Ok, so my plan is to do 15 direct day game approaches Monday-Friday (which averages out to 3 approaches per day). I live in a small town so I usually catch the train to a slightly bigger town 30 mins away and do my approaches in the mall there. I'm also without a wing which makes it that much harder for me to be social and to get myself into state. I'm on my second week and have done 21 direct approaches so far.

I started this week well with 6 approaches on Monday. Then on Tuesday I approached a walking target but she carried on walking and didn't even let me finish my opener. Now this shouldn't have phased me but there were quite a few people nearby who saw, so it did. Was also my first approach of the day and I couldn't be bothered to do anymore approaches after this.

Since then I haven't done anymore approaches. Wednesday I didn't go out, Thursday I was very busy and today I went out, walked around for an hour but was unable to do a single approach. This is the first time in the 2 weeks since I've started approaching that I've gone home without doing at least 1 direct approach (when going out with the intent to approach).

After 21 direct approaches, approaching is still a big deal for me and still takes a lot of mental energy. I'm also still highly self conscious. Most of the time when I back out of an approach, it's not because I'm worried about the reaction I might get from the target but because I'm worried about what all the people watching around me might think. Also I'm not really having fun when I go out to approach and start to think that people might think that I'm the 'weird guy' who goes out on his own just to approach girls.

What I'm getting at is after 21 direct approaches shouldn't approaching be getting easier for me?

I'm only opening single targets (nothing lower than a 7) via direct openers. Most of my targets so far have been on the move though and usually tell me they have some place to go or be after I deliver the opener. Am I making things too hard on myself by going direct. Should I consider situational/opinion openers?

Should I just stop approaching until I find a wing so that I'm able to have fun when doing this instead of just seeing it as a chore?

Does anyone have any tips for being more social and not caring what people around you might think?

Finally, to some of the more experienced pua's, how many approaches did it take before approaching got easier for you?

I know this is a bit of a long post so thanks to all those who take the time to read.

you have the wrong mindset, your trying to learn how to be pro in one day.

Before you go direct or think about having conversations with random chicks, learn 2 control you state man.

Practice asking for directions for like 4 days, read a bit about state control. After you can approach without AA being a big "mental" boundary then start going direct, or else you will come of weak in your approach.

But,theres the dudes who learn PUA in ONE DAY,it seems that they have taken some magic pill,they suddenly become a ladiesman or whatever.

And buddie,i have the same problem you do,i ALAWAYS care,FUCKING ALWAYS about what other people are thinkink of me,it SUCKS,it holds me back of doing so much stuff.

I get what you're saying but I don't really have any problems with asking for directions/time etc. In fact I sometimes do a few of these approaches to help 'warm up' before going direct. You're right that I need to work on my state control. For example some days I can do 5/6 approaches in an hour and I feel like the man afterwards lol. Then the next day for some reason I don't feel like approaching (maybe I subconsciously don't want to lose the good feelings from the day before) but I go out anyway and end up struggling to do even 1 approach. This makes me feel like crap because I think I just did 5 approaches yesterday, why am I finding it so hard to do even 1 today.

This is a bit off topic but I did go out yesterday during the day and night (didn't go out to sarge at night but just hang out with some mates). During the day I managed to do 2 direct approaches and while waiting for the train back also made a few minutes of convo with a girl (I’d say she was an 8) who was sitting on her own and then with a guy who was with his girl but later on is when the fun really started. I don't go out to clubs that often, not really a drinker and when I do I usually end up being a highly self conscious wallflower, not talking to anyone outside my group of AFC mates.

I had a few beers just to relax, nothing heavy and then suddenly it hits me (not the alcohol lol) but the realization that since entering the bar my anxiety levels have been virtually non-existent. So I start opening people, just simple stuff like situational and observational openers to guys, girls and even groups. Suddenly I'm smiling, high energy, having fun, playing around and not even giving a fuck what anyone might be thinking about me. My mates are just completely baffled by this (I'm usually the quiet 1) but it doesn't affect my state at all. I must've ended up opening at least 10 sets, the beers probably helped a bit but even when I’ve had a few beers in the past I still wouldn’t talk to anyone outside my social group.

What I've taken from all this is that going direct in day game without a wing is probably one of the hardest things that you'll have to do in pickup. Everyone is at different levels but if you can force yourself or work up to a point where you can do direct approaches during the day, situational/observational opening is suddenly a lot easier. Also after going direct during the day, approaching at night feels easier when you’re with mates or a wing at least. After you've gone direct in day game you don't care that much what people in a bar or club are thinking because you realize almost every guy is probably pissed trying to build up the courage to do what you can already do sober! Now I just need to find a way to get into a similar frame of mind of not caring during day game.
I know what you mean mate but I think it also depends on your starting point. I had serious inner game issues growing up, never was social and was well below AFC level before discovering the community (still consider myself to be below AFC level at the moment). Some other guys who don't have these issues or have smaller issues will probably see improvements in a few days (whereas it takes guys like me a few weeks).

