seriously guys.. with the fantasy thing, i was kidding...
Though fantasazing about your partner can be a good thing, especially when you live so far away. the other day we tried phone sex, and was exciting..

You got it all wrong... You are so egoistic that it makes me sick..

Everyone has to "sacrfice" something in the relationship...
Although it should not be sacrificing.. You should only do it, if you, yourself want to do it... And not only do it for her...
I know how a relationship work, i dont need help from you..
Porn makes her sick, and she never sees it, neither romantic novels.. She dosent even masturbate..

Keep in mind this is a LDR.. So i could just jack it off to porn, and she wouldnt know it. But iam not gonna do it.. Why? Because i feel good about it too.. You become addicted to porn.. And so, this was my weakspot, and i have not longer this weakspot.


Also let me clarify, this was not something she demanded to change.. she told me she could try to live with it, eventhouh it made her unhappy. yet I choose to give it a try. and I have no regrets. the outcome was very positive and giving to me, her and our relationship .

Everyone needs to make comprise in the relationship.. Only if its a very serious relationship.. like ours.. 7 months.. And if she had asked me to do something like this after 2 months.. I would have refused..

You are so closeminded, that you only think about yourself..
But the relationship is about trust, and sincerity.

And trust me.. This was the ONLY time she told me my behaviour has disturbed her.. She has not asked me to stop.. I stopped because it was disturbing her!..

And believe me, when she crosses the line with something.. i always let her know..

And i believe this is the alpha perspective..

If alpha is being a deadbeat stubborn selfish masturbater.. then i guess i choose the wrong community.

PS: Have you ever been happy in a relationship? I would like to know how far you three guys have gotten in a relationship.. Where the GF was not sad all the time and was staying with you because she was so sad...

I want a GF that is with me cause i make her feel good, and she makes me feel good.. If i have to be something i am not - then it's not worth it..

Protip: If you know what you're doing and our opinions don't mean shit to you, then don't post your problems.

Relationships are about compromise, PUA's know this better than naturals. And fair enough, she's not even asking you to compromise a part of yourself, it is just porn. When I'm in a relationship, I typically don't masturbate or look at porn if the girl can keep up with me. And you know what, you were sneaking porn clips without even intending to masturbate, so maybe you did have an addiction and she was tuned into that. Maybe she just wants "what's best for you".

So we're the close minded ones. Our judgment of your situation makes you sick, porn makes your girlfriend sick. We don't know anything about your situation, but the way you framed it, your gut is telling you "perhaps the main issue is not that i watch porn - but perhaps something else". You sense something is wrong with her behavior, even though as jsmooth says, it's pretty common. Maybe she won't ask you to change any other behavior, maybe this is the first thing she's asked you to do in years. But you have a HUNCH, and that's what makes it easy for us to rail against her, especially if you're just starting the relationship and she's modifying your behavior.

When you masturbate thinking exclusively about her, this is unhealthy because it conditions you to link all sexual pleasure to her, which will make you dependent. If you do this for long enough, you won't be able to get sexual gratification from anything else; you'll get fixated. And I was just kidding about the suicide hotline, it makes me laugh and that's what matters.

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31 and still figuring it out.

yes, I guess you were too quick to judge me. and I the same. yet I do not agree with telling her such things as "i tapped the girl in class" or what it was.

I just wanted to hear other peoples experience on this issue. and not "advice" with no experience to back it up.

I totally agree on the issue that it can be a problem if I only fantasize about her.I will take that advice with me.. thanks for the reply

PUA's... aren't always the most direct guys. A lot of it is joking, just pick out what you can use. But my experience is porn is sort of invasive in a relationship, it doesn't really spice shit up. I prefer a girl that's open minded, so when I do happen upon a girl that is totally shut off to something, I like to open her up a bit. In my experience, written porn and softcore porn with mediocre women is how to make a girl more open to porn. I like my women to be open because some time straight sex needs a little punch. Figuratively.

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31 and still figuring it out.

porn is invasive? how? doesn't spice shit up??? maybe if you don't use it right (watch that inner hooker come out when she thinks about all the taboo shit she's seeing played out on the screen in front of her).

