1.

The girl at work...was a fucking siren.

She decieved me with pleasure, and kept her hands clean as I forced myself out of work, knowing I could never...

I'm sorry, I can't write this shit. She played me from the start, and I have to live with that. I have to accept that I left my job because I couldn't stand being around her.

All women are the same at root. I feel sick man. I feel sick, played, and destroyed. I feel warped. Justice...isn't.

Good doesn't exist anymore. You have to be vicious and have 3000 eyes everywhere. I was always the naive, good-hearted ... oh fuck that, no one cares about morality. I don't even know what morality is.


I found "Art Of Seduction" by Robert Greene, and through that first chapter alone, I now know my enemy. She warped my mind.



...I feel like scum. I really do. I lost big time, when I thought I was in control. I...


...I...I cannot be nice to people anymore. I am a lamb amongst wolves. My own sense of justice...is skewed by the world and it's activities.


I failed. I failed, and it feels like CRAP. I feel like a worthless human being, genuinely. Something is driving me to keep going, but now I realize, before, that I never had the guts to pursue the moments that would elevate me.

...this ain't right man. This ain't right. People aren't supposed to be THAT cruel. Girls aren't supposed to be that merciless. Why? I don't think I could ever love a woman. Ever.

That...fucking whore. That dirty whore of a witch. She fucked up my mind. I...fucked up.






...Yet, something tells me I did an excellent job, and that being fried by her was the best thing to ever happen in my life. It's as if I was just baptized into the real world, AGAIN.

Or rather...I was forced to acknowledge the realness of the real world.



Someone answer this for me: WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE, MEN AND WOMEN, SO FUCKING CRUEL?!?!

You can use the forums to keep venting but unless you keep making a conscious effort to pull you fucking life together people will get tired of you. I'm being brutally honest.
It hurts, everything hurts, everyone is against you, fuck that. They're all living their fucking lives. They're all fucking happy. They're comfortable and you're bending to their will.
Fuck it. Live your life. Don't give a fuck about women. Approach them and push it to the limit. Learn when you've pushed too hard. Keep that in mind and approach again.
Get out of your house. Find a new job. Start a new fucking life.
You're clean. Go live.

_________________
Fox

2.

A)Belief is the center of all success. I believe I CAN do anything I want, therefore, I CAN...do what I BELIEVE I CAN. The beginning is covered.

B)A great obstacle to success is EXCUSES. I quell all my excuses. Not gonna lie, it stings a bit to resist using any excuses for my shortcomings, but this is what this post is about.


In truth: I don't suck at "getting" women persay.

...it doesn't matter. I give up and quit before I even begin LOOKING at a girl.



Here's my thought.


I know what to do, how to do it, and the possible outcome, but for ME, RUNE...I feel as if I am going to be instantly rejected if I even tried.

Bam. Boom. I come in with a few words, I currently believe that any girl will say "Who the fuck are you, you loser. Get away from us", and everyone in the bar/club/setting will laugh at me, and make fun of me.


That hurts saying it...It really does. I can't convey how much of a pussy I feel like with words saying that...but it hurts to be real.

I honestly think I'm worthless in a girl's eyes. I'm not a douchebag, I have manners, I genuinely care about a girl's well being...yet, I feel conflict in me; what I learned didn't leave my being yet...as this "PUA", I feel I have to act like a jerk, be disinterested, and not give a fuck about a woman.

I see 4 girls talking and dancing, and I'm with two of my friends, and I'm going "Hmm...we're standing here, like losers. We already lost social proof. They're dancing in front of us. It's a trap; we can't go in there. They're telling me go up to them and bag. I think "We've lost momentum. The whole club perceives us as losers. We lost". They play coy, but I start to feel like a loser; the same way I felt when I was picked on and left isolated in grade school.

(It fucking hurts typing this).



I give up without even trying. I fear rejection to the point where I believe it will kill me if a girl says no to me. Hell, it's to a point where I don't think they'll just say no; I think they'll make fun of me for trying to talk to them.

I'm bad at comebacks; I'm not the insulting type. I don't like to put down people. I know how it feels to be made fun of, and it's not cool for ANY human being to be jested at. NOT COOL. I don't care if the guy is a nerd from the crack of the earth; at least softly guide him out of the club.



But, none of the people at the club even cared me and my friends were there. My own fear and hatred of people got me there.

Yes, even though I believe in my own self, and my power, I still believe all other human beings are evil pieces of shit out to hurt people like me just for sport and entertainment. I acknowledge my invulnerablity.

BUT, at this point, I don't wish harm on anyone, nor do I hope for misfortune on people better than me. I just want to be accepted by others. I want to have a group to call home. I know I do, but I want to be able to embrace others without worrying about them hurting me.

...This fear is killing me. If I don't overcome it, I'll never be able to have a relationship with a girl. Right now, I want a girlfriend. I want a girlfriend who will not cheat on me; who comes from a very humble background; who is beautiful inside and out; who is very physically attractive, and has a sweet personality. She can go out to clubs, bars, and social events, but ALWAYS with her boyfriend, and NEVER talks to other guys other than being friendly and social with them. I want a girl who can be in the moment, and love life for all it is, just like me. I want a girl that will help me become a better person, and likewise, I want to be the guy that helps her become a better woman. I want a girl to share time with; to be happy and sad with; to fight and make up with, to have sex and tease for it, to ignore her then call her at random, to go up, down, left, and right with...

I know she's out there, and I'm going to find her.


I'm scared. I don't want to believe that old PUA garbage anymore. Or rather, I'd love to learn a better understanding of relationships, and attraction. I know it's 95% me, but I want that girl to share time with. I want that babe. I want to be the girl's dream come true. I don't want to be a slimy manipulative asshole. I don't want to have to be a jockish brute.

...what should I do?