I do overthink everything..

I'll try to set up a date and make it happen. When I left she seemed concerned and really wanted to make sure that we would see each other soon.

The problem with me is that I am a nice looking guy with no self-confidence.

Friends and most people laugh at me if I try to talk about my insecurities..

I can game most girls but anytime I invest myself emotionally my bad self-confidence hits the fan and I just become really AFC and needy, and spend my days thinking about the girl and how to make it work out.

For those who care I'm seeing her tommorow one on one..At the restaurant.

well??

Okay let me tell you what actually happened, and read carefully.

From the start, she was into you, all you had to do was return IOIs.

The message you sent did seem funny - like you're not sure what to do - this confused her because she's into you yet the message sounds AFC, not congruent with your behavoiur when she met you. Generally all you have to do is - if you meet them during the day, call that evening. If you meet in the evening, call the next day (midday if a weekend, after work if a work day)
Text is just a supplimentary thing, when you already have a talking rapport on the phone. Don't text important things, and the first few times you contact her has to be phone calls.
Anyway she forgot about the message because it was one little message and it was over-ridden by your behavior in person, which was much better.

She threw her arms out at you, screamed your name, and still this is not big enough a hint for you.

When a girl puts herself out there like that, and you don't respond, that crushes them.

She took the guy's number because she's still not sure where she stands with you. You reported she looked awkward at that moment at you, obviously she wants you but is not sure what you're doing waiting around.

For some spectacular reason, she is still giving you the benefit of the doubt and still trying to contact you. But all the time the situation is getting more and more awkward and you are gradually making this more and more harder for yourself.

Now it's gotten to the point where you are probably friend zoned or she is so confused she's stopped trying.

Just do what you should have done - take an interest, talk to her when you're out, start talking about the kinds of things you're going to do together, act like a boyfriend without actually saying anything concrete.


Most romantic events, I believe, happen either the same day, or then 2nd date. I don't believe you should ever turn down a girl's IOI. You should be responding to them at an equal level, and taking charge and advancing the relationship yourself. A lot of PUA talk may seem to say hold back and play cool, but really being alpha is knowing what you want and doing it.

Thanks that was actually full of insight..

Anyway to flow with the rest of the story the night did not go as expected.

First she asked to report the date because she was having a bbq with her girlfriends...I was pretty pissed but did not show it really. I said its ok I had other plans blabla..but maybe you didn't really want to see me that much if you change plans at the last minute (AFC pretty much yeah) then she said some bullshit like ''well I was with my friends all day and now were having a bbq, but I feel bad because I told you we would go out tonight''.. So I said yeah whatever we should just forget it..

And then I went to town with my friends..And it appears my friend's girlfriend was also at that BBQ, and she choked on him too..So then when his girlfriend came to town to see him, surprise, she was with ''my'' girl...

She was very weird..She went straight inside starbucks coffee instead of saying hi, she wasnt even buying anything..Then when she saw me she was looking down at the ground looking pissed...The whole time she was there she wouldn't talk to me or anything..I asked her if she was okay she said yeah im fine blabla..

I acted like it didn't phase me..Me and another friend were going to a club anyway..

I'm thinking maybe I overreacted and she was mad because I said we shouldn't report the date or something..But I hate being thrown off at the last minute.

Anyways

like conker said being alpha is about taking what you want!

for future reference...if that situation I would of walked into the coffee shop and said..."wtf are you doing in here weirdo...did you run in here all fast to stare at the floor or buy us some coffee?"

let her start talking then interrupt her and say "you know what, forget it, follow me..*grab her hand and leave*

isolate her and close!

done and done!

stop over thinking the whole situation and just make a move. If she is interested then you are in, if not then its time to move on anyways.

well I was ready to make a move on our date..but she threw me off with her last minute change of plans. And she sure didn't seem like a girl who wanted any of me when I saw her after. You can sense those kind of things.

I think she didn't expect to see me there afterwards though..It was pretty fking weird.

I'm thinking it's time to let go of this one.

What went wrong is just what I'm asking myself, since basically 24 hours ago she asked me to take her out and then changed her mind the next day without me interfering.

That's what I meant about "making it harder for yourself" - it got to a point where it wouldn't take much for some external event to sway her away. Most likely she talked to her girlfriends about you, or got to know another guy, and then she cancelled her plans on you. That's how it happens when things are that shakey.

Even so, you should still do "the right thing" no matter how bad things may seem. When you feel hurt it's so easy to say something AFC like "yeah I guess you didn't really want to hang out with me" or whatever you said, but you should always try and step above that insecure hurt persona, you could have verbally battled with her in a fun way and even if she still went ahead with her original plans, things might have gone well at the coffee shop, or also she would have found another way to give you another chance.

This was a lesson in just fucking respond to IOIs. Harsh but maybe you will be more excited and positive to an interested girl next time.

PUA teaches to be cool and laid back and even disinterested - but that's ONLY to counteract the jumpy anxious fearful behavior us guys tend to start out with. Once you've learned that you have to deal with your fears (you won't conquer them but you will get better and better at spotting them and dealing with them, and that's all you have to keep doing, because it gets easier and easier) then you move to the next level - where you actually show interest, actually make a move, actually talk to her like you want to get romantic with her, and talk sexually at the right times, even to the point where you could kiss within minutes, in the right situation. If the situation is good for it, then you should be able to do that without fear in the way, that's the whole challenge.

