay kinda tested it today, I found it interesting and I got quite a positive result.

There is this girl who wanted to tell me something
but she just kept changing subject and all and then she said she really didn't want to tell me. In calm voice I said this, while saying some important parts (bold) a BIT slower and a BIT louder (but almost unnoticeable)

Look, I know you want to tell me *small pause* because it will make you feel releaved.

And then she told me. I have no idea whether this really worked/helped or it's a coincidence, but it's certainly something to look closer at.

Thanks!

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Hi, I need your female opinion on this...

Classic example of NLP. I have been dragging my feet to learn NLP but now I am going to study it like crazy!! I am super motivated.

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You miss 100% of the sets you don't open.
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Loved it. Gonna have to try this one

I love the word but

I go nuts over 'but's
because butts drive me nuts
and to get out of a rut
all you need is a but


BUT is a gateway word and allows for an exchange into a state which is outside the normal perameters of operation.

In your example the bouncer had rules that he was there to enforce and you realized this and used it to your advantage. This is because you used the gateway to the inverse of reality .. which when reviewed in the first person thought process goes from "Im here to enforce the clubs rules" to the unreal but to himself very believable "You have to follow MY rules" ...

and he can let you in if he wants to !

It is the power of but one simple word ...

but it is very very powerful ..

Have Fun
MK

lol!
imagine the result of an outcome is great and set you in the right way

there is an NLP exercise in wich you think of an outcome you want to reach
then you create a mental image of yourself happy and satisfied with the result of the outcome solved enjoying the sensations and the great positive of your result
next step you imagine and see yourself doing the all the process to reach this outcome till when you reach it
after u´ve done with this u write down a date to actually do this for real and then u do it!

sorry the language

_________________
terencehill

BLESS THE PRESENT
TRUST YOURSELF
EXPECT THE BEST

the best way to avoid failure is to see it as a feedback

Nice Post, has definitely sparked my interest in NLP