We use to each other twice (Midweek / Weekend) but now we are currently only seeing each other like once a week, which is fine but I'd much like to see her more often.

My point being is that it's been 1 week and half (10/11 days) ... I'm just kinda sick having a relationship with my phone. I realise now that this is a mayjor flaw if my text game isn't up to stratch and were only seeing each other ever 7-10days on average.

I mentioned this to one of my female friends and she's like 'thats pretty gay, i'm seeing a guy I'm not even with more than that'.

How exactly can i bring this up in person or text without sounding needy etc?

And how exactly do you invite / meet up with your girlfriend in a non-needy way?[/quote]

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

You're in an official relationship and you see your girl only once a week? Dude, there is absolutely no way you can sound needy - just tell her about this. Tell her you want to see her more, what's the big deal?

In fact, by NOT saying anything you're doing more damage by not taking this relationship seriously!

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

I know... I know!!! I' ain't gonnna deny it, she hasn't really been putting in the effort recently for a while to make plans and mainly if I don't make plans we don't see each other - she disagress but she would.

Anyways I need to sort this out and I'll bring it up this weekend when I see her. Something like:

'Whats the deal, we barely see each much any more, it would be nice to spend more time together now and then, have fun and a giggle, rather than texts for days on end.'

What do you suggest?

She'll just respond with somthing like she's just been very busy with coursework and other stuff, hardly an excuse though is it.

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

I know how you feel, man. I had a similar deal awhile back, and that situation can be really frustrating. I don't know how long it's been going on, but it's certainly possible that the natural ebb and flow of her schedule could be allowing her unusually little free time lately (although it sounds like your sixth sense is telling you otherwise). Or she may have reasons why she's not more committed to the relationship, and these sticking points may or may not be resolvable. In any case, the key here is to focus on what's within your control. The two main elements you control are 1) proposing plans more often and 2) deciding how to respond if you're not comfortable with a continuation of the status quo. For starters, if you feel like having a talk with her might help, then by all means do that. Maybe you'll get a clearer sense of how she views the shape of your relationship -- of whether or not you two are on the same page. Otherwise, just try to alter the situation by proposing fun plans more often -- with a frequency you're more comfortable with. (I wouldn't get too caught up in the fact that she hasn't been initiating plans; you're the guy, so you can comfortably take the reins here.) Now, if the situation doesn't change for the better, you control how to react. This can be difficult, because it takes courage to view things as they are, not just as you wish they would be. And so you have to decide whether or not you're willing to continue seeing her only once every week or ten days. If not, you have it within your power to move on.

Good luck!
Ciornia

Hi Mate, thanks for your reply.

Respectively, after thinking about this more, I think i should take a different approach, I realise that I've got the reins with making plans and I don't mind that however I' been robotic towards her and she probarly expects / predicts thats exactly what I'm going to go. I've normaly always manned up, made the contact and made the plans. Whatever she does, I call her or text her and say you'd like to see her. She probably already knows I want to see her, which is why she isn't trying. It needs to be more balanced..

Soooo I'm going to sit tight for now, give her some space, wait for her to contact me and make plans and see if the situation changes for the better. But if she does contact, I'll reply but I won't make plans.

However, in certian situations in the past, from waiting for her to contact me and letting her do some work, it's taken like 2 days, she's said 'Have I done somthing wrong?' - I'm not sure how I would respond to that this time round and I'm not sure either If i'm playing games myself or not here.

Advice Please?

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

Okay, those extra bits of information were helpful. I thought it was just a question of figuring out a way to see her more often without seeming needy. And, maybe more importantly, I was under the impression that if you didn't act, she wouldn't either. But if she has a record of reaching out to you after a couple of days of silence, I think you're right to sit tight, give her space, and let her make the next move. And yes, you should play games here; she certainly has been, so you have a situation where the scales are now tipped in her direction. As for how to respond when she asks whether she's done something wrong, simply turn the tables on her: "I've just been busy with work and other stuff." And let her be the one to suggest getting together. Also, it might be a good idea to reject the day she proposes, and float a different one instead.

Really don't know what to do.

1) Freeze up on her completely, play my own games and wait completely till see contacts me and makes plans. If she contacts I'll reply but won't make plans.

(I really want to do this but it feels like I'm just being as bad and it will only stir or make things worse as I know from freezing up in the past with no contacting her.)

2) Don't freeze up completely but just give her the chance and some space today. Today is her chance to contact / make plans. If she doesn't I'll phone her tomorrow to ask whats the deal and make plans.

(This seems the most reasonable option but I know her game and she'll probably hold off herself today and by contacting tomorrow, it feels like she's still won as I've given in. But then again it would be the best option to pull her up tomorrow if I were to ask whats the deal and show that she obvi isn't that bothered if she hasn't done anything blah blah. Trying to prove that she's playing games isn't a good route though.)

If I phone. How about somthing along the lines of:
'Whats the deal, we've barely seen each other lately..(Pause).. Seems like your not that bothered about it either...(Pause).. If you were that bothered how come you havn't done anything about it.. (Pause).. Anyone it would be nice to spend some time with each other, have fun and catch up together in person!' blah blah!