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

Dude. if we got it wrong, WHY are you on here asking the questions. your justifying your actions. actions you took while supplicating to her. how long have you guys been "long distance". i can understand doing the long distance thing if you've been together for 15 years, have a strong relationship, and one of you need to move away for 4 months for work or something, but going long distance after less than a year. thats screaming "i'm too scared i won't find someone else, so i'll cling onto whoever will cling back"

want to qualify that "so egotistical?" statement? you asked our opinions. we gave them. from experience... no ego.

no-one has to "sacrifice" anything in a relationship... if your making sacrifices 7 months into a relationship, perhaps... just perhaps, the person your with doesn't fit your values, lifestyle, or anything else. that's a sure sign you should try finding someone closer to your ideals.

And IF you have to "sacrifice" why is it your job to give up what your doing in the privacy of your own room, without her watching, without it causing any harm to her??? i mean, if she doesn't like it, she should stop watching you jerk it to porn!

you don't know how a relationship works. a healthy relationship, each partner accepts the others differences, or if they are unnacceptable to that person, you find someone else that is more acceptable to your sensibilities. but we won't get through to you. your whipped. when, not if, when this goes bad (long distance after 7 months, supplicating to this extent after 7 months, she's obviously not ashamed to run the guilt trip... doubt it? she made you feel guilty about something you enjoy! she will lose interest!)

porn makes her sick? she should see a psychologist to work through her sexual repression issues. i understand not liking porn, but if it makes her physically sick to watch two consenting adults simulating sex acts, then she has some deep seated issues beyond just "being moral"

she could "try" to live with it even though it made her sick? there's your guilt trip, along with a classic "takeaway". she's shown she's selfish enough to walk because you enjoy watching porn. not torturing kittens, not fucking other women, not genetically engineering new strains of anthrax... watching fictional movies... she has shown she values the relationship less than you...

Newsflash mate, you sound young. but 7 MONTHS is not a "serious" relationship. it's a long TERM relationship in the making. but 7 months is not "serious" by any measure.

we're being closeminded? only thinking of ourselves? isn't HER flatly refusing to try porn close minded? isn't her expecting you to change your private behaviours, regardless of the fact it poses no threat to her, selfish? your about compromise in relationships? wouldn't a more fair compromise be that you would not leave any evidence of porn watching around, so she doesn't have to see that your doing it, and she'll not interfere in your private time a "compromise"? she doesn't have to visualise you jerking it to porn, you don't have to give up your freedoms?

this is not the alpha perspective. alpha perspective (from a biological standpoint) doesn't even consider monogamy as reasonable! (yes, there are biological clues that suggest we evolved as poly-amoric animals)

watching porn doesn't make you selfish. or a deadbeat. masterbater is not an insult (as your still choking it by your own admission). Alpha is not NEEDING to please any one woman so much that you compromise what you are and what you enjoy. the alpha responds to "i don't like you watching porn" with "that is fine, find a more suitable partner, and i will do the same". you act self riteous about giving up porn... if you were arguing about taking the high road by staying with a woman you loved as she died from cancer, you would have a moral high ground, and we could all agree, you were doing something "brave"... but it's about watching PORN. ask her to stop watching soap opera's (or reality tv shows, or whatever her choice of escapism). see how "controlling" she thinks YOU are for interfering with her private time like that.

how far have i got in a relationship? the last one i was in? 4 years. happy too. the time before that? 3 years. These women didn't leave or stay because they were sad. I left because I outgrew the relationship, I needed to change states to get further in my career. she was not ready to make the move we parted on friendly terms. my 4 year one, my partner not only didn't mind watching porn with me, she actively brought other chicks to the bedroom, and enjoyed healthy threesomes with me. no one twisted anyone's arm for these. we both were happy with that aspect of our sexuality, and we acted on it as consenting adults.

you want a girl that's with you because you MAKE HER FEEL GOOD? dangerous ground to walk on dude. you should want a girl that's with you (and your with) based on mutual attraction, respect, and dare i say the L word?

and your last comment proves our point. if you have to be something your not, it's not worth it?

you masterbated to porn before you met her. you've become something YOU WERE NOT... take your own advice.

