I don't want to be a hypocrite, but I want to tell the truth.

Don't be Savior or a Martyr for a woman you are romantically involved with. It will never, ever, ever, ever work out happily for you. It doesn't matter how you feel about her. It doesn't matter if she is hot.

If you don't fix/save her, she will drive you nuts or drag you down.

If you do fix/save her she will leave you in a split second to start her new phase of life.

thats just the way it is. either accept it or learn the hard way.

I think the humane thing to do is tell her she really needs therapy and be honest with her about your feelings so you are not stringing her along.

THEN you figure out why YOU picked this low self esteem woman. Perhaps you could use a little therapy yourself ?

Your right in what you say, similar to my post. They just bring you down.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Man im in the same boat.. when i first met my girlfriend a year ago (been dating for 8 months) i thought she was high value, thats one of the main reasons i was attracted to her. She was confident, outgoing, funny, positive, really energetic, etc... just like me. However over time i learned that the truth was she really isnt that person and she knows it too.

She has low self esteem, she doesn't carry herself well, no self worth, she seeks validation from other people, even her family. And I can say that since then, I am not the same person either... i find that now i spend my time being stressed, she frustrates me, and i get mad easily.. which i was always known for not being quick to anger, i was also alot more patient, and i smiled and felt positive mostly all the time. I can say that its made me feel less attracted to her since i found out see doesn't have any self esteem, and i have had alot of good times and memories but i think ive been more miserable than ever.

Part of the reason she has these problems is because of her past... she was sexually abused as a child, raped last year, has had physically abusive parents and relationships, a mother that does not care for her, and abandonment issues. We have been reading an excellent book on how to heal from these things and i have seen progress... but alot of times i ask myself is it worth it?

I find it interesing that you say that it makes you feel stressed, as it makes me feel pretty stressed as well, and I'm known for being laid back. I wonder why it's so stressful, perhaps it's the constant seeking for validation, or inappropriate offence taken from light hearted statements or jokes.

Guys it isn't worth it, is a girl bringing you down to feel like shit worth it? Do you want to feel like shit? Do you want to feel like your constantly walking on egg shells?

Don't you want to be yourself? Of course you do.

It is not worth it, as stated before by myself, these women will never make you happy, just bring you down. You get one life, be happy, don't let her bring you down, I've been there, and only lately I've been feeling better. Sure i's hard to walk away, but that's the hardest step. Once you start meeting other girls, who are fun and bubbly, you realise things.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Wow this topic really helps me out. I just got out of a 2½year long relationship (I'm 21 now), where precisely this happened. When we got together I was definitely a higher value person than her, but I loved the shit out of her for exactly who she was. I honestly believe that I really helped her become more confident in herself, but thinking back on it I seem to recall that she would start criticising some silly thing about me (just minor rather unimportant things). It never phased me because I always knew that she was just wrong/I didn't really care about it, so I just ignored these things.
But now a few weeks ago we both finally realised that we had lost our chemistry over the course of several months, so we decided to end it.

My person hadn't changed for the worse at all (if anything then for the better), but she would suddenly start making silly demands for how our relationship should work, and even at one point said she had "outgrown" showing intimacy regularly. (not talking about sex which was never an issue, but just the small things like hugging, kissing and just being passionate about each other in general.)

I just now realise how dysfunctional it was...

It's good for people to post their stories etc, gives an idea to people of what a lot of us have been through, and it does make you feel better.

Bottom line is, don't let anyone bring you down or make you a worse person, if they try to, they clearly aren't worth it.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Same principle in pick as in pickup.
Punish bad behavior and reward the good.

Ive been sleeping with a chick who has low (getting better) self esteem SPAM. Yeah I started with the nice "oh, no your not, your gorjouse" for abit till I thought fuck it. When she says "I'm getting fat" I say "Yeah I know, infact get out of the car, you can run along outside of the door till you loose wieght" (in a cocky funny way) and she'll cut it out. Slowly she's learnt not to do it and has been haooier since I stoped putting up with it.

The subconcouse mind works to get us want we want. Women want attention and if you give it to her when she put's herself down or gets jelouse then shell keep doing that. If she must face her insecurities to get attention then she will eventually do that. Just human nature.

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Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com

MY experience:

She has low selfesteem.. Talk to her about it, why does she have it? If she is not, objectively, fat, and she is good looking.. She might still have low selfasteem issues.. This is probably caused by experience in the childhood and so on..

What can you do? You fill her up with compliments?

You can try, if it works, then you were the problem... And now its solved..

But if it isent working.. Its probably because she just ignores you compliments.. She will think that your compliments are "misguided" by you love and affection to her..
Like "when you love me and therefor to you i look pretty but IRL im ugly" blah blah..

