Hey you guys. My girlfriend told me sunday-night that she started to lose feelings for me. But she still loves me (classic).
I said my opinion, saying that, yes, the relationship had not been so exciting, but if we could have tried to spice up the relationship a bit, then we could make it work out. I said that we if NOT we were just two of us lying on the bed in my room every time we were together, but did some things together, hanging out with my friends, went to the cinema and so on could be an idea.
It dont think she understood what I tried to tell her, so first she said that we could have taken some time apart. But eventually she went more over to that it should be called a break. I said several times that there is no such thing called a break. But! I was careful to not try and convince her that I was the right one, etc.
How can I win her back?
How can I speak / behave etc. to make her feelings "work" again?
We havent talked since sunday-night (about @23:30) and now it's two days later (@01:42). Should i let her contact me or should i contact her?
Should i tell her i miss her? Or have a friend-tone?
If you have any questions, just ask!

I know that there are MANY other girls out there, but I really want her!
So please, no "moral" and "there are alot of fishes out there" etc etc etc

Man, what a shitty situation. This is partly why I hate relationships. I'm not very good at relationships, but it's my understanding that it's natural for that sexual spark to slowly diminish, especially after the first 2 month honeymoon period. At this point, it looks like people start socializing and doing activities together and the sex becomes less frequent. So, I think you have the right idea wanting to strengthen your relationship with activities that involve more than just the 2 of you. I'd say contact her, make sure she knows where you stand before she does something foolish because of a misunderstanding. At that point she either tries to stick it out with you or she pulls away.

Personally, I get freaked out when a relationship loses the sexuality and it starts getting that "brother and sister" feeling and I tend to bail out at that point. She might also be one of those kind of people. I haven't had any success trying to reinvigorate things at that point. I also think you're right when you said there's no such thing as a break.

Life is fucking crazy man. That's all I can really tell you...well;

An old wise man once told me:

"The older I get the more I realize I don't know shit"

Truer words have never be spoken.

my ex-wife and I were married for 5 years. The reason we split was because we couldn't get along at all. The sex was still amazing on both ends (in fact I still get to hit it a couple times a week-i know she absolutely loves the sex). Life is wild and things that are out of your control have a way of changing your plans.

Good luck OP

I guess something Morgan Freeman taught me is that love only lasts as long as it lasts. You can't be mad at the other person when it's gone because they don't really have any control over it. Obviously if they did, they'd choose to love you until death because that would be convenient for everyone involved, right?

Try to sort things out with her... Maybe try living the sex up a bit, i find that doing the same stuff after a while gets very boring... Go out and get a book on Karma or something of the sort, by doing that you are living things up and her attraction to you should come back again!

"... love only lasts as long as it lasts."

This is what average chump says.
However it is true - PUA knows triggers to change default scenario. If you can trigger a newly met woman to go along why cannot you do the same in LTR ?
Different ways, different triggers but rules don't change.


" ... i said her several times ..." - that was definitely wrong. if someone heard a thing once - it is either enough or repeating the same 20 times won't work either.

No,by all means give her the break she needs.
That doesn't mean ignoring her,you can text her "how are things?" from time to time and just sorta leave the conversation very light.
If she asked for a break,you can also start preparing inside for a break UP.

Thanks for all the good answers.
Poet: I'm mentally prepared for the worst, and in my head I feel like have control over the situation (I know how to handle it if we break up and so on.)

Because negs, openers, DHV, push-pull, escalation routines do not apply to a LTR, do they? Anyone who has tried to run game on their girlfriend knows it doesn't make for a good, comfortable LTR. It just makes a constant power struggle where no one can relax. No, it is not possible to extend someone's love for you, maybe a relationship coach can say differently, but you're not going to find one of those here.

U can still DHV u can still tease or C&F and have fun, of course your in an LTR so most stuff is still comfort and rapport shit, but liven it up sometimes.

_________________
Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it

Those things can definitely apply to a LTR but you have to handle them a bit differently. First and foremost, keep using cocky+funny. It's the simplest technique to build and maintain attraction.

Openers are about starting an interesting conversation... within an LTR you don't want to use canned openers, but look at the qualities that many openers have. Many of them are about drama in relationships, which is something that women love to talk about. Look around in your life or hers and see where drama is in other people's relationships, and start conversations about it.

