My GF of 4 months dumped me sunday afternoon. It came out of nowhere, and since then we have talked twice in person and texted. WHen she dumped me I said okay and peaced, I didn't make a big deal of it. The following day, Monday, she said she texted and said she had something she wanted to tell me, I went over a little later and she said that she was thinking rashly and in a funk and I agreed to an exclusive break in which she took some time for herself but we wouldn't see other people. First let me say that this isn't a situation where I went running back to her, I made it clear she had things she had to PROVE to me before I would enter back into a relationship. She never told me anything of significance besides that and I wondered what exactly she wanted to tell me. Today we had one more convo over coffee before we ended contact for a few days and took the first step of our break. Here is the thing she told me today:

First she said "promise me you won't do anything about this" Sunday night, after the break-up, her good friend Kyle and his friend came over and she, her three roommates and the two guys started drinking and smoking. At some point they were all in her room smoking pot when she said she was passing out, took some ambien, said bye too kyle and his friend and good night to her roommates, they left and she closed the door and went to sleep. An hour later she woke up with Kyle sticking his hands down her pants and she jumped up to the otherside of the bed, he held her down and tried to convince her to sleep with her. she refused and he left her room and passed out on the couch.

A Point of Interest to you:

1.) If you have taken Ambien, you know its almost like taking a hallucinogenic. It's hard to remember anything. I am aware of a situation in my GF's past, before we knew eachother in which she and a close male friend took ambien together to "trip" in effect abusing it. She said she slept with him and it was very strange because she "woke" up having sex fell asleep and woke back up having sex over and over again.

This makes me wonder if she is telling me the truth, or needed a way to cover this up so told me this story. It seems awfully fishy to me, b/c even if she didn't sleep with him I can't say I'm entirely confident nothing else happened.

I don't want to inquire further because I don't want to bring up more shit in an already rocky relationship and appear that I don't "trust" her, but the fact of the matter is Ive seen her on ambien and I've seen her drunk, and you can't remember shit on ambien so it's entirely possible she lied to me about him sleeping on the couch, and her immediately resisting him.

I need some direction.

I say go with your gut feeling. The whole thing sounds shady to me.
If a girl broke up with me out of nowhere, then changed her mind a few days later only to tell me what sounds like a BS story...I would kick her a$$ out the door, figuratively speaking. Personally, I don't have time to deal with someone who doesn't know what she wants, is playing games or stirring the pot for a little drama. My mindset, call me when you have your sh*t together.

I disagree with the decision for an exclusive break up where you promise not to see anyone while she figures herself out. THAT my friend is a crock. The only person that arrangement benefits is HER.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

I pretty much did exactly what you said verbatim and we got back together. I referenced her story with her room mates inconspicuously and everything seems to check out, given her disposition I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt as I've found nothing to indicate otherwise, besides personal insecurities. Anyway I told her get it together and she did, but she is still on thin ice over the next couple weeks and I will check my emotional investment with her.

good luck

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

wow. i can`t believe she gave you the whole "i woke up to him with his hand down my pants" story. its almost like women have a how to play men book that they all refer to. basically, she fucked the guy, then got high. the story is designed to make her a victim and lessen the guilt.

With a girl who takes drugs, drama and lies are a given. I would never enter a relationship with someone like that - not in a million years.

For your own sake, get rid of her and find someone worth your time.

Usually when a break up is coming, you can see it, and you can feel how things start to change in the relationship, not from one day to another (or do they??) .. Well, my opinion is that she did wanted time to herself, maybe she wanted to take drugs and not be in a relationship with you because if anything happened she'd feel guilty. She wants you, thats why she made you promise not to "do anything" ... This whole thing seems very fked up to me.
Do whatever you feel ... if this makes you feel confused about whats happening and you're not at peace with yourself, just end it! ...
In my opinion, if you don't feel inner peace, you're not OK in a relationship. It sounds corny, but its true.
Good luck!!

As I said in your other thread she wants to have her cake and eat it, breaking up with you to bang some dude then getting back together is not a healthy situation to be in and thats the feeling I get from your posts so far, drop her like a hot coal and move on with your life mate. Thats just my opinion you need to decide for yourself!

Breaking up with me to bang another guy and then getting back with me is simply not the case. This situation happened about two and a half weeks ago, and I don't care how cynical you are: I just can't logically or plausibly see where she would sleep with this guy, given the dynamic of her and said guys relationship I gathered during the time in which we were together.

Furthermore over the past week and a half I didn't really speak with her often. I know the weekend before the last she spent with her parents and was in the hospital passing a kidney stone. Then this last weekend starting with Thursday afternoon we spent a few hours together, then friday morning we got breakfast and had sex. Friday night she went out partying with friends and that night came back to my house and got in bed with me. We got coffee saturday morning. She tried to meet up with me at the end of Saturday night, and I had other plans. Sunday night we had some wine and I feel asleep with her on the couch. Monday evening we split a bottle of wine, got some pizza, and had really awesome sex all night

given that she is actively initiating contact and acting on her sexual desires for me I'd say it's safe to say that all of this wasn't too hook up with other people.

