Hey guys Im bacc.

Isnt it funny how we guys seem to forget the community and inner game when things are good in life & relationships.

But when things are bad,we come crawling bacc on knees(lol)!

Well thats what Im doing here(lol)!!

Now guys,I've been in an LTR for a year & half now.

It's been very up & down plus physically abusive(she hitting me).

I know thats not the ideal relation' to stay in(abusive,etc).

But some how,I still think this can work.

Today,we had a major fight which led to me getting a bruised arm from her hitting me with a rocc(seriously). It rarely ever gets that tramatic but it did today.

The most I'd do is restrain her or hold her from hitting me.

Now,these are the major issues in this chaotic LTR:
1-her issue with me)She claims Im to controlling(I feel our relationship is threatened by her going certain places with certain friends-who has stronger influnce than she).

2-my issue with her)She suffers from LSE and she's gullible & easily led astray[of course she doesnt see this nor admits it].

I want her to basically work on her inner game[I'd recommended her self-help books,etc.]

She claims I have major jealousy issues & Im controlling. I admit to both but with reasons.

As I said,because she suffers from LSE,she's easily led by her female-peer group and she's a sucker for peer-pressure(despite her being a milf,her peers are in their 20's,and Im only 28).

Now,the violence(she hitting me)comes in when I'd try work out our issues(verbally)then she'd get so annoyed that she walks away. In turn,I'd then take her by her hand to stop her,then she would throw shit or a slap-lol.

So guys,where the fucc do I go from here?

I dont just want to leave her since I'd put over a year's worth in it.

Plus,below the surface are some insecurity issues on my part(jealousy,etc.).

My solution is to just work out our issues,compromise more,put it out there(our likes,dislikes in he LTR)...

She has major lack of respect for me based on a few AFC/needy behaviors on my part-like calling her bacc first after a fight or argument,rather than let her do it.

So guys,should I look to work it out with this(40 year old MILF,my gf of a years & half)?

Or should I move on because of her lack of respect for me,gullibility & physical abuse?

Is it worth trying to salvage by playing Dr.Phill with her?

_________________
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You are suffering from sunk cost bias: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs

The only reason you are motivated to save this relationship is because you have spent so much time/effort/money/life on it that you're unwilling or unable to see the situation as it is instead of how you wish it was.

And you ARE being controlling and unreasonable if you try to keep her from hanging out with her friends because you're afraid they might lead her astray. Hell, if she's that easy to lead astray, why do you even want to date her in the first place? This makes no sense.

I think it's time to end this relationship and work on the insecurities in yourself that prevent you from accepting people as they are.

Your boy,
870

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Just the advise I need 870.

You'd pin pointed everything well,especially the "Sunk Cost" concept which I admit to happening.

Damn,I'd invested so much emotionally,financialy in this LTR that it seems regressive to just let it sink more!!

I know better though.

For some reason,being that she's a MILF(40 yers old)and Im 28,I was looking for some one mentally emotionlly stable. I figured a more mature chicc would be ideal.

Lo & behold,Im discovering all these LSE issues and her gullibility that I'd expect from an 18 years old.

Then again,her parents are influencing her to break it off(maybe they think Im too young,plus the ups & downs).

But a major problem on my part is that Im always rationalizing shit to her-expecting it to sink the fuck in!!

Women really dont get rationality(lol)!!

Anyway,more feed back guys.Good looking 870.Thats the best advice,move on-but the mind is so fucking stubborn at times.

_________________
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Just the advise I need 870.

You'd pin pointed everything well,especially the "Sunk Cost" concept which I admit to happening.

Damn,I'd invested so much emotionally,financialy in this LTR that it seems regressive to just let it sink more!!

I know better though.

For some reason,being that she's a MILF(40 yers old)and Im 28,I was looking for some one mentally emotionlly stable. I figured a more mature chicc would be ideal.

Lo & behold,Im discovering all these LSE issues and her gullibility that I'd expect from an 18 years old.

Then again,her parents are influencing her to break it off(maybe they think Im too young,plus the ups & downs).

But a major problem on my part is that Im always rationalizing shit to her-expecting it to sink the fuck in!!

Women really dont get rationality(lol)!!

Anyway,more feed back guys.Good looking 870.Thats the best advice,move on-but the mind is so fucking stubborn at times.

_________________
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Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
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Ha! I love it =P

I agree though that you should call it, primarily for the abuse. People shouldn't be hitting each other in relationships, that's what sparring is for!

Yeah, get out. I think the fact that you're posting her you've already made up your mind. She's older she should be more established and taking care of you. Plus, what happens when she or someone else decides to call the cops after a fight. Try defending yourself by saying, "she hit me first", even if you are just restraining her from hurting you. Just not a risk I would be comfortable with. I know an investment is hard to walk away from (especially when its your time), but you have to realize a bad investment and get out of it before it bankrupts you. Good luck. You might want to have a few people around when you break it off in case it gets out of hand.

_________________
The quality of a man's life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor - V. Lombardi

Lol,Leviathan 7,good advise about having ppl around in case of a break up.

Plus the whole cops thing would be a major crisis-plus in this island,the law seem to favor women(as every where else).

