i have been with my gf for 6 months now, she is very loving very caring all that, but shes very weird with sexual stuff, shes sick and is on meds that lowers libto (in some cases) personally i dont think its important to her but should be because were only in our early 20's.

ive had many convo's with her about it and i understand if shes in pain she wouldnt feel like it, but it feels like she jst doesnt care at all, like if she doesnt feel like it thats it theres no effort to go out of her way for me and its not like i want it 5 times a day, ive had sex with her about 20 times in the 6 months (but whos countin?) this is my 1st rship so i dont know if its not suppose to be like this but i know its not suppose to be this bad, the 1st 3 months we only did it like 3 times, shes scared of getting preg even tho shes on the pill cos shes been preg b4 and gotten rid of it and doesnt wanna do it again, even tho i dont finish inside shes funny about it all, another thing is shes doesnt go on top or anything else than me being on top! she reconds cos her ex bf thats all he wanted???

i dont know wat to do? when i do talk about it she says she wants to change things to, but never ends up putting the effort in, seems like she jst want a guy 2 care after her and not want to satisfy him in any way?

ADVICE NEEDED! ask more questions if u need more info but ive been fairly personal already

Tough situation.

I think it has a lot to do with fear of pregnancy combined with a lowered sex drive due to medication and possibly psychological issues. Here is my opinion on the situation.

I would not stay with a girl like this. It just wouldn't be worth it to me because their are so many women out there who WANT to please their man, who have a HIGHER sex drive than their man. This girl may be a great person and you may have feelings for her but this will NEVER change. The sex will become less and less rather than more and more. Here are some possible reasons for you to think about.

1) Maybe you suck in bed.
2) Maybe she sucks in bed.
3) Maybe she is very afraid of getting pregnant and therefore has anxiety about sex, it is an unpleasant experience. I PERSONALLY BET ON THIS REASON.

Look, you could put a ton of effort into this and possibly change her mind, make her more comfortable, increase your skills in bed but either way, with all of that effort you could go out, meet 20 girls, bed 5 of them and get laid more than you have in the entire relationship in 2 weekends.

When you realize that this girl should become less and less attractive to you. All I am saying is, OK say she is afraid to get pregnant? Where are the BJ's at? Where is the foreplay? Where is her saying this is my boyfriend, I need to please him.

It doesn't seem like that is there, and it WILL ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM.

Sorry buddy but this is a huge red flag. You need to cut this clean ASAP or this will haunt your relationship until you both end it bitterly and destroy every shred of friendship you could have maintained. Man up.

Now I'm no idiot, and I know you probably won't take my advice, so in 2 months I bet you will have fought over this again and again, have gotten nowhere, and will understand where I was coming from.
Translation, I want to SAY words that ease your concerns and then not back them up with any actions because the truth is I JUST WANT A GUY TO CARE for me and not satisfy him in any way.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS Trust your gut.

Something isn't right, and I would either let her get the vibe that you are walking away because of this.

TEST HER OUT. See if she really wants to change. Because she is just full of shit from what I can tell. If she changes, you get sex. If she doesn't change, you walk away meet a better girl. Win Win.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Again... really good advice. Just had to say it. It's useful for me too.

Completely agree with casthenova .... excelent advice mate, and really well described! Why do I get the feeling that you have been in this situation before? haha

Ok my advice -

First of all, I have been in the exact same situation as you... exactly the same and funily enough after 6 months it was starting to get to me. One of the worst decisions I ever made was staying with her for another 6 months because I liked her. Ok I know you haven't said you love her on here, but i'm guessing that it has crossed your mind once or twice at least, even if you haven't said it to her (there is no other reason you will still be there).

This reminds me of a psycology experiment (sorry i can't remember the psycologist).

They got 3 groups of people to do a very mundane task for an hour (something like sorting coloured beads into groups) the first group they paid £20 the second group they paid £10 and the third group they paid £1

When asked what they thought of the experience here is what the groups said
- Group 1 - It was boring, but I would do it again for £20.
- Group 2 - I found it very boring and wouldn't do it again.
- Group 3 - I enjoyed it and would do it again for free.

Now then this is simplified but, you can see the way in which the human mind rationalises things. Ok so group 1 found it boring but because they got £20 they were happy. Group 2 on the other hand, got paid £5 pounds which is around minimum wage for an hours work, they wouldnt do it again because they could earn that amount of money anywhere. But group 3 is the interesting one (and this is the boat i think you are in my friend) When group 3 are asked what they thought of the task, you would expect them to be pissed off because they got paid £1 for an hour of boring work. So why do they say they enjoyed it and would do it again?

Everyone, subconsiously, wants to get what they want (it sounds silly to say it, but its true), but we will compromise what we want if the reward is great enough. So for groups 1 and 2 the reward was great enough for them to give up an hour of their life, but for group 3 the reward was definately not great enough this leaves your brain in a bit of a mess. You cannot work out why you would give up that hour of your life for just £1. So your brain compensates and convinces you that you actually enjoyed counting/sorting beads even though you realy didnt. This way you still keep the illusion that you are getting what you want.

I hope you see how this is relative to your situation mate.

You are in group 3, you have just spent 6 months in a relationship with a girl who doesnt want to please you. You have been constantly giving and sucumbing to her needs. So now you look back and because you are not getting what you want, your brain is trying to convince you that what you actually want is to not have sex, and therefore keep the illusion that you are getting what you want.