_________________
If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

ITs really a long story that im not gonna go in detail with.. dont need to explain how meet for how many years we've known eachother ect.. cause it doesent come down to days or months.. but the things that we have gone through.. and we've gone through a lot.. many beautiful times, many fights, lot of experience.. Still got a lot to go.. but definitaly going somewhere.. Also.. perhaps an important detail.. We are both christian.. but that doesent have to do with me stopping watching porn..
Its not sacrificing.. you know what i mean... As soon as you get into a relationship, you say yes to being with your significant other.. But say no to a lot of things.. Hooking up with other girls, and porn..
Never will I, never will i ask her, To change something... She is who she is, i am who i am.. The parts of my GFs character that are not similiar to mine - is what keep us toghther.. Our differences.. Thats why it doesent get booring, that why we are able to make peace after a fight.. and thats where we can learn a lot in life..

Why should i find someone closer to my ideals..
Porn is not my ideal... i love the fact i dont watch that crap anymore..
it was an addictions.. understand it FFS..
Most of our ideals are the same.. Except politically.. but screw that.
Again, im not gonna list our ideals up just to prove it to you. just take my word for it.


Nah, she has been more loving and giving since that day i stopped.. So, it has only brought good.. She has been giving it all back to me.. So its just fine.

She hasent taken it for granted
Not sick.. She is not gonna throw up.. But if someone is watching porn in the room, she will leave the room..
The porn that makes her sick, is like a girl getting a billiard ball into a vag. ect..
The hardcore stuff makes her sick..
she's okay with the soft stuff.. But she doesent have much interest in looking at it.

I think you are taking it too far with the porn thing.. I have never tried to watch porn with her.. Or to try to convince her..

I agree with the thing that its only 7 months.. still you can be together for 4 years, and not have gotten anywhere.. Not saying we are marriage-ready.. And not saying we still have a lot of things to get through together.. But it is serious..


You said it yourself, accept eachothers differences.. I accept that she doesent like porn... To me its not hot, its not cold porn.. I dont care much about it.. It has not part what so ever of my idendity..

I agree with the thing that its only 7 months.. still you can be together for 4 years, and not have gotten anywhere.. Not saying we are marriage-ready.. And not saying we still have a lot of things to get through together.. But it is serious..

I essageretated with the deadbeat thing ect... Masterbation is fine, it's healthy, i still do it.. Just not with porn..

I should have said.. That we are both christian.. We havent had sex.. she is a virgin.. We have been blowing eachother ect..

I understand you past history.. IT can happy to anyone, even with my relationship.. PErhaps one day we just dont feel it anymore.. But everything needs to be seen to an end.. And im not gonna let anything stop me.. Not porn..

Porn is not ME... If you eat a candybar cause you are obese, you cant stop it..
You are not a candybar.. You are just a person with a weakspot that needs to be battered to the ground.. She has helped me with it,... The fact that it made her joyfull.. it made her fall evenmore in love with me.. the fact we both have seen a brighter future in the way that we can overcome these things.. I am a lot less stressed in my life now.. When i am with her, its all about different emotions.. Not about putting my dick in her mouth... not only atleast..
Yes i agree with you and the relationship.. How to feel ect...
I should have elaborated on that..
When i write something.. i dont explain it.. I try to write as little as possible as i am very lazy.. And i write 10% and the remaining 90% remains in my head..
OFc she shouldnt only make you feel "good".. Its about love, respect, and all the good things.. But its also about going through fire, about hate, about sadness..

Like an italian poem once said.

I love and hate you.....


PS:
I like talking about this.. but please dont rush to conclusions.. Instead, just ask me for more information if you want..

Oh my god, so long. Maybe he had an addiction to porn. If you found out your girlfriend was addicted to meth, but you never had to see her do it, wouldn't you try to get her to STOP?

So... no sex? Let me ask you, how can you tell the difference between intense sexual desire and love? It gets really confusing, but it will immediately become clear after you have sex whether you love this girl or just desperate to crack her. Hopefully you figure it out before your wedding night. At least she's giving you sexual gratification in exchange for not watching porn; if she wasn't this would be really manipulative.

