As I'm focusing on other stuff at the moment, although I'm not currently doing online dating I know when I do, I'd prefer using a standard dating site like POF and anything similar. As these sites are understandably chock full of women mostly seeking serious-monogamous relationships, with some openly saying so on their profile, I totally sympathize with that and don't rule that out for myself in future.

For guys who feel that playing the field would actually be a very healthy thing for them to do for a while, but who obviously can't say that on their standard dating site profile in case they're seen as a sleazebag, can you please suggest what to do and/or say for women met in person fron online, who you enjoy being with and vice versa, who start wanting regular contact and/or something monogamous. If it's best to be honest, how does a guy communicate that, without coming across as and/or being accused as being, a sleazebag.

First of all, no you don't want to wait in online game. In real life dating there is a sense of "loss" with online dating that connection isn't as tangible so there isn't that feeling as much when you don't write back. They just assume you aren't interested and typically move on to another guy.

If she is asking about your day then tell her and keep building that comfort or rapport. Instead of going straight to a date maybe get her # instead next and get to know her through text or phone calls first.

You should reply back quickly. Your only goal online is to go from online to in person as quickly as possible without loosing the girl of course. The sooner you can do that the more likely you are to have a date. Although, there are some women that take a bit more time building comfort before meeting.

Great question Hydro.

It is true that a lot of women on dating sites including the free ones like Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, and Singlesnet are looking for more serious relationships. I would say 95% in my area or more are looking for that according to their profile. Now like you for a while I just wanted to date or play the field, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I have found a simple solution for this. Most everyone would agree that love doesn't happen overnight nor does a relationship. You can simply tell a girl or say in your profile that you are looking for a long term relationship but you like to take your time and get to know someone.

Now whether dating for a long term relationship or just playing the field woman and men have to go on dates and see what the other person is like before they can go any further. It's not really a lie cause I'm sure if you found the perfect hot girl who you liked you would probably settle down. Girls are doing the same thing just looking for the right person.

Date and have fun. If you like a girl then great! If not then after a few dates you can always say that you just don't feel it, but think she's a nice person and go from there if you want to make her a friend or just be done. No apologies or excuses. Just make it clear you just want to date and see where it goes.

Best of Luck,

Jon

Hey smoothe i would like some constructive criticism on my game in this message exchange, i hope its not too much.Read from bottom up.



brooklyn


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT )
To: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 5:31 PM
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: . . . .




aww u have a good girl name kandice lol where u from

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 9:10 PM



Kandice


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Date: Aug 5, 2010 4:57 PM
Subject: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: . . . .




whats miss badgirlz name

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 8:47 PM



lol


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DON
To: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 4:47 PM
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: . . . .




lol ight we'll have to see about that then, i hope u can pass the test that alotta girls fail

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 7:57 PM



i'maa confident badqirl if thats what your into.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT
To: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 8:49 AM
Subject: Re: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: Re: . . . .




lol i am curious though so i have to ask.....if you could say 2 things about yourself to win mr rights heart... what would they be?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
Date: Aug 5, 2010 6:10 AM



Lmfao omg

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT
Date: Aug 5, 2010 1:13 AM



lol nice to meet u noo thanks, im David. imm good really is a short number tho



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
To:
Date: Aug 4, 2010 9:09 PM
Subject: Re: RE: Re: Re: . . . .




Noo thanks , imm qoood.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT
Date: Aug 5, 2010 12:53 AM



give me your name and number and i might just show u





----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
To: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT ()
Date: Aug 4, 2010 2:23 PM
Subject: Re: Re: . . . .




& why is that ?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I DONT HOPE FOR GREATNESS I EXPECT IT
Date: Aug 3, 2010 11:08 PM



u should

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: hb88
Date: Aug 3, 2010 10:02 PM

Do I know you?



to hb88: my opener, then response is above this.

Hey JSmooth,

I have a follow-up question about this girl, so I've been taking baby steps, respecting her rule but also getting to know her and joking around with her for a bit. I've got her phone number now and we've been texting back and forth. My question is how do I ask her if she wants to hang out now?

I was thinking about saying something like "Listen, we've been talking for a while now and its been great getting to know you. I know you have a rule against meeting guys online but I feel as if we get along really well and I would regret it for a long time if I didn't at least ask you if you felt the same way and wanted to hang out sometime and see where this goes?"

Do you think that would be fine or too direct? I'm also wondering if you think I should talk to her on the phone beforehand to build up some comfort and trust and if so what would be the best way to prime her for a call (since a random call out of the blue would probably throw her off).

Thanks!

Wow, J is basically the man! So much stuff to go through! i'm only on page 30 but am learning a lot.

