Hey guys,Im in a rough situation right now.

My ex-girlfriend bought me some clothes(we're still cool and she knows my taste & style of fashion).

I fucked up and inadventently sent my current girlfriend a text saying thanks for the clothes.

I meant to text my ex-gf but I stupidly inserted my current gf's name & # as recipient.

So I went to see my gf earlier[unknowing that I sent her the text meant for my ex-] and she was pissed and told me.

I was shocced. Me being straight up,I admitted that my ex- had sent me some clothes(as a surprise).

My gf doesnt want to hear that so she told me that it's over and to leave her house.

As much as I think she's just upset,Im wondering how should I be handling this.

1)Should I be calling and apologizing like crazy?

2)Should I just let her blow off steam by giving her space for few days or so?

What I did when she confronted me today was I told her that my ex- sent the clothes and shoes without my concent. I never told her to do it(really I didnt),it was a surprise.

Now,Im thinking to just freeze her out and give her space to cool down by not calling.

Then again,Im thinking to call and further clarify and explain the situation.

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Wow man! What a story.

I feel for you, a similar thing happened to me once. Sent the wrong text to the wrong girl... However I lied my way out of it.

This is only my opinion, I might be totally wrong but what I would do in your situation is to wait a little bit and let her cool off. Then call her, not just to apologize, you have not done anything wrong. But to talk it over. I mean, you can apologize for other things, actually I cant come up with anything but I mean if she sends you clothes without you asking for it it is not your fault.

And well if your gf doesnt believe you, there is not much you can do about it anyway. But somehow, people normally believe us when we are telling the truth.

Good luck, Ill keep my fingers crossed!

Ezo

I'd turn the tables on her. Just stay cool about it, call her in the next one or two days asking, like its the most outrageous thing in the world for her to be mad, why she's pissed about it! You did good saying your ex SENT you some clothes, now just build off of that! You didnt ask her to do buy you clothes, you're still cool with your ex! Your ex is still your friend, and if SHE cant deal with the fact that your ex is your friend then it's not going to work out. You dont need the jealousy in the relationship.

Bottom line, I just wouldnt act like she caught me with my pants down. I mean its not like she walked IN on you and your ex, she's just taking your temperature right now. She sent you clothes, so what. Sorry about sending you the wrong text though.

Be confident, be calm. You are still in control of this. If your current gf still wont talk to you after doing that then shes not really on the level.

_________________
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Lol,your opinion is highly respected as a forum leader Ezo;even though it's some times in parables.

Normally,I would've lied my way out of it Ezo but this one came suddenly(lol).

But you made a major point Ezo;I havent done anything wrong here so I why should I be apologizing?

Bur for peace sake,I may still apologize;I know it makes me look supplicative and incongruent.

Hey Marlow,I have to laugh at how straight up you are.

And you're definitely alpha with it.

The crazy thing is,my ex doesnt even live in the same country.

I have a policy against long-distance relation',and my current-MILF girlfriend knows this.

So there's no hidden agenda to get bacc with my ex.

Another solid point Marlow,is for me to not act as though "she caught me with my pants down".

Because I didnt do shit,and I need to act like it!!

I really appreciate your advise Marlow;1st.time seeing any post of yours on the forum.

With this issue,Im heading down the direction of yours and Ezo's:stay calm,be alpha,let it simmer down a few days,and not be all apologetic.

I'll update you guys in a few.

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UPDATE:

Ok,I said I was gonna give her few days to cool off but I didnt.

This morning,while coming from work(I worked the grave yard),I stopped off at her job.

So I said to her[calmly & dominantly,not the usual whining,pleading stuff],"You know you're really blowing this thing up? What should I be apologizing for?I didnt do anything wrong so Im not gonna be apologizing here."

"I totally did not know she was sending me anything.
I figure I'd give you some time to cool off when you realize how irrational you were."

"Anyway,you have my # so you can call if you feel like,but Im not going to be going crazy over nothing."

Then I left.

Her only respond was to my last statement that this is nothing.

So she said in a irritated/unbelievable tone,"This' nothing to you"?

So I said"Yes,because your jeapordizing our LTR over a girl who doesnt even live her(she lives in NYC). Im not gonna keep argue with you on this".
"I put this dilemna to few friends(meaning the forum guys-lol),and they all agree."

UPDATE #2:She called me about 6 hours later(not too long ago)saying.

The Gf:"I confided with few friends on the issue[so funny how she's doing what I did],and they told me that you had to have known about the clothes being sent."

Me:"Wow,you doubting me[in disbelief]"?

The GF:"I just believe that yall still have something going on on the down low and this confirms it."

Me:"(shocked)What the hell could I be having going on with a girl who doesnt even live here(lol)?"

The GF:"Yea but whenever she does come,yall would be together behind my back."