So you need to show her, that you are NOT subjective... That your taste in anything, is not influenced by feelings..

This will take some time for her to understand.. First of all you need to tell her that you are not influenced, by anything [Alpha].. Then you need to, be like that, always, so she will believe you..

Now how do you do that?

Do not say she is beautiful, when you dont think she is beautiful...

If she hasent washed her hair for 3 days, she just woke up, no makeup, no shower.. You cannot tell her she looks good.. She will not believe it..
Yet, dont say she looks ugly.. Just dont say anything at all..

Give her compliments when she has made herself look good... Showered... Got in clothes that you like.. MAkeup the way you like.. Ects..

Also make sure you point out one of her less-perfect parts of her body, that she is selfcounsioues about.. And tell her how you love how they are not perfect.. How you love that her ears are flipping out to the side a little.. That it makes you smile..
How you love it that one of her toes, or fingers are not straight..

Tell her that these small things make you smile, and make in a good mood..


When you go out, she is wearing sexy clothes, thong, your favorite bra.. nice hair.. and makeup.. You tell her how good she looks with that dress.. Tell her how much joy she gives when she is smiling... and kiss her, love her for the way she is!..

Love her imperfections, love her perfections... and she will start loving her imperfections also.. and she will accept the person she is...

If she is also selfcounsiouss about other things, than her looks

Or anything else..

Its also a good idea to raise her "inner game" a little..
I tell my girlfriend the same type of things i tell myself...

Tell her how lucky she is, to have such an amazing boyfriend that loves her for who she is.. That is honest with her, that she can trust.. Tell her how lucky she is that she got into college and she is doing well.. That she got such a wonderful family.. Tell her all of the beautiful and amazing things in life she is able to give you..

Tell her how important she is...

Well said Bimm3r. Relationship's are about respect, communication and trust. You have to tell her what's what, let her know about certain situations, but don't give your all into her.

Sometime's if you ignore her negativity, she will get over it, I've witness it, or you can call her out on it, which I have done with women on a few occasions, and worked wonders, got them thinking.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

i'm just pissed i never read this thread before. been with this girl for the last 3 months...saw her every single day and actually had some real feelings.

last week we smoked weed and she got all emotianal and started telling me how perfect evrything is, how nice i am...bla bla bla and that she's not worth it. i did manage to make her feel better that night, but since then it got worst and worst.

last night she brought the subject up again, but no matter hard i tried to make her realise that what she says is not true, was in vain. Can't really complain for the time before...but after last week she dragged me down aswell.

oh well, back in the game

Not to jump on the bandwagon but yeah - I dated a girl for a good while that had a similar situation (lack of a parent/parenting issues during childhood) and every re-assurance, attempt to comfort, would last for maybe a few hours until she was back on the insecurity train. (in other words, there's no way in hell you're going to be able to console her insecurities for much longer than a few days at a time)

I'm a pretty firm believer that girls like this will never change until they either 1. mature past the bullshit naturally or 2. get help for themselves

1. will only happen once she dumps you/boyfriend ___ for her own self-esteem and then regrets it 1-3 years later when you're successful and off with someone else. In this scenario, she's now "fixed" for her next relationship where she becomes normal and has a terrific life, yadda yadda

2. is RARE and I've never heard of this actually working/going anywhere - in fact the girl I dated had seen a psych for some of these issues but eventually nothing was different. at all.

whatever you figure out let us know.


Btw, last thing, probably the most important. Girls like this who are miserable with themselves, will only find happiness in bringing you down with them! They will do everything they can to shit on your parade in order to bring you at the same level as they are in terms of happiness. (this is an extreme example, but I'm willing to bet you know exactly what I'm talking about). When it comes to continuing "pua" after the pickup, this is where it comes into play - for inner game issues where girls will attempt to manipulate, control, and sabotage you into their shit parade of unhappiness.

Well said and the moral of the story in my eyes is:

Stay away from women with problems if you want a happy life, and happy relationship, with no bullshit you'll have to constantly go back to.

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Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

if you follow this advice, you'll never find a woman. they all have issues. it's programmed into them...

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

ah there's still life in this thread, well things certainly have got alot worse for me, she's now suffering from some major depression, luckily we've finished college so we're living miles away for the summer, but the phone calls are terrible.. long pauses, doesn't really say anything, constantly sounds unhappy, doesn't find anything funny and complains at me for various things... honestly when the phone goes off it sends a bloody shiver down my spine in case it's her.

in light of this, i think it may be time to move on. however i'm afraid of doing that at the moment in case she may do something silly. :-/