Hi,

I have posted in this forum about this girl on many occasions because of my trust issues with her - my gut was constantlly calling out alarms on a daily basis.

i have been trying to get past them but they never went away - i just learned to live with them because many ppl have said ur prob wrong etc and i thought so too cos she used to be so nice to me and i thought im gonna screw this up over nothing.

anyway turns out they wernt wrong at all...

some background...

we was together a year and one month until earlier tonight i dumped her.

(this is gonna be a VERY long post btw so be warned lol)




my trust issues came from this...

1) very early on in the relationship a guy added me and told me she had been saying she wud fuck him even tho she had a bf - and showed me the log - i had no idea if this was before or after we got together so i left it - but it did set up doubt from this point forwards - looking back i shud have backed out here or the next thing but i didnt)

2) about 3 months into our relationship cos of my lack of trust and my gut feeling i snooped on her emails and found out she had sent her ex bf a very bad pic of her cleavege - and lied about it until i showed her the proof i had (yeah i shudnt have snooped but i just knew something was up and i had to know one way or the other - i wanted her to be innocent but she wasnt)

she was full of sorrys and promised never to make such a mistake again (because she wudnt risk her relationship)

she cut contact with him for a long time after this and all was well...

but they started getting in contact again recientlly and so it all flared up again - although i didnt tell her - i said i was ok with it and i was to a certain extent cos he did seem different

but then the gut feeling came back and i sensed something wasnt right - esp since she has another ex who i never had a problem with but i got a bit worred because the day he split with his gf she went really distant with me and it was just mad timing...

so i snooped again - and this time i couldnt beleve what i was seeing...

im gonna show you in a minute - but before i do some things she has said....

1) that they really are just friends and he wud never try anything with her

2) she just doesnt see him that way any more.

this is not the case as you will now see - my comments will be in (brakets)...

(she has also been telling me her distance was due to tiredness and i had started to beleve that)

also when me and him are on msn at the same time - she will say 2 words to me then go chat to him for ages - i thought ok cool if hes just a friend thats what friends do sometimes u just chat about everything)

ok here is the main parts of the logs - this is just from about a week... and all i have...

she is clearly not over this guy and likes him at the expense of what we (had) she told me she just wants her best friend back and i understood that - stupid lol cos she told me herself she keeps asking to see him...

this is in chronoligacal order but i have left any 'normal chat' out

it gets worse as it goes on...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOG FROM: 13th oct 2010 - 17th oct 2010


HER: week off next week

(why the wink?)

HIM: Im tired

HER: aww
hehe bedtime?

remember? (remember our bedtimes?)

HIM: night then

HER: oh your going? (she never puts sad face when i go anymore and she used to all the time)

HIM: yeah tired hun

HER: oh ok
night then i spose x

HIM: back and forth
to and fro

HER: erm
naughty

HIM: gosh
yes
very

HER: bit of willy jazz
hahahaaa

HER: u still sexin her?
HIM: yeah of course
they're good to bury face into

HIM: or you know... shagging

HER: yeh i dont rele wanna kno ta
bloimey
tmi! (why ask then it obv made her jealous)

HIM: but they're not all that

HER: i prefer mine personally (draws attention to her boobs)

------ she changes her name here to: p.s i'm still not over u lalala lala (with music notes around it)--------

HER: ur silly
my tongue hurts

HIM: why?
you got it peirced?

HER: YEH
ages ago

HIM: so ya know...
does it?

HER: so ya kno wat
yeh

HIM: yeah what?
HER: u kno

HIM: i wouldn't know
u will have to demonstrate

HER: yeh (BITCH! lol)

HIM: ?
you're still not over me? oh no

HER: its not about you

HIM: ''ooh it's just a song i like''

HER: i just rele like the song

HER: not EVERYTHINGS about u lol


HIM: but that is
we'll never be over each other

HER: excuse me?

