I messaged this girl a few times, Ive seen her once...she is a cousin of a girl I work with and I think shes cute so I got on facebook to attemp asking her out or playing some pua tactics.
Her status comments have been saying shes sad that this guy 2 hrs away wont talk to her anymore and she really likes him...hes ignoring her...then says everything is fine hes just stressed...blah blah..etc etc. so Im trying to talk to her about it and make her attracted to me i guess and get her mind off this guy. I asked her how she felt and asked her to explain the situation....I kinda wanted to tell her this guy is obviously playing her or not interested or whatever and to let him go, but is that a bit much at this point (3rd email?)

Here is her last response

"No he didn't say Anything back yet. I asked If I did anything and he said no and I said he acted like he didn't like me and he said it wasn't like that he just acts flakey bc he's stressed. Idk what to do."

How do i respond to this and maybe make her laugh and continue talking to her without running dry or bore her? If shes THAT much into him, how do change the direction and be like "ya know....lets meet for coffee i need to see you and see what your about" or whatever

Right now what she needs is a buddy who'll listen to her problems. That's it. She doesn't even need solutions, all she needs is someone who'll listen to her and no matter what you do, the best you can become if you continue what you're doing in this situation, is her amazing buddy.

See it this way, what can you get out of this situation? If you end up helping her out, you've lost your chances. If you end up being of no help to her, she'll call you worthless. In any case, it's your loss.

Instead of being available to her 24/7 like some NPO counselor, let her know you exist as a separate entity and that if she wants to start things afresh in her life, she can come to someone who's more caring and not into playing with emotions like the guy she's currently following.

_________________
Women are plenty, time is not.

In the past I used to try to "help" them feel better. This tactict will get you no where but friend zone fast. I had a girl about a month ago start to hint that she was feeling sad, my reply was this: "Do you think I'm your punching bag?? haha you got the wrong guy." She was hooked from that point on, and I've told her that more than once in someway or another.

_________________
In it for the parking, ok?-

If she comes to you feeling sad, just tell her "Don't be such a downer". She'll learn real quick you're not here to put up with her shit.

Thanks for all the advice guys. after my last message this is what she finally said this morning
"i just learned to let him go, obviously he was done with me"

is this an ioi for me to get a bit more into her? how would I go in now and take some action as far as getting a number or asking her for coffee..etc? or would it make me look needy if I change the direction at this point?

What would you say to that message right now? She hasnt telegraphed any interest my way...just sying her own story, not questioning me at all

"That's great news, I was actually starting to feel a little bit bored talking about him all the time. Is there anything interesting about you that we can talk about?"

_________________
Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

You guys were right...its going nowhere with her. Im just getting one sentence responses from her via text-facebook...
here is the latest convo, warning I have no game like you guys do, Im just the average guy who wants to learn. This is just a simple convo right now but I have the feeling shes just bored or not interested, but only responding to be polite, so please give some tips on how to get this convo going!

ME Where do you work at? and what did you screw up? Yea Sunday is my least favorite day of the week, i work 8-6 every sunday, it sucks ass! lol

HER. I work at the taco bell in middlebury and just paperwork. Oops!


ME You need to be careful with that paperwork!;) How long have you been at taco bell? Tired of seeing tacos all day I bet,lol

HER Yup. About a year and a half. I need to find a new job.

ME Heck, I've been at my job for 11 yrs,lol. get out before you become part of the furniture!lol. Im getting a new job by October, it's a detirmination!

(damn thats a pretty lame covno...lol) hides in corner......

Yea, I hate to say it but you e really messed this up from the start. Glad you're here learning though. From day 1, the only value you've portrayed to her is that u can be a good friend and a good therapist. No girl wants to have sex with their friend and no girl wants to have sex with their therapist. I think the only way outta this is to start being cocky as he'll. Bridge out of the therapist role by saying, "In my experience, my partner has done this _____ when I did this _____. then explain how u fucked a bunch of HB 9's and partied your ass off and everybody wanted to be you... Etc... If she starts to get turned off by your bragging, add more funny to the cocky funny. I think with your personality though I would first concentrate on getting real cocky!

