OK, so a little background. I'm a totally nerdy graduate student, had always had some success w/ women either based on my looks or intelligence, but basically it always came down to luck as i had no game and am often socially awkward, especially around hot women. then I read 'the game' about a year ago, and suddenly I started making out w/ girls in bars and at weddings, which had never happened previously. once picked up a girl on an airplane and made out w/ her as my mom rolled up to pick me up. wups. another time i made out w/ a girl on an airplane before her husband picked her up...

In any case, i met this girl white water rafting, liked her, waited a couple days, emailed her, and could tell i was definitely in. while rafting, i thought she was an 8/9, but then she transforms herself into a 10 when she fixes herself up. I was busy w/ work, so we went out last thursday for the day two. She brought an expensive bottle of wine, we hiked up to this beautiful lookout over a lake, talked for hours, drank lots of wine, made out a few times. I "cubed" her, i told her her sufi personality type, we told each other secrets. At the time, I had thought it was the tightest game i'd ever run. I also pulled away first whenever we kissed, thinking it might pay dividends later on... when we were driving back, i could see her smiling for no reason. But when we got back into town, i couldn't get the pull back to my house... Later that night she texted me an invite to something today (so i laid off inviting her on anything else for fri/sat since we had sunday plans), but then today she wrote an email saying she'd feel more comfortable going to the event w/out me. I calld her immediately, and she didn't pick up... (She's also a grad student and her adviser will be there...) That's pretty flaky tho' given that she'd emailed the night before asking me if she should pick me up ... So, am I out? What's the best way to play this? Ignore her for 2-3 days, and then try to invite her on something which I know she'd like? The other issue is that if too much time passes, she's liable to forget the feelings I gave her the other night... Suggestions?

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make love not war

id say wait a couple days then text her asking if he wants to go for a drink! if hes not interested she'll either not reply or say no/make an excuss! if she agrees you can try thru the night to find out her reasons for blowing you out! good chance she didnt want you going out of shyness maybe becaue someone else going would create a dificult situation 4 her ie relation, teacher etc

Yep. OK, I think what blew me out was telegraphing my one-itis-ness a little too early via email. Especially since I suspect she shared every detail w/ her cock-blocking friend, which is definitely no help... Anyway, I set up dinner/drinking dates for this week with 2 other girls who I'm basically ambivalent about (but who I wouldn't mind shagging), and plans to be out of town for part of next weekend, and then I'll call the girl I want this wed.-thurs., with the frame that I've already lost it, so i've got nothing to lose and don't care anyway...

Also, I think part of it was that this girl might have been a bit ashamed of herself for making out on a first date, and the "rational" her doesn't want to put herself in that situation again. All I need is to see her face-to-face to get the naughty her to come out and play... Over the phone as well, I think I can elicit the proper emotions, I'll just wait a couple days for the air to clear first. Flaking should be punished, no?

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make love not war

Buyer's remorse sounds unlikely at this point, after merely a kiss.

Don't bother punishing her. Why would you punish her? You should harbor no ill feelings. If you were interested but not particularly needy, how would you handle it? Good, handle it that way.

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Don't hate, just dominate.

OK, here's what's happened since. I think there's a clear lesson here.

I hadn't emailed her since she disinvited me to the barbecue yesterday. She waited until this afternoon to email me, saying she doesn't want to see me anymore. She said some of the things I said on the first date rubbed her the wrong way, and that she just started to have a bad feeling. Lastly, she said she was sorry to do it via email.

I replied thinking I was beat, but then asked if I could drop off something she'd left in my car and talk for five minutes about WTF i'd said, and she replied yes, but come in an hour.

So, I go over there, and she'd all gussied up -- not looking at all like she'd been working on a take-home final all day. She invites me for a walk, and then she starts to list the things she didn't like. It becomes clear that these were really, really small things... Like, when I cubed her, she had a small box, and when I told her what it meant, she starting saying she struggles with confidence... So I cut in, you? You're such a smart, moderately attractive (laughing -- she's hotter than shit and she must know it as she was dressed to the nines) girl, there's no reason you shouldn't be confident. I had thought it was obvious I was joking at the time, but she said she really didn't like it. Slightly more serious was what came later, when I guessed what her political party was based on her sex, race, age, and the fact she's a graduate student. This rubbed her the wrong way, and I can kind of see why... I explained today that I've done some statistical work for one of the political parties, where it was basically my job to predict whether people are dems or reps based on demographic information, and whether they have a cat or dog, play golf, have kids, go to church, etc... She explained she had a boyfriend who said, in front of her mother, that "his [white] family just loves hispanics. they even have a mexican housekeeper..." She said she was just traumatized for months after this, which is understandable.

