Hi guys, I’m having a bit of a problem, and I don’t really have anyone to talk about it with. I wouldn’t usually ask for help, but Google didn’t have any answers, which was sort of worrying. Oh and it may not be properly relevant to this site, but I figured that people with as much experience as you guys have might be able to help out.

So here’s the deal.

A few months ago, I met this girl at a party, we got on well and started to hang out regularly. There was mutual attraction at the start, but neither of us did anything for ages and we got jammed in the friend zone, which I don’t really mind. Now we’re good friends, but my problem is that I’m still attracted to her, and she’s gotten over me. I’m not saying I want to win her back, but I’m worried that my (admittedly stupid) feelings will get in the way. If she ever mentions guys she’s with or whatever, I still get jealous for some crazy reason, and I end up retracting into myself and become quieter and more irritating than is usual. I’m worried that I might do something stupid, and we’ll stop being mates.

What I want to know is: how do you stop liking a girl that you want to keep as a friend? Most of the advice about stopping that sort of nonsense tells me to avoid her for ages, but I’d miss hanging out together. Either that or they say write out flaws they have, and go over them repeatedly, but as my friend I don’t really know if that’s something I want to do. I’d never write crap like that about my other friends, why should she be different?

Ugh, talking out my ass again.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

Yes, I've been there. It wasn't too bad, but I acted like a chump and forced her to go away at the end of it. Learn to be satisfied with your feelings without forcing an ultimatum on her, without trying to get her to act any different. Those feelings can be agonizing, but they are actually a gift if you understand them.

No.No.No.No.no...

1. You don't need to push her away
2. Start DATING other woman
3. If you DO number 2 from above, she may become more attracted to you if that is something you are open to
4. Get some guy friends and hang out with them more than your woman friend
5. Use your woman friend as a wing to pickup other woman (trust me this works)
6. Find a hobby that you can do on a regular basis without your woman friend
7. Stop calling/talking to her so much, but don't block her out.
8. Keep your conversations with her short (10 minutes on the phone is WAY too much)

Hope that helps.

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J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

But push her away if you know you can't control yourself and you'll do something totally chump like profess your love. At that point, you need distance.

Here's what I did once with an ex FB that friend zoned me. But this started back in AFC days and we kept hanging out for months after.

Eventually she started talking about other guys. Bye this point I had been practicing mystery method for about 6 weeks. she new all about it and thought it was pretty cool. She even helped me get my game on. But after she went through her 3-4 month celebasy stage she was dating again and I couldnt handle it. So I told her "I like you, you dont like me, sorry we cant hang out no more. She tried contacting me a few times a few times at first but i just ignored her.

6 months later I contacted her with no more hang up's. she appoligised for pushing me like that and now she makes a great wing woman.

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Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com

I know how you feel here mate, and truth be told i'm kinda going through similiar myself...

Real decent girl at work, began calling me up randomly, obviously my interest perked. Always had my eye on her but being a work mate I felt I had to be careful. Anyways we ended up going out on a get-together at work and my biggest flaw-alcohol (i'm only human)-came into it. Basically I told her the exact truth. She said, "but were mates..."

here's where I have tested some of J-Dub's tips and I must say they are sterling tips and right on the money.

1-I didnt speak to her for about 3 months after that.
2-started dating someone else
3-Went out for drinks with work much more, but made sure I only attended the one's she didnt or made sure I had loads of the lads with me if she was there.

Slowly I have began to get IOI's and apologies. We chatted (not about the ill-fated approach) but I kept it short due to being 'busy'.
We began to meet up again but I made sure it was purely for the afternoon due to seeing someone else in the evening or going out with the lads and I let it restore a sense of normality in itself. Now we went out for a leaving drink and at the end it was just me and her left. Hadnt shown any IOI's all night, im pretty sure she wants to just be mates, so in front of her I gave another girl I knew a ring. needless to say you could see the jealousy.

Where this will go, I don't know. But by doing this I distanced myself and managed to get over her. Thing is you probably will always have feelings for this girl, there's no denying that, but there's no reason to be hung up on her when nothing's happened. If I got the chance with my friend, would I go there? In a heartbeat, but I also feel that i'm now in a stage where i'm content having her as a friend as well.