Folks I'm messed, please if you are up to say just fuck another 10 girls please dont read.
Oki, I had a LDR with a girl who moved into my city in march. Ive met her three times since them tough we were unable to reconnect. Too many arguments I was really trying to go out with other girls tried to get fresh.
Two weeks ago she smsed me saying she was missing me. I did not reply, I was also having toughs about her but was trying to do my best to recover and go ahead. Then last Thursday came. I met her with the dude she just started a relationship and it was very awkward, she freaked I freaked, long silence.
Something still moved inside of me and I think of her too. I talked to her on msn and she basically said she had just started dating again and I was to blame by the fact we did not work out and till 2 weeks ago it was possible and her will. I've blocked her now cause arguing at the moment is not a good idea. Valentines day is coming in a week...
Problem is we got to a so sore point we got unable to communicate properly she smsed me "Winter reminds me of you" I answered I would like to go have lunch with her. So the synthony was lost. And Im fucking over-thinking it. I've dated other girls since the split without many luck.
So I called her and asked her a think I do not regret. I asked her no more "almosts" and "implicits" said her that if she gets single and wanna try, just call me and say "lets do it" no more half heart commitments no more half breath efforts and she agreed saying that I should not wait, but she got my message. I feel damn relieved, big part of me moved on in that moment but I still sore inside. I dont have hope for a call but I got an end for that terrible anxiety of "will it happen? can I do it?"
We tried about 5 times among starts and breakups but that would be the first time we were living in a same city. To be sincere I still don't feel like going after her I need to fix myself a bit before I could try that again, but I feel an enormous sadness for the fact of despite all the great and I really mean great moments. We could not make it work as a team. In different times, by different reasons one got burdened and burnt out.
I feel a mix of feelings now, like was I too demanding? Lack of experience? I'm 25 she is 26. Before she started again I asked her out and she was not explicit neither to accept neither to decline I did not insist much as I've said before, I cannot do it again half hearted.
So now I'm feeling low like "there is no one for me". Strange is I still don't think she was the right, maybe she was the less wrong so far. She said me I was the right for her on our last convo, but she is trying again somewhere else and is "happy".
More than anything if I want to date anyone else again I must fix my self up, stand tall and walk ahead. Still I don't feel like managing it. Anyone has any ideas or insights?
Thanks folks, please be kind