After we confirmed that I don't have a zenophobic bone in my body (hello! I consulted briefly for voto latino, have better spanish than her, and have more time under my belt in latin america) and that i think she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, I made her laugh, and she announced that I was no longer dumped. We have a date wednesday for the bug museum. I told her she owes me some ant chocolate for ripping my heart out.

So, OK, I think the moral of the story was that she did have a good time on the date, she said it was the best first date she'd ever been on. But, what i gather what happened was that afterwards, she went thru a range of emotions, and so fixated on a few small things from the date. She also revealed that she had even cleaned out her car thinking that I would be riding in it to the barbecue, but then changed her mind and disinvited me! I think what I did wrong was that I should have been calling/stopping by her house rather than email, since w/ the phone I can control her emotional state and remind her of the good things, rather than let her mind run wild equating a harmless comment from me with an outrageous comment from her ex-boyfriend. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Other than that, she said she LOVED the personality stuff, the cube and the Sufi personality typing. So, the moral of the story is always use your phone, and make sure you don't remind her of her ugly people she dated previously...

well, now i've got three dates this week, which is two more than i wanted.

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make love not war

Sounds like this week is going to be killer for you. I'm glad to see you got things straightened out with the 10. Keep us posted!!

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Day By Day, Night After Night

i went out with a girl like her who picked over little details and blew them out of proportion or took them the wrong way problem here will be the constant thinking over what your going to say incase she takes it the wrong way or it offends her.. my advice take things light hearted with her and go on the date with the other 2 and just go with the flow get what you can from them without any regrates if it doesnt work out! tho with you main target if its a lack of confidence you might be able to work on it and it might turn out not to be an issue in the future like it is now! keep us posted!

Yeah, well, the funny thing is that after feeling jerked around by the target, the spell is broken and I no longer feel as attracted to her. She's still hot, but now I feel like she's going to have to work to win me over...

Tonight's date is kinda the same boat. A 9. A tanned Parisian blonde who always looks like she just finished shopping on the Champs-Elysee. (Is it me, or do French women just love that rugged American sex appeal?) Anyway, she's coming over for good ole' American barbecue and beer. she's also got a boyfriend she's had for years, who she had the last time we made out. At one point, i really, really wanted this girl, but she went back to her boyfriend and I had my attention elsewhere.

Basically, my strategy is to mindf*ck this girl w/ my psychological/personality shit combined w/ my academic research stuff, which merges together really nicely. Also helps that I actually don't care if we hook up or not, since my other two dates this week are with the indecisive (although easily led?) latina and a superfreak.

Also, here are two pickup suggestions you might not have heard elsewhere... The first is the Sufi enneagram personality typing system. It's kind of like Myers-Briggs, only it's waaay more accurate. google sufienneagram... It's what the Jesuits use... I can usually type people immediately, only this system isn't some ring/cube bullshit. It's real.

Secondly, one of my feet is longer than the other, so I always have to get lifts put in my shoes. This makes me appear taller. This is definitely a good thing for pickup! So, especially if you're shorter than 6 feet tall, why not get 3/8ths inch or half-inch lifts put in your shoes? You'll be seen in a different light... It costs some coin, but well worth it in my opinion. just go to any shoe repair store near you...

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make love not war

Had a really fun night w/ the French girl. Was too hesitant to grab her and make out tho'... Totally a *pussy alert*. She let on that her boyfriend of three years had taken a job near our uni after graduating from grad school just to be near her. They're almost married, which gave me pause.

Second date was a disappointment. I still need to work on my game. I went all natural game, but was also coming down w/ a nasty cold the same day of the date, and so was really fatigued. Actually, we had two dates, one which went really well in which we made out, but i had to cut short to run a friend to the airport. And the second, which went terribly and was followed up w/ an email dumping me this morning. Although basically, the cold f*ed me, I am aware this is kind of making excuses. I didn't get in the right mindset for the date. I didn't listen well enough to her. I didn't run any real game on her. I'm not that down about it as I realized I'd easily could have done better and there wasn't much I could do about the cold, but this does mean I lose out on sex, which always sucks.

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make love not war

I'm changing your thread title so it doesn't sound so damn fucking creepy and illegal