Hi there,

First, I'll give you a little background of my life. I'm 19, virgin, haven't ever even kissed, and my life until the middle of last year was bullshit. I had no social life at all, the only place I met my few friends (all boys) was at high school and after finishing high school (education here in my country is different, so you don't go to a university right away like in the US) I had lived 8 months in my house. When I say in my house, understand inside the house for 7.8 months. I went into depression and then I moved and decided to 'restart my life'. It went good, I started to talk to people and make new friends and some of them were girls, but I haven't progressed any bit with picking girls up. My depression, which is basically related to the fact that I have never picked up a girl and that I pretty much suck with that, now was rope walking. I could start to cry for any small thing.

So, depression is now in my background, I know it isn't truly gone since now and then I get real sad. I have lived 1 year with my new friends. In the beginning, I used to express myself about girls really good, I mean, when a girl passed by I used to say something and so on. Now I feel that I am shy to talk about it with them! They have known me for 1 year and they KNOW I have never picked up anyone in this time and they are smart enough to deduce that I have never picked up anyone in my entire life. So usually now when they talk about girls I say some short thing and change the subject. I started going to parties and there are PLENTY of girls to talk with and try something. The thing is that I get and AA boost because of them! It's hard even to talk about girls, imagine going for a pick with them watching me!

I hope you got it, it is sort of hard to explain.

So, have anyone undergone through such a weird thing? I thank you for any help you can give me.

Been there man, and so have thousands of other guys. It's a pretty common problem which has it's roots in your mindset, where you begin doubting your friends altogether. Do they like me? Am I their friend? Will they laugh at me if I get rejected, and will I lose them? Will I become the butt of all their female-related jokes? How embarrassing will it be?

Truth is, none of that will happen. Your friends chill with you for a reason, which may be anything - they would have never really thought about you as an 'AFC' or whatever, because then they wouldn't hang out with you, and go to parties with you. I had the same issues as you do - and it was at a point where I was extremely desperate to prove to my friends that I was good with women. I thought it will make me motivated to prove to them that I'm worthy.

But the problem is that when you start to think from another person's perspective, you stop stemming your own.

I decided to stop hanging out with my friends as much as I used to, and stopped going around to parties and bars with them. I was desperate and I took the easy way out, and I decided to work on myself before going out every friday night with the boys and 'hoping' to pick up and prove my worth.

I took my time and realized that part of my problem was that I was seeking an identity associated with the group I hung out with, and not really believing in my own abilities, which is really not a pathway to the roses.

You have two options from here, one being the straightforward one where you start approaching women in front of your friends. You'll need a 'I dont give a fuck attitude', and you'll need to be able to laugh your rejections off, and smile over your seduction, all with your friends. I found this harder so I took the second option, which was to reduce chilling out with friends and work on my own personal growth by myself. You need to give yourself a leeway, a margin for error, and start approaching women in comfortable environments, where you do not 'fear' being laughed at. You will, honestly, never, ever be laughed at, but your mind plays tricks and tells you that it will get embarrassing, and it can get pretty hard to knock that feeling off.

I went to bars alone, I started making small talk with everyone, everywhere; be it a club, bar, class or coffee shop. I stopped thinking too much about my social interactions (the biggest step I believe), and realized that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what others think if I'm happy with myself.

I took time off from my friends back then and started building a newer social circle, with a more confident personality and higher self-esteem - I literally became a totally different person, and was treated much differently as I started getting more and more confident. It took months and months, lot of practice, lot of awkward eye-contact, and then success, slow and steady.I'm pretty confident and happy now, and always learning. Experience is the best teacher life can give you.

I now do chill out with the same old friends, and sometimes I'll hit on a chick when I'm with them. I still don't do it all the time when I'm around them - maybe a bit of a remnant from the old me, reminds me of where I came from in a way.

Take some time and relax your mind, and see where you are at now. What you are doing currently is seemingly not working so you need a new method to the madness. Good luck!

Sick answer frost! Thanks for sharing all of that.

I have realized that all this change needs to come from within. For some times I have decided to start talking with random people, but this have never happened. And I pretty much think this is a good start.

Thanks again man!

Good post.

I'm doing what frost have said for almost a year now and taking time off hanging out with my old friends etc. I purge/weed out whoever friend(s) thats doesn't really have my back aswell. I then started making my own social circle that i'm forming w/ my own social ability.

To keep it short, i'm leading 3 diff groups that i hangout with to go clubbing/bars/lounge. Each group aren't that big but hey.. we all gotta start somewhere. I successfully became the "leader" (altho its more like the "go to guy") by trying to stay active and plan all/organize events (lots of work coordinating). It was really tough at first, i basically started from scratch after i stop seeing my old friends. So stay active & friendly.