I've known 'book store' girl for 2 months now since getting to know her in college. Since then we've been on 3 dates. Each time, I've set the plans and told her to 'tag along'. Each time she cancels without fail.

But then she will always offer to re-schedule. I then pick a new day and it'll seem fine from there.

Personality-wise she is not flaky/disorganised. In fact she's president of the law society so she is very structured with her time.

Today, however, she has cancelled on another date for tomorrow. She has offered to reschedule for the weekend. But how should I respond?

A - I can do what I usually do, which is just invite another girl instead. But I've done this 3 times already and I don't want send the message that 'it's ok to be flakey with me'.

B Somehow draw attention to it and let her know, in some way, that it's not cool. However, this could backfire as being needy, especially since she may very well have been legit busy all those other times.

How would you guys respond in my situation?

CLIFF NOTES:


- Met girl. She always cancels dates, but offers to reschedule, I pick a new time and she'll be there. 3 times now.

- She initiates text chats, always returns calls and shows interest.

- Cancelled again, today. How to respond? Is this a shit test?

You're right about sounding needy about calling her out on her shit, that will never end up good for you. I know it's frustrating but cooler heads will prevail. Dont read too much into the offering to reschedule if she doesn't set the date to. Alot of girls dont like to be blunt and say they're not interested but instead say something like this when they cancel because they genuinely are trying to keep from hurting your feeling but, as a guy, it ends up making you confused and angry.

The proof is in the pudding. If she were truly interested, she'd make the effort. And dont expect less. I hate to be blunt like this but, thats how this situation is. From here on out, any attempt at trying to set up another date will just be further feeding that enormous female ego, and being a non-confrontational female, will string you along to either further satisfy her ego knowing you'll chase of because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She seems the prim and proper type from your description so it seems to coincide fairly well.

Make sure when you deal with girls like this, ask yourself the same question: If a girl I was interested in asked me out on a date, would I make the effort to go? If you said yes, the rule is no different (Barring any REAL reason for not being able to make it) with women.

As for initiating text chats and returning calls I'll go back to what I was saying earlier. The proof is in the pudding. Reading too much into the little things will confuse anyone. From reading that, I can easily believe the idea of her stringing you along for her own satisfaction. And yes, this includes any IOI's she may have given you. If I can give any advice about this, I would kinda "Freeze-out", continue being friendly and cheerful when you see her but do NOT text, call or anything of the sort. Drop her, and dont set anymore dates. At this point, that is HER job now. She'll pick up on this and realize that she's losing you and that it'll take a real effort to earn your attention. Let me say that again, "Earn your attention". If she loses interest and never talks to you again, what have you lost? Alot of heartache and worry. Thats about it.

3 strikes

Out.

I'll start by saying that I am going to take both of your nuggets of advice seriously and appreciate the detailed response too.

However, before a freeze out I should add that:

- we made plans monday night and she messaged me first thing the next morning to re-schedule. technically, it's not a 'flake' since she gave me almost 2 days notice.

- she did ask whether I could re-schedule for the weekend. I haven't responded yet because I've been at work.

- her investment seems high. i mentioned that she should go watch a particular movie. she texted me 2 days later saying she went to the video store to try find it but couldn't, (that's what sparked the currently planned outting - i'm going to lend her the movie).

Also i should clearly highlight that she cancels - then re-schedules. it's not that she's flaked out 3 times without a meet up.

in light of this, is a freeze out necessary?