I dated a girl on and off until about 3 weeks ago. We had a big blowup, and frankly while I know she is just not ever a match for me, I blame myself a lot and feel like a complete jerk. And while I do not want to get back with her, I DREAD running into her someplace. The last time that happened, we sort of hooked up and talked about getting together again, then the big blowup happened and here I am.

Anyway, I've spent the last 3 weeks working hard to get in shape, talk to other girls, and generally get my head in a good place where I'm confident about things. And I've been doing great.

But here's the thing...there's a big event in our city in two weeks...it's a charity auction, social event, and gala put on by a lot of people and companies in the community. I was on one of the committees putting it together. Now that it's approaching, I've told people I just don't want to go. I have no idea if she will be there, I just feel like it's the kind of place she would be. And if she were there, it would probably be with a date, or at least a few friends, including male friends, that she never let me meet. I'm afraid it would not only be awkward, but possibly hostile, or in the opposite direction, possibly lead to us "talking" again, which I just do not want to drag myself through.

My friends tell me I need to go, and that they'll protect me or distract me. But even if so, I think she'd just see me alone, not with a date, or she'd just judge me. I don't want to be a wuss. And I don't want to let her have that much power, but also right now I've been doing SO good, and I don't want to hurt seeing her with someone, or even just with a group of people and not with me. I also think I'll be scanning the crowd constantly just looking for her, even if she is there. And again, I have NO idea that she will, but in a crowd of 500-750 people, there's that chance, and I'd just rather be protective of myself right now.

Help! I want to get past this hump and keep moving forward. And I want to get to a point where seeing her just is no thing at all. What does everyone thing? Any advice?

The only way to fully get over someone is time.

I understand exactly where you're coming from. When my ex and I broke up, I was happy and felt free. But then we started talking again and kept getting back together and breaking up - this happened for 2.5 years and drove both of us crazy. He was always jealous when I tried to move on with another guy. And I would feel guilty and we would get back together. The way how we stopped this was to completely stop seeing each other. I have had to give up some of my friends because he was still seeing them and I just knew I couldn't have anything to do with him even remotely if I was to get over him. It has now been a couple of years since I saw him (last time I saw him, we slept together!) and I am so happy with my current boyfriend, I don't even think about the ex. He has tried to talk to me, but I just ignore it because I know, like you seem to know, that it's over and I no longer want him in my life so what's the point of keeping him around?

I suggest you go to this event. There is the chance you won't run into her if it's a really big event. I still go to events where this is a possibility I will run into my ex but if I did, I would just be civil with him, but not too friendly. This is what I suggest you do. Just go and have fun with your mates. If you do see her, pretend like you didn't and let her come to you if she sees you. Chances are, she may not even approach you. Then you don't have to worry about anything. If she does approach you, be civil with her, but not too friendly and then just tell her you have to go meet up with some other friends and they will be wondering where you are or something along those lines.

If she is with another guy, do not even think about it. You no longer want her and if seeing her with another guy upsets you, it's just your ego talking so you need to shut that voice up and ignore it. Remember that she is your past - other girls are your future.

Have fun at the event and game lots of other girls!

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

What, really, is the worse that could happen? You dated the chick, sure it was a big blowup but man, move on to another one. You definitely should go to the event and meet other girls there; those sort of events always have chicks who're in a variety of committees. You already have something in common with those other girls, so it's half-easy to meet/meat them now. Forget about this one chick, many more will come your way. Definitely go to that event and don't give a fuck about anything. Trust me, you'll feel more of a man doing that than staying away.

I'm not sure why she bothers me so much. I think I put a lot of hope into a relationship with her and then when it didn't work, it crashed hard on me and I still feel bad. She told me that I just couldn't handle her responsibilities, and that I made this end badly...she had once TOLD me that there was another guy she wanted to date at the same time, but that she didn't want things with us to ever end badly so that's why she was telling me at all. From that point on, I have pretty much been jealous, and thinking she's out hanging out with or sleeping with other guys...I can't shake that thought, even though it doesn't matter now. Anyway, I still feel rejected, big-time, even though it was me that told her that I just couldn't deal with trying to be with her at the same time I just didn't trust her. Now, I watch the street for her car, I wonder where she is or what she's doing....it's sort of like when you're told not to think of pink elephants...it's all I can think about. It's been better in the last few days, and maybe time IS the answer. I'm not a bad guy...one thing I don't get is that I know several girls, cute girls, who will have HUGE, sometimes even abusive, fights with their boyfriend, and at least TRY to get back together for YEARS. Then, if it doesn't work...they can still at least be cordial. I had a LOT of hope for this girl, but then we have one blowup and she is gone forever? I said some dumb stuff, but I wasn't abusive, and I wasn't offensive....but I just never get those second chances...so now this girl who was a pretty good friend is now gone forever? How am I THAT awful? I'm not...but that's sort of how my thinking about it is. I want answers, but I'm never going to get them, and if I did, I'm not sure I would like them. I just want her out of my head.

Gah!!!

So today I up and broke down and emailed her. Just saying hello. But the silence from her kills me, and so I had enough. I'm afraid of the day I run into her somewhere and how she'll be, I just DREAD it....so I emailed, maybe hoping to take some steam out of that valve or even maybe hoping to get back with her in some way.

Ugh....total wuss move, I know....but seriously, I'm meeting no other girls, and I do miss her. Bah!

What now?

take a gun, and shoot yourself in the foot. And while yelling on the top of your lungs from pain, remind yourself how to be a MAN

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