Me:"Listen,I dont have time to be arguing over stupidness.You've already said that our LTR's done over this,so Im not gonna be giving myself hedache!"

The GF:"you're so nonchalant about this becuse you know if we break up,you'd just be with her straight up when she visits".

Me:"No,Im dismissive about this because I see your jealous for nothing.You should be laughing at the girl for trying to buy me,but instead you're being jealous".

The GF:"Ok then,bye."

What the fuck is her angle here guys?

Obviously,I doubt she really wants to end this LTR;and even I sense that she's over-dramatizing this.

Then what's her point?

Yes she's genuinely upset & jealous,but...

Anyway guys,I want to keep standing my ground on this,oppose to crying,calling her and begging for her to be with me,etc.

And if it wasnt for the advise on the forum on this subject(from Ezo & Marlow thus far),I would've been totally fucking AFC & needy on this.

I would've been calling her 30 times today saying,Im sorry,I love you,I miss you,dont leave me-virtually pleading.

How should I proceed form here guys?

Keep being non-reactive,assertive,stuck to my frame of innocence,giving her space to come around...?

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LOL, some weird shit going down there.

Anyways, if it's like you're saying - she's overreacting, definitely.

However, one thing that I would do differently in your situation is this: When she's attacking you about what you've "done wrong", don't give excuses for why she's wrong about being jealous.

She can't help but feel this way, so YOU are the one that has to adapt to her nature in this case. We're guys after all - we have to live with this.

So instead of the regular "you don't have a reason to be mad", give her one of those "i would never do this kind of thing to you - you mean too much to me" kind of speeches and make her melt (lol).

That shit always works for me.

The way you convey your tonality is the way she will return it to you.

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I do think she is over reacting but at the same time changing your approach could have made the outcome way different.

Girls=Emotional thought Guys=Logical thought

Instead of saying: I didn't know she was sending them, you have no reason to be mad; then getting upset when she questions since girls read emotion not logic. I bet she is instantly thinking your being defensive(hiding something) when your just frstrated cuz you know logically its nothing but she sees it as a potental emotion something.


Try some like this; Babe , she sent me some clothes, i didnt not know that she was sending them. I know this may make you uncomfortable but know that I am with you, my ex is insignificant beyond a friend. I am in a emotional binding realtionship with you. You have nothing to be afraid of dollface. If it makes you uncomfortable i will send the clothes back..

Now if she's level headed she'll just tell you to keep them if for some crazy reason she does say to send them back then shes prob got big jealousy---> which is insecurity issues.

Always reasure and be honest(they know when you say shit thats meaningless) before defending with females it will always be much much much more benificial on both parts.

Man thats a bad situation..

I dont want to say anything bad about your gf but... Are you sure you even wanna be with her if she is like that? Starting the third worldwar for whatever small insignificant reason.

I see it like this. In her opinion, you were aware that your ex sent you clothes and you are both fucking behind her back while laughing at a picture of her. This is the emotional response. She has bitchy friends saying "oh, he didnt!!! , No Waaaay, what a jerk, you are better off without that cheating bastard".

Of course she didnt even consider that you might have been telling the truth.

So why does she go through the effort of fighting with you when she could just stop returning your calls.

Basically because she wants emotional proof that you werent cheating on her.

Here comes the only AFC part of the text... Sometimes when she brings out the heavy guns, there is no other way to survive than making like a poodle and lie down on your back and accept defeat and apologize even though it wasnt your fault.

Now back to non AFC stuff.

If you apologize, you have proved to her that she was right, you were fucking the other girl.

So thats not what she wanna hear.

She wants to hear a genuine emotional response from you in a way that shows that you are for her and not for the other.

There are some different ways to do that.

Outrage! What the HELL is she Fucking Talking ABOUT!!!!!???!?!?! To even think that you would be the cheating kind. How dare she accuse you of such a stupid thing. WTF is wrong with her!?!?!?! Why the HELL would you go for another girl when you got her?!?! Does she think that you have such a bad taste and low confidence that you would EVER go crawling back to your old ex?!?!?

Hurt! Basically play the martyr. I dont understand that you could think that I would do something like this to you. I mean, I love you. I finally meet such a wonderful girl that I connect with in so many ways and my stupid ex has to go and spoil it for me. She is jealous of you because you stole me from her. (Good if you can be on the brink of tears for this one.)

Self assured! This is nothing to worry about, the fact that she could get upset hasnt even dawned on you yet. Ha, yeah, she got me some new clothes. I think that she is trying to buy me back and as long as the clothes look good I let her do it. Let her wear herself out, I told her over and over that it wont work but she insists. I am gonna accept these clothes, I mean I am with you now so that means more money to buy clothes for you for. Deal with it. (This is the one I would have gone for.) Admit and pretend that it is completely normal, it actually is.

