Hey guys, whats up? If your too lazy to read this (b/c its long) fine, but if you really wanna help, I could use any advice because I'm at a pretty low point in my life when I shouldn't be. Any replies would be appreciated in that I'm too worried to discuss this issue with my friends/family.

I am a student around my jr year but because I transferred, I'm now on the 5 year plan. Anyways, I transferred to a school that is known for it's downtown scene where students are go out alot. While the school I was previously at was similar to this one, the bar scene is huge, due to there being tons of them.

At my previous school, I didn't take advantage of my fresh, sop, years when classes were easy and socialize as much as I should of. Instead I found comfort staying alone in my dorm passing the time between schoolwork, xbox, online poker (alot of this) and playing hockey at the rink that was a 2hr round trip. I became comfortable with keeping to myself but I didnt realize how much this was gonna screw me over in the long run.

Now that I'm at my new school, it's instate tuition for me so I have a decent number of friends from HS that I kept in touch with that go here. However, because of the past 2 years not really socializing, I have become this pretty dull person that has a hard time connecting with people. I struggle in keeping random conversations going, basically I don't have much to say because I'm very shy as it is, and my interests really only consist of hockey and poker unfortunately.

When I did go out to bars, I'd become uncomfortable in that I really didn't know how to act. While I don't mind alcohol, I dont enjoy the process of drinking because, while I'm a light weight, I will have to get pretty drunk to not be so self conscious about everything If I am out, but then I usually just end up sick. Even when I do have a buzz, I am a lil more outgoing, yet, I still stay pretty quiet because I feel like I have nothing to talk about or add value to the conversation. So I'll just stand there quiet with a drink in my hand feeling awkward because im basically just doing nothing. I hate this feeling. I become very self conscious and think that everyone notices how awkward I look and feel like everyone is judging me negatively.

I know I struggle with self esteem and confidence issues. I know that I need to stop being in such a negative mindset all the time but I feel like this type of thought processing has been ingrained in me for so long that I cant just train my mind to stop thinking like this. I want to be more outgoing and likable, but I just feel like I've let myself become so uninteresting that Im scared and I don't want people to see me like this, because no one wants to be around people like me. More importantly, the friends Im now hanging out with again will see that I have become "lamer" in that I've already made excuses for not going out with them in these first weeks of school.

I've read that the best way to get over social anxiety is to keep going out and getting out of your comfort zone. Problem is that I dread doing this so much, I'd rather stay in alone then constantly go out with my friends and let them see how uncomfortable I can become when its deals with socializing and making new friends.

I know I wont be able to just change my personality over night, but I really wanna change. I'm getting a second chance with transferring and have a great opportunity to make the rest of my college years fun again but I don't know how to face this challenge.
How do I become more confident in myself? Be more sociable with others so that they wont think I'm lame if I do decide to go out?

Fwiw, I've started to practice meditating 10 min a morning and before bed and doing little things like holding eye contact, working out, but this is about it.

Thanks for the help guys, look forward to the responses.

feels good to see another with the same issues
not that i enjoy your misery


its me and u against the world

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I'm walking on sunshine! ;D

This was me last semester. I go to a commuter school and live with my parents so its harder to make good friends since I go to school and go home. Last semester I tried to stay on campus and hang out as long as I could i went to Library with study groups, rec center, school events. I was by myself for most of the time but eventually I made a couple of friends. I have a badass social circle from High School, I dont have that in college. Thats what im gonna try to work on this semester.

Ok you guys need to desperately read these books:

Carlos Xuma "alpha male"
David Deangelo "cocky funny"

And try reading "self improvement" books from barnes and nobles that will help you improve your social life. Start with those 2 books then move on to other confidence building books. You guys just lack inner game that's all

Good luck to everyone

Totally understand your situation dude.

There's a thread called 'College Game', look it up its got some great info.

Also, I posted the following thread on these forums and in all honesty, those are the very tips I used to get out of this rut, and some other guys too have found them helpful.

this-is-what-ive-learnt-so-far-vt71047.html

Good luck dude, it's easier than you think.

Hey instead of goin out since its so uncomfortable join a club or intramural sport you like and that way you can connect to other ppl that way

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Life is what you make it;