What a story this has been, any help at all is much appreciated!

So I've been seeing this girl for 5 months, and we've been an official couple for 1 month. I really like her and I THINK the feeling is mutual lol. She is very introverted and she represses a lot of her thoughts, anyways I'm her first REAL boyfriend, I've met the parents, the brother and sister etc. They all seem to approve, she's never had any guy meet her family, so that says something.

Here's a couple of my issues though, I am a very affectionate person by nature so when I'm with her I like holding her hand, kissing her, hugging her etc. I ALWAYS have to initiate, is that normal? Is that an Alpha thing to do? I asked her onetime why she never initiates anything and she said "I just like the guy to do everything." So is she submissive? I don't mind doing it when it's appropriate, like to have my arms around her at a party or something, but it's nice sometimes to just be kissed cause she wanted to.

Also she is a virgin, and she says she wants me to be her first, but she wants everything to be PERFECT. I said I understand and I'm glad that you would want that with me etc. Then I said "we can do other stuff though" she agreed....we still haven't done "other stuff"

I want to bring it up but she get's freaked out by sex I think. When we make out it's great, but I don't get passed getting under her shirt

With all this I keep thinking she doesn't like me or feel attracted to me, cause if she did she would throw herself at me right??? But then I look at the other things of how she introduces me to her friends like "This is my Boyfriend, BONES" and I met her parents and stuff.

Lastly, yesterday she told me "Im sorry for being such a crappy girlfriend, you deserve better." I called her on it and saw her later and said "What'd you mean by that, did you want to break up??" She said "No. I just think you deserve better, you're amazing in every way." I played it C&F and said "Well when you got fillet mignon here!" and pointed at myself, she laughed. Truth is she's not a crappy girlfriend, I'm just an awesome boyfriend, am I too awesome?

Lots of help needed here, I feel like I'm getting AFC and losing my Alpha edge. What are some ways to keep attraction up in the early part of the relationship?



btw, I posted a lot on the boards today just so I can post in this section! Lol, I have a feeling i'm gonna be in this part for a while.

Hey, I'm assuming this girl is pretty young and you probably are too so I hope what I have to say helps you out a bit...
That definitely says something! Is she close with her family? Is she the type of girl who cares what her family thinks of her and her friends/boyfriends? Because I am very close to my family and I seek their approval with serious boyfriends. My parents have met my current and my ex-boyfriend because they are the only 2 serious ones I have had. My parents and sister hated my ex and love my current boyfriend - turns out they were right about my ex!!
Do you always do this in public? Because maybe she is the kind of person who doesn't enjoy PDAs and feels uncomfortable? You have only been officially together for 1 month so she is probably just wanting to take it a bit slower seeing as you are her first boyfriend. When my boyfriend and I started going out, I was always cuddling and kissing him as well and he didn't really initiate it with me. However, nowadays, we are equal in this and it was only because he was a little unsure with me at the beginning and didn't want to get too comfortable too quickly.
Yes, she sounds quite submissive or else she is just holding back a bit because she isn't 100% comfortable with you yet (this is not a bad thing by the way!)
I think she is scared and doesn't want to lose you by giving it up too early. I made my ex wait for 2 months before we slept together (and I wasn't even a virgin) because I was worried that I would ruin everything if we went too fast. We did "other stuff" but I wasn't 100% comfortable with it because I didn't want him to think I was "too easy" or a "slut".
Just wait - if you really like this girl, I promise you it will be worth the wait. Do not bring it up because she will feel like you are pressuring her. Just let her call the shots. Losing one's virginity is a big deal especially for females. It can't just be a snap decision.
It seems like she does like you a lot but is insecure about a variety of different issues. Just remember you are her first boyfriend, so she is still learning how to be a girlfriend. And I believe the reason why she isn't "throwing herself at you" is because she wants to take things slowly and she is scared. Losing one's virginity is scary - once it's gone, it can't be found again. And it is something that people can spend their whole life regretting.
Maybe subconciously and without meaning to, you are projecting slight resentment towards her in regards to the fact that you can't get any further than making out with her. And this is making her feel insecure about being a girlfriend. You just have to reassure her that you are with her because you want to be with her. You ask "am I too awesome?" - well I'll answer you with this - is she worth it? If yes, then you are not too awesome for her. Treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
Challenge her and keep having exciting and different dates.