HIM: you heard

HER: haa u make us sound like ross and rachel

HIM: yeah similar

HER: gay face (in a friendly way - she also has this same pet name for me)

HIM: we should be ya know... FBs

HER: no lol

HIM: *pokes willy in bum*
:O
hahaha

HER: ruuude

***changes her name to: coz when im with him i'm thinkin of you, thinkin of you, what you would do if you were the one spendin the night (with music notes) not even half an hr later ***

HER: (with music notes) u spin my head right round wen u goo down

HIM: hehe u thinking of me when you're with him

HER: not everything applies to u

HIM: it clearly does

HER: how did u work tht one out?

HIM: obvious

HER: wats it to u neways (pissed off cos she knows he dont want her really)

*** has changed his/her status to Appear Offline *** (think i was talking to her at the time and she said she has to go)

**** he sends a pic of himself here without being asked ****

HER: i miss henry huggles (cuddles) (wow!)

***************this is where it gets bad*****************

HER: im so tiired

HIM: well you get some sleep then baby

HER: i wont sleep yet tho
my minds still live and kickin

HIM: what you think about baby?

HER: you

HIM: what bit?

HER: all the bits

HIM: well don't
we're just mates now (he had to tell her?! how bad is that)

HER: haha
annd ur a lesbian

HIM: bed time

HER: okies

HIM: hehe you mean if i was spending the night (about her name)

HER: and? (means and what else?)

HIM: hehe

HER: *sigh* (cos he didnt say and sex - or cos he cant be there)

HIM: often its about me

HER: not often

HIM: u put butter on your boobs, i lick it off

HER: henry!

HIM: hehe

HER: shocking

HIM: naughty

HER: massive willy

HIM: huge
9 inches

HER: henry!
goodness
its as big as a wind turbine

HIM: yea

HER:
good stuff

HER: hahaahaha he likes it on all fours

HIM: rude

HER: its good
do you remember the last time?

----- some normal crap... ---------

HER: so when you coming to see me?

HIM: Prob when i get my new bike

HER: you have like a 100 bikes haha

HIM: their not suitable - i havnt got a big bike SPAM

HER: for your sizable willy?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so yeah as u can see i am NOT happy

i woudld never have talked to any girl like this while i was with her - esp an ex - and esp since she saw how much it nearly destroyed me last time

anyway tho soon as i read this all feelings for her instantlly vanished into thin air - all i have now is anger and disbelif

i do have some questions tho....

I txt her straight after saying "its over"

then again saying these...

(these are prob a bit AFC but i wasnt thinking right)

"and henry's dead" (the guy lol)

"after everything ive done for you how could you"

then i tried to call her for ages and ages im not sure if she was just aslep and cudnt hear it or just wasnt answering anyway i then txt...

"im not gonna shout at you i just wanna talk"

then LOADS more of call trying - no way is she not hearing it now she obv just aint answering

"answer the phone"



i wasnt calling to get back with her tho - i just wanted an explaination

i still do really...

must have tried calling her literlly 50 times and then just stoped and aint txt or called since (its only the same day tho)

basiclly i wanna know what u think - im justified dumping her right? lol

also i still want this explaination - i was gonna just go turn up at her house tommorow armed with my proof and make her face me for what she has done - i think she is getting off way too lightly otherwise

also i owe her mum money and her mum gave me a free brand new bike today - her mum has been nothing but nice to me so i still wanna pay her back - after all it aint her who has done anything wrong

i was gonna go there monday if i dont turn up tommorow to go give her mum the money and 100% blank my ex even if she tries to talk to me.

this might all seem petty but she hasnt just done wrong but REALLY wrong esp to make me tortue myself all this time thinking it was all in my head - and nearly left me many times cos i "accused her when she wasnt doing anything" - she doesnt deserve to just get away with it

so what do you all think of it all and what i wanna do about it? i am not even considering getting back with her - she had a chance after before and blew it big time - and i could never trust her again now.

she is gonna try all sorts of excuses like it was just in a joking way etc etc - but if that was the case why lie? and it dont seem very joky to me - its clear she wants him


lol sorry this was a book but there was a lot to say

thank you if you have got this far and let me know - thanks for replying - oh and btw im not even hurting (yet) just got so much anger in me - but id never do anything physical to anyone - even tho i know i said he's dead.

thank you again

Timez

Ouch dude. How long was she with the ex for?
Ive found if its been more than about 1.5 years, you dont want that baggage and shouldnt get involved.

