I am really worried about my girl. Last night she told me she isn't horny anymore. Here is the rest of the story:

Last night we went to bed. I asked her if she was tired and she said kind of. She asked why and I said that I wanted to have sex. She said she didn't want to have sex, but then asked me if I want a blow job or a hand job. I said both would be great! So she starts kissing me and going down to business. After about 3 or 4 minutes she gave up because I didn't orgasm. She abruptly quit and rolled over to her side. I went up behind her and she said "go away". I asked whats wrong and she said nothing. A few minutes later she said "I'm useless". I asked why that is. She said "i can't make you feel good". I said "I appreciate you giving me a blow job. It makes me feel close to you". Next she said "I don't get horny anymore. It's like I would rather just go to bed and sleep." I said "it's okay if your not horny some nights. I love you either way." Then she said "Whats wrong with you, all guys want sex. Are you getting it somewhere else?" I said "of course not." Then she said "its like we used to have sex all the time and now I don't want to" I asked why that is. She said "Whenever we have sex I get bad cramps/pain when I orgasm." The last few times we had sex she does get bad pains when she orgasms. I told her to go to the doctor. She said she is scared and doesn't know if she can. She said that she loves me and wants to make me happy though, so she will try.

If her problem is pain during sex, is this a common thing? Also, how should I handle it when she says she is not horny anymore? By her not being horny, doesn't that mean she is not into me?

thanks

She probably needs more variety if it is always bed sex, it gets boring for the girl,
Grab yourself a copy of 2 Girls teach sex, or look up some diffrent positions... then she will want sex more often
I dont know about the cramps, for that she should see a doctor but her getting cramps doesnt make her not horney, like i said above probably just bored of the same old sex....

I have gone through these stages before, and believe me, it is probably just a stage.

Generally, I am a pretty sexual person as in I love having sex with my boyfriend because it make me feel close to him and strenghtens our bond. It also feels good!

BUT I have gone through stages where I just feel like I can't be bothered for sex. It doesn't mean I'm not attracted to my man because I wouldn't be with him if I wasn't but it's hard to explain but we just sometimes doen't feel like it.

When I went through this stage, all I wanted to do was sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend but didn't want to have sex. I wanted to kiss and cuddle and talk to him but just not sex.

I don't know why. So I can't really tell you why - all I can tell you is she is not alone in this and it most probably is just a stage.

She is feeling useless because she feels like she can't make you "feel good" anymore - you just have to convince her that she does make you feel good and that you love her and understand if she doesn't want to have sex - that is not the only reason you are with her.

With the cramps, I have never had that when orgasming - I really think she should go to the doctors to find out medically if soemthing is wrong.

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

I agree with Girlfriend above's post. Basically, yes she should have that checked out with her Gyno or regular Doctor. Keep in mind most of sex is really mental. Girls and Guys go through phases were they just don't want it. They feel like a burden to the other person when they are like this and often go into that "I can't make you feel good, I just want to curl up and be alone.." pity mode.

Just continue to be there and supportive of her as you have been. Do random things that show her that you appreciate her with or without the sexual stuff you two do. Don't make it a big deal, just do it because you love her and don't ask/expect a sexual favor. You'll see that after a bit she'll start pulling out of this phase see how sweet you are and you'll get what you want. Just hang in there and try to realize it's not personal!

Good luck bro,

Jon

Hey chap,
I know im very new to this forum (a matter of hours), but i was reading your post and the bit about your girlfriend getting cramps when orgasming. I am a medical professional and have some personal experience with this as my own partner experienced this. It is very important that you get her to your local gum clinic. I hate to put the scarers up you an all but it does sound like ovarian cysts which while very treatable do need attention sooner rather than later.

ps. i hope im wrong

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Many men are many things, but the King of games is still the most game of Kings.

TY everyone for your replies

It seems like she is still excited everytime we have sex. I make sure that I take care of her.

We just had sex a couple of nights ago and it was really good. It lasted longer than usual. She orgasmed and it did not hurt her. I still insist that she go see a doctor, but she is scared to hear any bad news. I don't know how else to convince her.

How do you keep sex fresh? Most of the time we do the same things. It feels great everytime we do it, but I don't want her to get bored of sex. I try to convince her to try different places in the house or maybe some new positions. She agrees it would be fun but when it comes time, she doesn't want to try those things. She is also very insecure about her body. Her size is 5'6, 135 lbs. She is always upset about how she doesn't fit into her old clothes anymore and every wedding dress will look terrible on her. I try to reassure her constantly that she is sexy as hell and I love her the way she is. It seems to have minimal effect on her. How can I convince her that her body is fine the way it is?

thanks

Have you stopped doing romantic things for her? Have you become lazy on keeping an emotional connection with her? Unfortunately girls need an emotional connection to get in the mood. And "you're beautiful" is not enough. They need deep conversation to feel connected. When they don't, they will lose sexual desire. Loss of sexual desire can cause anxiety AND YES pain during intercourse. If she is not horny and is only having sex to please you, she is also not lubricating naturally. Also, when a girl is not aroused the vaginal muscles do not relax, and that loss of elasticity can cause a cramping pain during sex and orgasm. Work on you, not her.

So many girls are "scared" of going to the doctor, but it's so ridiculous - what might happen if they don't is a bit more scary.

What it takes is talking to them about how much you DON'T want them to die of cancer or have mammaries removed or cervix removed, and then they protest and you say - look I'm just concerned, ok? And you leave it simmer, and then they eventually come around.

confusedcalifornian:
knowing woman/girl longer and longer and still being romantic is not much possible.
After some time she may tell what you will do tomorrow and what you will do to be romantic.
Women have 6-th sense. Men need escalate but each escalation has it's limitation. First you take her for a walk, then for short trip, then to SPA, then for long trip, then for trip to Alasca.
WHAT NEXT ? Trip to Moon ?

lead the exchange

Haha. I see your point, but you are thinking like a man (as you should be). All of the gifts/trips in the world won't help. I've done it. Those things will get you a spoiled gold digger that will be gone as soon as these things stop, but not a healthy relationship or mutually enjoyable sex. It CAN help though as vacations etc. can create romantic settings. But you must still communicate on the level they want while in these settings. Otherwise you're just a bum who doesnt understand her on a nice vacation.

Agree. I was on vacations, it was like 2 weeks in paradise. Now I have 50 weeks remaining till next vacations. This is daily reality.