Anyway, hope this has helped a little.

Good luck!

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

Were not young, there is an age gap though, I'm 22 and shes 19.


Yes she is. When I ask her what's important to her in life, she always responds with family, and never misses a beat. Shes close with her siblings especially (which I've met) She also told me after I met her older sister, that she (her sister) approves.
Yep, guilty. Usually it is in public, we don't spend a TON of time alone, were always out with her friends (which all like me btw and they're pretty cool peeps so i like them too)
Yeah I know she's holding back a lot, she represses a lot of her thoughts and emotions most of the time, when she opens up though I take it seriously and never try and damage her.
So true, I always tell her I'm not pressuring her, which I'm not, but in my head for some reason I think I'm running against the clock. I haven't figured out why yet, I need to get over that!
You are absolutely correct! I do catch myself projecting that resentment, and I need to remind myself that I am her first boyfriend, she is new to this and I recognize that, so I must be patient. And she is absolutely worth it! I wouldn't be so wound up in it if she wasn't. It's been a lot of stress on my life, but she really does make me smile. She is a great girl and she "gets me" I need to stop with my preconceived ideas and just learn to be patient. She is a wonderful girl though, I'm happy I didn't die before I met her

I called her today, kinda late though, she was probably sleeping or not taking calls, anyways I kept it light and just said for her to call me back tomorrow or something. It's hard sometimes, you just wanna tell em everything good that you feel about them, but you gotta play it cool and keep it high brow lol. Ugh, I got it bad! Thanks for your help! You are awesome, I'll keep you posted

Stay Alpha!

God, virginity. So much fucking weight for a concept that's no longer relevant now that we have birth control. First off. It will NEVER be perfect. Never. This is a common excuse virgins will use to keep from having sex. They can do this until they're 30 and then they feel like they missed the boat and fuck the first sloppy guy that has the balls to go for it. Mmm, nothing like perfection!

Do you care about her? Do you find her sexually exciting? Are you a great guy? This is more than most girls can ask for. This girl would be lucky if you were her first. I went on a total rant, but THIS IS THE PART YOU HAVE TO READ TWICE. Things you don't understand are scary: zombies, aliens, inbred hillbillies. She is never going to become comfortable with sex and foreplay if you leave her alone. The way to make sex less scary to her is to get her familiar with your body, her body, and all the strange things you can do. Present it as getting more comfortable and familiar with each other. And once she's been playing around for a little bit, she'll realize sex isn't as strange and scary as she thought. Her fear is getting in the way of the reality and the only way to beat that is to give her the reality in small doses.

I agree with minsok but I want to add;

Convince her that the first time WON'T be "perfect" or spectacular, that's bullshit. It'll be awkward, she probably won't enjoy it, and it'll probably hurt too. Let her know that it's just something that gets better over time.

You can of course, do your best to make it as special as possible, and you can let her know that too - but odds are it isn't going to be great.

Minosk is right you gotta get rid of the fear in small doses.

As for keeping things exciting, it only sounds tough. It's all about being spontaneous and taking her out of her comfort zone. Get that adrenaline flowing. Take her somewhere you're not supposed to be e.g:
We once climbed to the top of a building together, had to use ladders and shit. The whole time she was afraid of getting caught but she was with me so I told her it would be ok and she calmed down.
Trust me she'll be telling her friends about a night like that and get that spark erupting into a flame

Good luck man!

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Fox

Based on what you're telling us and the way she acts towards you, it seems like there's a potential for more attraction to be made.
Right now, it seems like you're playing the "boyfriend" role too seriously.
Try being her friend more often in terms of teasing, innocent kino and negging.

Having sex and being intimate with her shouldn't be your goal.
Instead, you should try to make her feel comfortable around you while giving her emotional excitement. Introduce a tad bit of doubt in the relationship to get her to "want" you more. (I'm not gonna explain it here but PM me if you'd like)
Try gauging her emotions more often when you are alone with her, give her some push-pull, and tell her some stories.
Not only will this bring you guys closer but it'll help you get rid of your insecurities and show her that you're an interesting and fun guy to be around.

