So I've been dating this girl for a couple weeks. I see her a couple times a week, we have sex maybe once a week. I took her to the movies today and tried to set up a time to go back to my place since she has to get up early in the morning. We got into an argument because she's annoyed that I always push for sex and I'm annoyed that she never makes the fucking effort. She wants me to date her for her and not just for sex and I explained if we're not having sex then we should just be friends. I asked her what the hell she wants me to do, just act like a eunich that isn't interested in sex, let her be the man and initiate sex? She said I needed to think about it and left.

So now I'm pissed off. I feel like a chump, paying this girl's way and shit while she doesn't even try to fulfill my relationship needs, which partly consists of not feeling like a starving man constantly begging for sex. She's worried that if she doesn't say no, I'll lose interest. It's more like if she never says yes I'll lose interest and she'll turn it around into making me look like all I wanted was sex. I need advice on how to get her to do shit for me like I do shit for her without making it sound like all I want is sex, (which is fucking retarded because I'd just dump her ass if I didn't like her). At this point I'm just going to masturbate before I see her and treat her like my sister, because I'm pissed off. Good idea/bad idea?

in all honesty bro you just gotta put her in the mood. If you do it properly and sex is good then no girl is gonna complain. If shes complaining you have sex too much its either A) cuz u do have sex too much. which is hard to do so i doubt its that one B) your just not pleasing her.. and im not trying to be an ass.. But one of my good friends from high school was notorious for saying to her boyfriends that werent too good in the sack.. idk just trying to help.. TALK TO HER!

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and i forgot the last part.. she might just not have a very big sexual drive.. which i have seen before too.. and thats the most frustrating one.. like i said talk to her.. communication is key... freezing her out might be a good idea.. if you stop initiating sex she might end up craving it... but who knows.. im not a master.. just giving a fellow pua some advice!

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Arousal is not the problem. The problem is she'll deliberately avoid going to my house because she knows it's game over if I can get her somewhere private. She's worried that if we have sex too much, I'll get bored and lose interest. It's this mindset I need to defeat.

It would be super easy to guilt her into it by saying, "Oh, you must just not enjoy me sexually," or "I buy you flowers and shit, I like to please you, why can't you do the same for me?" but I feel like this is passive aggressive. I want her to want to have sex on her own, without "bullying". Is asking for sex more than once a week expecting too much? We're just starting out and this is a problem, is this relationship doomed?

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31 and still figuring it out.

dude the girls i get into relationships with i have sex with once a day.. once a week is not nearly enough.. You need to be the alpha and grab her and be like were gonna have sex and were gonna have a sexual relationship or were not gonna have a relationship at all. thats what i would do at that point. and if she continues to put up a wall then find a chic who wants to please you and put a smile on your face!

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It could be you didn't escalate properly,you have made the association sex=rush.Maybe her ex did.
Take a step back,actually do lose interest a bit-slowly not sudden- since she doesn't give you what you want.I believe you set up a bad frame for the future relationship if you just accept things,but i could be wrong.

There is no future relationship if things don't change. Bottom line. I have a lot of stress right now, last thing I need is a girlfriend that can't be bothered to try and please me occasionally. I think I'm just going to freeze her out. I don't have the money to spend on her selfish ass and I am horribly aggravated with her baggage. She told me last week that she was going to make more of an effort (sexually) because she knew her baggage was irrational and she was just making excuses to avoid it. Now she's giving me the same old excuses.

I'm just torn whether I should call her out on this to see if she'll correct it, or if I should just give her the cold shoulder. I think if I want a lasting change, I have to call her out on it. Freezing her out seems like it would only work one time. I plan on having a talk with her tomorrow. I'm ready to walk, this is just too much goddamn stress for 2 weeks. So I guess it's win-win for me. Either I lose this stress in my life, or she makes the time for intimacy.

exactly. I dont think freezing her out is the way to go.. just tell her either you change or i walk.. and give it some time.. but if she doesnt then u walk

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Make sure you're talking to other girls. If she senses competition, she'll feel more of a need to qualify herself to you. Don't cheat on her, but it's good to let her know that your a prize and that you could get attention elsewhere if she's not willing to give it.

Play Hot/Cold. For the next month, hang out with her minimally but don't act sexually interested at all. Then jump on her and then go back to being cold.

Never ask for sex. If she doesn't give it to you enough, walk. You WILL find another girl whose twice as good as your current girlfriend who wants to have secks every 10 minutes.

If she thinks you're only into her for secks, in a way she's right. Technically that's the only reason guys are into girls who aren't just "friends." She's being stupid and the best way to handle behavior like that is with a reward/punishment system. Play cold for as long as you can, and when she eventually initiates secks, buy her flowers or something and give her more attention. When she's being dumb, withdraw your attention but DON'T get mad or show that it phases you in any way.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Hmmm. That seems like valid advice. I'm not very good at this relationship thing. I gave it some thought though, and now I'm angrier than when I started. I feel like she's totally just using me to get her romantic needs and hasn't done shit for me in return. Literally, the only thing she's done for me at all is let me bang it out twice. And in a way I feel like that shouldn't even count. I've been pretty generous and she's being totally stingy. Maybe she just doesn't want to give up the power or whatever, but I deserve better than this. I'm going to call her when she gets off work and let her know I need someone more generous. Either way, I'll continue talking to other women.