Thanks and I am slowly learning now. Why is it I see my fuck up AFTER the fact, but not DURING? LOL. Needless to say, I was asking her about school last night and her financial aid is off, and I replied this morning "that sucks!" cause I was in a hurry....no response, and I dont expect a response unless I ask more questions like I have been...but yea its not going anywhere. should I email her again with something cocky now or let her go?

I too have this problem of realizing after the fact that I've screwed up. However, I found it helpful to really think about each response and question myself:

1) What do I want to get out of this message? It depends on the situation, but sometimes it's turning the tables when she's trying to take charge, not giving in to cualification or whatever.
2) What do I, based on (1), want to say with this message?
3) What am I actually saying with the message I'm about to write?
4) What will come out of it?

If you're happy with the answers to all question, then send. Else, come up with something better.

As for your last question. Yesterday I had some sucess turning a dull interaction around by making her qualify herself. The technique I used was to state that the way she interacted with me really didn't make the cut, and then handle her arguing responses pretty much like how you'd navigate through shit tests. I finally got her to qualify herself, and throughout our discussion I kept saying that I think there's this fun, adventurous girl (qualities that I want to get out of her, more likely to lead to sex than if you bring out her gentle nice qualities) inside her, "just bring her out for me cause I can't see her right now". Be hard on her, but a bit tongue in cheek. Show her that you're not interested in monotone conversation, you're an adventurous guy!

_________________
Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

Yes I know exactly what you mean. Or even saying shit like "well...I;m not even sure if you're my type yet.." sort of speak, you get what I mean. Anyway, back to my story...I fucked up. I stopped at work tonight and this girls cousin was working and she jokingly asked "..and WHY are you talkin to my cousin online dude?" lol I kinda paused and was like "whats that..." She says (again jokingly) "yea...she said you sent her a freinds request and you guys were talking, she said your kinda creepy..." (
When I heard that, it was like a knife in my heart...yea yea call me a wuss, but it really bugged me. I know the MOTTO is "FUCK HER...NEXT!" Right? It just really got to me and made me feel so belittled, like what the fuck did I say...maybe it was my photos in general, who the fuck knows. But I waited a min after she said that and said "pfft...not worried, i doint think shes my type anyway..."

That sucks, man. But at least it's a rare luxury to get to know what they're thinking. Most girls just think whatever it is they think about you to themselves, which leaves us guessing. At least, now you can go back and see what might have given her those feelings of creepyness.

If you're sure the cousin is right about her feelings, it's pretty much lost and you're not gonna acomplish anything but more discomfort for the girl by sending her more messages (even a message saying "this is my last message, sorry you felt that way"). However, if you're not sure, you can maybe call her on it and be cheekily upset. Maybe she'll start qualifying herself from that alone (tho the chanses are probably very, very slim).

_________________
Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783

Well its making me wonder what is creep about me now. I know Im a good lookin guy! I think I was just beating around the bush too much in the convo instead of acting interested and asking her the fuck out already...she probably thought "so this guy comments on my guy issues, then just makes small talk and goes nowhere with it" I can see how that may be creepy on her end, some girl who doesnt even know me

Each situation is different, but I've actually done well in the past by being someone that listens to a girl's problems. Let's say you have a girl that has guy problems or bf problems. You have to judge if they are still in a honeymoon phase. There are times where a girl is in a mindset where you have zero chance. She's madly in love she thinks and she's going to be with this guy and has blinders on to all the rest. With someone like that, you need to cut your losses or maybe use her as a pivot. But, much of the time, since the girl is ALREADY having guy issues, you can listen and you can use all sorts of bf destroyer tactics. As long as you show physical interest in the girl and listen, you have a chance. You do have to pay attention and get a feel for how receptive she is. Yes it's simpler to go after someone drama free but these girls can be had. Most girls will cheat or have cheated. I think there is more light to situations like this than most do I suppose. I think that having a girl like this, you can easily joke to her by saying something like 'Gee if you weren't clinging to hope with this guy you could be out having fun with me.' All you need her to do is see you as an alternative to the guy that ignores her.

Yeah, that makes sense as the main point is not to become the friend that she can pour her problems out on. As long as you talk about the boyfriend on your terms, you should probably be OK. But you have to be careful not to trigger any kind of guilt switches, which is a good reason to stay of the bf topic as a general rule.

_________________
Mungo's presentation:
here-vp376783.html#376783