The ideal situation is things just roll along and keep getting better and better, VERY quickly, and a girl loves this because it feels like it's all "meant to happen", and it is, the only problem is when someone does something weird like holding back just cause they're afraid of being rejected. You can always look back on your past fuck ups and see how things were going well when you weren't afraid, and just doing fun things and rewarding her positive behavior by pushing things further - and then you fuck it up as soon as you make a decision based on fear.

If you are not sure how some of your bad decisions were based on fear, you should be able to see how if you think about it enough.



Now eventually you're going to go through a phase were you are thinking about all the cool things you could have done with her. You won't win her back by acting on these emotions at this point - what you need to do with this energy is vow to feel this way BEFORE you miss your chance, and use it to change things next time, and use the energy to go out there and practice just talking to girls, watching their body language and tone of voice, and using it to decide whether to move forward. By default, just push forward, but if she's been negative for too long, bail. Otherwise, the SLIGHTEST positive sign, even a neutral stance, is a reason to move forward. The only thing you have to adjust is the rate at which you move forward.

Thanks for taking the time to write this.

I think the problem I had with this girl is, I made the mistake of thinking I couldn't really get anywhere quick with this girl and that I had to go very slowly because she just got out of a 3 years relationship (Her only relationship btw). Like you said I didn't really respond to her IOI's and she probably got the wrong idea.

I'll do better next time..The same night though I went to a club and gamed a girl pretty nicely. I asked for her number and she looked perplexed, like surprised I would even ask for her number..and she was saying crap like ''Yeah you'll throw it away anyway''. No close but could've if I wanted too, didn't feel like it though.

I actually went ahead and talked to her..

Even if I fucked everything up I wanted to explain myself and just make sure she wouldn't be forever pissed at me, since she's still friends of friends and we hang out often together.

Here's how the conversation went :

The wording is not exact, english is not my mother tongue.



Me : Are you still mad, silly ?

Her : No but I'm dying it's so hot lol

Me : It's better to be hot I think

Her : I'm not sure about that lol! what are you up to?

Me : was Playing guitar, just got great news, I was hired at that rock climbing gym I've told you about

Her : That's great!!

Me : So what was with the funky attitude the other night huh? I think out of us two, I should've been the one who was mad and I wasn't really haha.

Her : I don't know, I was tired and didn't like the way you reacted when I told you for the dinner.

Me : Oh really? I thought I reacted pretty neutrally to be frank I was just looking forward to taking you to dinner really.

Her : I know

Me : I don't think I made you feel cheap or anything, I even brought you flowers !! (Refering to the ugly stuff I gave her the same night )

Her : lol!

Me : what specifically didn't you like about the way I reacted

Her : well you said '' you must feel like having dinner with your friends better than go out with me''

Me : Well doesn't that make a bit of sense? Unless they were holding a gun to your head haha. It's just that the way things acted out It sent me the message that your interest for the dinner wasn't as high as mine.

Her : I didn't realise that on the spot, I realise it now, I'm sorry. Anyways, I wasn't mad for a long time

Me : Yeah and I don't think you could be mad at me for reacting like that.

Her : I know, and it would be fun to have diner soon. And I'm not going to choke, I promise.

Her : I gotta go I'm heading to town with my mom, talk to you soon xxxx

Me : Sure, have fun! xxxx

Her : Have a good night

Her : =)

Good that you got that sorted out.
I think you shouldn't have gone on to much about what happened, just move on from it.

She was right to react the way she did. She likes you. But she doesn't like you enough to just ditch her friends and run away with you. Trust me I was in a situation where I was hoping this girl I'd only talked to a few times would hang with me rather than her friends. She didn't. Why? Because she hasn't known me long enough, why would she do that to her friends?

She's interpreting what you said to her as if your trying to make her feel guilty for choosing her friends over you.

Her friends probably mean more to her now than you do. Understand that. There will be times when she will pick her friends over you, especially considering you two aren't dating.

All you can do is wait it out, try again, and don't overreact and say something like "oh you're choosing your friends over me" because it creates a really awkward situation.

Water under the bridge now, but it's good in case it happens again, this time you'll know how to react.

Yeah well I didn't want to rub it in her face..

Just wanted to hear from her about what she disliked and then tell her why I reacted the way I did..Just clearing things up.

Yeah well like before, she still seems to be giving you a chance... so... I say go for it. Focus on not acting out of fear.

Yeah, but somehow I feel like I'm closer to being second or third option..

My head tells me that she probably she just wants me to stay interested in her so she gets value out of it.

or maybe im thinking too much. I spoke with her friend yesterday and she asked if I was going to come tonight at the club..I wasn't too sure so I said yeah well maybe if she (the girl) lets me know you guys are going to the club I'll come say hi.

I just didn't want to come out of nowhere and be around too much.

I spoke with a friend of the girl tonight..for like 3-4 hours straight hahahaha.

She's almost as cute as my target..So yeah hahaha.

This can't be bad.