I liked your 1st text when you said it was over. But dont keep texting her. Freeze her out. Don't SHOW her proof, just say you know what is going on, and deserve better than her.

IMHO, i dont think you can salvage the relationship. She still wants her ex, even if he doesn't want her.

Stay strong dude

i feel your pain i really do, imo it doesnt seem petty and i think she has 'done wrong', if i was writing what she wrote, while i had a bf, it would be wrong, and if i found my bf wrote such things, i would be veeery veerry hurt and angry

i agree that whatever she says now, you will not be able to trust her again in your heart, even if you wanted to get back to her so it's better to end it

so you say this is what you want: *an explanation - you called 50 times for one?; *to confront her with your 'proof'; *to make her face you for what she has done so she doesnt get off lightly - esp for making you think it was all in your head for so long

i totally get why you want these things right now...you just want to say 'WHY???' - but really, what good will it do?? i think the whole confrontation thing will end up with you being undignified? try to think about it if a girl did the exact same thing to you after you had been im'ing yr old gf like that ie came to your house waving her 'proof' wailing and crying 'but why why' and trying to make you face up to what you did? Ouch!
What would you advise your best mate to do under the same circumstances? its going to be hard but i think the best thing you can do is totally walk away, see it for the best that you know now that she is not 'the one', and look to the future. reading her im's i am sure you will find someone sooo much better. try to think about it this way, you are ending the relationship because
a) there is no trust in the relationship and there cant be any (you dont need any more reasons than this but..)
b) you have come to realise that this particular girl is 'just not that into you' and therefore not worth any more of your time and energy

and to slightly misquote 'He's just not that into you':
sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read (or we dont want to see) the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include this girl, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

i am sure the guys will have lots of guy advice to give you too, stay strong!

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

I wouldn't worry, by the sounds of it, she doesn't stand a chance with this guy! She'll be back to you in no time.

The real question is, do you wanna be the guy she turns to when the guy she wants doesn't want her???

Some guys don't mind.

lol one word - for punishment...

if she has to look me in the eye and know what she has done - it will have an effect on her...

lol theres no chance im taking her back - she stands more of a chance with this guy than me now.

im not even upset - just angry - so there will be no tears.

either way i gave her chance after chance but she blew it every time - and worse still tried to hide it and lied outright when i asked her.

she can try her hardest to get back with me - it aint happining lol

timez

Yup, and here was the mistake you made. You keep giving her "chances" for some reason. No wonder she starts taking you for granted and keeps going behind your back.

Quit trying to contact her, and don't take her back. Period.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Got be be honest here its a massive post, i dont have time to read it all but i think i get the general gist, basicly she is talking sexy with her ex. (cough being a bit of a slut)

Constantly giving her chances is such an afc thing, she will keep doing it, and maybe fuck another guy next time.

So do yourself a favour and split up with her, and freeze her out for a bit, if she actually loves you, she will do everything to get you back.

Jtaz

Oh, I thought you were bothered, because the topic post was huge, and usually huge posts shows some kind of upset.

I understand now, and I'm actually proud. Good for you!

dont try to salvage this shitty relationship just leave it for good

You were doomed from that point 1 at the top of your post, i'll admit I started skim reading as it just reiterated the whole thing, but those chats made me cringe. For your own self respect please sort it out and kick her to the curb.

A year+ of slow pain why the fuck put yourself through it your still gonna face the same break up agony too (although you say your not, the post length indicates otherwise)!!!