Ok,latest updates since guys.

We'd spoken earlier about resolving things.

I employed a few relationship management tactics I'd browsed on the forum.

So we basically put our issues out there:She need to work on anger issues,I need to work on temper issues,etc. in order to make this shit work.

Now guys,is it a bad idea to give this another shot by working on our issues rather than a break up?

_________________
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It wouldn't hurt to give it another shot. You have to make sure that both of you are working on these issues though. If you're the only one putting effort into working on these issues then the relationship won't progress any further and could result in more harm.

Apprecite the feedbacc guys.

Hey Dasani,you're more speaking my languge on this issue.

I have a "let's work it out attitude",Im an Aquarian,very diplomatic(lol).

I totally agree that if Im the only one putting in work,then the LTR would remain inbalance.

UPDATE:

Ok guys,few days have passed since the last incident.

We have resolved things via talking about it,how embarrassing it was,etc.

Since I felt the LTR was inblanced,meaning I invested more physically,emotionally,etc.,Im now having her invest and put more work in this.

For instance,Im usually going to see her 80% of times.

Im now having her come see me more often instead.

I admit I was being a fucking nice guy in this relationship,doing most of the sacrificing.

With that bing said,she definitely got lazy and too all that for granted.

Since I've changed the dynamics over the past week,Im seeing a change in her attitude.

Leviathan you made a major point that she should be more establised or stable and taking care of me.

_________________
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I joined this forum because I simply could not keep my mouths shut reading this thread.

k-loc:
With full respect to you - how could you allow thing go this way ?

In my eyes it is you who behaves as woman.
Why am I saying so ?
- You allow her to HIT you.
- You TALK things instead of ACT.
- You talk what Zodiac sign you are.
I am Aquarian too but this doesnt seem to be reason someone is allowed to hit me.
I didnt ' see many men caring much what Zodiac they are.
- You want "this SHIT work". Terrific !!!
- You calculate "Sunk Cost".


Well, you say you discussed things and things will go good starting now.
I don't think so.
You are the same person as yesterday. Why things should go different way than yesterday ?

To make it working you need become a man and reframe relation.
For myself I would warn her that if she would hit me once more - I would hit back despite of costs I would pay. But this must be real warning, not shit-chat.

She knows her "Sunk Cost" but she is not afraid you may leave her.
Would be good make her aware about this possibility.
If you are sorry about your costs which yuo will pay leaving her - think that after 3 years those will be 300% greater than today.

"she should be more establised or stable and taking care of me."
Well. You know that. Does she ? Will she do it ? What motivation she has to change herself ?

I shut up now otherwise I'll write a book instead of post.
Good luck.

Wow,I needed that Returner 217!

Lol,you should write a book next time instead of post for real.

Once again,a dose of reality for me to ponder.

I once told her that in this LTR,Im the one acting like the woman and you the man.

Wen I say that Returner217,I mean that Im the one having typical-female issues:the bf wont commit,the bf hits,the female complains most.

Im the one feeling like the witch in this!!!

And I did tell her about the "sunk cost" theory but it was too rational for her to get.

Oh course she denies the sunk cost concept and she denies that I've committed more.

So I told her action speaks louder,she's always the one to give up in a heart beat,while Im the one trying to work it out.

But the bottom line as you'd said Returner 217,is that I need to reframe this LTR if there are going to be changes.

Believe me,our next meet will be about me reframing this relationship.

What I will stand for and what I wont.

It's funny how no matter how much you study social dynamics & pick-up,it's still possible to revert to AFC tendencies.

More advice appreciated Returner217.

Remember,Im trying to make this work,so how would you reframe this?

_________________
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Now active on YT again with PUA, Red Pill, Manosphere content:
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"Remember,Im trying to make this work,so how would you reframe this?"

1. You talk (=write) too much. Fuck internet and forums.
2. Well, I have advice, not sure you will follow but it is your life, your woman, yours ass was being kicked.
3. You may tell me if you two live together, just to let me see picture.

What I suggest (and you probably won't listen nor follow):
Do EVERYDAY something what you didin't do until today. WHATEVER, and EVERYDAY.
If you will do it - after a month I will tell you why I suggested you this.

"WHATEVER" means (examples):
- go around quarter where you live in two different shoes.
- do the same with your face painted in Apache war colors and symbols.
- Go to pub one evening (without informing your woman) and come back after 24-36 hours. Don't explain yourself. Shut up and say you will explain this event month later.
- IN NO WAY allow her hit you again. Warn her about it and if she does it - hit her too. Just be careful about your force, even kid's force is enough. it is psychical, not physical.
- Say to 5 randomly met women (on the street where you walk) that they are most interesting persons in the World.
- I doubt you have any chance but if you do - kiss any other woman in her presence.


Enough from me. Rest is up to your's imagination. Do something what you didin't do until today.

We'll talk after you did at least 50-70% of those suggestions plus your own. Then I'll explain purpose of all this stuff.

Im being put to test here.

Im up for the challenge and I'll keep you posted.

I'd be nice to know the point.

_________________
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Thanks for the advice