Okay, so I have admitted to myself that I have Approach Anxiety. Not crippling AA, I have no problem having conversations with girls, even really hot ones.

Of course this is when they've opened me, or I'm in their social circle.

The problem I have is the cold approach. I'm not talking about asking the time, or for directions--I can do that just fine. I'm talking about just going up to a random girl(s) and trying to start a conversation that will go somewhere.

I do this sometimes and it is occasionally successful, but when I do get blown out, it really hurts the ego.

So, the thing is, I hear everyone on the boards talking about just going out and approaching girls and that you realize that getting rejected isn't that bad. But for me IT IS!

Anyone else have this problem? And how do you deal with it?

_________________
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost.
-Rush

Hey man,

Can't offer much advice really because I am the exact same as you. If i'm opened or if i'm in a group then I can quite happily chat with a hot girl and escalate but cold opening I suck!

I think the advice I would give to myself and you is what the hell are we worrying about?! Its a girl its not a life changing situation so what if she ignores us or is rude! Will have most likely forgotten about it a day after! Were the prize not them..

Think of it like this, nobody is 100% successful, so rejection will feel better, it should spur you onto greater things, get into that mindset!

Secondly, keep approaching, it will again get easier, practice makes perfect, so you will get better, more confident and more of a "I don't give a fuck" feeling.

_________________
Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Hey guys, thanks for the responses.

After thinking about this, I'm getting the feeling that a lot of my fears might be based on a bit of confirmation bias. By that I mean: when I see a guy go up to a girl and have great success it burns itself into my memory as an example of what cool guys do. When someone gets blown out, you usually don't even notice, because very few girls are going to be loud or rude about it. So, my entire worldview is built upon only seeing guys be successful with girls, or having normal interactions (which I may not even notice are rejections). Ergo, when I am rejected I feel that I am failing to be both a successful guy, and a normal guy.

Does that make sense?

I'm going to try to use this rationalistic point of view to improve my AA.

_________________
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost.
-Rush

Understandable, but the way to break out of it is get in field, and push yourself.

_________________
Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

When you get rejected, you know exactly what you've done wrong in the set.
This allows you to improve your actions for the next approach.

I used to have the same problem as you in the beginning. Then I changed my mindset.

Think of rejection as an opportunity to improve.

It's almost like cheating on a test... Whenever you make a mistake, you will KNOW - because you'll get rejected. Then you just change your way of approaching and the results will be better.

_________________
Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

I take a simplistic view of AA. I reframe it as - an interaction can either be fun or not.

Generally, you're going to tell within the first minutes of an interaction if it's going to be fun.

If I ain't having a good time, I bail.

It isn't worth my time to force myself to have fun in an interaction.

Don't give them anything to reject,you need to adopt the mindset of the selector not the selected.

You see an attractive woman and decide to approach but until you have interacted with her you have no idea if you like her or not.YOU are the one doing the screening and they could drop the ball at any moment.If you asked an HB9+ in the street for the time or for directions and they ignored you then you would just think they were ignorant thats because you're not approaching as a potential suitor,likewise approach an attractive woman in a pub or club in screening mode,until you declare interest there is nothing to reject.