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31 and still figuring it out.

the term "porn addiction" has been so widely overused by religious and moral extremists, it's meaningless.

unless porn was causing the original poster to stop looking after his health, or skip shifts at work or whatever it wasn't an addiction. an addiction needs to have UNHEALTHY side effects on your lifestyle (like i listed above).

a meth addiction being compared with porn? get real...

but in answer to your question, yeah, i've had a partner become addicted to heroin. after seeing she didn't want to get off the stuff, i let her go.

_________________
If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

What i find frighteting, is guys like this.. who give bad advice to people..
telling other people to let go of their GFs.. without having no knowledge..
I really hope people dont follow peoples advice on the internet.

My GF sended me a letter today.. i got it in the mail today..
A lovely love letter, and a picture of us.. how sweet is that.
im not gonna tell what the letter said.. But it was wonderful.

About the heroin addiction.. what you did.. well.. no comment...

Nice comment.. hmmm... This is how i see it.. I travel about 1500 km to see her. Everytime i leave, its painful.. But i still continue to go visit her.. And she will visit me soon.. (just havent done it yet, cause the parents wanted to know me well ect..)

So, why do we continue to do this? Travelling so long, everytime having the best time of our lives when we are together, and hurts when we leave.. No matter how high the sexual desire is, you wouldnt do such a thing.. This is something big, and i go visit her for all other things, than sexual desire.

This is my proof.. This is her proof.. Not having sex, shows us that we are in it for the real reasons.. and not orgasm.

People (World of Warcraft nerds especially) travel across the country for gratification of sexual tension all the time. It's not proof of love, but really there is no such thing. I'm not sure how experienced you are, I just wanted to throw it out there that unfulfilled sexual desire and love are easily confused.

Alright, so maybe porn addiction is more like a pot addiction. What the hell ever, it's still not productive to spend hours a day on your computer scavenging for porn. There's functional alcoholics and guys that live in their mom's house and just play World of Warcraft. Maybe those aren't addictions to you because they still "survive", but it's a shitty, degraded existence.

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31 and still figuring it out.

I understand what you are saying..

When we are together, its not about trying to get sex.. Most of the time we are fine and satisfied by just laying on the bed and relaxing. Then at times we get horny, and i get a blowjob.. So there i get some sexual satisfaction, and its amazing. But it's something i could get anywhere. Its not why im with her.

But interesting point you made.. In the start it was very confusing, and i was very sex fixated. But that got away - luckily.

you sound young, and like you've had a reasonably sheltered life, so i'll go easy on you for this.

but harsh reality is, we can't save everyone in this life. sometimes, the ones we love make really bad decisions. decisions that can very well bring everyone in their life to the brink of destruction.

not all drug addicts think it's a problem. in fact, many find the drugs very worthwhile. not because they depend on them, but for the calm and relief they bring to a mind that is completely chaotic.

And some times, if both those things combine (an addict not ready to get treated makes some really bad life decisions), then the only way those around them can save THEMSELVES is to cut the ties.

What can you do, if the woman you love is on drugs they don't want to come off?

keep being supportive? and watch the person you know fade completely from their eyes?

try to protect them? and get your shit destroyed by her drugged out friends who think denying someone access to drugs is "abusive"? or worse, getting your family threatened, getting your head kicked in, and having your dog burnt to death in front of you by pissed off dealers who are after her for all the money she's promised them?

give her a place to stay? and watch everything of value you own get stolen and sold for the next hit?

watch the woman you love come home covered in semen and sweat from all the guys she prostituted herself out to for her drugs?

she chose to destroy her life, and came close to destroying mine. don't judge me on what you don't know anything about dude.

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

hours a day otherwise spent doing???

if he's decided to watch porn and jerk it instead of watching survivor, then no, it's not an addiction, it's a way to kill some spare time. and he's still choking it (just to her image instead), so the porn-masterbation really didn't interupt what he'd be doing anyway.

a functional alcoholic still is damaging their health and their life for the next drink. - addiction

guys living in the basement playing WOW, well if their life involved sitting in the basement doing nothing, then no, WOW isn't an addiction. BUT if they have degraded their living conditions (less social interaction, whatever) then it IS an addiction.

a porn addiction involves compulsively searching out porn instead of... say... going to work, or even searching for porn AT the workplace where it would end in dismissal if caught out.

a young guy grabbing some net porn to fap off over (which is what the original question sounded like) is NOT an addiction.

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...