When she feels even more emotionally involved with you, she'll naturally begin to open up and reveal her own emotions, in which you are able to satisfy by being emotionally stable yourself.

By the way, does she happen to be older than you?

No she's 19, I'm 22. I did a lot of the push pull and teasing, c&f early on when we first starting hanging out, somewhere along the line I did lose a lot of my game with her. I've been seeing her for 5 months now, but we just became official a month ago. You're absolutely right though, I've noticed it too, I still do my teasing and such but not nearly as much before. Partially because shes my girlfriend, I don't need to be a a "jerk" anymore right?

I'm realizing though, now it's important to keep that game up, stay alpha, and smash neediness. I'm seeing her and her friend tomorrow, then saturday it's her friends bday with A LOT of her (my gf) old friends being there, and probably her "ex-boyfriend" (it's in quotes cause they were never together, but she had feelings for him and he slept with her best friend) So in a way I want to be able to prove to these people that I am FAR more ALPHA than that guy, I think I need to make it clear though that she is MY GF, am I wrong on that? But I also want her friends to see that I am fun guy and not needy. Ugh, this is sooo complex!

A relationship is not going to last if you guys don't share a specific goal or able to picture each other in the future. (creating security and comfort)

Are you ready to be her first? Do you know if she is desiring long term or short term relationship?

If she is desiring long term relationship, try to bring up stuff that will get her to think about having a future with you. Once she is able to do that and feel secure that you will be in her future (and not leave her), she will give her all [she will start initiating].

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"There is always a solution to even the hardest problem in life."

"If something is important enough to you, you won't give up"

1st issue I ALWAYS have to initiate, is that normal?.... its not about normal or not normal; imo she is just shy and inexperienced; however not everyone is so naturally very 'huggy'...she is looking for reassurance that you want her, but maybe not even realising you want the same from her; perhaps you could tell her that it would be nice to be kissed just cause she wanted to..dont tell her what she is doing now is wrong, just tell her how good it would make you feel if she did it the next time you saw her? if she doesnt do it, the first time, it may be cos she feels self conscious, dont pull her up on it, just tell her again - my bf is always patient with me like this, and it always pays off

2nd issue she is a virgin, and she says she wants me to be her first, but she wants everything to be PERFECT. I said I understand and I'm glad that you would want that with me etc. Then I said "we can do other stuff though" she agreed....we still haven't done "other stuff". This is two issues really i guess. so first things first.
Other stuff....are you expecting her to come up with this? maybe she doesnt know what you mean? are you expecting her to initate this other stuff? can you be specific to her about exactly what you have in mind? are you talking mild breast massage or full on deep throat and a**l - sorry if that is full on but i think you should be clear in your own mind and to her - its always good to manage expectations when creating change
on the losing virginity thing - you need to find out what 'perfect' means to her when she says that? is she just talking candles and romantic music in her bedroom at the weekend, or full on nuptials, or being taken away on a romantic weekend .... or what? ask her how she envisages it?

3rd issue she represses a lot of her thoughts - this really comes above the other two i think - perhaps you need to get past this one before you move onto issues 1 and 2 above - i wonder whether rather then actually repressing her thoughts, maybe she just doesnt trust you with them - if she doesnt trust you then you wont get past issues 1 and 2. - this is the biggy imo. Tell her that she can trust you, she can tell you anything, you will never judge her etc etc, repeat this a lot. you could try this game, you tell her one thing in exchange for her telling you one thing and so it goes on. Make sure you never laugh and never break her confidences.

Remember this: Our deepest fears are what we hide the hardest from people, get her to tell you what she is scared of; ask her directly? say "what would be the worst that could happen if we did this or that...?"; you may need to share a little with her first tho?

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James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

There is a possibility that she could be lying to you as well, her story is confusing. But let's hope it's not that. I knew a virgin once, and her friend told me "virgin ya, but in the mouth, hell no, she's a slut, she's blowed way too many women"

True story. Just a thought to think about! :p