Yeah, during day game this is a tough one trying not to care what other people around you might think. Especially when you're on your own and you haven't got a wing for support. I think it has to do with state as jazz25 mentioned. For example on days when I manage to do 3+ approaches I feel good and suddenly care less what people might think and even if I get blown out on the 4th approach it doesn't really bother me. Now on days when I find it hard to approach or when my first approach doesn't go too well, I'm suddenly self conscious and start caring what people might think about me. For now I’m going to research about state control. If anyone has any good ideas or resources for this that would be great, thanks.

You have to realize there's more to it than approaching. Have those 21 approaches yielded any results for you? I have never actually decided that I'm going to 'approach some women today', it's more of an improvised action. Yet, for every 5 or so approaches, I get one woman to respond positively, and I get some success from there onwards. I don't like approaching, but I know that only approaching will get me what I'm looking for, and hence I've associated approaching to success (which is why I do it).

The truth about 'game' is that it's a cumulative effect. If you've made 21 approaches, you should've had some success, depending on whether you made the next move, called her, and set up a date. With each success your confidence should grow and approaching should just be the initial hard work you need to do.

Don't do this PUA stuff like a day job, the 9-to-5 bullshit. Take time to smell the flowers and remove the mindset that an approach is just a number that you'll add to your tally. Understand that approaching as many women is never your goal (at least it shouldn't be), it's about making the one who's in front of you attracted to you.

The 22nd approach that you make shouldn't be just a number..it's a real, living woman that you could be sleeping with very soon. But you want to make it just as fun for her as it would be for you, and that's why you (and all men since the dawn of time) are always students of seduction, never masters.

For too many trees don't lose sight of the forest. It's not rocket science after all.

its harder,when YOU DONT HAVE ANY positive feedbacks/result.
even harder when you hate yourself more than a rapist.

im seriously considering putting a bullet on my head,every day is a fight,hard to sleep,to eat,i get angry so easily.

i wish i wanst born a loser. FUCK IT

Yeah I understand this, approaching is only the first hurdle which is why I want to get it right and get to the point where it's almost automatic. So far I've gotten 1 number and 2 facebook closes but right now I'm just concentrating on the approach for now. If I manage to get numbers and facebook closes at this stage then that's great but I'm not measuring my success on this right now. I also get that I should be able to approach when I'm just going about my daily business but I'm not at that level yet. If I don't go out with the intent to approach, then I'm not going to do any approaches so I make sure I go out for at least an hour a day (Monday-Friday) with the intent to approach.
Out the 21 approaches I've done, I've hooked 5. 1 had to get back to work but she actually told me where she worked and said I could come talk to her if I wanted. I probably should have but it was one of the first few approaches that I did and I wussed out. 3 had boyfriends but I managed to get 2 facebook closes and 1 gave me her number, I think it was my 7th approach but she didn't talk much. Now that I look back she could've just been shy. I went for the number close anyway and was surprised to get it but thought she was just being polite so didn't pursue it.

Overall my first 10 approaches went great and my confidence grew. Now my next 10 approaches haven't been as good, had a few targets that didn't even bother to stop and the rest all pretty much had someplace to be or get to. This is why after my 21st approach my approach anxiety increased again because I was no longer anticipating my targets hooking after the opener. I don't know if you've ever experienced 'streaks' like this yourself or is it just my luck? lol During this weekend though I had some great interactions/experiences and I no longer feel too bad about approaching again.
lol if I ever tried the 9-5 thing I think I'd burn myself out in a week. Some people can do it, good for them, I have work and other commitments to worry about but I'm making sure I get out there and do some approaches, even when I don't feel like it. Once I get more experienced at this then I will stop tallying my approaches but right now it's the way I'm measuring my success. If I do x amount of approaches in a week, even if I've gotten no number closes, I've still succeeded. It gives me something to aim for until I get better at this and then I change my criteria of success to x amount of closes or whatever.
I agree, it's not rocket science but a lot of guys still struggle with this stuff and the only way to get better is to practise as much as you can. Anyone can learn the theory, that's the easy part. The hard part is mastering your own feelings while out in the field and overcoming inner game issues. The only way I feel I can do this is to just keep approaching until approaching becomes 2nd nature to me. Once I get this down, then I can concentrate on the next aspect of pickup and so on, until I'm able to do this stuff naturally without even thinking about it. You make some good points but I feel this advice will apply to me more after a month or 2 in field, rather than at this current moment in time.

I know what you mean haudas. I feel that once I'm able to get good positive feedback, approaching will no longer be a big deal.

You've got to keep positive mate, I've been in dark places before. Try not to let your mind stay idle for too long, do things that you enjoy doing to distract yourself.

But most importantly never give up..

