im in your shoes right now, the way i look at it... leave it, keep developing yourself, you are the prize, u need to give her space and time. you need to make her think that she needs YOU. if she doesnt come back. thats her loss. theres so much more better girls in the world, just gotta be patient. im 21 and trying to cope with this dumb stuff. but maybe this party thing will give u a chance to make her think she needs YOU. try inviting her and it she comes, dont completely blow her off and ignore her. talk to her and act like... it never even bothered you. talk to her. be short, dont spend the whole night talking to her. cocky but in a confident way and funny. smile smile smile. that is keyyy

_________________
Mister Chill

First I wanna say, if you read this kindly take 2 mins of you're time to help a fellow member out. You would want the same; all opinions welcomed

Backround:

Im starting to think my girlfriend of 3 months is losing attraction to me, she's also been doing thing she knows I don't like I admit I've been somewhat afc ( making myself too available, giving her too much of my time). She just isn't as quick on the draw with phones an what not.. She has been thinkin about her (physically abusive) ex a lot latly). I can tell by the things she says, she also mentioned to me she had dreams about him.

The Question :
How do I respark the attraction, as things were from the begining? Freeze outs? Take a break? Is there still time to fix this?

Whatcha think =]
_________________

_________________
“The best way to get the person you want is to not be afraid to lose them”

“If you act like she is too important, she’ll treat you like your not important”

Went COMPLETELY AFC. Now that I think about it was pretty darn embarassing.

But meh, it'll work itself out.

_________________

Update: (Excuse the double post)

She started talking to me randomly a few nights ago on FB chat. I'll be seeing her at a disco come sat. Might also be giving her a tour around a national garden which might score brownie points as everything is still in bloom, just about.

Didn't even have to throw a party. Schaweet.

_________________

I'm 22 and was dating a girl before we officially became bf/gf for a couple months. during the first month i would make dumb mistakes and joke about getting other girls or her getting other guys, but i didnt realize how much she cared for me so early. she's someone who had an abusive ex and she also has a past with bad drugs, so she's dealt with some shitty people and has unreal trust issues. I'm a good guy though and would never cheat with her even though she thought i always was. I broke up with her a week ago because i thought she was cheating on me with her ex, but she wasn't, and i tried getting back together but it didn't work out, since we've broken up and gotten back together a couple times and she still thinks im a bad guy. how can I get her to give it a serious chance because i KNOW we work really well together when we're just ourselves, it's when im gone or with friends or whatever that she starts playing games in her head. anyway, my plan was to try and not talk to her at all or text or anything for at least a week, see if she says anything, and eventually ask how she's doin or whatever and warming her up so we can have a talk eventually. she's in 4 weeks of break before her last class in university, i figure i was gonna let her know in a week that we should both do our own thing while she's got her break but that im getting my life together and for her to be open to hanging out again once her school starts. I dunno, what do you guys think? I'm worried that she would lose interest based on this false impression she has of me but i know if she knew and believed the truth then we would be fine. Ultimately in this relationship, me being good already and her expecting bad from the beginning, it's been very hard to build trust, but i know we can work and i love her and want to be with her so if anyone has a clue how to do that let me know, and let me know if you need more details, thanks.

I've been dating my girlfriend for over 5 months now, and we've been official for over 3 months. About a month and a half ago I brought up some things that made me uncomfortable. She was hanging out with her ex boyfriends quite a bit (a few times a week) and she would also hang out with them at the same time since they are friends with each other. They would also go out drinking and smoking together. The ex that she hangs out with the most is also her most recent ex which she just broke up with this year.

I told her that this was making me uncomfortable, and she said she would work on things.

However, now she still hangs out with him every week but just doesn't tell me. I looked in her phone and I see that she hangs out with him often. She used to tell me when they were hanging out, but now she doesn't. I don't feel that they are anything more than friends, but I also don't feel that it is appropriate for her to be hanging out with her exes this frequently.

I'm wondering if I should bring it up in conversation with her, possibly asking if she is still hanging out with her exes.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Excuse the tl;dr, It's a pretty complicated situation. But I'd really appreciate advice on how to raise my value and get the "power" back so to speak.

I was dating a girl and she decided to move to nyc to go to school while I stayed behind because I had one semester left of college. Thinking that long distance relationships are stupid, I decide to call it off. Now we were dating each other/living together for 3 years prior to this so when she leaves, I'm not sweating it really as I'm ready for a break. When she first gets there she takes it way harder than I do because she was in a new place, didn't know many people, missed me a lot and still thought about me constantly, etc.

After a while of her missing me a lot and me being blase about it, she visits twice for a little bit and we act like we're together again when she's here. When she's wasn't with me we'd SPAM everyday and basically act like we're in a LDR. Around this time, in her loneliness, she convinces me to move to nyc when I graduate in January.

