When I had therapy a while back the shrink suggested this was one possibility in dealing with a lack of confidence. My question is what is the most effective approach to take if you were to try and fake it?

The only expererience I could rely on was that when I was a teenager I could joke with people and be kind of silly with people if I got myself into that frame of mind. That was the only time I would ever appear to be out of my shell and try and communicate with people with some kind of confidence, or at least an attitude where I did not care what they thought. However, I am not sure if humour is a good way or not. What do you think?

Also what do people think of taking drama classes and trying to fake it to the point of creating a character who is full of fake confidence and charisma as a way to interract with people? I have thought of doing this, but it would require a constant cynical approach on my part where I would feel I am kind of fooling the world and am taking an attitude towards the world - kind of like manipulating people with an act. Any thoughts on this?

I know people might say that these methods would not be the real you, but I suppose some of the mantras that people repeat to themselves are not necessarily from their own minds so you could equally argue that trying to generate certain states of mind with these mantras is not real. I know inner game has to be worked on, but I also feel getting out there and creating feedback (maybe with the above methods) could be important?

This is kind of difficult for me to respond to, as I don't really believe in "fake it 'till you make it". I say that because I don't think it's a good match for me, but that doesn't mean the method won't work for someone else, so I won't discount it either.

I guess what you are saying about taking drama and acting classes would be a good start. After all, one of the best American fakers of all time would have to be Cary Grant from the golden age of Hollywood. His whole persona was COMPLETELY manufactured, but it was exactly what the public wanted from him, and it worked....almost too well. Even he admitted at one time, "Everyone wants to be just like Cary Grant....so would I."

So yeah, there's definitely a precedent for "fake it 'till you make it" by going through acting. I would stay away from "method acting" as that seems WAAAY too pretentious to get the results you are probably wanting. And although being funny works, remember there is a difference between making people laugh, and having people laugh because they think you a fool. Use comedy as a spice in conversation....it flavors the meal, it doesn't make it the meal all unto itself.

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Yeah, thanks for giving me your opinion. It is difficult to strike the balance. Like if I tried to approach someone with a joking attitude, but they turned things serious all of a sudden that would be a difficult transition to make, and at that point the real me would have to be brought out. So maybe joking about is only a frame of mind to be in for approaching, but not for a full interaction.

As for faking it, this would take some skill. I might try drama classes, but I suppose the thing I am getting at is more the attitude I would need. I mean it is kind of cynical and manipulative to fake it, so is that a fair attitude to have?

I mean is it right to go up to a group of women and be cynical in your mind about the fact you are trying to manipulate them, or does that create the wrong attitude?

I'm sure loads of AFCs fake it, and pretend they are macho, sporty, and happy when they are not, so it is not like I would be doing anything that people don't already do. The cynical frame of mind is what concerns me.

I used that method...

First of all I convinced my friends I was a bit of a pimp, it was actually very easy I just done a few C&F lines to some bar girls and made them giggle/feel attraction for me. Then lied (i know thats bad) lied about all these girls i had seduced etc.
With my friends in belief of me becoming some badass pimp they started treating me like one.

One thing led to another girls started seeing my friends treating me like a pimp and giving way for me to have first crack at the hottest girl. Which inevitably led to a little more women.

At this point I stopped haning around with my friends and started sarging with some guys on this forum. This gave me alot of confidence and skills, now when I hang out with my friends there is no doubt I am the dominant one who gets all the girls and they look to me for guidance.

Having said that I still don't believe I have "made it" hence why im still on this forum but I have came a long long way since my quiet days as the shy geek.
What you need to realise though is that you need to leave your comfort zone every once in a while in order to expand it, there is no magic pill but faking it is a nice way to flow through without too much anxiety.

Hi Hobbit, thanks for the link. One of the most interesting links there is "self pereception theory". In one of the studies they found that positive interactions were the most efficient way of changing self perception. They even go as far as to say that such feedback is far more effective than visualising techniques.

This is exactly what I have found. I am doing visualising techniques every day, and while they can sometimes change my mood a bit and make it easier to smile, they cannot seem to diminish my ego when I am outside. So if I get an HB9 who looks away and is annoyed I have made eye contact with her then it makes me feel worthless.

The problem is I have never had any positive feedback so I don't have any ability to rely on other evidence. Rejection confirms the reality my ego creates, but I have nothing to use as counter evidence.

Alpha, I am not good at lying, but I suppose there would be a need to lie at some point. If you are creating a confident character then there is no way to tell the truth about your past. I have never had a relationship and the problem with this is that I cannot even imagine how to lie about an imaginary ex. I think that if I do I will sound fake and will be busted. This is why I mention the fact i would need to adopt a cynical attitude. If anything I am sincere rather than cynical, and maybe that is part of my problem.