I saw this girl in the hotel that i USED to be an ACQUAINTANCE with. Some years ago, I had her in her car and couldn't seal the deal (AFC). But it was the first and only night we had met

I messaged her

ME:"hey saw someone that kinda looked like you the other day, didn't look as fun or interesting though. how are you"

HB9: lol u ass that was me i just didn't quite recognize you and i was swamped with work

ME: I told her she can help me next time at the hotel if she can convince me she has a good personality.

I'm waiting her response. how many messages should i exchange before i get into # exchange?

The hotel thread is going to lose spunk soon, what should be my next attack? I'm in her league, but kind of shy. We have no mutual friends but MANY mutual acquaintances. The hotel is close, but I have no reason to stop by there, she works in the hotel restaurant

Calling Mr JSmooth

Okay recently I have started going back into the dating game after my last relationship of three years ended about 18 months ago.. I've met my X on a dating site and I always found them pretty successful. I have been reading various topics regarding online dating and I was wondering if anyone could give me some decent openers?

I have seen a few which seem quite big headed almost rude! I have used these in various chat programs to see what sort of response I get...(Test them out) I find that normally by going with the standard approach something like The really good looking girls do not respond. But if I use something like Seems to work well as far as getting a response from them. But then they tend to think your a twat. I guess if you're looking for a long-term relationship that's not good way to start or is it?

I also find that the conversation kind of fizzled out so I guess I need to escalate? But can someone tell me or at least give me a definition of escalating?

Also is it best to build things up etc over a couple of days before asking to meet or even asking for the number? Or is it best to just go ahead and do it or will it depend on the girl?

J,

Hey, I've got a pretty good MySpace set going I think, but now I'm ready to get the number. I'll skip to the part where I got her to start to talk more sexual.

Me:

Aww you be livin far away. And yeah you're goofy, I can tell...
I didn't say goofy was a bad thing.
Small town girls are either goofy, or bad girls, and I mean the feathers and handcuffs type lol

Her:

Haha ok ill admit it I am goofy hahaha
Feathers and handcuffs???? Naaaa
I go for leather and whip hahahaha jk jk

Me: (note: we have a inside joke, i tease her about replying to strangers and she teases me for hitting them up.) (I also broke my phone and am trying to buy the new one I want but it's sold out, so I'm waiting).

Ohhh leather and a whip huh goofy and bad hahah
So when a stranger goes and gets a new cell, do you think your number is gunna end up in his phone? ;]
and i know youre not jk about the whip

Her:

Haha yeh totally u can be da one in leather and ill whip
Haha soundx gudd? Haha
Haha nope...I actually have mah limitz with strangers lol

Me:

hahaha you think i'm a submissive guy? WRONG =P
Me with the whip, and you in the leather sounds best to me, (her name).
Aww you thought I was talkin bout me huh?? ;p I might have meant the other strangers you talk to.

Her:

Haha well u think iumma submissive qirl???
Wrong! Haha
What other strangerz haha
Maybe... only if they live close n look gudd hahaha

Me:

I aint wrong, ALL girls are submissive atleast alittle ;p If they're in the mood.
hahaha so you sayin I live too far and am too ugly huh, ouch!

---------

Basically, was I too wussy when I asked? I left out everything of me neging her and stuff, that was prior to these messages. Any advise would be awesome.

Thanks.

_________________
In it for the parking, ok?-

Hey guys,
I am completely new to the game. Let me introduce myself :
I don't wanna brag about my self but I think i am 10 and I've been in U.S. for 1 year.Now, I can easily open every set(100%). my problem is that since I am not american and english is not my first language i am having a hard time continuing the conversation. (my English is just OK).
So 10 days ago, at a bar I opened a 2 set girls one 9 and the other one 10. (They were taller than me -6'2 with high hills).So, after talking about 3 mins . I got the 9's number and we've been textng back and forth for 7 days.( I know it's so long).I just called her once which she didn't answer and she called me back in 10 hours which I didn't answer. She added my Facebook too. I had almost forgotten her and I think she had too. So I sent her a message on her FB and said that she is attractive and I'd like to know her better. In half an hour she responded :

"Lol. Well to be honest with you I have a boyfriend. I would love to get to know you as well and I would love it if we could hang out and get to know each other better. I am looking to meet new people here in the city. I think you are really attractive as well but I hope that me having a boyfriend doesn't stop us from being friends or getting to know each other. "

I think the only thing that she keeps responding was that she likes my look . There was nothing more... Honestly, I liked her friend way more( I think she did too) but I knew that I couldn't go so far with her since I am not so good at gaming now. So, I got the 9's number to improve my skills and see how far I could go. I just wanna know how far I can go with this girl. Is it worth taking time with her or I should keep going... What would you do if you were me? and How would you respond to her?
Thank you guys in advance!