Now the problem I am encountering is that I want to get back with her, and she wants that too, but needs to time to over come personal issues. I am worried that if I continue to see her and sleep with her during this period of her self-betterment she will slowly lose attraction and when another guy pops up he will be alot more exciting and interesting than me, who she has had. I really need some guidance on how to handle this dynamic. My current thoughts on the matter are as follows: By initiating a push-pull tactic with the ideal that "I am like a drug, I'll give her a bit of a high and leave, leaving her wanting more" in mind I will really make her work for it and let her miss me a little bit. So I was planning on really making her work to see me waiting for her to initiate contact and then letting her miss me a bit, and right when she is missing me quite a bit, a swoop in one evening hang around for a it and show her the guy she fell in love with, having incredibly good sex, and peace out leaving her wanting more.

Will this work? Is it bad that I told her I was interested in other women?

Hi Dizzler,

Been in the same situation before mate! and from my experience it was because of another guy had popped up. Although i wouldnt jump to the conclusion she wants to sleep with anyone.

I would say that some other guy has shown interest n shes interested etc etc.

In my situation my girl didnt do anything, just got talk etc n exchanged numbers............ then breaks up with me n gets with this guy a few weeks later obv cos of guilt of doing it behind someones back.

That was a long time ago when i was 18 haha, but i know alot of people that had this "out of the blue" break up, and 99% of the time its because of another guy.

sorry if im coming across as cynical im just trying to give you MY opinion based on unfortunately very hard first hand wisdom! just as the poster above is, It's probably not what your wanting to hear I know...

basically what this seems to come down to is I have two options

1.) I can choose to trust her and believe that nothing happened with this guy and the break up the day before was completely unrelated.

2.) I can take this whole situation and step back and view it in the following way: The day before the aforementioned situation occurred my GF broke up with me out of nowhere, and the following evening she consumed prescription drugs and alcohol in an abusive fashion and slept with this guy. The following day, a monday she texted me and told me she had "something to tell me" when I went to talk to her she didn't tell me anything. Then the following day we had another "talk" in which she told me about the situation and pulled as previoulsy mentioned by Mr._Amazing the whole whole "i woke up to him with his hand down my pants" story. as a way to rid herself of guilt, explain and justify her actions in a way that wouldn't effect my decision to get back with. And then after giving me a bit of time to mull it over, got back with me. Then in the time we were together she blew me off to party with the "girls" and realized how many other guys she could have, and broke up with me again. Basically, she is playing me like a book and I'm falling for it

But am I that stupid - by choosing to view this like the second option I am disregarding, not only my gut feeling, but also months of her genuine expression of love and care for me, as well as the foundation of our relationship which is characterized by frank and blunt honesty. Throughout everything we have, to my knowledge, been completely and totally honest with eachother and she has done nothing to cause doubt, but instead continually re-inforced my trust in her. BUt given this thought, it is entirely possible that she knew complete honesty in this situation would estrange me completely.

the most fundamental question I must ask myself is should I approach this dilemma as the PUA I have become which has enabled my success with women and more specifically this HB 10, or should I approach this dilemma as who I really am, aside from the "PUA persona", as a trusting benefit of the doubt type of guy.

Throughout my life older friends, co-workers, and class mates have told me to be wary of women and their manipulative and sly ways, and to never trust them. Needless to say, given the perspective of just about everyone I've talked to be a unanimous "she's playing you like a book", this is really eating at me.

Mate this might sound insane but take a step out and view the whole situation like your watching it at a movie and think of this all as a right of passage

As an objective and slightly cynical (as you say ) outsider you last post screams alarm bells at me to the point I get a shiver down my back, like as if I started hearing a ww2 airraid siren in london during the day hehe!

But who really cares about some random dudes views on the forums, we are a sounding board for you nothing more, dont blindly follow instructions, but also dont blindly ignore opinions too! haha im zero help

You do indeed have two perspectives:

1) You are a bit loved up at the moment and you accept what she says and carry on regardless, it will inevitably end in the future (everything does) and it may or may not come out. If it does or doesnt, either will really define the relationship and how it effects you as a person. If nothing comes out then it's all good, but if it does... dont take it to heart or at least be prepared for it, because if youre not... it may give you issues and outlooks on life which are unhealthy, so if it occurs try take a step out of it and view the situation as happening to someone else as to reduce the mental fall out

2) you listen to us cynical bastards and move on, if you do go down this route and make that decision to move on and stick with it, you can probably call her on it and ask in a matter of factly non emotional way and see how she reacts, im pretty certain you will be hearing some interesting shit, but if you have steeled yourself for it, it's less of a shock to the mind!

Sorry this is probably zero help at all hehe, either way this will assist in defining the person you become in the future so ride that rollercoster the way you want to, just think of all the outcomes, come to terms with them and be at peace with yourself and get on with it