Essentially what I'm saying mate, is ask yourself if this is realy what you want? If it isnt then do something about it.... if it is what you want........ Then carry on counting beads

Dabs

Your are definantly not over-reacting. She is witholding sex. IMO sex is what seperates lovers from friends. If no sex, no real relationship. You need to freeze her out and move on. Dont listen her nonsense about meds, that's bogus. If she respects you, satisfying you would be enough reason for her to put out. Either way, if you dont want to leave her, act like it. Becoming distant and less needy is sure to get her libido going anyways. Too little sex is a deal breaker to me. You will waste alot of time analyzing that garbage. She is being selfish.

thanks guys and i really appreciate an out side view, i do agree with you all and have thought about this alot, its bullshit we should be all over eachother, she is very (look at me im hurt all the time and i dont care about if u are because how do u think that makes me feel) if u know what i mean, im giving it one more month, because shes just coming off that (time) in the month and we will see,

i live with her now so its a bit hard jst to leave straight away. it sucks cos she is really the one i want, if that part was fine it would be so good, but its such a big part of an rship that i cant simply ignore it, i hate how many times ive brought it up and she just sruggs it off or changes subject, then she has said that she hates it to and has to tell me she loves me all the time because she feels she cant show me?

i feel like an ass because shes got medical issues and cos if we do break its because of sex? you know what i mean

Well that makes the situation tougher to deal with but doesn't change what you have to do and you know it.

Think about it from her perspective. You can bring it up all you want but you don't do anything about it. It's like saying "If you keep insulting me I'm going to punch you" and never punching. You look like a pussy unless you actually walk away.

I stand by my position, MAN up. Either tell her if it doesn't change we are done or just walk away.

I think it is a good idea to give a month but you GOTTA convince her that you are serious about walking away over this to see if she will change. If you keep doing the same thing, then you minus well walk now.

Withdraw yourself. Make her feel like something is up with you two but never tell her why. She knows bro, she knows. She will play dumb, but she knows.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

just wanted to bump this old thread and say i am still having the same issue we have been together nearly 11 months... i understand that some girls have a low sex drive and it doesnt help because of her illness but i have fought with her countless times over this... a few weeks back i called her an told her how i feel that i am not satisfied with that side of our rship, and didnt yell or fight just told her how i feel...i asked her to start taking thoes wyld for woman tablets we bought ages ago... she took 2 when we 1st got them... and then none since unstill i asked her again the other week... she said she had been taking them everyday...now i was at her house last night and they were sitting beside her bed... she has only taken 1 since i asked her because i thought it would help us...she doesnt care that i am unhappy about our sex life and jst says she will try harder but never does...this makes me so mad that she lied....i love her alot and we are very involved with eachothers lifes so it would be hard to walk away...do i as a 20yr old accept a sex life that is not what i want because i love her? or walk away?

also she made me feel guilty because i should love her for who she is and not for sex.. and that i'd be breaking up with her over sex, which makes me look like an ass... but it was because she doesnt think its an issue and that i should get over it, and wont even take something to increase her sex drive to help us out..thats wat pissed me off...

i sorta wanna switch off to my rship... like not care as much so it doesnt get to me...

we had made it 11 months but things have just got outta hand, a few things where said that made me see her bad side, that was when she was drunk but of course today is a different story.

im just trying to get over it....she keeps msging me telling me how much she loves me and how sad she is,

any tips?

You are way too young to really be convinced this is "the one", and definitely too young to be stuck in a relationship where you are not happy. I did this. I regret it. Don't settle, make yourself happy.

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Red Dragons

Hi

I got out of a rship a couple of months back which was 3 years long and I really thought she was the one. Big time. And her for me too.

We were together for 2 years and lived together for a year after that. As soon as we moved in together our sex life suffered (partly my fault and partly her fault). But I really believe this was a major issue although not initially but it became one when we hadn`t had sex for like 6 months.

My point is that if you are in a rship and are not having sex often then it will damage the rship eventually.

I am an old fashioned guy when it comes to this and sex is not something I do all that soon in a rship but have learned it does damage things if you don`t do it.

My friend, I can only go go my experiences and those near to me and a rship without sex is not grounds for a lasting happy rship.

Personally, I would tell her that it is jeopardising the relationship and emphasis that it is to get closer to her on an emotional level, not about you getting your rocks off. You can`t pressure her, she will just resent you for it. What about making her feel special? Take her out, have some fun, take the seriousness out of the situation so that you make her feel it`s no big deal and that you DO see sex as sharing an intimate moment and not just for you.

Does any of this help?

Good luck

i think im past the point where i wanna keep trying in this rship, we fight so much, dont agree on alot, dont have anything in common, dont like eachothers friends, both my side and her side of friends/family think its a bad rship, it has ended, 2days ago....but shes going crazy saying she wants me to be the farther of her kids and all that shit....im just finding it hard because she msgs me so much reminding me of good times and how much she loves me.......

the sex is not THE biggest issue, but its deff apart of it, i just feel bad because she is sick...thats my biggest problem is putting her feelings/needs before my own, im that kinda guy and now i feel taken advantage of....

i just know it has to end and i cant go back on my word like everyother time we have broken up....its just so hard thinking she wont be apart of my life...shes my 1st love so i think this doesnt help

In a nut shell, given what you have said. I agree with Casthenova. Many more girls that want sex, and want to please their men, and you are capable of that