Firstly, I am very good socially, I can be funny, witty, charming, sincere, and I have been told I generally leave a good first impression. It has taken a long time to get my self-esteem to the point where I can admit that so try not to hate *chuckle*

However all of this is 'reactive', I mean I let other people talk, tell stories, share opinions, and let others generally direct the conversation. I am a good listener and can add to conversations well (make witty comments, give advice, offer empathy), and will certainly keep these skills, (I have seduced HBs this way).

But now I want to kick it up a notch, instead of always riding conversations as a passenger, I want to direct them. Some of my friends are excellent at this naturally, they can have huge groups of people listening and reactive to them and I am observing them carefully, but I was wondering what thoughts you guys have here.

This is the next step for me because I don't always want to be seen as soft and reactive (or even worse, lacking personality), and because being directive in conversation will give HBs the impression that I can be directive, dynamic and take control in other ways, which I assume they will find very attractive.

I understand that less passive body language and tone of voice are important and I will be doing a lot of mirror work for this, also working on my story telling and facial expressions. But any thoughts you can offer will be greatly apprechiated!

Pump buying temperature. The crazy chinese woman at ChinaWok Cafe who tells you a joke that nearly makes you pee has buying temperature, not attraction. You must be the most emotionally stimulating person in your group. This gives you a platform on which to build attraction. However, sometimes being in the passenger seat, which seems to come naturally to you, can be a good thing if it puts you in a position to give validation rather than collect it. Control the threads, cut, stack, interrupt, and balance contribution.

Filter your thoughts less. Whatever you're thinking about the world around you, start a conversation about it assuming its appropriate.

Watch what your friends do and copy them. Body language is huge, tone of voice, how you speak, confidence, eye contact, etc.

one problem for me before was i judge myself too much, and hence probably wouldnt speak my thoughts.. Just gotta get over this. I used to be outspoken , now when i want to say something, Just direct it to whoever and say it firmly and loud enough. Dont judge your thoughts.

Just think about current events in the news.. bring that up "You know, what do you think about all those imigration laws? Im really for it because blah blah blah".