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

comment on this post respect-find-out-what-it-means-to-mee-v ... highlight=

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“The best way to get the person you want is to not be afraid to lose them”

“If you act like she is too important, she’ll treat you like your not important”

I went for a happy medium approach.

As much as I wanted to freeze up completely, I didn't. I gave her the chance to contact and some space yesterday.

Phoned her this morning but got no answer, she phoned back and was apperently in the shower. I basically just lead off 'what you been up as I've barely heard from you.' She said not alot and gave me some lame excuse about dropping her phone, taking a chunk out the touch screen and her phone being totally gossed. Which fair enough might of happend but it doesn't explain the werid behaviour and it didn't hold her back from face book mobile either.

Anyways, said we'd catch up later today once I'm back from my afternoon plans.

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

I don't know this person (if they are truely a busy body) but from an outside perspective it sounds like she's got another dude she is seeing and either you or him is the fill in. I don't want to sound like a downer, but you may want to consider this possibility.
I'm trying to understand, what is keeping you two apart? Is it a long distance issue? Is it just a scheduling issue?

You sound invested in this relationship and she does not. There is definitely an inbalance in expectations that will lead to disaster if not remedied soon. The next time you two actually see eachother you should ask her what her expectations are. State what your expectations of being in a relationship are (how often you see eachother etc.). I think you will find that what is said is very different in this case. Then you have the choice to try to work through it, or take it for what it is (usually unhealthy). The big key is she has to be willing to contribute to being together and meeting your expectations. You should not be expected to put in all the work.

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The quality of a man's life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor - V. Lombardi

Thanks for your reply lev.

In regards to there being another dude possibility, I've thought about it and have considered it yes but I honestly don't think it's the case, as I mainly do know what she's doing most of the time and I'm confident she isn't that type of person. But I can't deny that there is possibility that she lost some interest in me and maybe for example liked somebody else at college. However, thats all my mind tricks on my own part and I have nothing to back up with so I wouldn't even bother thinking about it more or bringing it up and sounding insecure.

She's moderately busy with college and this thing she does twice during the week at night but I'm very sure there has been plenty time somewhere between the days we didn't meet for us to hang out. The thing that gets me is that, If i never bothered my arse to phone her and make arrangements to go round yest, I still don't think she would of made any arrangements.

To be very honest, I think it's all done to her age and getting what she wants. Maybe it's still school games she wants to play, or a school boy that will run after her, feed her the attention she wants and make her feel loved etc etc.

Or even just maybe... it's a line of defence, maybe she really like me and showed it with all her (

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

She's at it!!

- Went around to hers and seen her on Sunday night, everything seemed casual and fine.

- On monday afternoon I sent her a facebook comment with a funny quote from a moive we were having a laugh about on Sunday night, she replied not too long after on my page with another quote.

- Later on at night, I sent her a stupid one line text..(*Grinning at you devilishly*) yes with the quote marks- .. But she never replied.

- Early this morning (Tuesday) I sent her a text 'Howz my favorite little kitten doing today?'.. But she still hasn't replied.

She showed me the chip on her touch screen as she said but the phones working 'again' and she's still using face book mobile and probably managing to text others no bother I guess.

Now this isn't normal behaviour and it's rather obvious. After not getting a response, I'm not going to fill up her phone with messages if she doesn't want to reply, theres no real need for me to send any more messages untill i need too as we've got a night out on thrsuday. It's upto her to contact 2mrw but if she doesn't....

What should I say and How should I pull her up on this bad behaviour?

This is total mind games and it's not on! 1) She's playing games. - 2) She isn't interested.

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

If she doesn't contact you at all by the time of your date, you gotta grab your balls and tell her that she's not worth your time.

That behaviour is unacceptable and she doesn't take any of this seriously.

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

Agreed.

It's not really a date with just us, It's her birthday on thursday and were all meant to be going for a night out but I don't really even know the arrangements, it's her decision on when and where etc.

We've got plans for Friday night too which is arranged by me but I'm away sat sun and she's away on vacation with family for 2 weeks.

She wasn't like this before and that's why I'm saying it's not normal behaviour, but whatever is wrong it's totally unacceptable and i want to make it clear to her that it is.

It seems really like it's actually just a withdrawal of love or she's got somebody else in mind and that's why I'm getting the silent SPAM.

I don't want to be bringing it up on her birthday either as it's not really appropriate. The thing that's really really bugging me is that she's going on holiday for 2 weeks and if I don't get the chance to say something in private, I'm gonna have too wait for 2 weeks.

I really do want to text her tomorrow if she hasn't contacted and pull her up; saying somthing like 'Whats the deal with the silent SPAM?' 'Do you want a paddle with that Dingy! whats the deal?' or 'Whats the deal? why you being a douche?' and she'll probarly say 'huh or what'.

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--

Wed evening... and still no reply or contact.. Guess I'll just need to wait till tomorrow and see.

_________________
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost.
--It's all in the STATE OF MIND--