1) Jon, I know you've got asked this before and have previously said to just ignore it, but if a lady says at the top of her profile not to contact her if you aren't over 6 foot (I'm about 5ft 10' or 11'), can you please suggest a witty comment to say to address this in one's opening message and show you've read the lady's profile and to avoid her saying back 'you didn't read the profile properly', or saying anything similar.

2) If a lady (a different one) says not to contact her if you don't live in her local area (where she resides would be about a 40 or 45 minute drive by car where I am), can you please suggest a witty comment to say to address this and show that you've read the lady's profile. I was going to say something like 'regarding your request, for myself I find that distance is only an issue of you make it one', but I don't know if it's good enough.

3) With regards to Mr. Hydro's previous question about wanting to play the field, but not being open about it, I have a similar question, that takes that a bit further. What I mean is say you meet a lady, go on 1 -3 dates and f close, then she actually asks if you want to go steady and monogamous. Most guys would go monogamous and steady, but if you don't want to (as you don't feel that's where you want to be at initially, but maybe you will later), that's where things may get awkward, so can you please suggest a strategy for how to handle that and what to say.

So 2 days ago I started pushing the POF and OKcupid game. I've got a few # closes, some emails, and some pretty awesome conversations (85+ email replies), but I'm definitely starting to lose a couple of the girls.

First question: I've got one girls phone # and she was definitely interested but has started to reply with a little less excitement. Is there something I should text to her to spark her interest, or should I send her a DHV story via POF? "You'll never guess what happened to me today..."

Second question: I don't know how to write a good DHV story. I know the key points...Leader of Men, Protector of Loved Ones, and Preselection...but do you have an example of a good story that slips those in without obviously trying to prove yourself to her (a DLV, yes?)

Third question: There is a younger girl on there that was definitely interested in me, she said "Someday when you are free come to the barn and hang out for the day" (she's into horses). But it was early on in the conversation so I didn't want to jump on it...so I said *after telling her a story about an ex gf / me and horses "Considering my last experience...that sounds like a dangerous place
to meet. Is there a beginners barn and an advanced barn maybe?"
The conversations have continued but she only replies with short answers. How do I go about keeping her interested and getting into her "barn?"

Thanks J. (I'm 23 tabs through the discussion so far, I'm going to try and finish the whole thread by this weekend).

Mig

Yo man!

Well gonna make a brief introduction.... My name is Robin and im a 16 year old kid in sweden going to gymnasium, 10-13th year in school that is. Im a pretty energetic person, social, going to the gym, not loser clother, useing some of the tips from past reading, otherwise a pretty averidge but still not kinda guy I have all the accets i need tho! and this is the tho...The problem is to say the right words in the right ockations. Like with text game. How to build attracktion in facebook or texting. How to maintain attracktion and knowing when to hit for it. Another major problem i have is my mum....and with partys but that will be fixed shorty. So question is. How to talk to girls in school in their preserving state and to text game them.

J smooth, first of all i want to thank you, you are my "style" thanks to your advice i learned a lot

Second:
I'm chatting with a nice girl. she is the twin of my Best Friend Girlfriend.
Sometimes i met her but i usually chat with her.

Last Week she asked me if i had i GF(but my FB status is "single") and she asked me if i was interested on younger girls(she is 7 years younger)
Then i DHV and i asked "And you?what about your boy"

She answered "I have a problematic relationship, but why do not we take a coffee and speak?i will invite your bf and my twin"

It's an IOI or she thinks im funny and she want only my friendship?
Or she want to go with her sister only because she has already a BF?

Jon, hope things are ok with you. Can you please suggest a witty subject line and also a witty scripted message for messaging a lady who hasn't logged into her online dating account for say 1 month, so rather than wasting one's time writing something lengthy, a guy just wants to check if she's still around and will reply, then he'd mention that he'd write something a little more substantial, in another message, if there's a reply.

Greetings, Mr. Smooth. Or should I call you J? I've already got a friend named J so that might be easier. Is it too forward to call you a friend already?

Look at me, I've already asked not one, but two questions and I haven't even gotten to the point! Where are my manners? Deployments will do that to a man.

So check this out: As I mentioned, I'm deployed to Afghanistan right now and I won't be back in America for another six, seven months. In order to keep myself from getting rusty I've been using Facebook chat to stay in the proper mindset and try different kinds of interactions. I'm never directly hitting on any of them, just my usual absurd banter with a dash of flirty suggestiveness so I'm not seen as a friend.

My question is this, how do I keep myself fresh over a long period of time? I don't want to make myself stale, but I don't want to disappear from their minds either. I'd go the messaging route instead of chatting since that limits me to whoever's on back in America at the time but I'm way better "in the moment."

_________________
Only one thing could cure this: Dance Music.