You definitely need escalation in a LTR. If you just walk up to your girlfriend and go straight for her tits every time she will get tired of that pretty fast. You don't need to start right at the bottom of the escalation ladder, you can start with kissing on the lips or neck or any other non-sexual body part in an LTR.

Push-pull is a powerful technique for building sexual tension. Don't do it verbally like you would do in PUA but physically. For example, kissing her on the neck and running your hands over her body for a few minutes, turning her on and then pulling away and saying you have to do something else. Women love this sort of sexual tension and a man demonstrating that he is in control sexually like this.

DHV... not so much. If you use cocky+funny and can start / contribute to conversations in an interesting way that should be enough of a DHV to maintain attraction in your LTR. You still want to avoid DLV's but the occasional one is not so bad since it will demonstrate that you have some flaws just like any other human being. But too much DLV'ing and you'll get dumped.

Be unpredictable with this stuff! You don't need to do it all the time in an LTR and you shouldn't. It's the spice that makes the meal interesting. Too much and the flavor is too strong and unpleasant. Too little and the meal is bland and tasteless. Calibrate the amount you need to your GF's response.

My theory (just one possibility, im not saying its more probable than anything else):
She is "losing" something she said - maybe she's losing the feeling of BEING loved, not of loving you but your love is what seems to fade and consequently her emotions are flatlining when she's around you. However... So how do you fix a situation like that? What's the root of the problem? That is over analyzing right there! If you actually thought of that IN the situation, then I can see why she wouldnt feel loved by you - you're a million miles away in your PUA mindset. Of course it would have been a weak move to try and convince her of your qualities, but not because "it displays neediness" or something like that but because - assuming for a second that there was such a person - the "right one" wouldnt have to convince her that he is because with the right one she wouldnt doubt her relationship. Simple. BUT there is no such thing and things might work out and they might not depending on both your actions. It seems to me like the actual connection between you is somehow inhibited. If you're being distant towards her in any way at all then I'd say its that. Among other things probably but it could be the main problem.
Show her that you love her and open up! Think about the following: Are there things you always wanted to tell her, or have always played with the thought of telling her, but never did? Are there experiences you always wanted to share with her? Those kinds of things, things that happen solely inside our heads. Think about your relationship and about her in an intimate way (not sex, or, not just sex , what does she mean to you, all that romantic bullshit.
And tell her. Contact her, ask her to meet somewhere alone, and at some point during conversation - better too early than too late - bring up some of the stuff that only you know/think/feel. One example of where you are way too careful, if the hypothetical Alpha Male (i suppose you've heard of him) missed a girl, would he tell her? Yes. Because he does whatever the fuck he feels like doing, never worried about consequences that are beyond his control.
Develop a deeper connection by allowing her to get to know the real you, to enter your imaginary comfort zone.

So yeah, that could be it, and either way following my advice can't do you any harm.

Look! You can't control/extend your own feelings of love, do you honestly believe you can control/extend someone else's love for you using pickup concepts? You did your best at the time, you had a great experience, put your efforts elsewhere. Maybe in the future you'll both change enough that you can learn to appreciate eachother all over.

We are all here because we are not naturals, we do not naturally act the way we act when we're in attraction mode. In that way, we are putting on a performance, a little disguise. We are becoming unflappable, untouchable, fun-loving, negativity-avoiding men. If you think freeze outs are the way to get your girlfriend to put out when she no longer wants to have sex with you, if you think abundance mindset is the solution whenever you hit a rough patch with your LTR, then you better enjoy the single life because your relationships will not last. I know this. If pickup applies to relationships, why do our natural friends seem to be such shitty boyfriends?

"...do you honestly believe you can control/extend someone else's love "

Yes. Till certain grade.
And - not 'control'. Better word would be 'have impact'.
Obvious thing is that ANY YOUR behavior (BAH! - even words only too) has impact on other people.
Why your woman would be exception ? She is the same human type like rest of 4 billions. You may easily behave in a way to loose her love in null time, then why not reverse ? It is more difficult, to build is always more difficult than destroy, but still worth trying.

You need to understand why pickup stuff works so that you can calibrate for a relationship. Freeze outs are for dealing with last minute resistance, which is an anti-slut defense. This doesn't apply at all to a girlfriend, because if your girlfriend doesn't want to sleep with you then you aren't dealing with last minute resistance.

And I have several natural friends which do just fine in relationships.