As long as you can get a strong emotional response that at the same time shows her that you are her man and her man alone you should be able to pull it off.

She obviously wanna be with you or she wouldnt even consider talking to her friends. And she obviously wanna have a emotional proof since she complained about you being nonchalant...

I know that this is tough. And that you got taken by surprise, I mean, it isnt easy to deal with this kind of shit.

I always admit that whatever happened happened and I give her a good reason to why she doesnt need to feel threatened. That way, when the shit really hits the fan you can lie and she will believe you.


I hope it will work out for you man! I got a female friend who is like this. Overreacting for about everything. She even broke up with her boyfriend for not going over to a vending machine to buy her a fruitjuice... Some girls are just a bit too reactive and I stay as far away from them as I can. Are you sure you want her back?

Good luck!

Ezo

One time I sent a text to my girl, that was meant for my mom. I just asked her where was she ... and my girlfriend was next to me, then she showed me the text. And we laughed at it..
I sent her, because she's like the only girl I text, or the girl thats on my mind.
If anything, she should feel honored that you put her name there, without thinking about it, its like you unconsciously texted her, meaning thinking of her etc..
Sometimes my girlfriend would also tell me about some kids she babysits, and sometimes she calls them by my name ( by mistake ) to which she says. You should be happy, that your name is the only one coming from my mouth...
Make her look at it this way. You know how girls over react, just this past weekend, my Gf misread a text, and she understood I didn't wanted to see her that day, and she was mad for a full day because of it.
Girls make big stuff of simple things.

Seriously. Dude, this is not about him sending a text to his girl by mistake and hey thats the big problem. The big problem is that his girl is freakin mad and shit!

Its like yeah, I got beat up by a couple of gorillas while I was stealing bananas in kongo. Yeah, just dont leave the house or this shit will happen... Same kind of reasoning...

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

Wow,some heavy stuff to digest.

Hey Little Panda,this' definitely some weird shit(lol).

But I get what you saying about her being jealous is normal.

The sob-story thing kind of sounds weak;eventhough this approach was going to be my 1st.

Little Panda,you're basically saying the same thing as Ezo when it comes to hitting her emotions.

Now Dmader,you made a great point which is known in the community;about women being emotional.

My mistake was,I tried rationlizing my way out of this with logics by saying,"she doesnt live here[the obvious],she only visits once a year so how could I b cheting"?

That's totally logical and true,yet she still doesnt get it(lol).

As you said Dmader,I could be like,I can send the things bacc;which she wouldnt want me to do once she realizes how rediculous she's been.

Now to my man Ezo,lol-I have to laugh at how frank yet humorous you can be on these matters(lol).

Believe me,she's not always like this Ezo.

I wrote a post weeks bacc taling about how my gf is unemotional,and I'd wish for her to display more passion,affection and emotions in this LTR.

So she's typically the passive type when it comes to stuff except for cases of my ex-girlfriend.

Ezo,explain to me what you mean by,"she wants emotional proof that Im not cheating".

I get it but vaguely.

You're 100% right when you say that she isnt getting an emotional respond to this(which she's wanting),because Im being nonchalant.

Apologizing would make it seem like Im admitting to knowing of the clothes and cheating.

Outrage as an emotional respond would work great Ezo.

I could be like,"WTF,I'd never go bacc to my ex.That was a horrible relationship and Im happy here with you.Not with that fucing psycho!!!!"

Lol,you killing me with your approach Ezo,about her trying to buy me bacc.

Anyway guys,I'll keep yall posted.

Thanks for the advise;well appreciated.

Basically Ezo,Little Panda,Dmader & Marlow,yall are giving advise in agreeance,which is great.

So I need to get emotional basically and stop being so passive.

But not be defensive since she may think Im hiding things.

Later guys.

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I just hope the advice I give you will help you in some way. I mean, I dont know her so what I say may not work of course but at least I can give you some ideas.

The emotional proof she wants comes from what I have experienced. I mean, girls are emotional people and their reasoning comes from how they feel in a specific situation. Guys are logical people so it works differently from us.