I'll probably bashed for saying this but if you get the chance treat her like a little tramp that she is As im pretty sure she will attempt use sex to manipulate you, turn that on it's head, lol probably worth mentioning this would be a good time to suggest things she refused to try before hand and still not get back together with her!

i think what you really want to happen when you go to her door is for her to beg and plead with you to take her back, 'i'll do anything timez please forgive me, he meant nothing to me' so you can say 'it aint happening baby, i'm never taking you back' and she go 'pleeze timez' its you i really love' blah blah blah

it aint happening? yh you just keep telling yourself that timez

ok if i were her, and wrote what she wrote there would be two possible scenarios:
no 1. i dont care about you that much
no 2. i really do care about you and i am just flirting a bit

if its no1, then you turning up at my door waving your 'proof' wont really bother me as i already think you are a bit of a loser anyway - it wont have an effect on me - i certainly wont feel 'punished' - i would probably laugh at you for trying to do that to me

if its no2, and i do care about us and our relationship, the worst possible painful punishment you can inflict on me is just to break all contact, without explanation. that would be way worse on me that turning up at my house telling me why. then i would just sit there thinking , why why what did i do, why wont he even answer my calls and texts? why is he paying me no attention at all...

if you want to get even with her for the pain you feel, then get your 'revenge' by letting her know she is worth nothing to you, not even the time it takes to go round to her house, not the breath you would waste discussing the whole thing with her, and certainly not the time it took to find out what she was doing online with her ex, by going out, without wasting a single more second on her and finding yourself a way prettier gf, and by never giving her a second thought. easier sed than done, i know, and sorry to be so brutal but its for the best[/b]

_________________
James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

in my opinion mate she doesnt deserve you , fuck her she had her chance and she ruined it.

plenty more women out there just waiting for you.

go get em lol

_________________
Seize the day

m8, dont ask questions about why or wtf. Believe me in wont make no difference you still going feel shitty believe me she doesnt have the asnwer for that and she will never be honest. that phase will pass trust me.


The best thing you need to do is what ariana is saying. Giver her the impression she didnt meant anything for you. And learn from your mistakes

lol your all gonna kill me for this - please dont lol...

ok so i went round there, and told her what i knew etc - and said i think its discusting - and told her that she has actually cheated on me.

anyway we had a looonnnggg loonnnng talk about not only this but the whole relationship...

may i just add as well - she has never opened up to me before about anything relationship wise because if shes having problems - she just bottles them up.

anyway that night she opened up alot.

and told me that she knows shes been well out of order doing that but she was about to break up with me - i was like well tbh you should have come to me and talked if you had problems in the relationship not go running back to your ex...

anyway she told me and i dont begin to deny these for a second - because i have been doing them all - and 24/7 too...

that i constantlly accuse her of cheating when she hasnt been at all (except this time)

constantlly bug her for attention.

never take her out anywhere any more

and just loads of reasons really - cos i admit myself i have been a REALLY shitty boyfriend to her.

anyway SPAM we are on a break - but we plan to get back together (maybe - i dunno - i am a bit unsure myself on a few things - i need to see some changes myself before i get back with her properlly)

she didnt lie about any of it - but i suppose she cudnt really - i did expect her to say she was just joking about - she didnt - she said...)

i was about to break up with you anyway because i thought it would make me feel so much better - but it didnt - it did the oposite - and yeah i did wonder about my ex because he also broke up with his girlfriend at the same time - and i wondered if it was a flashing neon sign - and she said even when she was doing it she didnt really feel anything for him anymore and realised that properlly after when she decided he isnt the way to go either.

she then didnt break up with me (we had an argument after tho that did cause us to but we was back together the next day - it was my fault lol)

i know alot of this is gonna sound very afc (ok all of it) - and when i say it was my fault some of it i just think it is - but no really lol when i say it is it really is.

she also said if you had just trusted me in the 1st place i wouldnt have even done that.

anyway i do beleve her - and also tho like i say - certain things need to change from her side too - i havent told her yet as im still deciding how to word alot of them - i will probablly be doing that in a seperate post - and ill link it from here.

-- ok i know im in for a shouting now lol....

Timez

to top it all i think shes pregnant

Timez