Hey guys I had my friend fill out this table, hes in need of some advice and constructive chriticism. So here is his statement.

Girlfriend:

The girl is beautiful, very attractive, very intuitive and unforgiving. She works part time at a clothing store and part time in school for esthitics. When I first met her she was passive and shy. As time passed and she became more comfortable, she's shown her true sides insecurity and doubt. Her negative qualties do not weigh more than her positive qualities. She doesn't buy into bullshit, straight laced, and not easily persuaded.

Situation:
We were together on and off for about 2 years. When we were first got together she fell completely head over heals for me. Now it feels like the roles have changed. The last relationship I had before her was 6 years and that mess of a break up left me to put up a guard and show no emotions. Now it's all I show. We recently broke up because she felt she longer loved me, that I was no longer the person I was in the beginning and that she feels through the consistant fighting and chasing that we are too different people that will not, cannot get along. We broke up for the same reason last year yet through "being just friends" we fell back into being together BUT did not regain my control that I once had. I believe that in order for this girl to soften, she must want you more than you want her.

Problem:

I want control back. I don't want to feel weak and geek around her. I want to be cold. But right now, the more she says no.. the more I want to persue.

Side note: She has never been sexually driven. Through 2 years she has always been timid around me. She said once she felt intimidated at my experience over hers. I want to also break this guard down as well.

My Efforts::

My efforts suck. I've tried being cold and leaving her be but I keep falling back. I want my balls back. Now. Please help.

She feels that you won't get along,you respect her,yet you don't respect her decisions.Why argue ? Argue is reaction,high investment from your side.
You maybe understand you don't get along,but yet... you try to make things ok.Does she try in the same proportion as you do ?
Maybe what she said about you changing is true,maybe it's just something rationalized,don't take it too serious.True problem is : no balance in investment.
Of course you didn't gain "control" if she didn't come begging after she told you she wants to break up with you,yet you persue her.
Being cold is reaction,you don't have to be cold,don't have to be anything actually.Just act normal,you need a break so you can gain that normality.
What can you do ?
1.Work on your inner game,use some useful material,read the forum,ask.
2.Take a break,don't speak with her a week,put your thoughts in order.
3.Invest and focus on other things,other girls,sports,study i don't know.
Once she isn't the main focus of investment,you can act around her however you like.

I have a similar situation. Broke up with my ex after 6 months, she thought I was god at first, she made a huge effort to get me, but in the end she said we were too different and couldn't get along. I was off my game, it changed me, I took the relationship and went into AFC mode, shit sucks. At some point, I thought it was true, although she became a crazy woman and since we decided not to cut off all contact and still hang out, we fight every other day over little bullshit. To me, she's still making an investment in me just by staying around me and fighting all the time and displaying that she wants me to care about her, instead of saying she's had enough, since she's free to leave me at any time. We've had a few days of no contact after a fight/makeup, but I'm not sure it really does anything, she still finds petty things to pick a fight with me about. I give her my side of the story, tell her I'm sorry she feels the way she does, and try to find a rational middle ground to meet at and move forward. Trying to settle an argument with a woman using rationality is like trying to defuse a bomb. Anyway...


I can't give you solid advice because I'm still working on this myself, but know you're not alone. And this chick does not budge on opinions either, at least not at the start. If you work your way around enough, she will sort of "understand" (if you're obviously in the right), its going to take zen-like patience, but its not a pointless battle. There is no magic bullet to get your game in order, but I think that is the only way to do it: you need to play your cards like a pro, like you did the first time (obviously you can't use the exact same playbook). That might be shitty advice, but its all I got. You have to be high value, I know it can be hard because you feel like your girl/ex knows you inside out, she knows your bookvalue, but you have to remind her what you are, because if you remember what it was like to be that high value sex god, you probably remember that she wasn't as irritable at that time, and that she would have dropped on her knees and blew you where you stood, even if she "wasn't that kind of girl". You get what I mean, when you said she had to want you more than you want her in order to soften up.

In order to get your balls back, my advice to you is that you need to be decisive and do some mind reading. More specifically, take some notes. This is TRICKY. If you assume too much, she will get pissed at you for making the wrong decision, but if you can calibrate her just right, its like you can read her mind, and when you make decisive decisions that she already had in mind, its like you establish dominance and have a key to her head. I might be wrong about that, someone can correct me, but in my experience the closest I got back "on the right track" was from calibrating and not assuming. Assuming makes an ass of u and me. My 2 cents.

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