Hi.

Im interested in SD for about a year now and so far Im still where I was. I still get AA, SA and so on. But thats not what I want to talk about, because there is no poin in that.

To do "something" you just cant make a logical or better word would be a conscious decision to do it. That gives you only a direction of your actions or to put it better it gives you a vector where youll concentrate your energy. You also need the emotional energy to actually do what you decided to do. And that is my problem. Im lacking this emotional energy to do what Ive allready decided to do on conscious(logical) level. Im looking at the emotional energy as unconscious force that I cannot control.

What this mean is that I can choose to approach someone(girl preferably ) and try to overcome AA(approaching anxiety) and SP(social phobia) but since there is no emotional energy to my decision the FEAR(anxiety) allways wins because there is no opposite emotional energy that would "fight" it.

That also relate to decisions not involving fears directly. Best example for me would be decision to go to some place where would be many people that I dont know, ie. clubs, parties and so on. Places where Ill expect social presure, social phobia, anxiety... take your pick.

When Im deciding if Ill go to the club(for example) or Ill stay at home, before I even start to decide if I want to go, the fears that are trigger only by thinking about the fears that Ill could experience there are taking control and decide for me. And since there is no emotional energy to my logical decision there is no decision making on conscious level.

Practically when Im invited to party or to join my friend in the club I decide on unconscious level that I will not go and after that Im starting to thinking about a decision which is pointless because I have allready decided.

It feels like you are not in control. You are just a passenger.

I hope Ive put it in comprehensible way so anybody can understand what I wanted to say here.

So my question is, does anybody experienced this or any suggestions how to dealth with it ?


Thanks for any respones.

Can I ask you a question?

Are you using PUA to conceal your identity? Are you not confident with who you are as a person? Is there someone who is telling you that you are not good enough? Or has your past experience alone led you to believe this?

Sorry to be so "opera" but I'm trying to figure something out, and I could use your help.

_________________
Walk Hard

- Not conceal, but definitively shift it. Thats whats PU is all about.
- Im thinking a lot about this lately. And since Im thinking about it it means that Im not. Because if I would be I wouldnt have to think about it. But it also means that I may be confident with who I am in the core but Im missing something, some parts of my identity. No, not missing, thats impossible. To put it a better way Im not as close to my best self as Id like to be.

- Just me. This issues(anxieties) are coming allways just from your own mind. And the key to get rid of them is to disallow yourself to feel them but thats impossible because they are not outcome of a conscious and logical descision but rather unconscious and emotional and you just cant control that.

You clearly have a lack of confidence. I use to be scared to go to packed places as well. I know it felt like. It was like everyone was looking at you and making fun of you. At least that is how I felt. I was constantly thinking people were making fun of me. If someone smiled to their friends, I thought they were making fun of me. But I got over it by going out over and over and over. Now, I don't fear crowded places anymore. And I now realize that people are not there to make fun of you. They are just enjoying the music and the girls. The last 5 years I can only come up with 2 occasions in which people really were making fun of me for some reason. You know what ? I didn't even care. In my eyes they were losers because people who make fun of others usually do it in order to feel better of themselves which mean they are low value by definition.

As I already said in another post in another thread, read books about self confidence. There are helpfull tips in order to increase your confidence. A very good advice is the body language advice. By adopting a confident body language you will feel more confident. It is like when you start smiling, you will immediately feel happy. You cannot smile and not feel happy. The same holds for confidence. Also, try to improve in little steps and try to work daily on your problem. Try to improve each day. You are scared in crowded pubs ? Well try to walk 3 or 4 days in a row in a crowded shopping mall. Afterwards, walk in the shopping mall and ask some questions to the people working in the shop about the products they sell. Then go out to the crowded pubs as much as you can. You can only get over anxiety by doing the things that scares you as much as possible.

You can compare it like driving a car. The first time you make the car move, you get scared as hell. After 2 years of practice you can almost drive the car with your eyes closed without getting scared. This also applies here. Now, if the first time you ever drive I would tell you to go in the car and drive it over a some very crowded big streets which have very steep slopes, you will freak out. The step is big for you to be able to deal with it. That is why the first time you drive, you make a small step forward. The next time, you make an extra small step forward, and so on ...

I am not totally sure I have understood what you are describing, but I think I have something similar going on. I am emotionally repressed and find it difficult to express emotions.

For example, this week I have a friend visiting from America (I am in England) and she keeps getting confused because I don't behave and sound as though I am excited. I am very happy she is coming, but she cannot tell by my body language and way of speaking because it simply doesn't manifest into my voice and behaviour.

Is this similar to what you are describing?

I believe the answer lies in stopping jerking off and being infront of any type of screen. These things are addictive and bad

I believe the answer lies in stopping jerking off and being infront of any type of screen. These things are addictive and bad