[quote="level69"]I know what you mean haudas. I feel that once I'm able to get good positive feedback, approaching will no longer be a big deal.

You've got to keep positive mate, I've been in dark places before. Try not to let your mind stay idle for too long, do things that you enjoy doing to distract yourself.

But most importantly never give up..[/quote]

LVL69,i pm you man,i dont think theres any "alert" here,when you receive a pm.
again,thank you.

Don't really agree with frost. Your results so far are about par for the course. You seem pretty insightful and aware of what you are doing and I suggest you continue. No point in overhauling your style without giving it a decent try first.

You'll find there is a balance between working hard playing the numbers (approaching), being chilled and putting your heart into each set - which will take time to acquire.

Game isn't a smooth meteoric rise to the top. There will be ups and downs - especially at first. Try and manage your state best as you can but don't obsess over being in state. You should try and pickup no matter what state you are in.

I like solo day game. When I go out I don't like to set a time limit on it. It may be one hour or three. It will take you a while to warm up solo. I let the game find its rhythm and pace. Also try and enjoy yourself. Do something else you like at the same time - eg: exploring music shops, cool parts of the city, museums or whatever. Think of it as a cool solo adventure in a city that you are now seeing with a new pair of eyes. Keep your state up by warming up first. Keep things creative and experiment. Use a variety of different approaches.

Also you need to be pursuing any closes like a fiend. Don't just try number closes. Try instant dates, street kiss closes too.

_________________
www.sydney-lair.com

"street kiss closes too."


seriously,I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW THE HELL SOMEONE KISS CLOSE in a goddam street.
Is NONSENSE,you met a girl just couple a minutes,and then youre kissing her,also its not good for the "image" of the woman.

apparently this is how:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFjAb-fvzPs

No problem mate, happy to help!


Thanks supernaut, that's reassuring to know and yeah I think it is a bit early for me to start changing things up too much at this point in time.
Yeah, until I find out what that balance is though, I think I will progress best if I can get myself to do at least 15 approaches per week for 2 months and then refine my number of approaches at this point in time, based on the results I've been getting.
That's for sure! After my first 10 approaches my confidence was sky high and I felt it was going to keep going up with each approach but now I see it doesn't quite work like that. I agree and I've been going out even on days when I've felt tired or haven't felt like doing any approaches. The way I look at it is if I can do the tough approaches then I can do any approaches.
This is some very good advice! Yeah I think I shouldn't limit myself with time. The only thing for me right now though is that I finish work at 16.00 and the mall I go to usually shuts at 17.30 so after about an hour there aren't too many people about. I could consider walking around in the streets after 17.30 or go somewhere else but I don't want to spend my whole evenings concentrating on pickup. Of course I'm aiming to get to the level where I no longer have to set a time to do approaches, I can just do them as I'm going about my daily business but it's going to take me some time to get to that level.

Also I agree about the whole exploring, going in shops, chilling out thing! One day I got my first approach out of the way quickly, then I was walking around for a long time and couldn't find any targets. After around 20 minutes of walking up and down this mall I was out of state, saw a target but couldn't approach, then another but couldn't approach. My anxiety started going up because of this and my facial expression usually gets quite intense when this happens (think terminator lol). So what I did is, I went into a music/dvd store and started checking out some of the merchandise. Found some funny t-shirts/posters and after 10 minutes I was chilled out and smiling again. Left the store and was able to do an approach within the next 5 minutes, so this advice is very helpful!

Yeah I need to work on the variety of my approaches. Most of my approaches so far have been moving targets. For some reason I rarely find any single hotties standing or sitting down (maybe they're afraid of being approached by 50 guys if they stand still so they're always on the move lol). Also at the moment I have this mental block where I'm unable to open or approach someone inside an actual shop or store. I think going direct would be too high pressure in this situation so I think I just need to work on coming up with good situational openers in these scenarios.
I haven't had too many opportunities to close so far but I know that I should try to push the interaction as far as I can. Right now I'm not confident enough to kiss close, Instant dates I could push for but the easiest thing I find at the moment is if an interaction is going well to go for the number and if they say they have a boyfriend or give a reason not to give their number, then I go for their email/facebook instead.

Good stuff. There's no reason to go direct all the time. The right tool for the right job my man. If you have nerves or the situation demands it go indirect. Not every girl is amenable to a direct approach. Also stationary sets are easier than moving targets so don't skip them. One thing that works for me is doing an indirect-direct. Start by asking them for directions for eg., then sheepishly (but sexily) confess that they were cute and you actually wanted to talk to them and didn't really want directions. There's many reasons for why this works better than a direct very often but I won't go into that. The other thing to avoid ( looks like there's no risk of doing that with you as you are going direct) is being too indirect. Girls on the street need to know that your interested. More important than in a club where every interaction is covertly underlined by the club hook-up frame.

_________________
www.sydney-lair.com

Great advice, I will work on putting this advice into practise. Thanks for your help mate!