For example: If you were to explain the situation like this. I was not in the same city as this girl, I havent seen her for a long time so I cannot have had sex with her. End of story.
A guy would say... Hey yeah, that makes sense (actually most guys wouldnt be jealous but whatever) so you didnt sleep with her, cool.
A girl would think... Oh-Kay. So basically you are trying to wiggle your way out of this one by some lameass logic. You are hiding something. Ok, maybe you werent in the same city at that point in time but you may have wanted to be or will be later or have been on some other occasion. The main point being, since you didnt react emotionally you gave me no leads to where you stand in the matter, so Id better stick with what I already believe until you show me otherwise. if you wouldnt be interested at all you would show it, I would feel it. I dont feel it so you must be guilty.Hey who knows how many other girls you have!?! We never talk anymore, you dont show me what you feel. (Like emotional talks, we guys think we talk but we talk about everything, not emotionally.) So Ill test him, hey you didnt react. Now hes gotta understand that he has a chance to show me how much I am worth and not the other girl. Oh no? He must have understood that hint since it was so obvious. He understood and didnt show anything. But under these extreme circumstances he should have showed me how awesome I am and how much he hates the other one (because that has to be the case, black and white no greyscales) but he didnt. That must mean that he doesnt feel that way. Probably because he likes the other girl and is just playing with me. I am not a girl that people play with I am too pround and awesome to be the played one. At least thats what I tell myself to hide that I am insecure and need constant proof. So I will teach him a lesson by giving him the silent SPAM or threaten to break up. That should make him understand (no we dont get that either since she isnt giving us any new clues). Ok, he didnt do it despite me being so clear in girl language, so he is hurting me deliberately. What a bastard. Men are pigs! This guy may have slept with another girl. This guy probably slept with another girl. He gets lovegifts in the form of clothes. He probably sends them too. This gut sends presents to girls in order to cheat on me. He is out to hurt me. This guy sleeps with a lot of other girls. I am the laughing stock of all these girls and this was his plan all along. I hate him. I hate all men. I am gonna become a lesbian. Oh it tasted like fish, no ok maybe not lesbian but Im breaking up with that cheating sadistic bastard.


Ok, long text but thats basically what goes on i the girls brain. There seems to be no logic but there is. She doesnt trust what she hears but what she feels. So you gonna walk her through a series of feelings that makes sense to her. Until she reaches the right conclusion.


Like this.

Girl: You cheated.
Guy: Outrage, What the HELL are you talking about you little piece of shit, you got the nerve to even dare to accuse me of such a thing.
Girl: Hmmm, so something is wrong with what I said.
Guy: Determined, YOU are the girl for me, fuck everybody else but if you cannot even trust me...
Girl: Ok, he takes the lead and tells how it is.
Guy: Hurt, I guess there is no point in me even trying to tell you what it was like, you wont believe me anyway. I thought we had such a great connection.
Girl: Awww, he cares, I hurt him. And I disappointed him, he shows vunerability so I can trust him.
Guy: Raising mood. You were the one I felt that I belonged with, the one that understood me. The one I could open up to the one who helps me up when I fall.
Girl: Aww theres a connection between us. I am important.
Guy: You are my everything, meeting you was the best thing that happened to me.
Girl: Awww he loves me! What was I angry about. Probably nothing special, lets see a romantic movie and reconnect emotionally.
Guy: Thinking ... (Oh no not Sex and the City 2, please someone kill me...)


Do you see the difference in logical proof and emotional proof. She goes on the latter!

I really hope this will help you man!

Ezo

Lol,you a damn genius Ezo.

Psycho-analyzing very details.

You painted a clear pic' of what it's like in a woman's mind-hectic(lol).

But really and truely Ezo,I now agree that the best way to counter accusations is to be adamant & some-what outraged that she's even accusing you.

It's like,if you believe your own shit,she has no choice but to.

As in this case,I can see me over dramatizing it l this:

Me:what!?Are you got damn crazy babes!!!?I'd never do such stupid thing!You're the 1 I love.After all,Im fucking with you in a beautiful relationship!!With you I said!I couldnt care less about another damn woman!!"

I can see me getting results from that approach,rather than logically explaining it only.

Good advise guys.

I've been using them and has been working.

UPDATE:

Hey guys,with the colective advises given over the past 2 days(Ezo's,Little Panda,Marlow,Dmader...),I paid my girl a visit at her house tonight.

[Irrelevant details skipped]

As we lie together,I cuddled her from behind and said[surprised she allowed me]:

Me:"Im upset that you accused me of knowing ccepting gifts from my ex and shit as if Im an idiot.I would never fucking jeapordize this[motioning to her body]for that!
I love you and thats what counts,not some other damn chicc!You know me better than that.Im the 1 for you,you the 1 for me..."

Long story short-we end up having make-up sex.

Problem solved for now at least guys.

At least I know how to approach similar situations in the near future.

Be illogical and emotional.

Well guys,case close.

But feel free to keep giving imputs.

To be honest,without yall advises guys,I'd have dropped the ball on this one and totally get sucked into a fight...

_________________
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Text book example of how men think with logic and women think with feeling, and the practical application of men learning to respond with feeling.

I saved this away in my notes.

Good that you learned from this post too Conker.

I took mental notes.

Hobbit,I highly respect your opinions since you're a forum vet.

I did drop the ball by acting Alpha when I should've been compassionate and more on the motional side.

I learned a lot from this experience which started by me making a stupid mistake of texting the wrong person.

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