About two weeks after her last visit in which we act like we're together again, she says she's not ready to move in together again come January (Come to find out she had been hooking up with someone up there which had a lot to do with her changing her mind). So I'm kind of heartbroken about it at this point as she had previously spouted a lot of intense talk to me about how much she loves me, etc. I said some value-decreasing things in this time not thinking about it stuff like: "Oh, I'm going to marry you one day." half joking half serious. I think this is what freaked her out about me potentially moving in with her, as that would pretty much be it, we would be together then get married. I also said the dreaded phrase "I'll always love you and be there for you" which made my value plummet.

So this past week I go up there for her birthday and she's treating me way differently in a bad way, not like when she came down to visit me. She isn't as affectionate and although we're having sex, she's treating me like somewhat of a friend. She says it was a defense mechanism to not get hurt because she was sure I wasn't moving up there to be with her. She was already trying to move on. I believe her at this point. We get emotional on her birthday, we both cry and after we have this talk she starts to treat me like she did when she would come down to visit me. As in, like we were dating again. However she tells me discouraging things like "No matter what happens, always know that you were my first true love. No one can take that away from you." Making it sound like this is it and there's no chance of reconciliation. I feel like I played it pretty well in these conversations because I said things like "Yeah, you're right, some time apart would do us some good." Basically agreeing with her to make it seem like I wasn't the one getting rejected. I think I did a good job because the last time we had sex she cried and it was really passionate like she loved me just as much again.

So my questions to the board are how to raise my value in this situation so that I don't seem like the one who will always wait around for her? I know I already said "I'll always be there for you" but how can I take that back? as in, How do I not get taken for granted in this situation? How do I not seem like an AFC in this point? What should I do to get her back? I was planning on moving to NYC anyway once I could find a job there but how can I do it to make it seem like I'm not just following her there?

My plan was to just get over it and once she sees she doesn't have me as her little puppy anymore, she will eventually come back because of our long intense in-love history. Should I try to game her or just work on bettering myself?

I appreciate the time taken to read this, I'm really confused about it.

I would say bettering yourself. In that process, a lot will happen as well and she will realize you pay no more interest.

Well I've been having some issues with my ex-girlfriend as of late. Long story short we dated for over a year and she was madly in love with me, I wasn't sure if she was the one, etc. didn't feel as strongly. We'd been fighting and stuff and I went to a party and met some HB9 who was all over me, so the next day I ended my relationship with my ex. I blew it with the HB9 and decided I wanted to be single for a little while, which turned out to be 7 months.

My ex was distraught the entire time and as soon as she started talking to another guy I realized my mistake. I asked her back out and we were together for 3 days, when she broke up with me to "get him out of the way" so she could be fully devoted to me. Well it's been excruciating seeing her with someone else and I finally see how badly I messed up, this girl is everything to me and I took a long time to make sure the challenge of her with another man isn't what's pulling me in.

So we've been seeing each other almost every day and we still text all the time. When we hang out it's like we're still together, we make out, have sex, etc. But she says she isn't ready to be back with me because the other one is still in her head and she just needs some time. She told her current boyfriend that she wouldn't go to homecoming with him because it would upset me so much, and she turns down invites with him to see me instead all the time.

So... I just don't know if I'm making a mistake by keeping in contact and staying so close to her. If I was just being friend zoned I would walk away, but since we're still doing everything together I'm just confused. Am I doing the right thing here? Or should I minimize contact and move on until she comes back? I just want to have her back ASAP.

I'll give you a little background information first.So normally i don't try to date girls,i just try to fool around with club girls and stuff , but i met this girl who is simply amazing. She's 18, and still a virgin (n)and im 20. She's like an HB 9, way outa my league lol. But never the less I asked her to hang out So we went on like 2 "dates". I say "dates" because one time i brought her to a jiu jitsu class, its kinda like wrestling, and she had so much fun. Its a good idea for a date actually because you have no choice but to kino like crazy and she kinoed back alot so things were goin pretty good.

The second time she just came over my house, and she jumps right on my bed. So I just lay down like right next to her and like put my arm around her. It was a great night, I dont even care that we didnt fool around, all we did was talk and lay there. It was fucked i've never just done that before. She was texting me alot previous to that, like after the first date. I actually work with her and alot of people were asking if we're dating and she was never werid about it. Then after "date" number 2 i tried kissing her, and she pushed me away, I figured she wants to take it slow because shes a virgin, so I asked her if she wanted to like go on a real date, like to dinner or something I asked her this on the way bringing her home after date number 2, and she made up some dumb excuse as to why she couldnt go. Im like okay thats fine, and pretended like it didn't bother me at all.This was tuesday night at the time, and I definently knew she liked me prior to that, unless she's just the worlds biggest tease but only to me. So we still had plans to go to jiu jitsu sat morning, so i texted her wednesday morning, the day after she came over which was tuesday night and she was real cold. Like one word answers, and trying to avoid conversation and shit. Then she said she still wanted to go to jiu jitsu and maybe lunch after, so i thought okay everythings cool. Sat morning rolls around and i text her im on my way. she makes up an excuse that she cant go, something about she had to help her mom paint a room or something, later on i found out it actually was legit. But we had to go to run a marathon together Sunday morning so i told her i'd call her after jiu jitsu to figure out what was going on, like meet up time and stuff. She knew i was done at noon so she texted me at like 1230 and im like yea ill call u in 20 mins, then i forgot to call her and like 3 hrs went by, she texted me again and i called her. She seemed a little cold on the phone, but she said she wanted me to pick her up for the run thing, and hang out after.