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31 and still figuring it out.

Wow I don't know how far this has progressed since you posted this, but man you need to listen up and listen good.

You are so damn sure she's thinking that if she has sex with you, you'll lose interest, so she's deliberately stringing you along. How do you know this??

You said you dated a couple of weeks, and you had sex once a week. That means you had sex twice. Once was bad, second time she gave you the benefit of the doubt but it was still bad. This is what she meant by "think about it".

Think about it - if she enjoyed the sex, she'd want to do it again. In fact way back when she told you she had to get up early in the morning was your first sign she's trying to avoid sex.

And judging by your attitude here, it's not surprising. Sex is something YOU want, and you are trying to get from her as payment. With that attitude, you are probably really selfish in bed and no fun. It's no wonder she's withholding it from you till she sees a bit less selfishness from you.

The only way back into her pants now is for you to show your "empathetic and caring" sexual side through body language, tone of voice, actions, etc. (Not words)

Work on it.

I'm only cruel to be kind, and the fact is you're acting like a little brat, arguing with her about when you should get sex, and how you "deserve" it for paying her way. No wonder she's behaving this way. The language of sex is mostly emotional and of the body - only in minor amounts does it exist in material things (money) or words.

Look, I've never had complaints about my performance before (except when I was genuinely just using the girl and didn't care), so I assume I'm doing good. But I'm going to keep an open mind because maybe you are right, maybe I'm not doing it like she wants and making her cum twice a session isn't satisfying enough for her. She's told me multiple times that her last relationship failed because it was purely sexual and she doesn't want that to happen here, so that's where that comes from (he also cheated on her... for some reason...).

As for being selfish. Maybe, maybe that's why I'm not good at relationships. But in my mind a relationship is a bank account. You put a little in, the other person takes a little out. The other person puts a little in, you take some out. So far, she hasn't put in shit and I am now bankrupt. I've been giving my sexual side through body language, I only talk about what's not working as a last resort. So let me ask you, how do I show my empathetic and caring side with someone who doesn't seem to give a shit about making our relationship work? I just don't care that much anymore. I am on E.

I was going to leave this part out... but it might clarify the picture somewhat and show you I'm not a total douche. Before she was my girlfriend, she was giving me incredible LMR. I mean, I had never gotten LMR before and I knew I was overdue, but it was really off the charts and nothing seemed to break it. So finally I just told her to come clean with me because she seemed to want sex as much as me and she told me she came back herpes positive 6 months ago. She expected me to kick her ass to the curb, but I kind of like her, so I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend, which made her really happy. She also says she's only ever been used for sex and no one's ever really treated her like a girlfriend, so this is the BULLSHIT I am putting up with. 1/3 sexually active women have herpes, so it's not like I haven't dated someone who's had it before (and screwed a ton of infected girls, you're pretty safe if they don't have symptoms and you use protection).

So I have the baggage of her feeling sexually disgusting combined with the baggage that she has no FUCKING CLUE how a healthy relationship works. Also, I think I'm being used because she has never ONCE said she likes anything about ME, just the shit I do for her like buy her flowers and take her to expensive meals. I think she's just desperate because she knows nobody else is going to be man enough to try to have a relationship with her since she has a disease. That all sounds insecure to me, though, I prefer to think I'm sexually adept and a lovable guy, but I figure you guys maybe need to see another side to me occasionally.

This is all shit I'm going to talk to her about in 8 hours.

well let me say I have never dated a woman with herpes.. so i feel for you on that one. It kinda all makes sense now when you were talking about baggage earlier and shit, and to be honest your kinda putting yourself out there considering you dont have it, and your right most people would throw her to the curb but you didnt. She should be a lot more giving, but then again cuz i love playing devils advocate have you ever thought that maybe since she contracted it shes been freaked out about sex. Its like riding a motorcycle once you crash your always scared shitless.. i know this first hand.. you ride safer you dont do stupid shit like in the beginning.. ( been riding motorcycles for 2 years crashed a year in).. maybe thats the way she feels about sex.. she crashed and burned when she tested positive now shes just totally freaked out about the thought of sex... and she just hasnt told you!? idk just a thought

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No, she told me that it freaks her out, that's why she had LMR in the first place. But we got over that and she said she'd try to have a normal sex life, which is recommended for everyone with herpes. That lasted like a day. And now she's just giving me bs excuses. I'm the one who's taking the risk with her. But fuck it, you know it does make my life easier to just let her sabotage this relationship. I don't like the idea of not being able to have unprotected sex in the future because of the off chance I contract herpes here. Maybe it's a little immature of me, but I also think she should be SOMEWHAT FUCKING grateful to have a man that cared about her enough to try to make it work. Sorry I'm talking so much, but I haven't been able to tell the full story to my friends or roommate to protect her privacy.

trust me bud I get it. I am in the same position of putting myself out there and getting almost nothing in return. Its frustrating as hell to feel like your putting in all the effort trying to make things work.. and all it feels like the girl is doing is sabotaging or just making things more and more complicated

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