So at this point im crazy about her. And I hate it, because shes being such a loser, but i cant help but thinking about her like crazy, uggghhh. So i go out to a bar saturday night and get wasted and make out with a few girls at the bar to take my mind off things, and it was pretty fun, it definently worked lol. So, i picked her up sunday morning for the run, and she was really cool, but absolutly no kino, and on top of that shes flirting with other guys in front of me and touching them and shit! But after the run we hung out for like 6hrs, we went to coffee, she bought my coffee lol, just cuz she said she had to much change and she wanted to get rid of it. Then we went for an hr car ride to get a part for my car, went to lunch (we both paid our own), then went for an hour car ride home. One thing she did happen to mention that i remembered on the car ride home, was that she couldnt understand why guys couldnt just be friends with her. So it made me kinda think now im in the friend zone.

Now i just want to know, if theres anything i could have done better, which i kno there is. I think i tried way to hard, and that was prolly a turn off. Also is there any possiblity with this girl still? Or should i just give up and be friends with her, i meen she's deff cool enough to just hang out with, but i want her real bad (n). Thanks for the feedback guys!!

Think about it this way, by her avoiding you and pushing you away it made you want her way more. Pose a challenge to her, make her work for it. Be cold to her on the phone, flirt with other girls in front of her. She'll be pushed away by it and it will make her want you much more. Turn the tables, and you can't continue to be a nice guy.

Thats really good advice, but its going to be very difficult. So i kind of already made plans to hang out with her on sat. Should i just not even talk to her till then? Or should i even text her on sat, or wait and see if she just texts me, and if she doesn't ill hang out with someone else?

deleted

Ok, so I met this brunette a few weeks ago. We've hung out a few times but nothing sexual only kisses goodbye and such. We've texted alot and whenever I'd try and make a day 2 (date) she'd always blow me off or cancel. So I asked her what I did and she told me she had just got out of a long relationship and that she can't be in one right now. How can I remedy this? or is it one of those things time is the only cure for? Any help, suggestions pr anything would be awsome!

Hey Lode

This is one of the first times iv posted on this forum, but i need your help on my current relationship fairly quick, okay here goes..

We are both 17 and have been together for 9 months now, everything is amazing, shes an amazing girl and i love her and do care about her. The 9 months have been brilliant and with no drama or arguments, partly because i always try to develop my inner game, and i try not to look for arguements unlike some relationships, and even when my girl does have something to bring up, we both quickly and swiftly resolve it and we are happy as ever again. I do a fair bit of game on her, i.e unpredictable, push pull, etc etc. but obviously not to the extent where its a game and not a relationship, i.e only to keep the relationship exciting. She tells me that im never fully open to her, and i sometimes do not reveal all my feelings, although i will admit, at times i am quite closed up, but there are always times where i think its best to tell her my feelings, and my feelings are always positive, nothing bad. And when i do it makes her happy, but i just sometimes think that i dont want to reveal all to her...keep her wondering. But she does know i love her alot.

Now this is where things have been getting bad. In the past couple of weeks, shes been very persistant and quite 'needy'. I love spending time with her, but it just seems as if recently she expects a bit too much from me at times. We had a 'discussion' yesterday of her thoughts and feelings, she says she has small doubts in her head of me, just that maybe she doesnt fully trust me. Although i think she knows that i would never cheat on her. Now i just think its maybe insecurity on her part, and her inner game isnt developed at all. but it has been quite frustrating, as this insecurity of hers is stopping us from having as much fun as we do, and it is effecting our relationship. Its almost as if she looks for things to catch me out, and when she does find the smallest and pathetic peice, she will question me, and then i have to always reassure her and explain it. Even when its her insecurity on her part. So i was getting quite frustrated with her over analysing, and suggested to take a break, she was very determinded to keep things going, and she was very upset the fact that we would not speak to each other for a few days and she knew i was aswell, cause she does know how much i love her. Although i thought it would be best taking a break as it allows her to get herself together and think of the seriousness of what her insecurity is doing to our relationship. I have no intent to break up with her, and i love her, and she is an amazing girl none the less.

Just now, im koping quite well with the break, im not sure if it could be my inner game, or that iv called the shot, but im actually quite okay right now but i obviously do miss her.

I was just hoping for you to break this all down for me, and i hope iv given you enough info for a detailed response, and ask your opinion if a break was the right option?

Thanks Lode